Tell the mirror
          What you know she's heard before,
             I don't wanna be you anymore.
  - idontwannabeyouanymore; Billie Eilish

"All vitals seem to be in order. Today's looking good, Nina."

I grinned at the nurse. Today is a good day. I sat up with straighter posture.

"Really?" I folded my hands in my lap.

The nurse smiles at me. "Yes, the chemo seems to be working rather effectively."

She packs her bag as I silently cheer. "Enjoy the rest of the day, Nina." She offers a smile before leaving my yellow bedroom.

Being in Mercies since I was eleven, I've been given room decorating rights. When I was diagnosed, my parents became very cautious and immediately took me out of school and enrolled me in an online education program. I've done online classes ever since.

There was a soft knock at my door, that made me jump to my feet. I was thrilled to answer it. With my vitals all in order, my spirits were high and nothing could bring them down.

I opened the door and saw Wynter smiling shyly, with her hair pinned in a side braid.

"Oh, hi, Wynter, come in!" I opened the door wider and she shuffled into my bright room as I shut the door behind her.

I smiled as I passed by her to sit on my wicker rocking chair.

She began to type quickly on her phone as I waited for her patiently.

'Wow, you're room is very...bright.' Her dim screen shone on my face.

It had been true. My color scheme was yellow and white. I had a white bedspread and comforter set with pretty yellow pillows that laid upon it. Above my bed hung a painting with a quote that read: You are still here. You are still breathing. And that means, you are still fighting. - Nikita Gill

Wynter stared at that very quote, in a longing way. In a way, that showed she understood, that she too, was still fighting.

"I chose yellow for a reason." I broke the silence and Wynter tore her gaze away from the painting.

I stood up, brushing my hand against the pale yellow walls. "Do you know what yellow symbolizes?"

She shook her head.

I smiled. "Happiness, comfort, warmth-."

She didn't interrupt so I continued. "I wanted to be surrounded by positivity. My parents weren't as supportive as I thought they would have been..-." I paused.

I didn't want to tell her about my leukemia.

I didn't want to be the person who was dying when I was with her.

I shook my head, looking at my reflection in the small mirror in my bedroom.

This hair was not mine anymore.
This body was not mine anymore.
My life wasn't mine anymore.

It was about to be taken from me.

But I wouldn't be helpless.

I could prevent it from taking the people I love away from me. I wasn't going to watch another person change and pity me because of my chronic illness.

I brushed my hair off my shoulder, smoothing it over with care. Cherishing the way it felt, in fear I would lose it, all too soon.

I raised my chin to look at Wynter. She waited expectantly. "Being in Mercies for quite some time...you can be surrounded by negativity and I wanted to be secure somewhere. This room is the only place where I feel safe and happy. And now, you and Spencer make me feel safe and happy. A couple of days ago, I would've been moping, but now that I've met you...I'm just happy to have a friend, who'll listen to my story." I smiled softly and swallowed the lump in my throat.

Wynter nodded slowly and reached for my hand. We joined hands and I squeezed her reassuringly.

We just sat in silence and I leaned my head against her shoulder. I heard her sigh and a tear rolled down my left cheek as I silently chuckled.

"Do you want icecream?" I asked her, wiping my cheek. She grinned.

I jumped to my feet and put my hands on my hips. "I'll take that as a yes." I extended a hand to help her up and she took it.

Together, we retreated to the dining hall.

                              ✃✃✃

"Can you hold the flashlight higher? Thanks." I struggled to stand on the steel shelf.

We never ate that icecream. Once we made it to the dining hall, we agreed to have a midnight icecream party and meet in the dining hall then.

At this very moment, I had climbed the steel counters and was balancing my weight on the shelves in the cabinets. All because I wanted us to have the fancy, glass sundae dishes.

"Just a little higher..." I murmured as I struggled to grab the second dish.

I had skillfully grabbed Wynter's dish because it was the closest one to my hand. The only other clean glass dish was the one in the very back of the cabinet.

My fingertips brushed the sundae dish and it clanked against the cabinet wall. I groaned.
"I almost have it." My legs started to feel weak, all of a sudden. I gripped onto the steel shelf so tightly my knuckles turned white. I closed my eyes and gulped down any trace of nausea.

I heard Wynter shuffle behind me.

I cleared my throat, my voice was feeble. "I'm good, really."

Determined, I reached for the dish again just as my foot slipped off the smooth shelf and I shrieked.

Warm hands grabbed my ankle and brought my foot back to the shelf, helping me regain my footing.

I laughed nervously. "Damn, sorry, Wynter. I don't know what came over...me." My words became short and soon nothing as my eyes connected with Spencer's.

"Wynter?" I turned my head to check on her  and she waved sheepishly.

I groaned and rolled my eyes. "What are you doing here?"

Spencer scoffed. "I should be asking you that! You're clearly in the dining hall after hours and with a visitor! It's past visiting hours- Hi, Wynter." He interrupted his rant as he smiled kindly at Wynter.

"When did you guys meet?" I exclaimed.

Spencer shrugged, still holding my ankle. "In the waiting room...but that's not the point-."

I cut him off. "The point is, we came here to have fun and eat icecream, if you're going to ruin my only sliver of fun and excitement then you can walk out and leave. Because we came for icecream and we are going to fucking have it." I held my head high and Spencer was quiet.

Almost as quiet as Wynter. I could practically hear the crickets chirping.

Finally, he sighed reluctantly. "Fine, get down."

I looked down at him, confused. "Get down?"

Spencer shook his head with a chuckle. "Yes, if you're gonna get a dish for icecream at least let me get it for you, don't kill yourself over a dish, Nina." He extended his hand to me and helped me down from the shelf. About halfway down, he grabbed me from the waist down and lifted me off of the counter, placing me on my feet carefully.

My cheeks were a bright red. "You didn't have to do that. I was a couple feet off the ground."

Spencer walked over to the corner and flipped on a light switch. "Please, I could see your knees shaking from miles away. You needed my help." The lights came on and Wynter shut off her flashlight.

I whined. "Don't turn on the light, we'll get caught!"

"I'm the doctor's son, I don't get caught." He winked as he easily hoisted himself onto the counter. For a second, his shirt lifted and displayed the sculpted muscles beneath the material covering his skin.

Wynter slapped my arm, bringing me out of the daze I was in. She gave me a look and I rolled my eyes.

Spencer got off of the counter and handed me the dish. I grabbed the dish but he tugged it, pulling me towards him. "Don't come here without letting me know, got it, soldier?" His minty breath fanned over my face.

I tugged the dish back, ignoring the evident blush on my cheeks. "Let's get the icecream, Wynter."

We dawdled to the freezer and grabbed a gallon of chocolate chip cookie dough flavored icecream. Spencer trailed behind us with a spoon in his hand.

We scooped our own icecream in our dishes silently as Spencer just stared and waited patiently. I put my spoon in my dish as Wynter grabbed her phone and typed away.

'Where's your dish, Spencer?'

Spencer shook his head as I pushed Wynter's dish toward her. "I'm the doctor's kid, remember? I'm eating out of this sucker." Spencer grabbed the gallon, sinking his spoon into the icecream and scooping a huge bite into his mouth.

Wynter's eyes widened as she covered her mouth, almost stifling laughter.

Spencer groaned as I laughed, eating my icecream. "Idiot, you'll get brain freeze."

He flipped me off and kept eating his ice cream. I silently chuckled as I licked my spoon.

By the time we finished our first, second, and third helpings of cookie dough ice cream, we were all trying to balance our spoons on our noses.

I laughed as my spoon fell to the floor with a clatter. "I suck."

Spencer dance around the room with the spoon wiggling on his nose perfectly balanced. "Yes, yes, you do, Nina." He smirked.

Wynter cracked a smile and tried to copy his movements with her own spoon, but failed immensely. I giggled and she shrugged at me sheepishly.

I rolled my eyes and shoved Spencer's shoulder. "Stop showing off, jerk." The spoon swung off his nose and clattered on the ground.

Spencer gasped. "Foul play, Nina, Foul play!" He tried to chase me around the table as I yelled for Wynter to help me.

She grinned and ran to the other side of the kitchen, betraying me.

I stood on one side of the table while Spencer stood on the other, anticipating my next move.
"What's it gonna be, Nina? You're toast, either way." He wiggled his eyebrows teasingly.

I stared him down before faking left and going right. He was too fast. Spencer saw what I was doing and reached for my sides. I laughed loudly as his fingers tickled me and my arm flew up in defense knocking one of the sundae dishes over. The result, a shattered melted mess.

Our laughter died down, as we stared at the shattered icecream dish.

Spencer scratched the back of his neck nervously. "It's a dish. They're not going to notice one dish missing from two hundred. We're good." He tried to reassure us.

"Who's there?!" A deep voice echoed through Mercies halls.

My eyes widened and Wynter placed her hand over her mouth in surprise.

"This is security, show yourselves now!" A Mercies security guard yelled.

Spencer winced. "Damn it, go guys. I'll take care of this."

I raised an eyebrow. "Really?" Wynter tugged on my hand anxiously.

"Yes, now hurry! Wynter, I can drive you home if you need a ride. Just get back to your room, Nina!" Spencer's eyes turned to the door of the kitchen.

"Okay." I muttered and made a run for it.
With Wynter behind me, we ran to my room.

Through two different hallways and up a flight of stairs, we found my room. Wynter was sweating profusely and I was gasping for air vigorously.

I swallowed my saliva. "Do..you need a-a ride home?" I gasped for air.

Her hand went up to her forehead, wiping her sweaty brow. She reached for her phone and typed her reply.

'Nah, I always take the bus. And I prefer going home alone. It gives me time to think.'

I nodded, feeling dizzy. "Sure, let..let me know if you change your mind, I'll call Spencer."

Wynter stared at me cautiously and nodded slowly. She waved goodbye and I said goodnight as she quickly dashed for the exit to Mercies Children's Hospital.

I closed my room door and sighed.
I was feeling exhausted and I had a pounding headache. I made my way to my bed, but missed it and collapsed to my knees.

A wave of nausea hit me and I found myself crawling on my hands and knees to my bathroom.

Reaching the bathroom, I leaned all of my body weight against the toilet as all of the ice cream
I consumed spewed into the toilet bowl.

I continued to vomit my stomach's contents, feeling weaker and weaker by the minute.

By the time I was finished, I collapsed onto the cold, white-tiled floor. Laying there, the cold sensation soothed my weak and feverish body.

With my throat dry and clothes drenched in sweat and digested icecream, I couldn't help but think deeply on that tiled floor.

For once, my life felt like it was mine.

Hey all! I'm back! Another update for Better Days! I have really exciting news, Better Together got a shoutout from Wattpad on their instagram story! Which was INSANE! I've been really grateful for you guys lately, if you've seen my instagram. I've been trying to do better on here with updating. I've been doing a lot of writing and editing with other stories. As for this chapter, so much is happening at once!
My favorite part in this chapter was when Nina was explaining why her room is yellow.

Here is the painting/quote on her wall:

This chapter is definitely a favorite of mine. Even if the ending was a little tough. I hope you guys liked it!
Thanks for reading!
- Ely

QOTC
What is your favorite flavor of icecream? 🍦

SOTC
idontwannabeyouanymore- Billie Eilish

VOTE
COMMENT
SHARE
FOLLOW