CHAPTER 3 - GASLIGHTING

CECILIA'S POV

"Who is she?" I asked Freddie bluntly and without hesitation. I wanted to know all about her, who she was, what she was to him, and why she was there.

I'm determined to get the truth out of Freddie this time. I wanted to make sure he was honest with me and not hiding anything from me.

I just couldn't believe he had lied to me. He even tried to cover it up, making up excuses and creating false alibis.

"What are you talking about?" He laughed and tried to play it cool, but I could see through his act. Well, I can see better now without Viv's self-righteous and there's always a reason speech.

"You know what I'm talking about," I said firmly.

I didn't tell Viv about my plan to confront Freddie in case she would talk me out of it again and tell me I was just being paranoid. Also, I didn't want to ruin my mom's event, in case things got heated, so I waited for it to finish before going through with my plan.

The wait was agonizing though. Every second felt like an eternity and all I could think about was confronting Freddie and getting the truth out of him. I couldn't even enjoy the party. I tried to distract myself by talking to some of the other guests, but I couldn't help but feel anxious as I waited for brunch to end.

By the time brunch was over, I told my mom and Viv that I wanted to spend more alone time with Freddie in the lounge bar. I told them they could go ahead without us. Thankfully they didn't ask more questions.

So here we are, alone at a private table in the lounge bar.

"I swear, Cece. I don't--"

"Viv and I came over to your hotel to surprise you. I didn't expect I would be the one in for a surprise." I crossed my arms and glared at him. "I saw you kissing a blonde girl." Though I felt like my heart was breaking in two, I tried to remain composed.

Freddie's mouth hung open in shock as he tried to think of something to say in response.

"It looks like you're cheating on me." I added. I was direct and to the point, not giving him the chance to explain. I could see the guilt in his eyes, a definite sign that my accusations were right and he had been caught. "Are you?"

I could feel my blood boiling, my heart racing, and my cheeks growing hot. I was angry and hurt, the betrayal was just too much for me to bear.

But despite this, I was determined to stay calm and keep my sanity. I wanted to stay strong and in control, even though I felt like exploding!

He stared at me. His eyes were full of remorse, but he hesitated to speak up. I could tell he wasn't sure what to say. He seemed to be struggling to find the right words, but then he closed his eyes, as if searching for the courage to tell me the truth, and when he opened his eyes again, he finally spoke.

"Well, we're not working out anyway." His tone was apologetic, almost as if he was sorry for what he said, but not for what he had done to me!

I felt a sinking sensation in my stomach. My eyes widened in shock and anger. How dare he say something like that? How could he be so callous and indifferent to my feelings?

I took a deep breath, trying to process his words. "Not working?" I bit out harshly.

"Our relationship, what we have now is solely based on our parents' decision, not us. It all started as a childhood romance, but we're not children anymore."

The more he talks, the more I feel like I'm losing control of my emotions.

"Based on our parents? What the effin hell are you talking about?"

"I just stayed in this relationship because that's what was expected of us, what our parents wanted us to do. They expected us to stay together, no matter what. So I felt like I had to stay in it, even though it didn't make me happy."

"What?" My stomach dropped. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Here was this person I had known for so long, my fiance, claiming to be trapped in a relationship that was making him unhappy.

"Cece," Freddie tried to reach out, but I retracted my hand from his. I was so shocked, I couldn't think straight. He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed heavily. "Don't act as if you're surprised by this. I know you just went through this relationship because of what the others thought of us, too. I am a Vanderbilt. Someone suitable for your VanLeer status."

"I went through this freakin hell of a relationship because I love you, Freddie!" My heart was pounding and the heat of the situation was too much to bear. My vision was blurred by the tears that threatened to fall. But I didn't give up, I didn't give in. Though my heart ached, I remained focused and strong.

My sudden outburst caught Freddie off guard. He looked at me with shock and disbelief. "You don't love me, Cece. You never did. You loved yourself more. Besides, you just love the idea of me, of us." His words felt like daggers piercing my heart and I felt my anger rising.

"Oh so now you're invalidating my feelings, and saying that they're not real? That my emotions are just a concept, and not something genuine? Also, is loving myself wrong now? What you are suggesting is that I am supposed to love you more than I love myself?"

I couldn't believe this. My head my spinning with frustration and disbelief!

"You won't understand, because you only care about yourself, not how I feel. You never make me feel needed. You always--"

"How? When? What made you think I don't care about you, Freddie! I'm always here for you, I've been trying to help you out, and I'm always trying to understand what you're going through."

"No, Cece. You don't make me feel needed. You always seem like you have it all together, and I never feel like I'm contributing anything. You are Cecilia VanLeer, you're already on top. I can't even reach you or be near you. People are even talking, saying I'm nothing without you and my Vanderbilt title. But Eva,"

I gasped, "So, she has a name."

"Yes. Eva. She always makes me feel needed. Like I'm the man that can save her, that she can rely on. She allows me to help her, think for her. But you--"

"Don't ever blame me for your infidelity just because I don't make you feel like the hero I need. I'm not an effin damsel in distress. I don't need to be saved!" I stood up and stared him in the eye. "I don't have to lower myself and succumb to your need just to make you feel like a man. To make you feel like I can't live without you, depend fully on you. That's not how relationships should work, Freddie. We should have mutual respect and understanding, not one-sided dependence."

"You won't understand--"

"I do. I understand more than you think. I love you, Freddie. You made me believe in true love. That what my parents had, we had it, too. But what you did," I stepped back and looked at him with disgust. "What you did is beyond brutal. You didn't just cheat on me, you even put the blame on me and tried to make me feel like I failed us. You made me doubt my worth, my heart, and my ability to be loved. Well guess what, it was all you. You failed us. You failed to be the man I thought you were. You thought of me as a threat, not someone you loved, but someone you had to control. You are a failure."

As I walked out of the private room, I felt a wave of emotions rushing through me. I was hurt, angry, and betrayed. But, I knew I had to stay strong. I had to keep my composure and walk away with my head held high.

Fck!

-END OF CHAPTER 3-

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