Chapter 77 : Bitter or Better

The sterile white walls of the hospital room seemed to be closing in on Aadarsh as he lay on the bed, his thoughts swirling in a turbulent sea of disbelief.

Pari was not biologically related to Ruhaani. The science couldn't lie. The tests were performed multiple times and had the same result. He had literally read every word of the report. There was not one of them that suggested otherwise.

His brow furrowed as he struggled to process the revelation. How could it even be possible? The truth felt like a heavy weight pressing down on his chest, making it difficult to breathe.

There had to be some logical explanation to it all. Questions swirled in his mind, demanding answers that seemed impossible to find.

Ruhaani couldn't have kept a secret like this from him, could she have? Did she know the truth all along, or would she be as blindsided by it as he was?

His thoughts went back to the night they first met.

"Why don't you and your daughter stay with your in-laws?" He asked.

"Like I said, they thought it was me who killed their son. I was the bad omen in their son's life. It wasn't his passion for fighting in the border that took his life." She spoke sounding bitter.

"That's unfortunate. They don't talk to your daughter as well?"

"They believe she's not their son's and I let them."

"Why?" He asked looking right into her eyes.

"Because I wanted her to stay with me and have nothing to do with that family. Anyways, it was only a daughter not a son, so they'd be better off without any heir. She was born in the tenth month, which gave me an advantage. "

Aadarsh blinked trying to put together pieces. Ruhaani had corrected the wrong age written in her bio-data by her uncle. She had always been truthful. There was no way she would lie about Pari, she didn't have any reason to.

A deep sense of sorrow filled Aadarsh as he realized the magnitude of the situation. Pari, the little girl who had stolen his heart from the moment they met, was now at the center of a tangled web of lies and revenge.

He wanted to refuse to believe she wasn't a part of Ruhaani. Tears made it to his eyes. All of this was exhausting. It suddenly felt like he had been living a lie. His life was literally being turned upside down.

Ruhaani would have told him if Pari wasn't biologically hers. Unless she didn't know it too. At present that was the only thing that made sense.

He picked up his phone and called Devashish. He needed more than two medical tests to believe anything. "Find out everything you can about Pari's birth—Medical records from her pediatrician, hospital records where she was born, anything that makes sense. Something is definitely not right. And while you're at it, have a look at Harsh's family too. I want the full picture."

He ended the call, his gaze drifting down to the digital document of the DNA test that was still on his phone. Something was definitely amiss. He had to get to the bottom of this for Ruhaani's sake more than his own. He shuddered to think of the various possibilities. What if Ruhaani had no clue too!

***

Ruhaani grew weary of waiting, her body aching with fatigue. Each passing moment felt like a weight pressing down on her weary soul. Long, desolate nights had been her unwelcome companions for years, each hour dripping with the bitter sting of agony. However, things had started to look up since she married Aadarsh.

However destiny had a nasty way of messing with her time and again. It would give her the hope of a happily ever after and then rudely snatch it away from her.

It was becoming a cycle, unyielding and exhausting, like a maze with no exit in sight. Didn't she deserve to be happy at all?

Tears welled up in her eyes, tracing silent paths down her cheeks as she leaned against the wall, still waiting outside the operation theater. She had stayed up nights to take care of Pari when she was sick. But this night was the longest ever and the one where she was losing hope like sand slipping out of a fist.

"Hey,"

She turned slowly to find Aadarsh slowly approaching her. He still had the shoulder brace on that restricted the movement of his left arm. She blinked, soaking in his presence, it was all she needed in that lonely moment of pain. He appeared worn out and in pain, as he slowly moved and settled beside her, trying his best to mask the pain he felt as he settled beside her.

"You should be resting, Aadarsh," she protested softly, hastily brushing away the tears staining her cheeks.

"How can I, Ruhaani?" he said is voice that was low and resonated with the depth of his anguish. His free hand reached out to hers. He'd be damned to let her be alone through this. She needed him now more than ever and he was going to be there for her.

Ruhaani met his gaze, her own eyes swimming with unspoken fears. "Please tell me she'll be okay,"

Aadarsh slowly raised his right arm, drawing Ruhaani closer to him. As she nestled against his side, seeking solace in his embrace, he wrapped his arm around her, his chin resting gently atop her head. In that moment of shared vulnerability, he couldn't offer false reassurances. He was just as lost in the dark night as she was.

***

It was in the wee hours of the morning when the doctors had informed them that the surgery was completed. They had moved Pari to the ICU for two hours and finally a private room when they felt she was recovering well. They still had to wait for her to wake up to make sure her cognitive abilities were not hampered.

Aadarsh had urged Ruhaani to rest for a bit while he sat at the bedside staring at his daughter. They had shaved off her hair. Her head was covered in white bandage.

After a long internal debate that stretched over an hour, with trembling fingers, he finally reached out to touch her hand. "I'm sorry, shona," he whispered, tears burning his eyes. He couldn't shake the feeling of responsibility for her condition. "I am so sorry."

He sat silently, his gaze fixated on his daughter. He had failed at being a father. Every time he would look at Pari he would remember that. He was no different from his own father who had failed.

***

As noon approached, panic began to grip the room. Pari remained unconscious, unresponsive to the passage of time. Three different doctors had come to check on her every half an hour on rotation basis. At first the doctors didn't seem to look bothered, but with every passing visit the doctors were beginning to look concerned. The nurse assigned to her bed who had been cheerful and optimistic initially and begin to look weary too.

Ruhaani hadn't spoken a word since she had woken up from her brief slumber. She just sat beside Aadarsh her hand in his, her head resting on his shoulder, waiting for Pari to wake up. With every passing minute her fear and anguish deepened.

The door was pushed open and the senior neurologist walked in. "Have you not been talking to her?" the doctor asked glancing at them and then looking around the awfully quiet room.

"She should have woken up by now." He spoke checking the vitals displayed on the monitor. He then pressed his fingers against the little girls neck checking her pulse there and then checked the pulse at her wrist and finally at her feet.

"Physically things seem to be fine. We just need to get her to wake up. Come on, wake her up, you're the parents." The doctor spoke taking the clipboard hanging on the side to make notes.

Ruhaani turned to Aadarsh, seeking his support, and he nodded gently, encouraging her to try.

"Pari," Ruhaani whispered softly, leaning closer to her daughter.

"Louder," the doctor interjected, his voice commanding. "Her senses may be a bit foggy because of the sedation. Come on, gather yourselves and wake your daughter up," he urged, his tone urgent.

"Shona, wake up," Ruhaani called out louder, her voice trembling with desperation as she gently tapped Pari's arm. Tears welled in Aadarsh's eyes as he watched Ruhaani's futile efforts, his jaw clenched in silent anguish.

"She's not waking up," Ruhaani sobbed, her voice breaking as tears streamed down her face.

"Mrs. Sehgal, you must find strength within yourself. Your daughter is safe. She simply needs your unwavering belief to wake her," the doctor urged.

Aadarsh enveloped Ruhaani in his embrace as she wept inconsolably, then tenderly approached the bed, reluctantly releasing her. "Wake up shona, don't you want to be the first one to wake up? See, Papa is here to wake you up." Aadarsh spoke aloud, gently holding her tiny hand in his palm. "I will tell you as many stories as you want."

Nothing.

Aadarsh exchanged a glance with the doctor before turning to his wife, who stood by his side.

"Continue speaking to her. I believe she can hear us. She simply needs time to respond. Keep her engaged." The doctor spoke and gently retreated from the room.

Drawing a deep breath, Aadarsh continued, "Pari, open your eyes, we'll go out for ice cream. Or you wanted to go to the park with dragon slide, right? We will go there, come on wake up."

Ruhaani watched Aadarsh through tear-filled eyes as he persistently engaged in a one-sided dialogue with Pari. She couldn't bring herself to join in; the uncertainty of whether Pari could hear them was emotionally agonizing. What if she couldn't and wouldn't ever? The pain, that the dark thought seized her in, was unbearable.

Aadarsh on the other hand went on, he had drifted to telling her a story, like he did on most nights at bedtime. He was telling a story how Bogyman went away forever and she was safe. She could come out from her hiding and hug her Papa.

"Pari, shona, wake up. You want to go play with Muku and Nirvaan, don't you?" Ruhaani finally joined in when she saw Aadarsh lose hope.

"Yeah, we'll go for ice cream later," Aadarsh interjected optimistically.

"And Mumma will let you buy the one with the cone."

"And Papa promises to not eat from your ice cream cone." Aadarsh added.

Ruhaani glanced at him. He slowly began withdrawing his hold on Pari's hand and gently rested her palm on the bed. She noticed her daughter's fingers curl as though missing the hold.

"Aadarsh, her fingers moved," she whispered her eyes widening in surprise.

Without hesitation, Aadarsh swiftly reclaimed his daughter's hand. "Come on, Pari, wake up. You're my brave girl, are you not?"

Ruhaani tenderly brushed her daughter's cheek. "Come on, shona, open your eyes, Mumma Papa are waiting."

Ruhaani had tears gush down her cheeks as Pari finally stirred and slowly moved her other hand to her stomach as though trying to turn towards them.

Aadarsh smiled through his tears looking at Ruhaani who gazed at him as though waiting to be told she wasn't hallucinating. Pari was finally responding! With a gentle shake of his head, he conveyed reassurance to his wife, who closed her eyes briefly, as if offering a silent prayer of gratitude.

***

Four days had passed since the darkest chapter in their lives. The doctors had finally discharged Pari. Thankfully, she showed no signs of cognitive impairment, although she complained of persistent headaches and eye discomfort, which as per doctors was expected. The doctors had given her a two-week course of medication and mandated regular follow-up appointments. They had estimated her complete recovery to take five to seven weeks. She had to be under strict supervision to make sure she didn't do anything to get hurt again.

Neither Aadarsh nor Ruhaani had left the confines of the hospital during the trying period. Abhi and Ashvi along with Badi Bua and Phupha Ji shuttled between home and hospital fetching them necessities and taking turns to be with Pari to establish the normalcy. Although nothing was normal.

They didn't talk about anything other than Pari's health, her medicines, her symptoms and if the other kids were doing fine.

Initially Aadarsh was reluctant to bring Nirvaan and Mukti to the hospital to meet Pari but Ruhaani had challenhed him and shown him reason. The twins had been traumatized by the sudden turn of events too and they needed the presence of Aadarsh and Ruhaani as much as Pari did to be sure that everything was okay.

They had weaved a story that they were all going to present as the series of events that had occurred. Pari had lost her way in the mall and then they had discovered that she had fallen from the steps and hurt her head and that's why Aadarsh and Ruhaani had rushed to the hospital. That was going to be their version of truth.

Presently they were on the way back home. Aadarsh had refused to let Pari sit on the car's seat. He made sure she sat on his lap, her back and head gently cradled against his chest. Abhi was driving, while Ashvi sat on the passenger seat beside him. Both of them had been unusually quiet in the past few days. The twins sat between Aadarsh and Ruhaani on the back seat. Phupha Ji and Badi Bua were in the other vehicle.

Ruhaani stole a glance at Aadarsh. He had his arms around Pari, securing her in his hold, while Mukti was telling Pari about some new cartoon on there favorite channel.

When Pari had realized that she had lost all her hair because of the surgery, she had cried her eyes out. Within the next hour, Aadarsh had shaved off his hair to give her company, to tell her it was okay to be bald and that the hair would grow back. Pari had instantly changed her mind about the baldness. Aadarsh was a very good father and she would never let anyone say anything to object that.

As they reached home, instead of letting Pari walk on her own, Aadarsh carried her out of the car.

"Bhai, let me carry her," Abhi offered knowing well by now that Aadarsh was strictly restricted from arm movement and especially from carrying any sort of weight due to this stitches. He had already ripped his stitches two days back while carrying Pari.

"No," Pari rejected, hugging her father's neck.

Aadarsh smiled looking at his daughter's adorable smile. Pari was the happiest to be home. She hated being restricted to the hospital bed. Aadarsh politely dismissed Abhi's offer and walked ahead.

"Pari cannot play in the park, right Bhabhs?" Nirvaan asked her as, Mukti began to make plans to go to the park over the weekend which was the last weekend of their summer vacation.

"Yes., she cannot. Doctor said Pari can play board games but no outdoor activities for her till next month." Ruhaani spoke as she walked along with the twins to the door.

"What about school then?" Nirvaan asked thoughtfully.

"No school also for her till she heals completely."

"Oh," Mukti frowned. "I want her to meet my friends."

"She will meet your friends, when doctor tells she can start going to school."

"You will have to talk to her teacher then and write in her diary." Nirvaan suggested.

Ruhaani smiled at the thoughtfulness of the twins, "I will." Pari was fortunate, cause she would always have Mukti and Nirvaan like elder siblings to take care of.

***

Ruhaani stepped into the dimly lit bedroom, her concern palpable as she sought out Aadarsh. He had suddenly left Pari in Badi Bua's care and excused himself to the room. Aadarsh was practically around Pari all the time since past few days. It was almost as if he was scared that someone would take her away if he left her side. So when he had abruptly excused himself and left Pari's side, she knew something was amiss. She made her way to the walk in closet and found him there. He stood shirtless trying to analyze the wound on his back in the mirror.

"Did you tear one of the stitches again?" she inquired softly, her voice laced with worry as she approached him.

"It's fine," Aadarsh replied hastily, his attempt to downplay his discomfort evident in his tone.

"Let me see," she insisted, her hand gently resting on his shoulder, coaxing him to turn around.

He sighed turning around.

"It's bleeding slightly," she observed, her concern deepening. "But I don't think you've torn the stitch. Why must you be so stubborn? You should have allowed someone else to carry Pari."

Aadarsh took a deep breath, his stitches hurt more after they had had be redone because he had ripped them off two days ago.

"Sit," she said softly and went to fetch the first aid box.

Aadarsh settled on the ottoman, placing his black shirt across his lap.

"Here," she said offering him a glass offer, while she sat beside him.

Aadarsh quietly downed the water and placed the glass down beside the ottoman. He hadn't even realized how thirsty he had been. He turned slightly so she could have easy access to his back.

"I am sorry, Ruhaani," he finally uttered, after much internal debate; the weight of silence, hurt, exhaustion, and sorrow bearing down on him. "I...". "I..."

"We all make mistakes, Aadarsh. We then learn from them. That's how we all evolve."

She was being kind. If there was anyone to blame for the situation it was him. Bappi Gautam wanted to avenge him. He had sent the kids all over the store to fetch what they want. He was the one who was present right where the incident had occurred. He was the one who had said not to touch Pari, which had instigated those deranged men to drop her to the floor.

"Stop punishing yourself, Aadarsh." Ruhaani spoke as she finished cleaning his wound. She discarded the used cotton and sanitized her hands. She gently urge him to get up and took the shirt from his hands.

Their gazes met. She saw the sorrow in his eyes. The regret, the anger, the grief, they were all their in those dark pools. She gently began pushing the sleeve of the shirt onto his left arm.

Aadarsh quietly complied. She helped to get the shirt on his frame and slowly began buttoning his shirt up. "Did you take the morning dose of the pain killer?" she inquired softly, her gaze traversing the path of each button.

"No, I'll take it," Aadarsh mumbled, averting his eyes.

Ruhaani slowly raised his gaze to meet his. "This won't work, Aadarsh. You need to stop blaming yourself for whatever happened. You're just being hard on yourself and not taking pain medicine is stupid. You don't have to punish yourself. You need to heal yourself."

"Easier for you to say," he muttered.

Ruhaani stared at him unmoving. Eventually, his gaze met hers, encountering the accusation in her stare. "This isn't easy for me either," she asserted, her voice laced with raw emotion. "This is not easy for any of us. Pari can't even tell us exactly what she is feeling, she can't describe her symptoms properly, she only says it hurts. You can't move your left arm without the threat of tearing your stitches again. Do you think this is easy for me? To see you both struggling, is easier for me?"

Guilt washed over Aadarsh. He raised his right hand to touch her face but she rebuffed his touch. Letting out a sigh he spoke up "I am sorry, Ruhaani. Clearly, I'm not at my best. I don't know how to fix all of this. I don't know how to put everything back how it used to be. I don't know how to ... deal with all this. I know this has been hard on you and Pari and for everyone at home. I ... I don't know how to make things okay and it makes me feel horrible."

"You don't have to fix this, Aadarsh. This is not a problem that can be fixed. You don't have to bear this burden alone. You just need to let yourself be and let others accept the reality and move on. This is not your fault. I know you feel otherwise at this point, but Aadarsh this is not on you. It could happen to anyone."

"That's the point, Ruhaani. It doesn't just happen to anyone. It is on me...I am responsible for all of this because I was the one who didn't take those threats with more seriousness, I was the one that man wanted to avenge, I was the one who got involved with that MLA which is where all of this began. This is on me and I would rather have you say it to my face than lie to me."

Ruhaani swallowed the lump of emotion lodged in her throat. She hated seeing him in agony. "I don't blame you for anything, Aadarsh. And I am not lying."

"Yeah, you don't lie." He muttered aside, his thoughts going back to the shocking information he had received a day back from Devashish. He still hadn't brought himself arpund to accepting it.

"Aadarsh, listen to me. It's not your fault," she asserted, her voice steady despite the tumult within. "You did what you had to keep your father out of prison." She spoke up.

Aadarsh looked up at her with a sudden curiosity gleaming forth in his eyes.

"I know," she continued, meeting his gaze with unwavering resolve. "I forced Badi Bua to tell me everything. I know that your father was into drugs even before he met your mother. I know that he sobered up for, and because, of your mother."

Aadarsh looked down and then slowly settled on the ottoman again.

Ruhaani gently settled on her knees before him. Her hands holding his right hand. She had got a few minutes with Badi Bua and Phupha Ji at the hospital, they had seemed to know about the MLA. She had urged them to tell her everything.

Aadarsh's father had succumbed to drugs very early in his adulthood. It was when he met Aadarsh's mother, that things had changed. He had made efforts to change himself, make a better man out of himself for her. They had eventually ended up being married and having a happy family together. Everything was going well until, his mother was pregnant for the fourth time, in her late forties. One unexpected pregnancy that changed the fate of the entire family.

Aadarsh had told her the truth, just not in it's entirety. His father had gone back to drugs after his mother's death. He had been caught buying and using drugs in his company office. That's when Aadarsh had stepped up and sought help of the MLA to prevent his father from going to prison and instead sent him to a rehab.

"As a kid I wanted to be like him, Maa loved him so much," Aadarsh spoke softly, looking down at her hand. "He loved us... or at least that's what we thought and grew up believing. We used to be perfect... a perfect happy family. I would have never thought...that he could have a shabby history. Maa did a great job of making him a family man. Something we kids couldn't do, after she left.

When... when the police found him in office... there was nothing I could do on my own. I didn't want him to go to jail. I had just taken over the company. I had taken him to office. I thought maybe if he left home, went to office he would eventually realize he had responsibilities. It backfired."

"Why didn't you tell me all of this before?"

"It seemed irrelevant to tell. And which man goes around telling people that his father was an irresponsible, immature..." his eyes glazed with resentment, "... drug addict who abused his own child and declared his own children dead?" Hot tears sprinkled down his eyes. He scoffed, looking away, wiping his tears. "Sometimes, it feels like my father was the biggest lie of my life."

Ruhaani wiped the silent tears that had cascaded down her eyes. For once, she felt she was better off without a father than one like Aadarsh's.

"You don't think Abhi and Ashvi are mature enough to know the entire truth? You should tell them... everything."

"No. I never want them to see the ugliness I have seen. I would rather have them think their father was wronged than have them know that they had a pathetic man for their father who wronged them. I don't want them to blame Maa for marrying the wrong man. I don't want them to have the bitterness I have inside me. It's difficult to grow up knowing harsh truths. It skews your entire view of the world. I don't want that from them. I have always wanted them to have a normal childhood, like they would have had if Maa was here.."

"I understand... but Aadarsh... I would rather have them know the ugly truth of their father than have them question and point fingers at their elder brother who has done everything he could to give them a safe place to grow."

Aadarsh slowly raised his gaze to meet hers. "I don't mind... if they. . . Point fingers at me."

"No. You will mind very much. It will break you, Aadarsh, I know. They're not kids anymore. They're adults, Aadarsh. You've protected them through the fragile years. They are perfectly capable adults who deserve to know who wronged them and who did the right thing for them, who threw them under the bus and who protected them. They need to know the truth, they have the right to know."

Aadarsh drew his lower lip beneath his teeth, his gaze fixated on her hands, which clung tightly to his own.

"I can't, Ruhaani. I... don't think I have it in me to tell them. You understand how disheartening it is to be unwanted. I didn't have an option. But they do. They can believe that their father ...was not the villain but a victim. It's easier that way."

"I will tell them, then. Ashvi... won't care. She doesn't harbor any attachment to your father. She only goes along with it because she believes it brings happiness to Abhi. But Abhi... he had grown up thinking that his father was wronged by everyone and fate. He needs to know that his father had a choice and he chose his own destruction. You've shielded him too much, Aadarsh. The truth will be devastating for him, but it will do him good. It will help him preserve his relationship with you. It will help him be close to the only man who has truly loved him, protected him and cared for him all along. Trust me, Aadarsh... he needs to know the truth, before his skewed image of your father gets in the way between your relationship with him."

Aadarsh sighed. "He won't... believe it, Ruhaani. He loves Dad. I know that ... hiding this one truth has put distance between the both of us. But Ruhaani, it has made Abhi close to his Dad. Abhi still has a father.

My father's disease, his fading memories have actually given him the chance to actually be a decent father. I had considered telling Abhi the whole truth during Holi, but he began telling me how my father is journaling memories... the good memories. Abhi is living in the present with a man who only remembers the good stuff because Abhi enforces all the cherished memories back into his brain. He at least gets to have a father, Ruhaani."

"I don't want a father like that," came a voice from the entryway of the closet, causing Aadarsh and Ruhaani to whip their heads in its direction.

Abhi stood there, tears glistening in his eyes. "I don't want a father who exists only in my head," he continued, his voice trembling with emotion. Slowly, he began to turn away then passed monetarily, "Bhabhs, Bua asked me to tell you she is waiting for you downstairs..."

"Abhi," Aadarsh said, rising swiftly to follow him. Ruhaani trailed behind, her heart heavy with concern.

"Abhi, listen to me," Aadarsh said, catching up with his brother and gently blocking his way.

"Bhabhs is right. I deserved to know the truth," Abhi spoke, his voice steadier now as he wiped away his tears.

"I... I didn't want you to..."

Abhi nodded, a mixture of gratitude and understanding in his eyes. "Thanks," he said, glancing around before adding softly, "for always protecting us."

"Abhi, this... I..." Aadarsh struggled to find the right words.

"It's okay. I mean... there's not much we can do, anyway," Abhi sighed, a weight of resignation in his voice.

"I'm sorry, Abhi," Aadarsh spoke, his voice heavy with regret. "I know what he means to you... I know that you care for him, I know that his health is something that's always bothered you."

"Yeah. I didn't know he had declared me dead," Abhi scoffed, his voice tinged with sorrow.

Aadarsh stared at his brother, at a complete loss for words. He didn't even know how to console his brother.

"Abhi," Ruhaani spoke up, stepping forward, her eyes filled with empathy.

"It's okay, Bhabhs," Abhi responded, his tone resigned. "I guess I never tried hard enough to know the actual truth. I've been here for years among people who knew the truth, but I couldn't get them to open up to me. Yet, you managed it in a few months. I guess I am, after all, not... mature enough."

"You're hurting," Aadarsh spoke softly, his heart aching for his brother. "And that's okay."

"Yeah," Abhi sighed heavily. "I need some time to let it sink in." With those words, he turned and left the room, leaving behind a heavy silence.

Aadarsh closed his eyes, the emotional exhaustion etched evidently on his visage. Ruhaani approached him slowly, sensing his turmoil, and gently wrapped her arms around him. "It's okay. Everything will be fine," she murmured soothingly.

He circled his right arm around her, finding solace in her comforting embrace. Tears welled up in his eyes once again. "I really hope so, Ruh. It just feels like things are slipping out one after another. It's like everything's tearing apart."

"I know," Ruhaani whispered, her voice filled with empathy. "But as long as we're together, nothing can defeat us."

Aadarsh simply hugged her tighter, clinging to her as if she were his lifeline. Fear gripped him as he contemplated the uncertainty of the future. It felt as though he was reliving the turmoil of his eighteen-year-old self, his world turned upside down once again. But this time, he wasn't alone. He had Ruhaani. He had someone to hold his hand through the storm. He didn't want to ever leave her hand.

He really hoped Ruhaani was right. He wanted to believe she was right!

• — • — •

Can't wait to read your thoughts and perspective. Will try to post the next soonest.

Who deserves a book of their own next, Abhi or Devashish? Unfortunately, it's not 'their' book. I know a lot of you were shipping them so hard. (I believe it was because their dynamics coincided with the release of RWRB.)

Don't forget to vote ☆ on the chapters.

—Anami!♡