Jungkook woke up feeling hot and agitated. He glimpsed around the sofa where he fell asleep - the tin box on the floor and the stuff and notes scattered on the coffee table as it were before he broke down last night. The phone clutched in his palm and rested on his chest had died, and he tried to remember when exactly did he fell asleep.

Did he really talked to her - or was it all a dream? It felt so real...please let it be real. Only one way to find out - he needs to check his phone. He got up and stretched the pain loose from his back and neck. Lazily, he drags his feet to the door and grabs his backpack in search for the charger.

Once it's plugged, he went straight for the bathroom to clean himself up - all the while trying to remember what went down during his 'anxiety attack'. He recalled reading the notes and that's when his hands started shaking by themselves. Her soft sobs and pleading voice sounded fresh in his mind - does she still care for him as he hoped she would?

Jungkook doubled his speed and soon, he's back out in his bedroom - reaching for his phone that's now switched on. He checks on the call history - yes! They did talk...for close to an hour! It felt so short though...was she still on the line when he fell asleep? Hope blooms in his chest like the first day of Autumn and he felt energized, excited even, to continue on his quest!

Once he's dressed up and had his morning milk, he sat back onto the sofa and re-look into the items. Nothing adds up but out of all the notes, only one has a location written on it. Bukchon Hanok Village. The place is not that far but it's too big of an area for him to be randomly searching around. It's a tourist spot too - she can't possibly be staying there! What else...what else...

His fingers began taking out the rest of the notes inside - reading them closely one by one to make sure that it's not in his handwriting. One of his notes caught his attention.

'To Lily: I promise I'll bring you to that art shop that you wanted to go so much next month. And I promise to do the painting with you. And I promise we'll stop by a souvenir shop and buy a cute keychain of your choice. Yes, I'll pay. Yours truly, JJK'

He sighed a smile. Lisa had made him wrote that - he remembers it well like it was yesterday! He never did...just another one of his promises that he failed to keep...wait - where's the shop again??

...

"What are you snapping?" Jungkook stopped writing on his music sheet, distracted by the sound of clicking on her camera not far from him.

"You,"

"Me? Well, why didn't you say so - I could've posed for you -" He puts one hand on his hand and leaned his chin up - striking a pose like one of the female models basking under the sunlight. Lisa laughed her high-pitched laugh, obviously finding him entertaining!

"I like you better when you're not posing, bunny,"

Jungkook squints his eyes at her before darting on the camera. "Is that a new one? Or the same that you -"

"A new one!" She squeaks all too excitedly and her cheeks puffs out like snowballs. Cute...but Jungkook can't help his frown.

"What happened to the old one?"

"It's still working but it's slightly different. It's a DSLR and this is a Compact Mirrorless. It's better at light sensors and..." She scoots next to him eagerly. "It's smaller so it's easy for me to carry around. Look, it has all the functions of a DSLR too -" 

Her round eyes shines with excitement - showing him the features on the LCD screen - but Jungkook couldn't focus.

"You just bought the last one three months ago right?"

She looks up as if trying to recall - then nods.

"Baby," He wraps his arms around her tiny waist and pulls her close. "I know you have a lot in your savings...but don't you think you should slow down on the spending?"

She blinked. "What do you mean?" 

"Like..." How should he say it without coming off rude or offensive? "Stop buying all these unnecessary and expensive things -"

"But none of it is unnecessary,"

"You just bought me a hundred-eighty-thousand won Tascam three days ago -"

"Yeah - cus you needed it,"

"I never said I needed it -"

"You said it's good to have a portable recorder -"

"But not a hundred and eighty thousand one!"

"But it's good and the storage is big! The guy at the shop said it's the best portable recorder -"

He takes a deep breath to calm himself down. She's clearly not understanding what he's saying!

"My point is...you don't have to waste your money on these things,"

"But it's not a waste -"

"What are you gonna do with two cameras? Do you even know how to use the functions?"

She smiles and bats her eyelashes - knowing full well what it does to Jungkook. His gaze on her softens right away. "I've been watching these tutorials on Youtube - I'm learning,"

"Baby...I know you like taking pictures - I have a full box of it as proof! It's a nice hobby but maybe...maybe don't buy any more cameras okay?"

She nods - the smile still plastered on her face. "I just need to get one more thing - a wide-angle lens -"

"For what?"

"It's good to have a wide-angle lens when shooting sceneries - the Youtuber has tons of them -"

"Okay...so you can't take scenery pictures without the lens?"

"It won't look as good," She pouts. "I wanna take pictures at the village. The streets looked amazing but I'll need a wide-angle lens,"

"What village?"

"The Bukchon Hanok Village I told you about! Did you forget already??"

Hmm...tricky... "Of course not!" He laughs nervously as she squints her eyes accusingly at him. Since the spotlight is on him now, Jungkook decides to let it go. He has to pick his battles wisely!

"You better not! You promised you'll bring me there!"

"And I will!"

"Good," She gave him a quick peck on the lips. "There's this painting shop there too! It's owned by a fine artiste and he gives painting lessons. I wanna try and since you like painting too, we can go together!"

Jungkook returns her happy grin - suddenly embarrassed that she remembers all these details about him but he can't even recall on his promise. And to think that the last time he actually painted something was 4 years ago!

...

Okay, so there's 2 galleries in Bukchon Hanok Village and they're not that far from one another. He's not quite sure what would entail when he gets there but hey - it's better than doing nothing at all right? 

He already saved the location and made sure he has Lisa's picture back in his wallet. Just as he's about to drive out, his phone rings. Jungkook picks up to the unknown landline.

"Mr Jeon Jungkook?" It's a voice of a man.

"Yes, speaking,"

"Hi! I'm Man-Sik, miss Lee Hi's manager,"

"Oh...hello!" Well, this is unexpected! 

"Are you free to talk?"

"Y-yeah sure," He's not sure why he's nervous. Probably because he haven't submitted his samples yet - or perhaps it's the serious manner of Man-Sik, sounding like he's ready to get straight to the point.

"Good, good...miss Lee Hi would like to meet with you to discuss on the direction of the song she wanted. Just so you'd have a better understanding,"

"Yeah, sure. When will that be?"

"She asked if you can come by today at noon. Can you make it?"

Aish...why does it have to be today? He already planned his day to be at the village to look for Lisa and now...

"This is really important for us, I hope you can understand," Man-Sik continues when he didn't respond. "We understand how busy you must be Jungkook-ssi...but we've been waiting patiently eventhough your response to us had been...less than enthusiastic -"

"No, no, I'm sorry - it wasn't intentional -"

"Yes, we certainly hope it wasn't. Saying that, we'd really appreciate it if you can make some room in your busy schedule for us...for miss Lee Hi,"

He sighed. I mean...it can't be too long right? He'll just drop by and discuss real quick and within an hour he can make his way to the village. Yeah, that sounds alright!

...

"Hi," He extends one hand. "I'm Jeon Jungkook,"

"Wow...you look way younger up close!" Lee Hi smiles at him, taking his hand and shaking it slowly. She looks younger than on television too! "I saw you at Seoul Music Awards last year but I didn't get a chance to say hello. I'm a big fan of your work!"

Jungkook found himself rubbing the back of his neck nervously. "Aahh...thank you - really, it's an honour to hear that from an amazing artiste like yourself! I'm a big fan too,"

She grinned shyly before sitting back down to the sofa along with her manager. The room he was led into is cosy - with sound-proofed cushioned-walls and 2 huge sofas towering a glass coffee table. On his right hand-side stood a marbled island counter, separating them with what looks like a pantry and on his left are a few instruments. The air-conditioned room reminds him of his own studio when he was with Big Hit a year ago. 

"Sorry to make you come all the way here on such short notice, Jungkook-ssi," Man-Sik says. Jungkook now understand why he sounded the way he did. He looks like in his 50's - his expression shows that he has way too much experiences in handling young wannabe's like Jungkook and has now become a 'no-bullshit' guy!

"No, it's no problem at all," It was...but he can't just blurt it out! "It's overdue anyways," He has to admit that much.

"Congratulations on Ji-Eun's new single, Jungkook-ssi. I heard it's been 3 weeks on Gaon chart now," Lee Hi sounded genuine enough, but Jungkook can't help but feel uncomfortable as he heard the name. He nods nevertheless. "I'm gonna be honest with you - I wanna be competing with that at the year-end shows so I hope you won't be biased in this,"

Jungkook lets out a small laugh. Lee Hi's definitely very focused and competitive - which is good, for him at least! After months of feeling 'this is good enough' in all his crafts, he needs a strong perspective that's not afraid to call him out on shitty works! And Lee Hi looks like a determined person, so it's either has to be the best - or nothing at all. 

"I hope you would too," Because to be honest, he'd hate to have to stand so close to Ji-Eun in any of those events!

Lee Hi smiled to him and to Man-Sik. "Good to hear that! Now...the concept that I'm looking at is sort of new,"

Jungkook took out his iPad and focused on what the girl has to say.

"I went to Germany a few months back for a holiday and I ended up going to this bar with a friend. They have like, jamming sessions - it's only a small, out of nowhere bar. So there's this three-piece band that came up to the stage and they sounded so good...I didn't understand a word they sang but I felt it, you know? I felt like a kid again - recalling all these things I used to do when I was little, for some reason! Like this airy vibe they had - something like Bon Iver but deeper. The girl's voice is so hauntingly good that I cried! And I thought...I wanna do that - I wanna make people feel like they're going back to their childhood and miss it! I want people to cry out loud but it's good type of cry that they'll ended up replaying it over and over - you get me?"

Wow...she looked so passionate and he felt the hint of pain in his chest again! Isn't it a bit ironic that it's exactly what he's going through right now? Is this a set up? Do they know what he's been up to - is that why she's coming up with this concept? It doesn't make any sense but it just hits so close to home -

"Jungkook-ssi?"

"Hmm?" He shook and looked up, now realizing that he'd zoned-out - for how long, he can't tell! "Sorry, I - um, yeah, I get you,"

Lee Hi glanced to Man-Sik briefly, then back to him. "Do you? I know it's hard to understand, like I've said this to other lyricists too and they're looking at me like -"

"No, I get it," His voice cuts sharply. "I totally get where you're coming from. It's that feeling when you feel hopeless...like there's so many good things you failed to see and when you look back, you wish...so much...to go back, to relive it and maybe do it differently - or do it better. But you're here and there's nothing you can do - but still, that longing is there. And no matter how hard you try to put it on others...you knew that in between there to here, everything is your doing - your choice. Whether it's good or bad, it's who you are now. But you'd give anything to go back. So all you can do in your days is to just keep on replaying those memories, finding a reason behind all your stupid actions and hope you'll find a new one - a new memory that could somehow help you keep going,"

He's vaguely aware that he's staring at a point of nothingness ahead, but he can't seem to look away. Not until he heard a sound of glass clickling close to him. He looks down to his iPad when he realized that Man-Sik had placed a glass of water on the table in front of him - and cursed to himself internally for zoning out again.

When he looks back up, Lee Hi is staring at him - or more like studying him! He looks around and Man-Sik is no longer around in the room. 

"You've been there,"

"Germany? No, no," He forced a small laugh. "I've never gone out from Korea,"

"No, I mean that feeling you talked about,"

He froze. It must've been too obvious if she could easily call him out like this. Is that why Man-Sik left the room?

"Tell me, Jungkook-ssi. What was it that you regret most?" She leans back and crossed her legs, eyes staring as if there's pity in them. Or is it an understanding?

"I um...it's nothing. I was just caught up -"

"Men always thought they're good at lying. They often forget that it was women who taught them first,"

Lee Hi's definitely a smart one. In this superficial and shallow industry, it's very rare to find a mind that's speaks its own. Very rare in an artiste anyways. He briefly wondered if the girl have gone through hell to be where she is now.

"Sorry if I made you uncomfortable, Jungkook-ssi. It's just that...I liked what I heard from you just now. I'm not sure if you always have these kinds of thoughts in your writings, or if there's something much closer to your heart. You looked a bit troubled and I need you to focus. This album is really important for me - it's..." She inhaled sharply, as if trying to calm herself down over something. 

"I've been trying to prove myself on a number of times. And although people are more accepting of my music now, it's still somehow considered not good enough to be at a standard of Lee Ji-Eun or - or Chungha or Taeyeon and Ailee. I...I really need this album to be perfect. And I need to have a hit - at least two - for me to feel that all my hard work is for something. I know it sounds super inferior of me to ask but I love what I do so much! I know people kept telling me that I'm still young and there'll be other opportunities - and that might be the case - but I can't help but try my best, you know? I don't wanna fall into that hole where everything is just 'well okay - nevermind - maybe it's not the time yet'. I wanna be damn good at what I do best and I'd be proud of myself for doing it -"

"It's my ex-girlfriend," He blurts out, because hearing her heartfelt words pushed a sensitive spot in his chest. "I um...she was my best friend...and I was with her for the longest time but I...I left her. I thought everything was going well for me and I had gotten to a place where I felt like I wanted more from the world I was in. I was blinded...and I hurt her. She was - is - the best thing that's ever happened to me and I lost her cus of my own pride...cus I was greedy for more. I...I've been trying to find her...I need to see her, hear her...the world that I'm in now is dark and empty and I need her to come back to feel alive again but - but I don't know where she is. That's why it took me some time to respond to your emails. I've been trying to track her down -"

"Oh..." The crease on her forehead deepens and she leans forward - the concerned look is not lost on him. "I...I'm so sorry - I didn't mean to -"

"I know what it felt like, Lee Hi-ssi. To wanna feel worthy - to want to feel like you deserved more. I just hope that in the process, you won't lose who you are like how I lost who I was. Sometimes we feel like our dream is far too big, and so out of reach that we ended up missing what's in front of us. Sometimes our dreams are already there - waiting for us to acknowledge it, to cherish it. I don't know if winning an award or getting people to put you on the same benchmark as all the names you said would somehow, finally get you to feel proud of yourself. I'll be honest with you - when I first read the email that you wanted to work with me, I felt honored right away! Cus I know your music and like I said - I'm a fan! But hearing this...I have to apologize if it sounds harsh to you - but I feel sorry. There will always be a fifty-fifty percent chance that people might or might not accept your music. But as one of your fan, I can honestly tell you that you should already feel proud of yourself," 

He could see the glint in the girl's eyes and this might ruin the chance of them working together but he strongly felt like he should say it.

"Writing is my passion. I've been writing since I was fourteen. It started as poetry, then turned to music. When I heard the way you sing, I knew that it's your passion. The fact that you made it this far and you have a fanbase that's always loyal to you...it should count for something. You made it all on your own hard work - regardless of whether the news are talking about it. Yes, awards are cherries-on-top, but I don't think you should discredit the fact that you still matter to those who really, really like your craft. I can tell you this much - if that's all your vision for this album is...is to win those awards and get people to talk about you - then...I'm quite disappointed,"

She's still staring at him with the same frown on her face. Well, there's no turning back now!

"When you told me about your concept...I felt like it hits so close to home. Like, 'yes - I'm feeling it and I wanna be a part of it', but that kind of music is hard to market - you must know that. Ji-Eun's song that I made wasn't as good as I hoped it would be - I'll be honest! But she knows what sells. I wanna write good, meaningful songs and I know you can pull it off but...maybe it's you who needs to focus and rethink what this album means to you. Anyone can write songs that sells, you don't need me to win. I'll work on it with you regardless and hope I'm able to deliver what you have in mind. But I do hope you realize that you're already a winner. We all - at the end of the day - wanna touch people's heart with our music and hopes that it'll somehow provide solace - just like how you felt at the bar - and if that's the case then I'm all up for it. We'll make people cry - even if it's only a handful - we'll make it so damn memorable that they'll keep replaying it over and over that it'll top the charts and hopefully, get you the satisfaction you wanted,"

She stayed still and silent. This is probably the first time that Jungkook had ever criticized an artist's decision or personal outlook. It'll probably ruin his reputation for life if words got out, but somehow, it doesn't matter. He already made 3 shitty music in less than 3 months - he's pretty sure no one would want to work with him once those songs are released so this...he just can't lie anymore! He has to speak his mind in order to not lose himself further. 

Lisa was proud of him because he was good and critical! He never settled for less than what he's satisfied with. Lisa believed in him and his dream, knowing that he'll do his best at his work! If he cuts himself short...what would she think of him then?

"You're right," She finally smiled. "You're so right - God - let's do it! Let's do the best sad song of the year and hope at least five people cries when they listen to it!!"