Chapter 57 : Reverie

It had been a tiring day, especially with all the efforts that they had made to prepare the dinner.

Aadarsh's gaze was fixated at one spot on the ceiling as he traversed through a myriad of thoughts.

One, cooking a lavish dinner for a family of more than eight took a lot of efforts, time and patience.

Two, Ruhaani did her best to make the food tasty. It was just that, she could tell something was lacking in taste but not put her finger on exactly what was not right. She followed instructions almost correctly. It was just—figuring out what was amiss—that was the problem. And that was not her problem. It wouldn't be fair to hold her responsible for it.

Three, she put in sincere efforts. She hadn't complained once. She could simply have a cook hired to do the job. But she didn't. She wanted to make the meal for her family. It was her way of expressing her affection for them.

Four, standing for long hours in the kitchen was tiresome. More tiresome than constantly striving to improvise a dish you had prepared.

Five, no matter how exhausting the evening had been, he had completely enjoyed being with her, having her company all to himself. He genuinely enjoyed spending time with her.

Six, the both of them could go without taunting, arguing and teasing if they wanted. Just that it was more fun if the other three elements were present.

Seven, an annoying throbbing pain was seizing the soles of both his feet.

Eight, Ruhaani was taking way too long to change for the night. Was she thinking of wearing one of his t-shirts?

As though to put him put of the curiosity, Ruhaani emerged from the closet dressed in one of her usual night suits. Just that this one's t-shirt didn't have full sleeves. She switched off the lights and settled on her side of the bed.

"Is your alarm on?"

"Nope." He answered, turning his head to her side on the pillow. "It's a Sunday. Plus, I need to really catch up on some sleep." A yawn escaped his mouth right after to prove the point.

"Yes, I know." She answered not looking up from her mobile. She set an alarm for herself and then gathered her side of the comforter. Her gaze went up to the air conditioner as she laid down. Surprisingly, it was at twenty-one. Perhaps he hadn't noticed, she thought to herself. Good!

"Do you have any gift in mind for Ashvi?" Aadarsh asked, turning himself completely towards her as she adjusted the comforter they shared, to cover her body till neck. The pillow that acted like a godawful wall between them, was gone, much to his satisfaction.

"You mean for her birthday that's in a week from now?" She asked, noticing the free space between them.

She had completely forgotten about the pillow they usually placed in between. It was missing from the bed and her gut told her that it was her husband's hand behind the disappearance. She wondered if it even made sense to find it and put it between them. It would most probably still end up on the floor somewhere, in the morning.

"Yes. What should we gift her?" He asked, gazing at her cheek. There was enough distance between them to fit a pillow, yet it felt like he was so damn close to her. He liked that feeling. Not the one of having emptiness on the other side of the bed.

"We?" she emphasized, slowly turning herself towards him. Their gazes met swiftly.

"Yes. Just like Devashish got get-well-soon presents from us, Mr. & Mrs. Sehgal."

A rapid surprise passed her visage. "How did you know?"

One corner of Aadarsh's lips lifted. "It's my job to know." He gently pushed the comforter off himself feeling a bit of suffocation. Perhaps he aught to have put the temperature at twenty, at best.

Ruhaani's gaze followed the slipping end of the comforter, grazing over his chest, stopping at his abdomen. She swiftly willed her gaze to go back up to his face. "I sent it because you wouldn't. He's like a friend to you, perhaps the only you have. And just so you know, it doesn't hurt to show you care."

"Please, he's not my friend."

"Why are you so stubborn? That man looks up to you, respects you and cares for you. And you do the same. It's good to have friends, Aadarsh."

Aadarsh sighed. "Aren't you judging him too soon? You barely met him."

"I have spent enough time to know he's good at heart. He is likeable. Oh, and he has a really good sense of humor. One can truly never get bored with him." Ruhaani was now simply poking the bear. She knew Aadarsh wouldn't entertain so many good words for Devashish given their rapport, that's exactly why she was going ahead of herself.

Aadarsh scowled. "Please. That man is full of shit!"

"Hey. You don't have to be jealous. You're boring, he is not. He has a good sense of humour, you don't. You guys complement each other." She smiled, unable to hold back her mirth at the offended expression that took over her husband's face.

"Whatever. Just so you know, sending flowers is a really intimate gesture."

"And friendships are supposed to be intimate. You're welcome." She answered instantly, pleased with her courageous decision.

Aadarsh took a deep breath. "He is not my friend, Ruhaani!"

"Then make him. He's a nice guy. And from the little I spoke to him the other day, he really considers you one. You should have friends...people outside this family who care for you, who you like to spend time with. Not everyone is lucky to have people who genuinely care and wish well for you. You have that in Devashish. So, don't be a jerk and count him a friend."

"Run it by Abhi. I would like to see his reaction." Aadarsh muttered.

Ruhaani smiled. "Abhi is dramatic. I can't believe he holds one board meeting against that man. Actually, I wouldn't put it past Abhi."

Aadarsh blinked. Devashish definitely had a charm always working in his favor. He couldn't believe that man had made Ruhaani take his side over Abhi's.

"Trust me, every time Abhi has come down to our office, there's a tiff between the two. Abhi would never want me to be friends with Devashish."

"That's because Abhi is used to being your buddy since the start of time. He's jealous that you actually admire Devashish for his work, that you chose Devashish's idea over his in a meeting with stakeholders. You not having any friends has made Abhi think he's all you have for a friend. That's where he is wrong. Yes, he might be your best friend, but you're allowed to have other friends. Abhi can't always hold a grudge against anyone who wants to or is capable of being your friend."

Aadarsh watched her with thoughtfulness. Yes, he did admire Devashish. But it just didn't feel right to be friends with him given the ways in which the man worked. He would never want Devashish's actions in anyway to impact his family. The farther the man stayed from him and his family, the better it was.

"You tell me, you don't have any friends?" Aadarsh smoothly flipped to direction of the discussion.

"No. Not really." She gradually rolled back onto her back and gazed up at the ceiling, with a sense of longing. "Friendships take time. They take effort. If you don't hold on to them, they slip out of your hand. I have always had my hands so full, that I could never make the time or space for holding a friendship."

Aadarsh sunk in her words. He recollected how she used to work two jobs previously, often taking on extra gigs on the weekends, all in an effort to make ends meet.

He wouldn't be surprised if her selfish uncle took a part of her earnings.

He knew the struggle by first-hand experience, the one of striving to survive a family.

"Your uncle didn't helping anyway with raising Pari, did he?"

She turned to him slowly, with a sadness coating her eyes as a layer of sheen. "No, he didn't."

But I don't blame him for his bitterness. It's hard to work not just for yourself but for a family. Expenses keep piling up. Before you know your month's income is gone towards the expenses of the house, education, basic needs what not! He was burdened with raising me and then when he finally thought he was done with me for good, I came back with an additional responsibility. I was a liability."

Aadarsh fisted his hands and his jaw tightened. He felt an inferno in his heart. He couldn't even imagine the struggle she went through on the inside.

"It sucks to feel unwanted." He muttered.

"Hmm, it does. That feeling is a real bitch! Keeps barking annoyingly inside the head."

Aadarsh's gaze drifted back to her eyes, as he caught the undertone of humour.

Ruhaani chuckled meeting his eyes. "I know, you have a newborn sense of humour."

"Shut up. Yours is darker than hell!"

"Please. I don't kill people in my jokes or make a mockery of other's pain. I do it to mine. That shouldn't even be considered dark... it should be considered smart and creative. So, you can't definitely compare it to hell. By the way, been to hell on a business trip?" She tossed him a teasing smile.

"No, there's one in my head." He sighed, moving such that his back was rested against the mattress again.

Ruhaani's smile weakened at that. "Is it big like your ego or small like your sense of humour?"

Aadarsh couldn't help but chuckle. He swiftly turned to her side again. "Remind me, what it is, whose size we are discussing?" He said with a playful suggestiveness.

"Gosh, eww!" Ruhaani who had turned her face to glance at him, furrowed her brow, and then redirected her gaze back to the ceiling "You're sick!"

Aadarsh laughed. "So your sense of humour is as dirty as it gets!"

Ruhaani's eyes closed and face flushed with embarrassment. Why did she always have to react!

However what surprised her was Aadarsh didn't stop laughing. It was a rare moment. He had his hand pressed against his stomach as the peals of laughter erupted from his mouth. The sound stirring her heart.

"Joke's over Mister Sehgal." She said after a while as his laughter slowly began to fade.

Aadarsh turned to her with a smile. He hadn't felt so good in a long time. Somehow just spending time with Ruhaani was like taking all the worries off his burdened back and puffing them into air.

Ruhaani had turned to her side to watch him laugh. Her hand resting with her palm open in the space between them. An odd warmth began to spread out across her chest as she witnessed the most beautiful smile ever.

The kind of smile that felt like the discovery of the rarest treasure. The kind of smile that was contagious. The kind of smile... she had seen in the photograph when he looked at Siddhi.

She blinked trying to keep her emotions from spilling out on to her face.

Aadarsh drew out a long breath, " it's good that you have a friend in Abhi and that he stays under the same roof now."

Ruhaani smiled. "It's good that we have Abhi."

Aadarsh didn't protest, he silently accepted her correction. "Speaking of him, did he text you about his whereabouts?"

"Yes, he did. Mithoon has his flight at five, early morning. Abhi will see him off at the airport and then return home."

Aadarsh sighed. He regretted hurling harsh words at his brother in a fit of anger.

"It's okay he will come around. Abhi has a very big heart." She reassured.

Aadarsh slowly turned to his side and laid his hand on hers. Their gazes slowly meeting. Suddenly the room was still, devoid of their laughter and chatter.

His fingertips touched hers, at first. Then slowly his long fingers grazed overs her inching forward to reach her wrist line. All along their gazes interlocked.

The warm touch of his calloused fingers against her cooler skin, the firmness of his fingertips over her palm was magically calming.

Finally, his hand stationed over hers, completely hiding her hand under his. In the harmony of slow relaxed breaths, they quietly kept gazing at each other.

The profound darkness within his eyes, which had once intimidated her, now inexplicably drew her closer. What she had initially perceived as a menacing beast was, in fact, an abyss of endless emptiness.

A deep resonating sensation zapped through her. She was empty, just like he was.

She delicately shifted her hand that was beneath his. He gently loosened the pressure of his palm, permitting her to move effortlessly. She tilted her hand and encircled her fingers around the side of his hand. Her thumb grazed past his thumb and came to rest at the apex of the V formed between his forefinger and thumb.

Aadarsh blinked. He watched her as her gaze lowered to their hands.

He felt odd. It was inexplicable. A strange feeling consumed him. He felt... full. It was as if something was gradually filling the void within him.

He closed his eyes. It was simpler that way; to feign sleep and pretend that he remained oblivious to what was unfolding.

Minutes later, as he was almost halfway between the land of alertness and land of sleep, he felt the movements of her thumb.

Ruhaani liked the feel of his hand in hers. Her thumb gently began caressing the back of his hand lightly. She gazed at his face as he closed his eyes and drifted into sleep. He brought about an odd tide in the ocean of her heart. She wanted to shift closer to him. She wanted to wear him like a cloak, to keep her heart warm.

If only he wasn't so shattered inside. If only she had some magical power to mend him, to make him feel the same depth of emotion she felt for him. If only he loved her in return.

Tears welled up, blurring her vision. She had never yearned for anything as intensely as she longed for his love.

Her thumb on its own accord began expressing the unspoken words of her heart through the patterns. She began tracing the letters slowly, one by one— I.L.O.V.E.Y.O.U.

She sighed, giving him one long look before closing her eyes.

Aadarsh remained still. At first, it was only gentle, soothing circular patterns being drawn at the back of his palm. He didn't mind it. In fact, he found them comforting. Until his brain started making sense of the sudden change in patterns.

O.V.C. Y.O.U

At first, he discarded it as a mindless grazing that he was giving more meaning to. Then he thought some more for good measure.

And just like that his heart froze. It wasn't C it was E.

He slowly withdrew his hand from her hold and turned the other way. His own hand caressing the spot she had been drawing patterns at.

***

The first half of Sunday had gone by in a breeze. They had spent the morning by the pool. The Sehgal siblings were all in the pool while Ruhaani spent time with Badi Bua and Phupha Ji. They had finally shared their love story with her.

Although, she could hardly say she had paid full attention to them. Her husband in nothing but swimming trunks was nothing if not a tempting distraction.

The afternoon had been spent watching the photos and videos from Manali. Badi Bua and Phupha Ji had shared anecdotes from their travels. With Abhi awake after his morning nap, the atmosphere had turned jolly.

Presently, Ruhaani and Aadarsh were driving back after dropping the Desais at their home. It was hot summer night. The rare time of the year when she actually enjoyed the air conditioner being at a temperature lower than twenty-three.

Ruhaani played the songs from the pendrive as Aadarsh drove the car out.

"It was such a good weekend, wasn't it?" She spoke while waiting for the next song in the playlist to play.

"Hmm, yes it was." He answered, glancing at her as she tied up her hair. Now that he reflected in detail, it was actually a very good weekend in a long time. They had kissed twice. He had seen her dressed in his t-shirt. He had spent a lot of time with her. The pillow between them on their bed was gone. And the cherry on top was, Ruhaani crudely gawking him in his swimming trunks this morning.

"Actually, it was indeed nice!" He rephrased, as the song's tune became clearer.

Dil kya kare jab kisi se kisi ko pyaar ho jaaye, 

Jaane kaha kab kisi ko kisi ko pyaar ho jaaye

He reduced the volume. "Did you think about a gift for Ashvi?"

"I actually did." She said excitedly, bringing her phone out of her purse. "So, there's this Delhi Times Fashion Week taking place starting tomorrow. On next Saturday, there's the finale happening at the Grand Hotel. The show features Bollywood celebrities, dressed in the best designers' creations."

He glanced at her as she began reading the list of celebrities. "Ashvi isn't much of a Bollywood fanatic," he said as her list ended.

"Well, but there's fashion for her and Abhi is a Bollywood fan. You can get two passes."

"Wow, so you're suggesting I bribe Abhi!"

"Not bribe. I would call it compensation for being ...a jerk." She shrugged.

"It wasn't my fault." Aadarsh muttered.

"But you said nasty words..."

His hold on the steering wheel tightened. "I did. Guess being the eldest doesn't give you privilege to express your anger."

"Aadarsh, I didn't mean that." She said quickly. She didn't want to fight with him over this. She had begun to admire how he was being less of the stoic person. She liked him being less formal, less guarded, more himself. She didn't want to lose that.

"No, you didn't!" He breathed out. "It is what it is."

Ruhaani looked at him apprehensively. If she hadn't told him about seeing the box, the situation wouldn't have escalated. Perhaps she shouldn't have seen the box at all. However, if she was given the chance to go back to that day and change her actions, she wouldn't change a thing. That box of his memories, didn't just contain his past, it contained a glimpse into the person he was. No matter how hard it was on her to see the pieces of his past, she would still chose to see it.

"Anyways," she spoke up to eliminate the heavy silence. "The problem is all the passes are all sold out."

"Not a big deal. I can arrange it. Do you want to go too?"

Ruhaani's face lit up. "Umm... if you're insisting, sure!"

Aadarsh chuckled, shaking his head. "Let me see what I can do."

"But you do realize that it's just not the passes you will have to pay for. Ashvi won't go there in anything that she has already worn."

Aadarsh smiled. "Yep, I know." He smiled. "I will have Abhi gift her, her favorite designer's gift coupon."

"That's if Abhi even talks to you!" Ruhaani added, smiling. She loved how he wanted to make the day special for his sister.

"Don't underestimate me."

"Don't overestimate yourself." She replied instantly, turning to him.

He glanced at her, their eyes briefly meeting. "That's what you do in the kitchen!" He couldn't hold back that jibe. Getting on her nerves just felt so good.

"Please, I don't. You do that everywhere. In office, in car, even in the kitchen. In fact, is there any place where you don't overestimate yourself? Kitchen, Office, Car, Parties,..." She began counting on her fingers.

"Bedroom!" He replied with a slight lift of one corner of his lips.

Ruhaani's eyes widened and lips parted at the shock; unsure if she actually heard right. Did he actually say that? She increased the volume of the music player such that the music was loud enough to leave no room for conversation.

Rok nahin sakati nazaron ko, duniyaan bhar ki rasmein

Na kuch tere bas mein julie, na kuch tere bas mein

Aadarsh bit his lower lip. He should have resisted that reply. However her reaction was totally worth it. He glanced at her, as she looked out of the window. A proud smile playing on his lips.

About half an hour later, they reached home. As they made their way to the porch, Aadarsh's fingers brushed against hers.

She blinked and dismissed it. Though, recently, such gestures had been occurring more frequently than before. Earlier in the day, for instance, while she was seated at the end of the sofa in the TV room, he had sauntered in and taken a seat on the armrest after lifting her arm and placing it on his lap. Of course, she had withdrawn the arm back right away.

They were greeted by an unusually excited Ashvi. "Bhaiya, Bhabhs finally!" She exclaimed upon seeing them.

"Thank God!" Abhi exclaimed. "She's been killing me with suspense."

Ruhaani walked up to him and took the seat beside him. "About what?"

"Bhaiya, sit!" Ashvi said. Aadarsh settled on the single seat sofa adjacent to the one Ruhaani had sat on.

"Okay, what's the news?" He asked his sister, beaming at her happy face.

"So, there was this opportunity..."

"You got it!" Abhi guessed, impatiently.

"At least let her tell what the opportunity was about!" Aadarsh muttered.

Abhi made a face and looked at his sister. "Ash, now. You've been annoying me for the last fifteen minutes."

"If you let me speak." Ashvi answered back.

"You're the one..."

"Timeout!" Ruhaani and Aadarsh said at the same time. They both turned to each other, surprised. A small smile played on Ruhaani's lips while Aadarsh narrowed his gaze at her.

"Jinx!" Ruhaani muttered, gesturing him to zip his mouth. Aadarsh rolled his eyes, while Abhi chuckled. He narrowed his eyes at Abhi next. Kids! All of them!

"So, there was this opportunity... an exchange program, as in you get to do one semester at another college. And this year our college partnered with this amazeballs university which is in Paris." She squealed. "So we had to do an assignment and submit it as part of our application. I turned in mine too, with very less hope. But mine got selected and I can officially go to Paris for one semester!" She jumped excitedly while the other three stared at her.

Ruhaani was the first to clap for her and congratulate, "Gosh this amazing news. I am so proud of you." Her gaze slowly went to the brothers who sat motionless. She cleared her throat.

"Bhaiya, please let me go!" In matter of a few seconds, Ashvi was kneeling on the floor holding Aadarsh's hands shocking the rest of them.

"Ashvi," he said, holding her shoulders. "get up!"

"Bhaiya, this is like a dream...please."

"I understand, I will go through the forms and do my research and if..."

"It's in Paris, Bhaiya. Like the fashion capital of the world."

"Congratulations Ash!" Abhi said slowly when Aadarsh remained quiet. He walked up to his sister and pulled her up to her feet. He engulfed her in a hug. "We are proud of you, chipmunk!"

Ashvi hugged him tightly. "Please," she whispered, "convince Bhaiya. Please."

Abhi sighed, hugging her tighter.

Aadarsh got up from the sofa as she turned back to him. "I am proud of you, Ashvi, and there's nothing more than your happiness that I want. Just give me some time, I will go through this... sink it all in and..."

Ashvi blinked her tears. "I really really want to go."

"I understand," he said, gently holding her face. The pad of his thumbs rubbing her tears. "I am not saying, No. I am just saying give me some time to see if this is safe and a secure option for you and your future."

"Okay," She demurred weakly, before making her way up the stairs towards her room.

Abhi stared at his brother.

"What?" Aadarsh said in a grouchy tone.

"She's big enough to make her own decisions."

Aadarsh swallowed the tightness building in his throat. He had no answer to that. He quietly walked away too.

"I'll go talk to Ashvi." Ruhaani said after a few minutes of tensed silence. Something was really up with Abhi. She had never seen him so silent, so solemn, not once before.

Minutes later, Ruhaani exited Ashvi's room as the latter refused to talk to her. Saying Ashvi was upset would be an understatement. She entered her room to find Abhi already there.

"Just let her Bhai." Abhi was saying to Aadarsh.

"I will, once I make sure it's the right thing for her," Aadarsh replied not bothering to look up as he fired up his laptop.

"You need to stop taking decisions for her. She's a perfectly capable adult who can decide what's best for her." Abhi argued, glancing at Ruhaani, silently seeking her help.

"I know, I am just being...sure." Aadarsh responded.

"No. You are not. You're being controlling."

Aadarsh's jaw clenched, and he turned to glance at his brother, clearly displeased. "It's my job to make sure she's okay. She's way too simple and innocent for this world. She's not been to a different city on her own, and you're expecting me to send her away to a country?"

"And whose fault is that?" Abhi said sharply.

Aadarsh stared at his brother, as the latter raised his voice.

"You've never let her do anything she wants to. You still treat her like a ten-year-old girl. You're overprotective. She can't grow like that. You need to set her free from this cage you're trapping her in. It's only a matter of time, that she suffocates."

"Abhi," Ruhaani said to stop him from anything further that did more damage. She could see the hurt in Aadarsh's eyes.

"I mean what I am saying Bhabhs." Abhi said slowly. "Let her do her thing, Bhai. Or she'll also turn out to be a disappointment like I am to you."

Ruhaani closed her eyes momentarily. Abhi seemed to have been badly bruised by Aadarsh's angry words.

"I didn't mean it that way," Aadarsh finally spoke in his defence.

"Yaa right!" Abhi scoffed. "Save it. You meant it. I was a disappointment at sports, at college, at work. In every damn field, because I was never as good as you."

"Abhi, I never said that."

"Not in so many words. But every time you asked my grades. Every time you asked about my salary package. Every time you dismissed my investment plans. Every time you just used me as a brainless person to sign a document not bothering to tell me what it was about. You didn't need to use words."

"Abhi..." Aadarsh whispered clearly thrown off by Abhi's words.

Abhi looked at him with teary eyes. He placed a paper on the desk. "That..." He pointed to he paper and paused helplessly to keep himself from crying. "That is my actual promotion letter. They offered to take me into the Chicago developers team, with sponsored work visa and a competitive salary package."

Aadarsh looked stumped. He gazed down at the paper and then at his brother.

"I rejected that, because..." His tears ditched his control and trickled down his cheeks. "Look where that left me... made me a disappointment. I am going to go tell Ashvi that she can do whatever it is she wants, even if it defies what you want. Just like we have no right to take decisions for you...you shouldn't have any to take decisions for us. It's her life Bhai. She should be in charge. We've grown up, you need to bring yourself to terms with that. You can't keep bossing around."

With that Abhi left the room.

Ruhaani found tears streaming down her cheeks. It wasn't even her pain or her turmoil. However, witnessing Aadarsh stand there, immobile in that moment, maintaining his composure as though nothing had occurred, brought tears to her eyes. She wept for him.

She approached him cautiously. He was fixedly gazing at the letter. Her hand tenderly glided over his arm, offering comfort. Yet, he didn't acknowledge her presence or her touch. He remained there, seemingly untouched, as if he were made of stone.

After what seemed like a stretch of fleeting seconds into long minutes, Aadarsh let out a sigh. He picked the paper and put it into the draw of his desk. Then, in a slow and seemingly disconnected manner from his surroundings, he walked into the closet, sliding the door shut behind him.

Ruhaani gazed at the closed door, wiping away her tears. This was not fair to him. Abhi has no business talking to him like that. Wiping away the last traces of her tears and composing herself, she strode towards Abhi's room.

• — • — •

I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter. Looking forward to read your thoughts on it.

Next : Friday

Don't forget to vote ☆ on the chapters.

—Anami!♡