TW: Graphic depictions of death.

Word Count: 2.8k

Blaze was my best friend from the very beginning, from the moment I was forced to become the soldier I never wanted to be up until a week or so ago. We'd been through a lot together, the vigorous training, the painful missions and wrongful deaths we inflicted upon innocent people, the consolations he'd give me when I was having a bad day, a nightmare, a crisis, anything and he was there, right by my side through it all. His infectious laughed filled my mind, all the stupid jokes he'd tell me when I was having an exceptionally horrible time, or the way his smile brightened up any room he walked into, instantly lifting the mood. He would always tell me it would be okay when I would sob about who I was becoming, he would always hold my hand or give me a hug when the hurt in my heart grew too large, and he would always tell me he wished the best for me, no matter the circumstances. 

So why was he right here, standing before me with an evil grin, his finger itching to pull the trigger at one of the few people I have grown to love? Why would he force me to make this choice? Between someone I had once considered a friend and the man that slowly began to chip at the iron walls surrounding my heart? My gun slowly trailed up to Blaze's head, tears welling in my eyes as I did so. Blaze looked hurt, but there was no surprise evident on his face. His expression began to morph from something evil to the look he had given me when I first met him. The look that told me he understood, that everything would be okay. "Zain..." I whispered, my voice choking up as I stared at him, my vision becoming blurred by tears.

Blaze smiled at me, the same lopsided smile that promised me he'd always be by my side thick and thin, that he'd do right by me now and the eternities to come. "Y/n..." he whispered back, tears welling in his own eyes. My gun didn't falter, the barrel still pointed directly at his skull, right between his eyes. A fatal shot, a quick death, the demise of my former best friend, of Blaze, of Zain. The man before me didn't match the person who had killed the Shadow behind me, who had shot Soap, who had a gun pointed to Ghost's head, he looked like a little kid, brought into this world for the sole purpose of death and destruction, something he never wanted much like I didn't. But he had a choice when I had none. The difference between me and him.

Slowly, I took a step closer to him, the rifle in my hands shaking. "Y/n, just come with me," he begged, tears streaming down his cheeks. My eyebrows furrowed, my feet taking a step back, keeping us at the same distance as before. "I can't," I mumbled, shaking my head, "I won't." The missile was in its final stages, I knew that for certain, time was running out. Blaze's face contorted with anger, "How could you betray us Y/n? Betray me?" He blubbered out, his voice wavering. "Especially with what you're hiding," he whispered lowly, a sickening smile returning back to his mouth, becoming the man who wouldn't hesitate to put a bullet through Ghost's head, my head. He was no longer who I thought he was. Or maybe that idea I had of him was never true, that he had always been this way. Maybe the veil covering my eyes had been lifted, maybe I had been blinded by friendship, by my own naive stupidity.

My gaze followed Blaze's finger as it inched closer to the trigger, the barrel aimed at Ghost. Tears started to stream down my face as I mimicked his actions ever so slowly. "TEN SECONDS! GET OFF THE FUCKING RIG! GET OFF OF IT NOW!" A voice screamed through the comms, my mind was too occupied by what was about to take place before me to try and figure out who it was. Maybe Blaze would understand like he always said he would, maybe everything would be okay like he'd promised me. Not in this lifetime perhaps, but maybe the next. Maybe I'd find him in the stars, not in burning pits of ash and fire where I knew he'd be, where he was destined to be. A singular tear rolled down my cheek as Blaze was about to pull the trigger to his rifle, his eyes never leaving mine, I squeezed my own trigger, letting out a shaky sob a the bullet soared through the air, my lids clenching shut, tears pouring from my closed eyes. 

3 years ago

My feet moved agilely over the ruined city, crumpled structures littered the surrounding area, huge blocks of concrete covered in blood laid randomly throughout the terrain. Blaze was directly to my left, his eye never leaving through the scope of his rifle. "Eyes on the target," he whispered over to me. Nodding my head, I looked through my own scope, searching the worn down building in front of us before I caught sight of what he was talking about. "I've got eyes as well," I mumbled before moving my rifle down, my eyes squinting as the harsh rays of the sun blinded me. "I wish they gave us some fucking glasses or something," I muttered, earning a chuckle from Blaze, the sound of his laugh making me smile. 

My gaze followed him as he took a sharp right, me following right after. The shade from the building we moved behind provided me some comfort for my strained eyes, the heat though remained the same, not dying down even a little bit. "Knife, remember we need him dead or alive," Blaze whispered quickly before stepping through a broken window into the building. Looking over my shoulder, I made sure there were no threats trailing behind us before repeating his action and landing softly inside of the crumpled structure. Light chatter filled my ears, two people, one man and one woman were indistinctively speaking, the man being our target. My palms started to sweat, having civilians or non-objective targets always worried me. Taking an innocent--as innocent as one could possibly be under the circumstances--life always left me just a little bit more broken, Blaze always being left to pick up my pieces. 

My feet slowly moved under me as I followed Blaze into a room conjoining with where the target was situated. Bile rose in my throat as I saw a small child sleeping on the dirty floor right next to us, a truly heartbreaking and horrifying sight. "Blaze, we have to get that kid out of here," I whispered urgently, motioning with my gun to the little kid sprawled out across the floor. Blaze shook his head and quietly walked up to me, "If it wakes up and starts crying the whole mission will be compromised," he whisper shouted, his eyes narrowing down at me. My worried gaze darted from the sleeping child back up to Blaze, "Bu-" he cut me off, "I mean it Knife, not fucking happening," he hissed before walking away from me, closer to the other room. 

My eyes fell back down to the child as I nervously bit at my lip. "Please don't wake up, please just stay there," I whispered as softly as I possibly could before redirecting my attention away from the child and over to where Blaze stood, his hand beckoning me to come over. Taking a small, shaky breath, I approached him before peering over the stone wall, my eyes falling on the target. "On the count of three," Blaze whispered, holding his fist out before putting up one finger, two fingers, three. We both popped out at the same time, yelling for the man and woman to get down, the woman's eyes widened as the man reached for something under the table they were sat at. "DON'T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT!" I yelled, rapidly approaching the man.

A gunshot popped off as I heard a gurgling scream followed by pained pleading and begging, the second shot ended any and all noises coming from the woman. My eyes widened as I looked back, rookie fucking mistake. The woman laid strewn across the ground, her eyes glossed over, staring up at the ceiling with two gunshot wounds leaking from her body, one in the throat and one in the forehead. She didn't have a weapon in her hand. "Blaze what the f-" my voice was cut short by the sound of a pin being pulled from a grenade. The deadly projectile rolling at my feet, seconds away from detonating. 

Blaze's eyes widened as he stared at me, "KICK IT KNIFE, KICK IT!" The only other room was next to us, the small child presumably still inside. Puke rose in my throat, tears brimmed my eyes as they fell down to the grenade still laying stationary my feet. "Y/N! KICK THE FUCKING GRENADE!" Blaze roared from next to me as he ducked behind the table. A small pair of eyes peered at me from the other side of the wall, the child. The little boy looked so confused, so innocent, so scared. I watched as his horrified gaze looked down at the woman, his little chest heaving as he began to sob, it was probably his mother. Time was ticking, I needed to make a decision. With a sobbing scream, my foot swung forward, sending the grenade in front of me, immediately detonating only a few inches from the child. 

Tiny detached limbs bursted around the room, the scent of iron filling my senses as innocent blood coated my clothes, my hair, my face, my body, the walls, the floor, the ceiling, the table. My eyes widened as I dropped to my hands and knees, my shoulders heaving as I retched over and over, bile lurching from my stomach and out of my mouth. Tears filled my eyes as my body shook with each bout of puke, coating my hands, mixing with poor child's blood on them as well. "NO! NO! N-" I puked again before coughing vigorously. "NO!" I sobbed loudly, collapsing into a heap on the bloodied floor, my eyes remained downcast, different ragged body parts and bones surrounded me, and I knew if I looked, I would never recover.

Blaze sprinted over to me, kneeling down before my body and pulling me toward him. "It's okay Y/n," he whispered softly, running his hands through my hair. More anguished wails escaped my lips, this had all been for nothing. The target had escaped and two people died, one pure soul taken way too soon, a child. My hands balled into fists that I began to pound into Blaze's chest with, "I--I--t--told-- I TOLD YOU! THAT--A CHILD--" my words were chopped up by my loud, wavering, desperate cries. Blaze shushed me softly, rubbing my back with his hands, paying no mind to the abuse I was wrecking on his body. "I know, I'm sorry Y/n," Blaze whispered, his hands running up and down my body in an attempt to give me comfort.

"It'll all be okay."

Present

The bullet landed dead in the center of his forehead, the pungent scent of blood almost making me sick. Blaze's eyes slowly glossed over, his gaze still--even in death--never leaving me. Anguish-filled sobs ripped themselves from deep in my throat as I fell down to my knees. Ghost shot up off the ground and sprinted over to me, his eyes held so much remorse, so much pity, so much pain for me. The entire rig was beginning to shake, the ear piercing screech of the missile seconds away from launching wasn't even enough to allow my legs to work, to allow my body to pick itself up off the floor, to allow me to just fucking move. Ghost was shouting something in my face, his voice drowned out by the rain, the missile, and my sobs. 

In a split second he hoisted my body off the floor, flinging me over top of his shoulder. Running away from the room, leaving Blaze's dead body behind that would in just moments be incinerated by the blast of the missile. My hands balled into fists that I pounded into Ghost's back, never ending tears flowing from my eyes. My comms were filled up with yelling, with pleading, with cries to hurry, but I didn't care. Ghost was screaming something as well, I knew it was directed at me, but I didn't bother to listen. The missile flew up into the air, booming throughout the atmosphere, leaving a big trail of firey smoke in its path. A part of me wished it would blow my body to smithereens as well. 

Ghost flung himself into a speed boat, my body almost slipping from the grasp he held me in. My bleary eyes watched as the missile redirected itself back onto the rig, the deafening explosion reverberated the entire structure, the blast almost toppling the speedboat over as it collided next to us. Bright light flooded my eyes causing me to scream, different pieces shrapnel flew in our direction as Ghost immediately flung his body over top of mine, shielding me from it all. "It's okay Y/n," he whispered in my ear, his body clutching onto mine so tightly I thought he might break one of my bones. Tears poured from my eyes as I looked at him, my lips quivering as I fought back sobs. 

Ghost wiped the tears from my eyes as he sat up again, looking down at me for a moment before tearing his gaze away. "GHOST, Y/N, DO YOU COPY?" Soap screamed in the comms, barely managing to be heard through my muffled ears. Ghost clicked on his comms, "Copy," he replied before revving the boat to life and speedily driving off. My eyes watered as I stared at the destroyed rig, knowing that Blaze was left inside of it, his dead body would never be recovered. He would be just another name on the list of dead Al-Qatala soldiers. A list no one ever seemed to care about, a list no one remembered. But I would. "Goodbye Zain," I mumbled incoherently into the rain, tears still running down the contours of my face. 

Shakily I stood up, clutching to the rail as Ghost steered the boat over large, choppy waves. My pleading eyes looked onto him, and from his peripherals I knew he could see me. I took notice of the way he forced himself to keep his sights forward, to keep his piercing stare off of me. "Why did you leave me?" I sobbed at him, hitting his arm with my fist as another sob escaped from my lips. "How could you do that? You p-promised!" I desperately demanded for an answer, but was met with none. Ghost shook his head and continued to drive the boat, completely ignoring me. "Talk to me! T-TALK TO ME! I NEED YOU! I N-NEED YOU RIGHT N-NOW!" I screamed, my voice choking up and breaking every other word. 

Ghost gripped the wheel tighter, his jaw clenching beneath his soaking wet mask. "You don't need me Y/n," he mumbled under his breath, his voice sounding just as broken as mine. My sobs grew louder, the sound of them barely making it over the noise of the raging waters we drove through, and the loud claps of thunder in the distance. "Yes I do!" I cried, pushing Ghost with all my might, his body barely moving an inch. "Stop it Y/n," he muttered darkly, shaking his head, his eyes holding so many emotions. Pure rage bubbled in my veins, how could he do this to me? Haven't I proved myself? Haven't I shown I'm enough? Aren't I enough?

The ship was beginning to come closer, I could make out the outlines of my allies bodies... and Graves'. Shaking my head back up at Ghost, I began to cry louder, "I need you Ghost! I need you! I need y-you!" Ghost whipped his head back down at me, pain swimming in his crystal blue eyes. "No you don'y Y/n! No you don't," he achingly replied to me before ripping his gaze away, back out onto the ocean. My lip quivered as I stared at him, tears still continuously pouring from my red, puffy eyes. "Yes I do! I do because I... I love you!" I screamed before falling down onto my knees, my neck lolling back so the rain from above lashed me across my face as I clenched my eyes shut, more cries falling from my mouth. Ghost's entire body tensed next to mine, his gaze never leaving the ocean. 

Silence.