twenty one.
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Sangyeon and Chisoo sat next to each other, watching the waves hit the shore and fall back, and repeat the process over again. She was shaking. Neither one of them could tell if it was from nerves or the breeze that occasionally bit at their skin.
"Sangyeon?"
"Hm?"
It was quite for a moment longer before she looked in his direction, but not at him. She couldn't make eye contact. "Why me?"
He thought of several reasons in the small amount of time it took him to open his mouth. "You're everything in one."
"Okay," she said quietly. "But it's hard to deal with someone who would rather be dead than alive."
"It is hard, but it gives me all the more reason to care for you now."
He knew she couldn't take much more, but he was afraid to say that he didn't want her to go. He didn't want her to be burdened with more guilt, more anxiety of disappointing someone. That was the last thing she needed.
"It would honestly be easier for you to give up on me, Sangyeon," she finally looked him in the face with a sad nod of her head. "And I'm not saying that to be dramatic. I'm saying it because I'm hard to deal with. I don't even want to deal with myself most days."
"Well," he smiled gently and cupped her jaw. The waves crashed once more and the surreal beauty of it all gave them both goosebumps. "I'm not giving up because I can't. I still want to introduce you to my family at some point."
She shook her head. "Don't do that."
"I want to," he said quietly, matching her tone. "I want them to meet the girl."
"The girl?"
He nodded, that smile taking Chisoo's breath away. Or maybe it was the guilt creeping in again. "I want them to know who the girl I always speak so fondly of is. I need them to know."
His words were overwhelming. She had to look away as her chest tightened, her stomach knotted up, and tears fell in a beautifully melancholy cascade. She shook her head and stood up, grabbing her phone off the blanket they were sitting on.
"Chisoo."
"I can't, Sangyeon," she didn't even look at him. "I don't want to meet your family."
His expression faltered further. "You don't?"
"Because I'll disappoint them," she expressed. "I don't want to get attached."
He stood up as well and the two were basically chest to chest. His hand found the back of her head and he gently pulled her into him. "Just think about it, okay? If it's still a no after more thought, that's okay."
So Chisoo thought about it, and with the most logical thought process she could muster. She wanted to meet them, because she really liked Sangyeon and meeting his family was something any person in a normal relationship would be excited for. However, there were days where she didn't want to wake up, and if she was gone one day, she would make his family upset.
She was torn.
She jumped as someone sat next to her on the couch. It was Younghoon. "You and Sangyeon?"
Her gaze fell on him. He had tears in his eyes and that made Chisoo feel terrible. "Hoon-"
"We shared all those moments," he whispered. "But it's still him? He hurt you at first, Chisoo."
"I hurt you and you still like me?"
He paused, his expression faltering at her words. "So there won't be anymore love between us?"
"I love you, Younghoon," Chisoo reiterated, her eyebrows furrowed. "You know that. Plus, I've told you that we're just friends."
"You're right." He nodded.
He stood up, so Chisoo did as well. She watched her best friend walk over to her front door and open it, only to turn around with a dead expression. "I'm sorry for loving you, Chisoo."
The door shut hard, hard enough to make Chisoo jump. Haknyeon, from the top of the stairs, watched the ordeal occur, then watched Chisoo for a second. Younghoon's words hurt her - he could see her eyes glossing over, the way her hands were shaking. The guilt was creeping back in and he could tell, from experience, that she was on sensory overload.
"Chisoo?"
"What?"
The way her voice broke had him picking up his pace to reach her. When he was looking down at his little sister, her eyes were dead and she didn't move.
"It's like I can't do anything right, Haknyeon."
"He should've known better than to lash out at you like that," he replied quietly, not wanting to speak too loudly and startle her. "He's hurt but that's not your fault. You even said yourself that it's hard to control stuff like that."
"I did," she shrugged, finally coming out of her daze and looking at him. "But he still said what he said."
She sat on the couch again, slumping into the cushions and shutting her eyes. "Sangyeon wants me to meet his family."
"Already?" Haknyeon questioned. "The two of you aren't even together or anything."
Chisoo shook her head. "I don't know. I think he knows that it's now or never."
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