So much to do and not enough time,
         Not enough time, I got so much to lose,
                        I'm losing my mind.
              - Charlie Puth; Losing My Mind

Autumn leaves are so peculiar. With their vibrant colors and lively spirits, flying through the wind playfully. Yet, there these are brown spots, small freckles. You can turn it over and it's hardly noticeable. But the freckles become larger and they spread, erasing the bright beauty of the autumn leaf. The leaf still flies, of course, it's spirit as playful as ever. But it's mere existence is shriveling and curling. To the point, before you know it, the autumn leaf is dead.

I watched one vibrant, orange leaf fall to the muddy ground as my mind raced.

Was I an autumn leaf?

The wind was nipping at the apples of my cheeks as I hugged my own body to stay warm. With permission and supervision, the patients of Mercies Children's Hospital were granted the freedom of exploring the hospital's courtyard.

Sitting on the stone steps, my hair flew all over the place as my hands fought against it to keep it in place. I spotted Spencer across the long stretch of grass and with a quick look of recognition, he saw me too. He jogged over to where I was sitting with ease. If I jogged from that distance I would probably collapse, not to mention my doctors would have heart attacks.

"Hey, Nina." A small fog formed by his lips as his warm breath touched the crisp cool air.

I smiled up at him and he sat beside me. "What're you thinking about?" He asked me, putting his weight on his hands as leaned back.

"Life." I sighed.

Spencer tilted his head to the side, examining me from head to toe. "What are you doing tonight?"

I rolled my eyes playfully. "I'm probably going to see how much of a dosage of chemotherapy I'm getting tonight. What about you?" I replied with a sardonic sense of humor.

Spencer glared at me.

"Sheesh! Relax, Spencer, I won't joke like that again. But I do have chemotherapy scheduled tonight." I tucked my strands of hair behind my ears.

Spencer sighed. "What time?"

I poked the inside of my cheek with my tongue. It was something I always did when I was in deep concentration. "I think nine tonight. They like to do it when my day is over. They seem to think it's easier that way. To me, it makes me more anxious." I ranted to him.

He nodded with understanding. "I want to take you out tonight."

I let out a small gasp. "Spencer, I cannot leave the premises. What do you thi-"

Spencer interrupts me. "It'll be fun. Come on, I want to. Please let me." He practically begged.

I shook my head. "I don't know. Is it going to be like...a date?" I trailed off shyly.

Spencer rolled his eyes and cursed under his breath. "Yes, it is. And if you're worried, I can guarantee you that I'll be on my best behavior tonight. I'll treat you like the princess you are and be the gentleman you deserve. " At this point, Spencer was on his knees in front of me, holding my hands.

"Just please-Give me a chance, soldier." He wore a cute lopsided grin on face as I look down at him.

I chewed my lip nervously as I rose from my seat on the step. "I guess I will." I sighed with a little anxiety and a little excitement.

Spencer jumped up causing me to squeal. "Thank you! You won't regret it." He kissed my cheek and ran off, leaving me absolutely unprepared for tonight's events.

                                    •••

Spencer never specified whether I should be wearing comfortable or formal clothing. So I automatically assumed comfortable was the way to go. I most certainly wasn't going to dress to impress and be uncomfortable for the whole night. My choice of clothing was a pair of high- waisted, cropped black pants and a Led Zeppelin T-shirt.

I grabbed my black Vans and slipped them on to my feet, just as there was a knock on my room door.

With my shoes untied, I tripped over my feet as I ran to answer the door. I crack open the door to find Spencer with a lopsided grin holding a white rose.

Stunned by the rose and his appearance, my mouth goes dry. "What the hell are you doing here?" -Is the only thing that seems to escape my mouth.

He laughs, that boyish grin spreading even wider across his cheeks. "I believe we have a date." He pushes his way through the door and scans my room observantly with his eyes.

"You're not supposed to be here. I was going to meet you outside! They can't know I'm leaving!" I say, exasperated.

He smirks and looks at me from my head to toes. "Well, you certainly can't leave without tying your shoes." Spencer crouches down over my black vans and ties my frayed laces.

I cant help but chuckle as I roll my eyes.
"I feel like a child."

Finished, he stands and his eyes shine brighter than they ever did before. "You certainly don't look like one." He winked and I laughed.

Sighing, I tilted my head, watching him closely. "Thanks, but I don't know how you expect me to leave. I've been warned not to overexert myself."

Spence tsked. "You have such little faith in me." From across the room, he disappeared into my closet and a hospital gown flew out at me.

The gown hits me in the face as I sputter. "I am not changing, Spencer."

Spencer casually walked out of the closet with the confidence I wish I had. "Throw it over your clothes. You got this, soldier." He straightened his jean jacket and messed his hair up a bit in my mirror.

My mouth ajar and my mind a mess, I gawked at him. "What the hell are we doing?"

Spencer chuckled as he walked backwards, one hand on the door handle. "Be back in less than five." As he closed the door behind him, I huffed.

I slipped the all too familiar hospital gown over my outfit. The polyester fabric of the white and blue gown felt wrong beneath my fingertips. It felt like a heavy weight draped over my shoulders. I was drowning in false hope and choking on depression and sadness, before slowly sinking into an abyss of death.

Suddenly, the room door slammed open.
"Wheelchair for one?" Spencer grinned.  A navy blue wheel chair was in his grasp. It was almost a funny sight to see him practically forcing his way into my room with it.

I forced a smile onto my face. "What do these do again? I've never seen one of these intricate devices before."

Spencer laughed beneath his breath. "It takes you to magical places! Places such as Wonderland itself." He waited for me to sit myself down with a small smile. I take my seat hastily, eager to leave this place.

I grin up at him. "You make it all sound so enticing."

He peered down at me, his nose inches away from my own. "You make me this way." His voice was soft and remorseful.

I held my breath and with a stomach full of  chaotic butterflies, I looked straight ahead. "We have our heading." I tried not to crack a smile.

"Here we go!" Spencer yelled, quoting the infamous Peter Pan. My hair was whisked into the air as he zoomed past concerned nurses, curious patients, and angry security.

And maybe, for a moment, I felt free, like I really I was being taken away to a magical place.

I spotted a few nurses and doctors huddled in a circle with a few guards. Their faces wore expressions of distraught and anxiety.

I panicked when I saw the security guards running after us. "Spencer, this is a horrible idea! Turn back! Go back!" I frantically yelled.

I hear Spencer mutter a sarcastic remark before he hit the button to open the hospital doors.
" Too late now, soldier. Hang tight."

It was true. Because I knew, once, we got through those doors, there was nothing that was going to change Spencer's mind.

No turning back.

WOAH I'M BACK.
fun fact: this chapter was supposed to be this epic chapter with Spencer sneaking Nina out of the hospital to go to a Halloween party.
BUT ALAS, things change. And I'm excited to see what the next chapter holds (:
[plus I hope you are too ;) ]

QOTD
Have you ever been to a concert?⬇️

IF YOU HAVE: which was your favorite one that you've been too?

IF YOU HAVEN'T: which concert do you really really want to go to?

[im going to see p!atd this Sunday 😭]

SOTC
Losing My Mind - Charlie Puth

v o t e
c o m m e n t
f o l l o w
s h a r e

(p l s)