Betty Graham sat quietly in the passenger seat of Conrad Fishers car, the boy tapping his fingers against the wheel as the car door shut. He had dropped Taylor  off back at the house, insisting on taking Betty home, even though she lived next door. He backed out of his driveway and it was pure silence as he went the 20 feet between their separate ones, the boy pulling into hers and turning the lights off. He put the car in park and this was a clear indicator that he wanted to talk, the girl letting out a sigh as she looked  out at the house. He looked over at her, his eyes unfortunately wandering over her. She had his flannel on, the buttons done to the top of her belly button , her underwear peeking out of the split of fabric. Her legs were bare, her hair was still wet, and he would admit that she looked fantastic, too alluring for him to look away. But when  her head turned to look at him, he managed to look at at wheel again.

"So is it true?" Conrad asked, his mind on what had been torturing him for days since Belly had told him. Betty looked away from him now, feeling her chest tighten as she considered his question. Of course it was true...she just didn't know how to confirm it.

"I don't know what to tell you Conrad." Betty said, still looking away from him. She didn't really expect him to say anything so fast, but he immediately answered, her head turning to him as he did.

"I want you to tell me the truth! I don't care what it is! I just want it!" His voice dropped with agony, like he was being tortured into confessing those words, her eyes filling with guilt almost immediately. His face was the picture of pain, and she thought she hadn't seen that look on his face since the night they had broken up. That face was burned into her memory.

"It's true." She whispered, feeling a weight lift off her shoulders as his eyes closed briefly. He ran a hand over his mouth and looked away from her now, Betty feeling like she needed to explain herself. She unbuckled, reaching across the middle console of the car and grabbing him by the cheek. He wanted to push her hand off but he let her turn his head, the girl running a thumb over his cheek before she dropped her hand and started her explanation. "He came over...I don't know why—he said it was to tell me something. We got drunk and he told me about seeing you and Belly almost kiss. I told him I knew...and he told me that he had feelings for Belly. And—and when he leaned in to kiss me I knew it was wrong but for just a minute it felt like I was getting back at you. And then I realized I didn't want to get back at you. I just..."

"You just what?"Conrad asked, feeling like he could hardly breathe. To confess that she kissed another guy was one thing but to confess she had kissed his brother...the one who he had always thought liked her. And then to find out that Belly and Jeremiah also—

"I just want you back Connie. That's all I want. I miss you." She said in a low voice, Conrad stunned by her honesty. He wanted to reach across and kiss her, but the ball of hurt in his chest that was choking him stopped him. So they just sat there, staring at each other for a minute as he went over his options. He had been waiting to hear those words for a long time, waiting to hear that she missed him, that she wanted him. But could she only say them when he was hurting? Her eyes flickered across his face and she felt nervous, knowing she had jsut laid it all out there, had just said out loud what they had been dancing around for a month and a half now.

His chest burned as he thought everything over, his mind centering in on the worst memory of their entire relationship. He tried to push the thought away but he couldn't at all instead remembering every bit of that night on the beach. The night he had spent waiting for her, waiting for her to return and say she loved him and they could get back together. But he knew she could never admit she loved him, she still couldn't.  And she had never showed up, he had sat there all alone all night, he had sat there until the sun rose. He felt that same feeling as he looked at her now, his heart aching as the silence consumed them.

He thought of Jeremiah touching her, or Jeremiah kissing her and holding her and it made him sick, his body physically aching as he tried to look away from her. They were at a standstill, Betty waiting for his next move. He thought of all the things Jeremiah didn't know, all the things he didn't know about her, all the things he didn't know in general. He wondered how his brother could do something like that to him, how he could cross that line with Betty, knowing just how much he loved her. How he could hurt him like that while knowing he had never gotten over her. How he had been fighting with himself all summer to be with her. It was more of a betrayal from his brother than from her, and yet he felt like he had been forced into being okay with the situation.

He thought about Belly, how right it had felt in that moment to try and kiss her, how he had feelings that he couldn't explain for her. But he knew those feelings were nothing in comparison to Betty. He closed his eyes as he continued to think, listening to her breathe as he tried to be angrier at her, he was upset with himself for letting her off the hook so easily. But he loved her that much, that was the only thing he was certain of. He loved her so much that his heart ached when he saw her, his knees would weaken and he could only put his attention on her. He knew it attributed to the fact that she was his first love, that he had learned the meaning of the word with her to begin with. That being around her made him lovesick, and he would forgive her for anything. He had been resisting it in an attempt to save his dignity, she had left him, he wanted to  prove that he could resist her but he had failed from the moment she had showed up on their doorstep this summer. He loved her wholly, and everything else was just his bad judgement.

He started to dwell on the fact that he couldn't remember her telling him she loved him other than that night a long time ago. How he just felt it while they were together, how she had never been able to say it. He knew there was a larger reason, that there was something about saying it that terrified her...but he had said it to her more times than he could count. He kept thinking, wondering if he should have been all that surprised that she didn't show up that night. That she had ditched him and abandoned him. Maybe she had never really loved him at all. Maybe he couldn't just let it go for tonight.

"Why didn't you show up that night?" He asked finally,  the silence between them turning into pure tension. Betty looked away from him and he took note of that, watching as her face somehow fell even more.  She felt a chill go down her spine as she remembered her decision making process, when she remembered how hard it had been to run away from her problems. She ran a hand up her arm, the girl seeming to mull over his words before she actually comprehended them. Her lips parted and she saw it in his eyes, the urgency, the desperation to know the truth. This was Conrad, this was the real him. He was being vulnerable.  She closed her mouth and straightened up a bit more, the girl attempting to come up with the answer. She knew though...she knew why she hadn't showed up. So she told him the truth.

"I was scared. I was too scared Connie." She admitted, and he looked m at her with a hurt look as she lifted her hand from her side.

"Scared of what? Scared of me?"His voice had softened so much that she felt another chill, the boy worried that she'd say yes, that she would say she was scared to be with him. He sounded terrified by the thought, Betty knowing she'd have to tell him the truth to clear up his worries. She was afraid he would ask that. For her to answer his question would be the most she had ever admitted, it would be the most exposed she had ever been with him. But looking at him she knew she had to tell him. Her hand lifted and she rested her fingers on his, tracing his knuckles and then finally pressing their palms together, knowing she needed the support to speak. She mustered up the courage, her stomach turning with nerves as she finally spoke.

"After our fight I—I realized just how much I regretted the break. I wanted to be with you. I didn't realize how much I—how much I needed you until I didn't have you anymore. And I got scared...because if I missed you that much..." Conrad was surprised by the fact that tears began to line her eyes, his eyebrows furrowing as he listened intently to her. "...I didn't know how I could ever survive without you. And I was scared. I was scared because if you ever left I didn't know how I would survive without you. So I left first."

Conrad looked at her with a strange expression, the boy surprised by the fact she had admitted any of that to him. It made sense now, he wondered how he hadn't thought of that himself, he knew she was talking about her father. Betty loved her father more than anything, and she never saw him, and he knew how much that had taken a toll on her. He remembered their late night talks, the way she would cry to him about missing her dad. The way she would tell him about her mother crying, how badly it hurt the whole family for him to be gone. He had noticed they just seemed to be numb to the absence now, but time only changed that. It made sense that  she was afraid to lose him too, afraid that their fight would turn into more issues and he would leave her.  And so she ended it before she had to feel it from him. She was scared. It was the closure he had been wishing for for a long time.  But she still hadn't said it.

"Do you...love me?" He asked, and she looked almost stunned at his question. He looked at her with so much fear in his eyes that she wanted to cry at the fact that he didn't know. And yet she felt choked as she went to speak. Conrad waited for her to say it, her thumb running over the back of his hand before she nodded, her eyes filled with an emotion he had been waiting to see from her.

"I...I love you Connie. I do." She said, his lips parting as he looked at her. He felt the deepest relief he had ever experienced, his body feeling lighter. For a moment he forgot everything that plagued him, all of the secrets he was keeping, and he was just here...with her. "And I'm more scared now to lose you than I was before."

She finished, the silence once again becoming deafening. He weighed his options again, knowing he could tell her no, that he could give himself some peace and save himself the trouble he was sure was coming and just say he  was better off. But he didn't. And he knew it was never even really an option.

Conrad turned his head towards her, his eyes tracing over every bit of her face before he leaned over, not pulling his hand from hers but instead lifting his other  one to reach for the side of her neck. She let him kiss her this time, their lips fitting together like a perfect contrast. She felt like everything was right in the world again for a moment, the boy pulling back first. His hands left her completely as she just sat there, both of them did, Conrad giving her the opportunity to make the next move. She could get out of the car and go inside. She could stay with him. It didn't matter to him, although he was sure he wanted her to stay.Betty hated the silence now, the quiet giving the opportunity for her to think about what was happening. So she stopped thinking.

She launched out of her seat, leaning across the middle with her whole body and planting a kiss on him in return. The boy was stunned, his arm wrapping around her as she leaned sloppily on him.  He kissed her with the same amount of passion  as she was giving him, his heart pounding in his chest and his stomach knotting. She pulled back for a breath and whispered three words he had all but forced out of her a few moments earlier.

"I love you." She whispered between them, and it felt liberating to be able to say it. She kissed him again, Conrad wanting her closer. He pulled her across the middle and she sat on his lap, her hands going to the back of his head as she gave into everything she had been fighting all summer. His lips detached from hers and pressed tenderly to her jaw, to the side of her neck. Her stomach twisted into  a knot when his hands lowered from her waist to the hem of his flannel. His fingers slid under the button up, and she now remembered she was already pretty much naked, the shirt and a pair of underwear being her only divide from him. His fingers drew lines across the skin of her stomach and hips and  as much as she knew this was not the right time for this, she didn't bother stopping him. Instead she lowered her hands from the back of his head, pulling at the neck of his shirt and giving him the realization that she wanted to take it off of him.  "I love you."

This time when she said it it really seemed to hit him, the boy freezing up as the words flooded his brain. He went first with his gut, pulling away from with a quick breath and feeling like this was wrong. It was fleeting...but he still felt it. He didn't know why he had stopped her.

"Wait...wait—" He said now, using his hands on her hips to push her back a little bit. His head was hazy and he knew what he wanted, what he needed...but he didn't know if this was the right time.  He looked up at her and for a moment he looked just like he had a long time ago,  so innocent and sweet. "Are you sure this is what you want?"

"I've never been more sure Connie..." But seeing the look in his eyes made her stomach drop, and knot in it unraveling as she put the pieces together of why he was holding back. "...but if you're not sure then I'm definitely not going to make you." She said, her lips turning up into a pained smile as she moved back to the passenger seat. Now he wanted to argue that that wasn't true but he didn't because it was, and he didn't know where the conflict had come from. She buttoned all the buttons of the flannel, opening the passenger side door and giving him a small smile. "Goodnight."

Before he could stop her she left , hurrying away from his car. She didn't know what it was but the second she touched the front step of her home she felt tears rush to her eyes, the girl lifting her sleeve to wipe them as she held in a cry. The headlights turned back on  and she heard the car begin to back out of her driveway,  this only making her want to cry even more. She closed the front door behind her and sprinted up the stairs, halfway because she was naked and halfway because she didn't want anyone to see her crying.

She had felt it, the wedge between them by the name of Belly Conklin. The reason why he hadn't been able to commit to what they were doing. He had forced a love confession out  of her and still rejected her, even if he hadn't done it out loud. She felt like she was going to throw up when she threw herself onto the bed, the girl finally letting out a sob as she cried into a pillow. She had given him everything he wanted, everything he had ever asked her for, and it still wasn't enough.

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Okay I'm going to take a short break from this book so I can spam update a few other ones lol