Summary: Atsushi isn't in the best state of mind and somehow seeming to realise this decides to make a call, that might've been the best decision he's made so far...or the worst, he isn't really sure which it is.

Atsushi stands on the bridge looking over the river, it's beautiful, half-frozen with snow falling and reflecting on the dark surface looking like stars. The air around him is... melancholic? That's right, melancholic is the perfect word for this situation, cold and melancholic. Atsushi knows there's something wrong, but most of his mind has made the decision not to care, the words of the caretakers at the orphanage ringing louder than they have in a while... "GOOD FOR NOTHING!", "NOBODY WANTS YOU", "USELESS PRICK" and the ones ringing the loudest "YOU SHOULD JUST DIE!!!", "BETTER OFF DEAD!!!" and, "WASTE OF SPACE!!!" and not for the first time Atsushi finds himself at death's door asking to go inside and take shelter, or perhaps he was about to cross the bridge to the other side... he didn't really care which one it was at this point.

And yet...

Here he is standing on the edge looking down at the water, eyes dead, breathing steady, heart calm and mind set, still not sinking... why hasn't he jumped yet?... why is he still just standing there? Why, WHy, WHY?!

He knows why, Atsushi knows that while he has made his decision, written his letters, taken off his shoes and succumbed to the screaming voices that there is still a tiny tiny voice that's practically being drowned that's telling him to not do this, to not go through with it, that he should maybe talk to Dazai about the too deep cuts he's been marking his skin during his days off that get deeper and deeper each time he draws the knife, that maybe by speaking to someone who feels the same pains as he does he can feel better... but Dazai doesn't really wanna die, and that realisation makes it clear... Atsushi knows that Dazai once felt the suffocating need to die, their first meeting is proof of that. But now, now Dazai has found his purpose, a reason to live, and that's him... Atsushi himself is Dazai's reason to still breath, and perhaps the reason he's still not swallowing ice-cold dirty river water is because Atsushi knows that if he dies that Dazai will follow him... or at least Dazai's need to follow will reawaken in seriousness... after all Atsushi selfishly wrote in his letter that Dazai should find a new reason to stay and forget him... yeah Atsushi is so, so selfish. The tiny voice is telling him that he isn't thinking straight, that he should call someone, ANYONE!!! To knock some sense into him.

Atsushi doesn't know why he listens to the tiny voice, but he does, so Atsushi turns around and picks his phone up from where it's lying in front of his shoes and flips it open. Atsushi looks at his short contact list for a while pondering on who to call, he doesn't really feel like dealing with Kunikida's blunt, aggressive, straightforwardness nor does he wanna deal with Dazai's scary mood swings..., and Kyouka would be really worried asking why he wasn't home yet, the president might be his best bet but Atsushi knew that the moment Fukuzawa picked up he'd panic and hang up on the man. Atsushi kept this up with everyone else until he decided to just close his eyes and scroll, then just press the call button without looking at who he'd called. If he was lucky it'd be someone who wouldn't pick up because while it might be 18:13 some of the agency members were still in the office and most likely wouldn't have their private phones on, hopefully, he wouldn't land on their work phones.

Taking a slightly angry-sounding breath Atsushi closed his eyes and put his finger on the down button scrolling, his phone was a flip phone so there was no need to scroll back up again once he reached the end of his contact list, he must've stood there scrolling for a minute or two because his thumb was beginning to cramp so he decided it was enough and immediately hit the call button and brought the device up to his ear without looking at the caller ID and waited for the person he'd called to pick up, at first there was silence so Atsushi assumed that the phone he'd called was off but then there was that long beep indicating that the phone on the other end was now ringing.

The beep sounded for the fourth time and Atsushi was about to give up when it suddenly cracked mid beep and the voice of...

"Hello~ Atsushi~"

Ranpo?!?!

"And to what do I owe the plesure~?"

Out of all the agency members that he could've landed on he landed on Ranpo?! Atsushi's surprised he even had Ranpo's number let alone that the older man had his, Atsushi's even more surprised the 26-year-old picked up...

"Atsushi? You there?" Ranpo's voice now sounded confused and lacked the cheer that had been in it a moment ago and Atsushi realizes that he'd been silent for far too long so he answers with a,

"Ah! Yes, I'm here, sorry to call you..." he doesn't really know what else to say and has half a mind to play it off as an accident and just hang up and then just jump without second-guessing himself but his words get stuck in his throat.

Ranpo somehow seems to notice something's off and his voice gains a slight edge of concern.

"Atsushi, you ok?" Atsushi can hear the sound of an office chair rolling in the background and faintly hears Kunikida ask in that soft calm no-nonsense way of his "Something wrong?" and somewhere even further away he can hear Dazai's strong voice, the one that's slightly cold but doesn't have anything ill behind it, say "Put it on speaker" Atsushi thinks he hears the same edge that Ranpo's voice had held but he can't really tell since Dazai's voice is muffled. There are two maybe four pairs of feet walking over to where Ranpo is supposedly seated and they stop not far away, Atsushi's sure he's on speaker already but decides to not care and go on.

"Eh? Yeah? I'm ok? Don't worry!?" Atsushi hadn't meant for it to come out like a question! Now they're surely gonna realize he's hiding what he's doing...

"Are you sure about that Atsushi? You do sound like you're asking us for confirmation." That was Dazai's voice, he sounded a bit upset... why was he upset? Atsushi decided not to dwell on it.

"Confirmation?" Atsushi doesn't know why he asked that, he was going to deny Dazai's accusation but the rest of his sentence didn't come out... like the connection between his brain and mouth had been severed so his mouth did its own thing while his brain was screaming at him to correct this, to tell them that he has no idea what Dazai's going on about.

"Yes, confirmation. Tell me Atsushi where are you right now?" Dazai's cold words didn't feel like they were accusing him and, that was weird... like Dazai was seconds away from bolting right out of the agency to run around in search for him but was forcing himself to keep calm and to do so he needed to fill himself with ice.

"Huh? where he is?" Tanazaki? Was he there too? What time was it anyway? Had Atsushi missed what day it was, no it was Friday he was sure of that, just for good measure he took his phone down from his ear and looked at the screen, it was indeed Friday which meant that Tanazaki should've gone home already. Did he stay to work overtime? Looking at the time Atsushi almost had a heart attack. Had he been standing there for 6 HOURS?! He did a double-take yes it was indeed 11:29, had he really been standing there for over 6 hours!? Placing the phone back to his ear Atsushi answered.

"Why would my whereabouts be of interest Dazai?" Atsushi's voice was dead, empty, and he heard the sharp intakes of breaths from his colleagues, friends? And Atsushi knew that he'd messed up, they knew something definitely wasn't right.

"Atsushi, you've been missing since you left the agency at five, Kyouka called us at eight saying that you hadn't come back to the dorms yet, we've been looking for you for the last 3 hours with no trace, Atsushi, WHERE. ARE. YOU?!" Atsushi did not like the way Dazai's voice was progressing, at all.

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Dazai was sure he'd freak if they didn't find anything soon. He was pacing around the office looking back at the clock above the door every few paces, it read 11:05, it had been a little over 6 hours since Atsushi went off the radar with no phone calls and all attempts at calling him had gone unanswered.

Dazai took another breath, he looked to the couch where Kyouka together with Naomi had been sitting worriedly. They had gone back to the dorms to see if Atsushi had gone back and they had yet to call with any news.

Just as Dazai was about to yet again start pacing his phone rang, hurriedly he brought the device out of his pocket and slid to answer the call.

"Naomi! Is he there?!" Dazai knew he should calm down, knew he needed to compose himself but something inside him just wouldn't let him do that. The part of his mind that works well under pressure seems to have malfunctioned.

"Ah! No... he isn't, sorry... me and Kyouka will be staying here in case he comes back... I- made Kyouka some calming tea and she's asleep, as promised." Naomi's sweet soft voice was a bit strained with worry and she was whispering, clearly mindful of the girl asleep a bit away.

Dazai couldn't help but let out a disappointed breath. Still no Atsushi! Dazai tried to stop his urge to whine in worried disappointment. Taking a breath he said,

"That's good Naomi, thank you, take care of yourself too 'kay?" Dazai softened his voice to try and assure the girl everything would be alright, but he wasn't really sure himself... would everything be alright? Dazai hoped it would be.

"Okay. Dazai... please find him" Her timid voice came through the phone, wet with tears.

"We will!" and the line went dead. Dazai sighed again feeling ready to burst into tears.

Focus on that ^

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"Hello~ Atsushi~"

"And to what do I owe the plesure~?"

Out of all the agency members that he could've landed on he landed on Ranpo?! Atsushi's surprised he even had Ranpo's number let alone that the older man had his, Atsushi's even more surprised the 26-year-old picked up...

"Atsushi? You there?" Ranpo's voice now sounded confused and lacked the cheer that had been in it a moment ago and Atsushi realizes that he'd been silent for far too long so he answers with a,

"Ah! Yes, I'm here, sorry to call you..." he doesn't really know what else to say and has half a mind to play it off as an accident and just hang up and then just jump without second-guessing himself but his words get stuck in his throat.

Ranpo somehow seems to notice something's off and his voice gains a slight edge of concern.

"Atsushi, you ok?" Atsushi can hear the sound of an office chair rolling in the background and faintly hears Kunikida ask in that soft calm no-nonsense way of his "Something wrong?" and somewhere even further away he can hear Dazai's strong voice, the one that's slightly cold but doesn't have anything ill behind it, say "Put it on speaker" Atsushi thinks he hears the same edge that Ranpo's voice had held but he can't really tell since Daza's voice is muffled. There are two maybe four pairs of feet walking over to where Ranpo is supposedly seated and they stop not far away, Atsushi's sure he's on speaker already but decides to not care and go on.

"Eh? Yeah? I'm ok? Don't worry!?" Atsushi hadn't meant for it to come out like a question! Now they're surely gonna realize he's hiding what he's doing...

"Are you sure about that Atsushi? You do sound like you're asking us for confirmation." That was Dazai's voice, he sounded a bit upset... why was he upset? Atsushi decided not to dwell on it.

"Confirmation?" Atsushi doesn't know why he asked that, he was going to deny Dazai's accusation but the rest of his sentence didn't come out... like the connection between his brain and mouth had been severed so his mouth did its own thing while his brain was screaming at him to correct this, to tell them that he has no idea what Dazai's going on about.

"Yes, confirmation. Tell me Atsushi where are you right now?" Dazai's cold words didn't feel like they were accusing him and, that was weird... like Dazai was seconds away from bolting right out of the agency to run around in search for him but was forcing himself to keep calm and to do so he needed to fill himself with ice.

"Huh? where he is?" Tanazaki? Was he there too? What time was it anyway? Had Atsushi missed what day it was, no it was Friday he was sure of that, just for good measure he took his phone down from his ear and looked at the screen, it was indeed Friday which meant that Tanazaki should've gone home already. Did he stay to work overtime? Looking at the time Atsushi almost had a heart attack. Had he been standing there for 7 HOURS?! He did a double-take yes it was indeed 01:29, had he really been standing there for over 7 hours!? Placing the phone back to his ear Atsushi answered.

"Why would my whereabouts be of interest Dazai?" Atsushi's voice was dead, empty, and he heard the sharp intakes of breaths from his colleagues, friends? And Atsushi knew that he'd messed up, they knew something definitely wasn't right.

"Atsushi, you've been missing since you left the agency at five, Kyouka called us at eight saying that you hadn't come back to the dorms yet, we've been looking for you for the last 5 hours with no trace, Atsushi, WHERE. ARE. YOU?!" Dazai could feel himself get more and more hysteric.