《Daniel Nicholas Castello》

I say I hate her; in fact, I insist I do. But if I really hated her, I would not have thought of a thousand different ways to die when I saw how much she wanted to end herself. If I really hated her, I would have been unaffected by her pain. I would not have stayed up the entire night just to keep an eye on her, even though she was fast asleep. And most of all, every time I close my eyes, dread would not paralyse me at the thought of waking up next to her lifeless body.

And the fact that I have done or felt every one of these things in the past twelve hours can only mean one thing- I am truly and utterly fucked.

I'm not sure when I stopped hating her. Maybe it was when I saw her breakdown because of Aurora inviting Layla to our wedding planning meetings, or when I saw her in her apartment last night, convinced I did not want to marry her, broken because of everything her family told her. I do not know the exact moment it happened. All I know is I do not loathe her anymore. As much as I hate the thought, at least it will make life easier. It's much easier than being obsessed with someone you cannot stand.

I tighten my hold on her, running my fingers through her soft her, as she sighs in contentment in her sleep. Despite her mental state, she looks as ethereal as always. It's no wonder I have been obsessed with her since the day I saw her in the library fifteen years ago. There has always been a quality to her, that I can never seem to pinpoint, that keeps me hooked on her.

"Daniel," Selena mutters in her sleep, jarring me from my thoughts.

"Yeah?" I reply softly.

"You stayed," she says, her voice full of surprise. Before I can reply, she snuggles her face into my chest and her breathing evens out again.

I take a deep breath and continue running my fingers through her hair. Of course I stayed. After last night, I cannot bear the thought of letting her out of my sight. The events of the last night have left me on edge, wondering if she would even be in my arms right now if I arrived a few minutes late. I know exactly she is capable of doing the worst things to herself - her history of making risky, self-destructive decisions is all too familiar to me. But I did not imagine she would attempt suicide again after what happened last time.

Almost two years ago, she spent a few weeks at a suicide remediation centre. It all started when Alessandro went to rehab and Selena began acting on her fantasies of suicide. Jax was able to intervene before it was too late and told Vincente. But, as usual, Aurora didn't want Selena to get help and called her an attention-seeker. Vincente had finally had enough and told Aurora that if she stopped his daughter from getting help, he would leave her. In typical Aurora fashion, she agreed but found a way to keep Vincente away from Selena, just as she had done for the past twenty-one years. That's when Vincente asked me to keep an eye on Selena.

What Vincente did not know is that I had been keeping an eye on her since she left me. I had someone follow her all the time to keep her safe from external threats. But after I realised that internal threats were more likely to kill her, I kept an eye on her myself for a few months. I did not go near her, or let her know I was watching her. I kept an eye on her from far away because I knew if I was close to her, I would take her away to a place where no one else existed, so no one could ever hurt her and make her feel that way again.

Now, as I stroke her hair, I wish I had taken her away. If I had, she wouldn't be back in that place again, where she didn't feel enough for the world and the people around her.

I close my eyes and try to shake off the disturbing image of her lifeless body from my mind. My throat feels tight, and I struggle to breathe. Fuck. I take a few deep breaths, trying to calm down, before pressing my fingers beneath her jaw to check her pulse. Relief floods over me as I feel the steady beat of her heart. I check her pulse after every half an hour as a way to reassure myself that she's still alive, even when she looks like she's barely holding on.

I glance at the clock and hesitate, torn between leaving her side and making breakfast. The thought of being away from her fills me with dread, but I know how much she enjoys it when I cook for her. In the end, I decide to do it anyway.

-

I did something I know Selena will hate. I set up a baby cam, so I can watch her while I cook in the kitchen. That way, I know she hasn't done anything to herself and I can be there by her side instantly when she is awake.

I keep my eyes on the monitor as I answer Vincente's call.

"Is she okay?" Vincente asks, his voice sounding panicked.

"No," I reply, my voice tight, as I resist the urge to snap at him. He is, to some part, responsible for her state right now. I take my eyes off the monitor to plate the waffles.

Vincente inhales sharply. "Did she... did she hurt herself in any way?" He sounds more terrified then he has ever heard him sound before.

"I walked in on her last night, with a gun to her head. If I walked in a minute later. She would have..." I trail off unable to finish the sentence- that would make everything too real. I glance at her in the baby cam- she is still asleep. Should I be worried for her? She barely sleeps this long.

For a second there is nothing on the other line, other than Vincente's heavy breathing. "You need to keep her safe," he says desperately. His voice sounds like he is crying. "If she needs to see a therapist, take her to a fucking therapist. If she needs to go back to that centre take her there. Whatever you do, make sure she is safe and happy again. Please."

Vincente is not a man of many word so it surprises me that he has said so much. But what surprises me more is him allowing Selena to see a therapist. Selena knows a lot of secrets about Vincente's other life, and if she decides to divulge any of them to a therapist, he could end up in jail.

"I just... I need her to be okay," Vincente continues with a shaky voice when I do not reply. "I need her to be happy. She deserves it. Of everyone on this earth, she is one of the few people who deserved unfettered joy and instead she got the worst pains imaginable."

I narrow my eyes even though Vincente cannot see me. "I thought you weren't going to tell her Layla's name."

"I wasn't and I didn't," his voice sounds angry. "Aurora did," he spits out his wife's name as if its a curse. "If I did not love her as much as I do; I would kill her for everything she has done to my daughter."

This is why I detest the concept of love. Love is not magic or something that fixes everything. It is a disease which makes even the most sane people do irrational things- such as letting their wife emotionally and mentally torture their child.

I watch her stir in the camera. "Selena's up. I have to go." 
-

"You're up," I say, feigning a surprised tone as I enter the room, pretending as if I haven't been watching Selena the whole time.

She stretches on the bed, flashing me a carefree smile. I try not to show my surprise at her happiness. After everything that happened last night, I expected her to wake up depressed and sullen. Her eyes are swollen because of all the crying she has done in the past two days, but other than that, she looks completely normal.

"Morning," she says, her voice light.

I try my best not to show any reaction to her mood. If I show any emotion, it might disappear. "I made breakfast."

She sits up excited, her eyes shining as she sees the plate of waffles in my hand. "What- oh..." She trails off as her eyes widen, as if suddenly remembering everything, and the excitement vanishes from her face. Shit. This is what I was trying to avoid. I hate the change in her demeanour- how her eyes look dull and lifeless again, like last night. "About yesterday. I am so sorry you had to see that. I-"

"You don't regret doing it; you just regret me seeing it?" I interrupt, trying to keep my voice steady despite the anger and frustration simmering inside me. She doesn't answer- instead, she looks away, unable to meet my gaze because I am right. This makes me angrier. Why the fuck does she not regret what she tried to do to herself? Why does she only care about what I saw? Why the fuck is she apologising to me?

She glances at me and gives me one of her fake smiles that I hate so fucking much. "I am so grateful to you for making this, but I don't have much of an appetite."

"When did you last eat?" I demand, my voice laced with anger.

She hesitates before admitting, "Dinner with my parents."

I can feel my blood boil at her admission. What the fuck is wrong with her? 

"So two days ago- and even then, I am sure you did not eat properly," I say, my voice low and tight. She opens her mouth to argue, but I shut her down with a glare. I pick up the fork and cut the waffle, forcing it into her mouth. She tries to resist, but I give her a look that makes her open her mouth, realising that defying me when I am already pissed is not the best decision— finally, a little show of sanity.

I watch her eat, the morning sun casting a soft glow on her face. She avoids my gaze the entire time, staring at the plate of food like it's the most interesting thing she has ever seen.

I take long, deep breaths to calm myself down, reminding myself that any sign of hostility will only make things worse with her right now.

When she's finished, I take the plate away and turn back to her.

"What happened last night?" I ask her, trying to control my voice.

Selena finally looks at me, her eyes swimming with tears. "I am really sorry-"

"I don't need your apologies," I interrupt, trying to soften my tone, but it comes out as cold and harsh. I curse at myself when her lips start quivering. I take a deep breath, running my fingers through my hair. "Why did you do what you did?" I try again, and this time my voice comes out softer and more compassionate. Thank fuck.

"I was just tired of everything," she says, and this time she speaks in a monotone voice, not letting any emotion seep in because if she does, she will break down again. "Everything was so loud in my brain, and I felt mentally and emotionally drained."

"Why didn't you get help?"

She shrugs nonchalantly. "I did not think I deserved it. I thought everyone would be happier, better off in a world without me."

I take a deep breath again, reminding myself I cannot blame her for her thoughts. It's not her fault that her mind is her worst enemy. What happened last night and all the thoughts that went with it were not her fault. But I need to make sure it won't happen again, that she won't give in to the terrible urges of her mind, so I play the only card I know will work- even though I absolutely hate it. "What about Alessandro? With everything he is going through, he would lose his mind if he lost you too."

Her lips part, and her eyes widen in shock. "I didn't... I can't believe I didn't think about him," she mutters, her voice full of disbelief and sadness.

"Well, next time you have thoughts of hurting yourself, think about the people who will be affected rather than those who won't be," I say, my tone firm.

At first, she just nods, but then her eyes snap up, and she glares at me, finally realising that I just scolded her. "Why are you here, bothering me, instead of at work?"

Because the thought of leaving you alone and letting your mind destroy you is too much for me to bear, my mind says, and I shake the thought away. Disassociate, motherfucker.

"I'm taking a leave of absence," I say nonchalantly.

Her eyebrows furrow in confusion. "Why?"

"I do not trust you enough to let you out of my sight."

She rolls her eyes. "If I wanted to kill myself, I would have done it already."

I narrow my eyes at her. "You would have done it yesterday if I hadn't walked in on time."

"Why do you care? You hate me anyways; my death will make things easier for you," she says, trying to appear unaffected, but I can see the tears gathering in her eyes.

"That's not true," I say, making her eyes widen with surprise. "It would be a hassle to find another fiancée."

She narrows her eyes, but there is a small smile on her face. "You're an asshole."

-

Selena slumps on the couch, groaning as I try to feed her the last bite of Mac and Cheese. "I'm not hungry," she whines, making no effort to take the food from the fork I am holding out to her. 

"Eat, Bellissima," I say, my voice controlled. Getting some food in this girl is amongst the hardest things I have done. I narrow my eyes at her when she crosses her arms adamantly. I tilt my head towards the screen on which Moana is playing. "Eat or else I will turn off the movie."

She shoots me a withering glares at me. "You wouldn't."

"You know I would." She sets her mouth in a firm line and I narrow my eyes at her. "Eat, Selena. If I have to ask you another time, me turning off the movie will be the least of your concerns."

Her mouth falls open in surprise and I use that moment to stuff the last of the food in her mouth. She closes her mouth, glaring at me again. I resist the urge to laugh- with her mouth stuffed, she looks so much like a glaring chipmunk that I cannot take her seriously. 

As soon as she finishes eating, she crosses her arms and mutters, "I don't like you very much."

I raise an eyebrow, hoping she'll take the hint and tone back on the attitude, but instead, she rolls her eyes, exuding an air of defiance. That's fucking it.

I drop to my knees and hoist her legs over my shoulders, eliciting a shriek.

"What the hell are you doing?" she gasps.

"Teaching you a lesson," I reply, my voice hard and cold, and her eyes widen with a mix of fear and excitement. "You're happy about being punished?"

A bright red flush spreads across her cheeks as she quickly averts her gaze, avoiding eye contact. "No, I'm not," she mumbles, her voice barely audible.

"What have I told you about honestly, little liar?" I say, my voice low and stern.

She looks back at me hesitantly and bites her lip before starting to speak. However, before she can finish her sentence, my phone rings, interrupting her. I keep my eyes on her as I retrieve the phone from my pocket and answer it, my irritation clear in my voice. "What is it?"

"I set up the meeting with the new supplier," Lorenzo's voice comes through the line.

My mind reels at the mention of the supplier. Themiu. The trip. Everything that happened before last night seems to have slipped my mind completely.

I run a hand through my hair in frustration, glancing at Selena, who is biting her lip and looking at me curiously. I press a finger to her lips until she releases them, then turn my attention back to the call. "When?" I ask Lorenzo.

"Tomorrow. What time will you land?" he replies.

"Twelve. Set the meeting for three," I say curtly, then hang up. Turning back to Selena, I pull her closer to me. "You're coming to Themiu with me."

She looks up at me, her brow furrowing in concern. "What about work?" she asks.

"Your parents are giving you a few days off."

"Why?" she asks, panic rising in her voice. Does she think I told them about last night?

"I told them you needed them for wedding preparations," I explain, trying to soften make her calm down. There's no need for her to know that I spoke to her father about the events of last night. He won't reveal anything to her or anyone else.

"And my mother didn't argue?" She sounds surprised.

"People know better than to argue with me, Bellissima," I say matter-of-factly.

She looks at me coyly. "I argue with you."

I shrug nonchalantly. "You are an exception."

She tilts her head and raising an eyebrow. "Why?"

"I can't do anything to you," I say, my voice cool and controlled.

"Why?" 

I will never tell her the truth- that I cannot do anything to her because it unacceptable to my mind for some unfathomable reason. So instead I say, "It's against the contract," making her glare at me.

-

A/N

I haven't updated in a while. And while there are many reasons for that the only one that matters is I just couldn't write. I don't know why but I just couldn't.

So what I will try to do from now on is smaller updates (between 2000-2500 words per chapter) and I'll just reformat the chapters when I am done writing the entire book.

Hopefully this chapter was fine.

Thank you for reading.

Hope you enjoyed x