"A yellow duck keychain?"

***

The car was filled with silence, a deafening silence, and the only thing I could hear was the noise from the outside, the lively streets and the engines of other vehicles. Even if everything is black and white, I can see how happy those people are. Their smiles are genuine, just like his.

I looked at mom who was currently focused on driving me home. No one dared to talk, neither mom nor me.

"Honey," mom called me, and I turned to her.

"It's okay if you're not comfortable answering this but, care to tell me what happened?" she said and smiled even though she was looking directly on the road. Malapit na rin kami sa subdivision na tinitirhan namin, hindi ko na napansin na pauwi na pala kami.

"No, it's okay mom. Uhm, it's just that, it happened again," I answered honestly and rested my head on the window.

"What triggered it this time? You're wearing your glasses the whole time," she responded.

I don't know if I should tell her this. Hindi ko alam kung anong magiging reaksyon ni mom, I don't want her to be mad at someone without any reason, but I don't want to lie either.

I sighed deeply. "It's not because I saw yellow, mom."

"Then what happened?"

"That Savior... he's a xanthophile." The moment I uttered the last word is the same time as mom pressed the car's break, we were once again filled with silence and when I looked outside, we're already in front of our gate.

Huminga nang malalim si mom at lumingon sa akin. She held my hand with her gentle and soft palms. She smiled at me, a smile full of comfort, care, and assurance. "I know it's tough for you, honey, everything will be fine."

We went out of the car and went inside our house. Paakyat na sana ako sa kwarto ko para magpahinga nang bigla akong tawagin ni mom.

"Hon." I looked at her with my plain expression. I saw her smile once again, she's doing this every time she wanted to comfort me.

"Yes mom?"

"Alam ko na mahirap sa 'yo ang lahat. But trust me, Savior is a good guy." I was left stoned to my position. Those words are heavy, it's unusual for mom to commend someone like that, and if she says so, it was never a lie.

Savior is a good guy.

I just smiled as a response and went upstairs. Dumiretso ako sa kwarto ko, inilapag ang bag sa study table at humiga sa kama. Parang na-drain ang energy ko dahil sa nangyari kanina. But I'm glad that I managed it without the help of those pills. It's a good start.

Ipinatong ko ang braso ko sa noo ko at huminga nang malalim. Did I go too far on Savior? Sobra na ba ang nagawa ko para lang ma-protektahan ang sarili ko? I know I'm just protecting my mental health but he's still the one who saved my life and yet...

Aish! Hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko. Ever since he came, mas lalong gumulo ang utak ko. But he's sudden arrival in my life also confirmed something, I am still afraid of that person.

***

"Honey! Gising na, nahanda ko na ang hapunan." Nagising ako dahil sa katok at boses ni mom.

"Coming," sagot ko. Hindi ko namalayan na nakaidlip na pala ako, siguro dahil na rin sa stress at pagod ko ngayong araw. Pati pagpalit ng damit, nakalimutan ko na rin.

Bago ako bumaba sa sala ay naghilamos muna ako ng mukha gamit ang foam gel facial wash na nabili ko sa Watson noong nakaraan. I also cganged my clothes to a thin fabric shirt and shorts.

Pagbaba ko ay naabutan ko si mom na naghahanda ng pagkain. Saktong pagkaupo ko ay ang mga yabag na narinig ko papunta sa sala.

"Dad?" It is so unusual to see him in a time like this. Akala ko may inaasikaso siya sa company nila? Why is he here? Hindi naman sa ayaw ko si dad na naandito, hindi lang ako sanay.

"Kumusta kayo?" tanong niya at umupo sa pwesto niya.

"Doing fine," sagot ko sa kaniya. I looked at him and I can see how busy he was. Hindi nan ga niya nagawang mag-shave ng balbas at bigote, nagiging halata na rin ang eyebags niya dahil siguro sa puyat.

"Napaaga ata ang uwi mo? Akala ko sa susunod pa na araw?" tanong ni mom habang nagsasandok ng kanin sa plato ni dad.

"It's a tiring week so I decided to head home to rest. At isa pa, Mr. Jackson Calzeda, the CEO wants to fix the problem all by himself," he replied as he went to the sink to wash his hands.

"That kid hasn't change, huh?" mom chuckled.

Hindi ko na pinakinggan ang iba pa nilang pinag-usapan dahil hindi ko rin naman maintindihan kung tungkol saan iyon.

"Anak, you look stressed. Is everything okay?" Napabaling ako kay dad nang marinig kong tawagin niya ako.

"Eveything's fine dad, don't worry," I answered and faked a smile. Alam ko na hindi maniniwala si dad sa sinabi ko na ayos lang ako pero ayaw ko nang dagdagan pa ang stress niya. And besides, I know that mom will tell everything to him sooner or later, maybe kapag ayos na ang lahat.

Pagkatapos naming kumain ay ako na ang naghugas ng plato. Hindi naman iyon gano'n karami kaya ako na ang nagpresinta. Matapos no'n ay umakyat na ako pabalik sa kwarto ko para mag-review sa literature subject namin.

***

All the kids are in front of the mansion. They're all waiting for someone who will arrive any minute by now. Masaya sila, lahat ng bata ay nakangiti, maliban sa isa. That kid looks plain, emotionless, and dull. Walang emosyon na makikita sa mga mata niya. Ibang-iba sa mga batang nakakasalamuha niya araw-araw.

Hindi kalaunan ay may dumating na isang kotse, galing ito sa isang orphanage sa kabilang probinsiya. Napagtanto ng bata na marahil may bagong ulilang darating. Sa oras na tumuntong nang ika-walong taong gulang ang isang bata ay dinadala sila sa Himawari Home for the Orphans, dito sila tinuturuan na kaya ng sa paaralan.

Paghinto ng kotse aay bumaba ang driver nito at binuksan ang pinto. Iniluwa nito ang isang batang babae na nakasuot ng dilaw na dress. May puting bag na nakasukbit sa braso nito at isang ngiti na mas maliwanag pa sa sikat ng araw sa umaga.

"Greet her everyone, she will stay here with you from now on," someone said that has long forgotten by the child.

Lumapit ito sa mga batang naghihintay sa kaniya at iniyuko ang kaniya ulo. Ngumiti siyang muli bago ipakilala ang kaniya sarili. Nang marinig ng batang lalaki ang tinig ng batang babae, hindi niya maiwasang mapangiti. Nakakahawa ang ngiti sa labi nito.

"Konnichiwa, min'na! Yuri-desu, yoroshiku onegaishimasu!"

***

Nagising ako na humahangos at pawis na pawis. Ang bilis din ng tibok ng puso ko na hindi ko ba malaman kung bakit. I immediately opened my lamp beside me and looked at my clock. It's only 1:47 AM.

I took a bottle of water on the mini fridge beside me and drank it to help me calm myself. My heartbeat is insanely fast. This is driving me insane. It's been so long but why did I dream of her again? It has been seven years ago since I met her but why do my memories of her is still hunting me?

I left Japan to forget about everything but why is it all starting come back? Gusto ko na kalimutan lahat ng nangyari but why wouldn't you let me? I just want to live a normal life but why is it so hard?

I want to regret meeting her, if only I knew that it would happen. Because in all people, why Yuri?