"Kiiro-kun, let's be friends!"

***

It's almost 4 AM, I'm still awake, and my eyes are wide open while I stare blankly into my white-painted ceiling. I already took my pills, thinking that they would help me forget about those thoughts again. I want to sleep. I wanted to forget about all those horrible events that suddenly haunted me for some reason. Gladly, those drugs helped me calm myself, but I am still bothered. To be honest, I don't know what will happen to me if there are no pills or emotional support coming from my parents. I think I might have killed myself ages ago.

I opened my mini fridge and noticed that I already drank all of my stocked water bottles, guess I have no choice but to go down. Well, it's not that I am afraid, I'm just too lazy to do so.

Para bang naubos ang lahat ng energy ko sa malaalim na pag-iisip ko. How could I escape this hellish trauma? Napapagod na ako, ayoko na na palaging lumalayo sa mga tao. And even though I'm scared of it, I want to see the yellow color again. I want to see it without my hands trembling or my heart beating insanely fast.

I want to see sunsets and sunflowers again.

Pagbaba ko ay dumiretso ako sa kusina. Even though it's dark, it doesn't look eerie to me. The silence in the room is comforting. When I opened the refrigerator, the orange light made the kitchen visible.

I took a bottle of cold water and poured it into a glass, filling half of it, and added warm water to the other half. I don't drink cold water usually; it satisfies me in a sip, which is unhealthy because it lessens my water intake, which might lead to diabetes.

Before I closed the refrigerator, I saw a familiar silhouette in my peripheral vision. He must be heading back to their room.

"Still awake, son?" It was dad, walking towards the dining table.

"I already slept, just woke up from a dream," I honestly answered, and I drank the remaining water in my glass.

"Say, is it that dream again?" I can hear the pity and worry in his baritone voice. Dad has always been like this, he might not show this side of him all the time, but I know he cares for me more than anything. He always checks on me through chat when he's away for work, and I am grateful for that.

I looked at him and nodded.His face turned sad for a split second, but he immediately smiled.

"Seeing you this calm makes me relieved, you're growing braver than I thought you could be, son." Dad rarely has these deep conversations. But when he does, it will really enlighten me about the things that are blurry to me.

"Something is bothering you, aside from that dream, right?" Dad opened up and took a glass on the sink, then he grabbed a box of milk from the refrigerator.

I don't know if I should open this up to him. But I guess I should; he is my father, after all.

"It's not something, dad; it's someone," I replied, then looked at him, waiting for his reaction.

His lips then formed into a playful smirk. I know what he's thinking. "Is it a girl you like? When did you meet her?"

"He that, he is a guy." Before that could even react, I immediately followed my first statement to avoid the misunderstanding.

"And it is nothing related to that love or crush stuff," I added, but Dad just gave me a disbelieving gaze. Oh, come on, he's not convinced.

"Dad, you know that I'm not gay." I sighed.

"It doesn't concern me though," he responded, which made me look at him.

"What do you mean?""

"As long as you're happy, I'm fine with it. But make sure, pick a nice and decent guy, okay?"

"Dad!" I glared at him.

He raised his hand as if he were forfeiting. "Yes, yes, you don't like that guy, yet you're bothered by him?"

"Tell me, who's this guy?" he added, slightly leaning closer to me.

He might get the wrong idea, or was he teasing me? "Savior, a guy I met days ago," I honestly replied then grabbed a box of biscuits on the table.

Dad frowned, "Savior?"

"Yeah, do you know him?"

"If you meant the guy who goes to the same school as you and always visits our BGC branch, then yes. Nakwento na siya sa akin ng mom mo and I also met him before." I gasped when I heard my father's response.

Before I could even speak, his next sentence made me silent. That kid is a good guy."

"So what about him? You guys are friends?" Dad asked, looking intrigued. When I said that guy's name, I think it piqued his interest. His brows furrowed but not from confusion, I bet his making up conclusions in his mind right now. 

"No, we will never be," I stated with finality.

"Why?" His voice sounds disappointed, but why?

"Because I don't intend to." My response made dad scratch his head and smirk. He's thinking that I'm just joking. 

"You're a bad liar, son," then he chuckled.

"He is a xanthophile dad, I will never be friends with someone like him," I uttered meaningfully. I'm so sick of hearing that Savior is a good guy. Maybe he is, but I don't want to admit it. He might be a good guy but being with someone like him will only bring me agony.

Dad remained silent after I told him about Savior. It took us a few seconds of silence before Dad decided to talk.

"I'm not forcing you to be friends with him, son. But why don't you give it a try? I fit did not work, your mom and I are always here to protect you," he assured then tapped my shoulder before heading back to his room.

***

The loud buzzing sound of my alarm clock woke me up in my sleep. Or should I say, made me aware that it's already morning? I haven't slept since that dream woke me up. I tried to close my eyes, but it was no use.

"Why don't you give it a try?"

And what dad said earlier made me think again. Am I being too isolated?

Akala ko magiging okay ako kung hindi ako makikipag-usap sa ibang tao maliban sa pamilya ko, pero bakit hindi ito ang gusto kong mangyari? If I wanted to overcome my fear, why am I scared to try?

I have consulted my personal psychiatrist ever since my parents adopted me. Akala ko magiging okay na ako, pero bakit bbumabalik ulit ang nakaraan?

I'm not in the mood to go to school, but I had no choice. Kapag hindi ako pumasok, Section Andromeda would definitely be thrown into chaos without their president. They may be smart, but they're a bunch of naughty kids.

Si dad na ang naghatid sa akin, isasabay niya na lang daw ako sa pagpasok niya sa office. I went out of the car, and he bid farewell.

Bago siya mag-drive paalis ay tinawag ko siya, "Dad!"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for earlier, dad. I'm glad that you're my father," I uttered and rushed towards the school gate. I didn't even dare to look at his reaction. I hate dramas and cringe stuff, but I'm not that coldhearted to appreciate his efforts for me.

They gave me light when I was drowning in darkness. I love this family more than anything else.