Sem woke up to the soft tapping of raindrops on the tent fabric, and his phone buzzing next to him. Letting out a groan, he jutted one arm out of his sleeping bag (shit, it was freezing!) and felt around the floor to find the annoying thing.

He had a few missed calls around 3 am from Ethan --had to be drunk calls-- and there were messages incoming at a rapid pace, despite it being eight in the morning. What do you know? His reception appeared to be good enough after all. He was so not going to look at those messages, though. Ugh, why did he wake up so early? Dropping the phone back on the floor, Sem turned on his side and let out another groan.

Yup, nothing had changed since the last time he slept outdoors; camping mornings were still the worst mornings. His back was stiff, he was cold, and he had to do a number two really badly. The bathroom building was like half a marathon away. If he wanted to make it, he had to get up right about now. 

"Fine," Sem muttered to himself, sitting up straight with sleeping bag and all, to fetch his sweater. 

As he did, his eyes fell on the curled up figure next to him. Connor appeared to be fast asleep. Only a few strands of black hair were sticking out from below the covers, and Sem couldn't help but grin, his morning grumpiness suddenly forgotten. 

That's right. They had slept together in a two-person tent. Maybe not naked in a single sleeping bag, but hey, Sem would take what he could get with Connor. People snoring, farting, and giggling in a tent over had hardly made for a sexy mood anyway. It had also reminded him that there were only two layers of very thin textile separating them. If he could hear other people, they could obviously hear it too if he or Connor made... certain sounds. 

Connor must've realised it as well. He'd only given Sem a chaste peck on the lips before wishing him a good night, and going to sleep. Or maybe that had something to do with the thing he said about them kissing being fast and all. 

Sem's phone started buzzing again, this time continuously. Someone was calling him. He peered at the screen and saw "Emma" as the caller ID. Nowadays, the name Emma came with a small pang of guilt. He'd only been giving her short replies, or even ignoring her messages, since Sophie's birthday party. That was kind of shitty of him. She was still his friend, after all. 

"Fine," he muttered to himself, again. 

He swiped the screen to answer. 

"Hello?" he whispered, glancing at Connor's sleeping form. 

"Hi Sem!" 

Whoa, Emma sounded way too chipper for eight in the morning... And he was going to wake up Connor with his own talking. 

"Just a sec Emma." 

Sem put his phone down and, as quietly as he could, zipped down his sleeping bag. He'd only removed his sweater for the night, so after pulling it on and stepping into his shoes, he could walk right outside. Sem shivered when a gust of wind and raindrops immediately hit his face. It was cold as dicks and wet. He hated it. Stupid camping. 

"Got outside," Sem said, putting his phone to his ear again. He started moving towards the bathroom building. 

"Were you still in bed? I didn't wake you up right?" 

"Bed is a generous word. And don't worry about it. What's up?" 

"Just calling to check if you didn't get lost in the jungle. And to tell you that you really missed one hell of a party. Ethan is so right, college parties are the best! We haven't even gone to sleep yet."

Sem heard someone yell something that sounded like 'yeah!' in the background. Ethan, probably. 

Emma giggled. "There were lasers, a bouncy wall -- where you could literally bounce off the wall-- and a room entirely filled with foam!" 

"No kidding," Sem said, kind of wishing he could've seen those things. He would've enjoyed it, but he definitely wasn't regretting going on the camping trip. "I'm good, by the way. Cold as dicks, but not lost." 

"Aw, did you have a little bit of fun where you are, at least?" Emma asked. 

Sem started fidgeting with the edge of his sweater. "Yeah. It was fine." Last night was amazing. "Nothing wild and crazy like you guys."Try outrageous.

"What did you do?"

"Race volunteer stuff. Then dinner, campfire games, and sleeping with the bugs. You know, the whole boy scout deal." 

Sem could literally hear himself going on the defensive, even if there was no reason for Emma to suspect anything. An awkward gut-twisting feeling had suddenly taken a hold of him as he spoke. Guilt? No. Sem knew he wasn't doing anything wrong. Emma wasn't his girlfriend. He had no obligation to anyone, and he could kiss whomever he wanted. Yet, he was lying to Emma anyway. 

Luckily for him, he was nearing the bathroom building, and it gave him the perfect excuse to stop talking. "Hey listen, I gotta go. Got to the bathroom." 

"Oh, okay. Y--" 

"Get some sleep. Talk to you later. Bye." 

Sem barely gave Emma the chance to say bye as well before ending the call, burying his head in his hands. He stayed inside the bathroom stall a lot longer than necessary, before finally making his way back to the tent he and Connor shared. 

When Sem entered the tent he saw Connor sitting up straight, awake and already dressed. He turned his head and smiled at Sem. 

"Morning." 

"Morning," Sem replied, letting himself flop down on his sleeping mat, bending over to his bag to fish out a clean pair of pants. 

It was the first time Sem was unable to wholeheartedly return Connor's smile. That phone call had been quite the reality check. Home and friends had all felt so distant yesterday night, while Connor, on the other hand, was no longer a safe distant fantasy. 

Sem hadn't adjusted to the idea of having both friends and Connor close at home, and maybe actually having to combine them. Oh crap, he hadn't even considered his parents or his brother Daniel either.

"Well, I'm gonna go grab some breakfast," Connor said. He crawled to the exit of their tent. 

Sem bit his lip. "Wait. Can we talk? I mean, not now, but..." 

Connor paused his movement, and nodded. "Yeah. I wanted to talk to you too, after breakfast. We can go take a walk."

"Oh, okay." 

Sem was glad Connor caught on that he wanted the conversation to be private, without having to say it. Then again, it was obvious that they had some stuff to discuss. They hadn't been able to talk about any further plans yesterday. Lisa had come looking for them all too soon, and found them at the nets. Not kissing, thankfully, but just laying there. 

Back at the camping site, it had somehow been an unspoken rule that he and Connor both didn't mention anything. They didn't sit overly close together while roasting marshmallows on the campfire, didn't touch, nor gave any other indication that they just made out, before going off to bed.

Connor left for breakfast, and Sem took his sweet time getting dressed. He was the last one to get out of his tent. 

"Sem, hurry up you lazy ass, or all the food will be gone!" Dev called out the moment he spotted Sem.   

Sem looked from Dev to the wooden picnic tables, which were filled with all sorts of bread and stuff to put on bread. There was also a Bunsen burner, on which Connor was cooking scrambled eggs and bacon in a pan.

"Heh, I doubt it." 

Someone had put up a sort of improvised party tent to keep them from being rained on, and Sem gratefully took a seat below it at the breakfast table.

"Well, good that you're up anyway. For a moment there, I thought we were gonna have to go medieval on you, and drag you out of bed." 

Dev raised his hand. He was holding something, and Sem blinked, staring at the whatever it was. It did resemble a medieval torture device. Something that could cut off fingers. 

"What the hell is that thing you're waving around?"  

"Dev's just being an idiot," Bubbly girl, who was clearly grumpy girl in the morning, snapped. "That's an eyelash curler." 

Dev waved away grumpy girl's comment. "Ah right, of course. You and Connor missed it. This thing," he let the curler snap open and closed,  "was a question from the ladies' round of yesterday's pub quiz, while you guys were off putting up the net." 

"How did it take you and Connor so long to put up a simple net anyway?" a blond guy Sem decided he now disliked, asked. 

"It sounds to me like we stayed away just long enough. Like I would've been any help with eyelash curler questions," Sem joked, in an attempt to dodge the subject. He staunchly avoided Connor's eyes so he wouldn't turn red.  

"Oof, I'm starving for some scrambled eggs. Con, are they almost done?" Lisa interfered loudly and suddenly, getting up from her seat and walking over to the burner. 

The subject quickly changed into an argument about what was the best way to make scrambled eggs, and Sem almost breathed a sigh in relief. If you asked him, the eggs and bacon tasted great the way Connor had made them. But he was still left with a bad taste in his mouth. He'd hated lying to Nick and Emma about Connor before, and now he was doing it again to a group of almost complete strangers. 

He also hated that little voice inside his head that told him if he was normal and dated Emma, none of this would be necessary. 

Breakfast ended without further incident, and he and Connor managed to leave together under the guise of just going to the bathroom building. 

As they walked, Sem kept glancing over his shoulder, until he decided they'd gone far enough and were definitely out of earshot. He had given it some thought during breakfast, how to start this conversation, but the words ended up coming out awkward anyway. 

"So here's the thing: I'm not, you know, 'out' at home. And I don't want to be out either. Not yet, I think. So, yeah, there's that." 

Connor stayed quiet, perhaps expecting Sem to say more. A few moments later, he broke the silence. 

"Me neither. Not really... openly. Only a few people know." 

"I wouldn't mind my friends knowing, if I knew they'd react okay, I guess."

That was the entire problem, though. Sem didn't know if they would. His friends made jokes about gays all the time. But maybe that's all they were: jokes. Maybe he just had to rip off the bandaid. He was an open person. He liked being honest and upfront, but the thought of telling them had Sem paralysed with fear. He couldn't even completely pinpoint what he was so scared of. Losing his friends, yes, but that wasn't all of it. 

"Why aren't you out everywhere?" Sem asked, suddenly wondering about Connor's reasons. 

Connor shrugged. "Because it's nobody's business. And I don't like being labeled before I can even speak." 

"You mean, they'll think you're girly," Sem said, thinking about Blake from school. The guy his friends, and lots of others, often liked to make fun of. The guy who wore make-up to parties, and even to class.

Connor shook his head. "No, not girly per se," he said, "Sometimes, maybe. It's mostly," he frowned, "the moment they find out you're gay, that's all you seem to be to many people. I'd no longer be a car mechanic. I'd no longer be an engineering student of Valsten. I'd just be 'that gay guy', whether that's okay or not okay with them. You know what I mean?"

Sem stared at the road below his feet as they continued walking. Would it really be that bad? He'd already been anxious, and this wasn't making him feel any better. Were there really that many people who wouldn't be able to look beyond the gay thing? It's not like Connor was a walking stereotype himself. If even he had experienced this...

Sem also had to admit he didn't know shit about Blake from school either, aside from the fact that he was openly gay. He was only known for being gay. Just like his best friend Nick was known for loving football and wanting a career in it some day, Matthew for having a very sharp tongue and lawyer parents, and Ethan for being the party man.  

What did people see, when they looked at him? A sports fanatic, Sem guessed. A show off, kind of rude. Someone up for any ball game, and a kickboxer eager to start competing in competitions. Even if people accepted him, was all of that going to get erased from memory, and turn into 'oh, he's that homo' or 'oh he's that faggot kick boxer' if he came out? Would the label 'gay' forever be attached to everything he said and did? 

"Hey," Connor said, making Sem look up. He brought both of them to a halt by gently placing his hands on Sem's upper arms, genuine worry in his brown eyes. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's okay. I had to start considering this stuff sometime."

It really wasn't okay. He was upset. 

When Sem was upset, he fought. He always fought. He yelled at his mom when she treated him unfairly. He lashed out at his brother when he was being favoured. He snapped at his friends to shut up about Blake and how gay he was.

Yet, when Connor pulled him into a hug, Sem found himself leaning in too. Connor was a calm and soothing presence. Quiet and compassionate. So different from his provocative friends and bitchy mom, without ever being a timid pushover like his dad could be. So different from how he was himself. 

"You don't have to do anything," Connor said, softly leaning his chin on Sem's shoulder. "You don't have to decide overnight on when or how or even if you're ever going to come out. Remember it's about what you want." 

What did he want? Sem only knew one thing for sure. He leaned back slightly to be able to look at Connor, taking in his yes-even-up-close ridiculously handsome face. 

 "I want to see you again. I want to go out with you, and I want to get to know you better," Sem replied, "but..."

"We don't have to mention anything to anyone," Connor completed his sentence, as if he'd read Sem's mind. "Like I said: it's none of their business. And... I'd really like all those things you said."

"Good." Sem felt his heart pound as he leaned in again, and they shared another kiss that left his lips tingling, and knees wobbly. 

Connor smiled at him, after they pulled back. "So, when can you meet up?"

"How about tomorrow? Oh, shit, wait." 

Sem frowned as he remember he was supposed to be somewhere coming Monday.  "Crap, I'm going on this London school trip starting tomorrow. But I'll call you first thing when I'm home again, deal?"

Connor smiled. "Deal."