Merlin: Right. What is it with you and nobles?

Gwaine: Oh, nothing. My father was a knight in Caerleon's army. He died in battle, leaving my mother penniless. And when she went to the King for help, he turned her away.

Merlin: You didn't know him?

Gwaine: Just some stories I've been told.

Merlin : Yeah, I know how that feels. 

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Gwaine remembered that day well and he was sure that Merlin did as well. After all, it would have been shocking for him to hear. But little did Merlin know that he had lied when he told him that. At least partially.

Because while Gwaine was telling the truth about his father being a knight, he wasn't telling the truth about him dying and his reasoning for hating nobles. Because Gwaine didn't want to tell Merlin-- sweet, sweet Merlin who had already seen so much bad in the world—about the darkest parts of his life.

He didn't want his first and only true friend to know that he was the son of disgraced knight Brennan Jones or that he was the grandson of 4 pirates, a possible witch, and a technical desertie. Didn't want him to know that he came from a family of pirates and nobles. People who found out about his family always judged him.

And while he didn't think Merlin would, he didn't want to put him in the position of having to choose between him and Arthur, if Arthur ever were to find out and expose the truth. So Gwaine figured that if he lied, then Merlin wouldn't even think about choosing him because he'd be too angry and betrayed to.

He didn't want to be responsible for Merlin giving up his new home and his job and friends. He didn't want to ruin his friend's life. He was sure he had ruined enough of the people he cared about's lives already.

Because he was the son of disgraced knight Brennan Jones and Portal Hopper Alice Jones. The grandson of James Flint, Thomas Hamilton, Miranda Barlow, Mary Read, Anne Bonny, and John "Calico Jack" Rackham. Great nephew of Davy Jones. Cousin of Romeo Montague, Benvolio Montague, and Jack Sparrow.

His family was big and cursed.

They took what they wanted and did what they had to, to save their own asses despite what his mother tried to instill in them. They hurt people, went to jail, spent their lives on the run, or got screwed over and died young or died horrible deaths. And those closest to them always seemed to get hurt. And Gwaine just...hated it...

Because his mother had raised him and his 5 siblings better than that, even though she had died when he was only 12. And even though she herself wasn't entirely perfect. But hey, when you're raised by three pirates with nearly 10 siblings how close to perfect can one be expected to get?

God knows that Gwaine couldn't judge. He had actually had a parent with a hyperfocused consensus on being a good, law abiding citizen and had still turned out a screw up.

A drunk.

A vagabond.

A womanizer.

A crappy knight.

A parent's worst nightmare.

Everything his mother had tried so desperately to avoid him becoming.

He seriously doubted that she'd be impressed.

Then again, knowing his mother, she probably wouldn't be surprised or hold it against him.

He had been a little menace when he was younger.

Running around town, causing trouble.

Pulling pranks.

Getting into fights.

Stealing.

Fighting with his siblings.. including his literal toddler brother...

Teasing his older sister about how Camelot's knights were coming for her.

Gwaine winced in shame everytime he thought about it. Because despite being a knight of Camelot, he didn't agree with their laws and views on magic.

He couldn't.

He and his sister might not have gotten along and she might have been a bit mean but he didn't think that she was evil. That her magic was evil. That every magic user was evil. Because it just went against everything he was taught growing up and what he had seen while on the road.

And looking back, he regretted every single joke he had made about Camelot coming for his sister. Because those 'jokes' weren't funny.

They were mean and vile words of a foolish, angry child who didn't realize just how terrifying Camelot could be when it came to magic users.

Mean and vile words of a child who had been angry that they had, had to move everytime someone had seen his sister use magic and took it out on her despite her having no say.

Words of a child who didn't realize just how horrible he was being until his sister was gone and it was too late.

Gwaine would take it back if he could. He'd take alot of things back if he could. He'd do alot of things differently if he could, actually.

He'd help his mom take care of his two younger brothers.

He'd be nicer to his sister and not fight with his brothers as often.

He'd stay home and take care of his mother, and not leave her home alone with only his youngest brother as company.

He'd take his siblings and run. If only he could turn back time.

But he couldn't and would forever be left to deal with the consequences of his younger self's actions. As well as his family legacy. Alone.

Because he'd never tell Merlin the truth unless he was telling a large group of people the truth at the same time, which he'd never do unless he had to or felt comfortable enough to. Which would never happen because he was never able to stay in one place for too long. Which was fine by him.

Because he didn't need anyone.....

And no one ever needed or wanted him.

Until they did.