~Xavier Anderson~

Waking up to the alarm ringing, I headed into the shower to take a bath.

Memories flashed while the hot water splashed onto my skin, and I vigourously shook my head so hard to erase them. Memories that brought remorse, heart break, and pain.

A Christmas without my Father and without her. I couldn't even say her name without feeling like a piece was missing from me.

After showering and dressing, I put my luggage in the car, started the engine, and raced to the airport.

My uncle had prepared a Christmas dinner in Georgia to gather all the relatives in one house, so that we would celebrate Christmas together just like every year. Unlike last year, I was going alone this time.

Feeling exhausted and jetlagged after being in the plane for about eight hours, I pulled myself up and called the agency. I told them I had landed, so they would hand me the rented car along with its key.

I dailed my uncle's number to inform him I had landed safely, as he had so constantly pestered me to. Depending on the traffic, I figured I would reach his home in an hour so.

After tipping the airport staff who had helped carry my luggage, I got into the rental car and switched it on. Without prolonging my travels any further, I headed to my destination tucked amongst the snowcapped mountains.

A weird noise from the engine sounded about half an hour later. The car started fuming as it rolled to a halt, refusing to move any further.

I opened the door with irritation, and just as I got out, the cold breeze made me flinch.

The frigid snow bit my skin, making my palms tingle as I opened the hood of the car to check the problem.

The hot smoke mixed with the chilling blizzard was accompanied by the fizzling sound from the engine.The blizzard's coolness and wind blew the hot smoke from the car into my face, making me cough in an uncontrolled manner.

Great.

"Couldn't you wait half an hour!?"

I kicked the car in exasperation before I got my bags and all my belongings from the boot.

Hoping to find a car or someone who could help me, I stared in the direction of my destination.

"Damn it," I groaned. I pulled out my phone to search for a hotel, restaurant, or bar I could stay in until this car incident could be fixed.

I held the home button of my iPhone.

"Siri," I muttered," search, "nearest repair shop in Google maps."

"Hello, Xavier. Nearest is Ryan's Repairs," Siri replied while a map overcame the phone's screen, giving me an estimated forty-seven minute walk.

"Nearest hotel," I suggested.

"Savannah Mansion Hotel. Fourteen minute walk," Siri declared, pulling up a different map.

Knowing I had no other choice, I decided to start walking, hoping to reach my destination before it got dark.

After a brisk fifteen minute walk, under the night sky and howling wind, I finally reached my location- the hotel.

By the time the plain big building came into view, exhaustion pulled at my shoulders and a set of violent shivers worked their way down my spine.

Relieved, I headed inside to ask for some help.

"Oh Sir are you alright? Should we get you something warm to drink?" The receptionist asked. Without waiting for my response, she hollered for a garçon to bring me some hot tea.

"Hello," I greeted. "Are there any mechanics nearby? My car broke down a few miles down the road."

"I am truly sorry sir, but, I think all the garages are closed for the holidays."

"Who would leave their work four days before Christmas!?"

You did idiot, my inner self scolded.

"How about a taxi driver?"

"I don't think so, but I'll make a call to check," she replied, bringing up the phone to her ear.

I waited in anticipation, tapping my fingers on her desk while I supported my head with my left arm.

"No one." She shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Would you like to book a room until we find someone who could fix your car?"

"Sure," I said, reaching for my wallet.

They keys were handed over after the payments were settled. I then called my uncle to explain the situation.

"Uncle Ricardo, my car fumed up, but don't worry I fou-"

"Oh son, did you find anyone to repair it?" he interrupted, concerned.

"Unfortunately, no, but I found a hotel. I'm going to spend a night or two here until I find someone to repaire it."

"I'll come pick you up now. Don't worry."

"No, uncle don't," I pleaded. "There's a hailstorm out there. It's dangerous, and I couln't forgive myself if anything happened to you."

"Don't worry about it, Xavier."

"I lost my father. I don't want to lose you... please."

"Alright, Xavier." He sounded upset. "Everyone was prepared to see you tonight. Anyway, take care and keep me updated."

Muffled cries suddenly pierced the quiet hotel. I stopped walking and looked around, no longer able to concentrate on the phone conversation.

Curiousity, as always, got the best of me.

"I have to go. I'll call you later. Take care." After hanging up, I started walking again while following the cries to a bedroom.

The door was halfway open, so I peaked in to find a young lady sobbing, her back facing me. Her blonde hair brought back memories of a girl, a girl who haunted my dreams and memories.

It can't be, I thought to myself.

As I began to leave, she turned around, revealing herself.

Something within me snapped, and I froze. Her unexpected presence had me taken aback.

After an awkward pause, my expression melted and I felt lighter.

"Amanda."

There she stood, Amanda Jenner, the woman whose heart I broke, the woman who my happiness depended on, and the only woman I've ever wanted and loved.

"Xavier...I need you," she pleaded, her voice cracking. That was all I needed, all I needed to revive my emotions. I had not been touched like that in months.

A tear drop made its way down her cheek. I then abruptly dropped the bags and ran up to her.

She was the only one who could make me feel long-forgotten sensations; I loved her with all I had.

While I hugged her tight, all the memories and emotions I had tried to suppress resurfaced.

"It's alright," I whispered, placing a kiss on her forehead and wiping away her tears.

Her thick, blonde hair was poker-straight and pulled back into a low pony-tail with a few strands brushing her flawless skin. I looked at her young, ocean blue eyes and found myself lost with all the memories we had built.

My gaze travelled away from her face, studying the rest of what she had become.

As I ran my fingers over her skin, my eyes widened in terror at her bruised and scarred arms.

"Why?" I managed to say.

Seeing her like this made my heart wince in pain. Never had I seen her hurt, neither physically nor emotionally. I hungered so badly to injure whoever had done this to her.

She shook her head and sat on the bed. "It doesn't matter."

Sitting beside her, my brows furrowed while I gently touched her scars.

"Is it-" I couldn't continue. Was it because of me? I dreaded the thought.

"After that night, I couldn't bear the pain," she murmured, not looking at me.

I had never hated myself more than I did right now. I had wounded the only woman I had vowed to never hurt and to always protect in so many ways.

Images flashed through my head with a rush of adrenaline. I squeezed my fist.

I should have fought for her and gone after her the day she left, but I wasn't myself. That was the day I lost everything: my soul, my heart, and the love of my life.
The day I decided I didn't deserve someone like her, the day I became a monster. Had I known it would have had such an effect on her, I wouldn't have shut her out that way. I had given her a reason to leave me, because I was no good for her. I let her go, without fighting for her.

She then lay her head on my chest, listening to my heart beat as I stroked her face.

"Stay with me. I'm scared of my nightmares," she whispered, breaking the silence.

Nodding, I lifted her hand to plant gentle kisses on her knuckles.

While she slept soundlessly next to me on the bed, I played with her hair and watched her as she slept. My surprise prevented me from sleeping myself; I couldn't believe she was here, in my arms. Amanda was still the only one who could pacify me and bring a smile to my face. After losing her for six months and believing I had lost her for good, it felt unreal to caress her flawless face and wrap my hands around her.

We spent the whole of the next day in the room catching up. We had lunch in the room and watched television while we cuddled up.

I asked her if she wanted to come with me to the mountains to celebrate Christmas Eve like last year to which she complied. My uncle and his wife were really happy to hear such great news; they had always loved and approved of her.

Though we had broken up six months ago, I still loved her. It had taken me six months to realize that I hadn't moved on. Amanda was hard to forget when she had given me so much to remember.

Eventually, I left the room to check with the receptionist for any news. She had found a repair shop, which, fortunately, was open today. She also informed me that the car would be ready tomorrow morning.

I then returned to the room. After opening the door, my eyes widened before I smiled and shook my head. This woman had me wrapped up around her finger.

She sat on the bed, clothed in sexy, red lingerie and a short, sheer robe.

When she reached me, she wrapped her hands around my neck and kissed my lips.

As her kisses trailed down my neck, I pulled her closer, feeling her body against mine.

My fingers traced down the valley of her breasts, pinning her with my other hand, tracing soft and invoking circles at her right hips.
My tongue swirled in and out of her mouth. Squeezing her closer, she melted into my embrace.

"I want you."

That was all it took, those three words slipping out of her lips.

Without uttering a word, I lifted her up and walked towards the bed.

**

After our love making, she leaned on my bare chest, drawing circles on my skin while I played with her hair.

"Xavier?"

"Hhhm."

Looking up at me, she asked, "What is the one thing you regret?" Bringing back memories of that dreadful night.

My first thought was of when I let her go. My second was the reason I did it in the first place. That was the worst thing I had ever done, my biggest regret.

"I-I..." I couldn't.

I wanted to tell her, to get this burden off my chest, but I was scared if I told her, she'd fear me. She'd finally see me as a monster and would turn her back on me.

Memories of my feelings and seeing the blood stained ground in the dark filled my head. I shook my head to clear the memory.

"You wouldn't want to hear this story, baby."

"You can tell me. I would never judge you. I would never leave or fear you after this."

"Promise?"

"I promise," she assured me as she kissed my neck, resting her head against my chest again.

"The night before you left, I did something extremely unforgivable."

"What did you do?" she asked.

I inhaled deeply, " My father was part of a mafia gang. One day, I heard my father on the phone. It seemed as if someone was threatening him. I could hear my father shouting, saying 'I'll come. Just leave my family out of it'. I took my gun and followed my father to an abandoned warehouse. I came down from the car and heard them shouting as the the man then held the gun to my father's heart. I entered the room and, blinded by rage, shot the guy in the head."

I glanced down at her to read her facial expression. She seemed calm but tense.

"I don't know who it was, but he killed my father. Then I killed him... unintentionally."

She didn't appear surprised, as if she had known all along and was just making sure. A bad feeling in the pit of my stomach sprouted, suggesting that something was wrong but I ignored it. I mean, I had the woman of my dreams in bed with me and things were going back to normal, the way they had been before that incident. What more could I need? Nothing else mattered to me, but her.

Looking up at me, Amanda squeezed my hand. There was something in her eyes... something I couldn't decipher.

A minute later, she stood up and walked to the restroom. I was exhausted, so I closed my eyes and fell asleep, not waiting for her to return.

The Next Morning.

A loud bang on the door startled me awake, and I immediately reached for the gun in the drawer on my left while using my free hand to hide Amanda.

Neither the gun nor Amanda was there.

Guards in black suits aimed their guns at my head while gathering around me.

Dragging me out of bed, they threw my clothes at me and watched me change. What a moment of shame.
They then dragged me against the floor, locking handcuffs on my wrists.

I was so confused. They had surely mistaken me for another person. Or so I thought until they called my real name,  Xavier Anderson.

The incident from six months ago came to mind, and I finally realized what this was all about. I remembered how my father's partners and guards had erased every trace. They had made certain I wouldn't be caught. This time there was no way out, though; I had been caught. It was time to pay the price. I was just glad I had spent the night with Amanda before forever being trapped.
I guessed every villain paid the price. No matter how safe we thought we were, we would always get caught. Even if our kills were unintentional or against our will, we still took a life.

"Where is she? What did you do to her!?" I demanded while struggling against their grip, hoping they hadn't hurt her to make her speak.

"Nothing," a familiar voice said.

She walked in like the world had been made just for her.
Looking as breathtaking as ever, she clutched my gun between her fingers.

Waiting for someone to provide an explanation, I gave her a puzzled look.

She stepped in front of me and smirked, pulling her jacket off her shoulders to expose her arm. Where bruises and marks had ravaged her skin yesterday, healthy, unmarked skin was today.

I couldn't have been more confused if I had woken up in a foreign country. Amanda walking in untouched, without any bruising, made no sense.

As she stared at me, eyes searching mine, giving nothing away. But as she drew close, I could see her eyes clouded by tears and that confused me.

Her long, sharp nail crossed my lips while she smiled. When she brought her finger down, not even the burning sensation could cover the confusion twirling inside me.

Then she kissed me harshly, her hand squeezing my neck tightly as she did so. It felt like this would be the last time I would have a taste of her.

In that moment I didn't know who she was and I wondered if she knew herself.

"He was my father," she whispered before she bit my earlobe.

A satisfied smirk was on her face again while she pulled away.

"He was a monster, a murderer."

"And so are you," she bawled, a tear coursing down her cheek. And that statement hit home so hard.

"Did you really think it was all a coincidence?" She asked as she cupped my face looking at me with a glint of mockery.

A lighting bolt hit me.

-The car.

My thoughts scattered, leaving my mind bare.

-The hotel.

My ego shattered.

-Her tears.

My heart broke as I felt my soul been ripped off.

How did I not notice? How could I have been so naive and blinded?

Turning away from me, she threw the gun to the side.

"I would never kill," she hollered, walking away like a super model. I stared after her in awe.

While I watched her leave, the realization hit me, burning a hole in my chest. This had all been planned. She had spent six months plotting her revenge. It was fake- from the dysfunction car to our hotel encounter.

Every promise she had made lay empty in her wake. She always did say promises were made to be broken.

Nothing hurts more than being hurt by the single person you thought would never hurt you. Maybe this was the same way she felt that night.

How I didn't deserve such immense emotional pain but at the same time did.

In spite of everything, only one thought ran continuously through my mind.

How could she fake her love for me? Didn't I mean anything to her anymore?

That's the saddest thing about betrayal- it always comes from the person you'd least expect.

I hope you liked this short story.
-For more of my works check out ' If Only' - a story where Love conquers.

-Stephanie.C♡