Such lack of air restricts upon chest,
saddened haze reaches inward depths, 
a haunting preps,
burdening brain as returning guest
& mine weep as esophagus ingests,
once more unwanted pest;

I speak not of troubles chewing veins,
don't care to witness eyes spewing: 'not this again.'
Even own voice refuses
such erratic disdain,
sick of instant change,
sudden course detained,
calm euphoria altered back towards deranged,
an etched echo spearing to inhumed pain;

apologizing words fail to breach lips surface,
striking blues by ones cherophobia surplus -
it's simplest surrounding ones near in  distorted peace,
let screams
& 
bellowing stay hidden under skin deep.