*** Song for this chapter "Anytime You Need a Friend" by Mariah Carey. Picture of a young Jamie***

Holywood, October 1998

"Simona, I swear to God, if you keep pacing around my room like that, I'm going to throw this cd on you!"

I show her the case of my Mariah Carey Cd to make my point. Simona stop on her tracks and look at me with a huge grin on her face.

"I think I got it!"

"You got what?"

"A brilliant idea, of course! Silly"

She rolls her eyes at me and comes closer to where I'm seating and squeals.

"YOU! Must ask my parents if I can go with you!"

"WHAT??? That's crazy! I'm not doing that! I don't even want to go to that Festival!  You have to brave up and ask your parents' permission"

She's crazy! She wants to go to this stupid Festival because Oasis is going to be playing but her parents wouldn't allow her to go. My parents are cool in that area, as long as Tommy is with me, I can go to the end of the world. Her parents on the other side, they are a bit more conservative.

"Come on Millie! You HAVE to do it, they like you and for some strange reason they trust you so.....please!!!!"

Now she gives me her pouting face, I laugh at her because she looks strange and adorable.

"That won't work Simona! I've already asked them to let you go to the movies and that was very.......... Let's say......... Uncomfortable"

I recall the day I went to her house to ask their permission to let Simona go to the movies with the rest of the gang. They weren't too thrilled to let her go but like she said, for some strange reason, they trust me. As I pounder my answer she gets on her knees and begs for me to say yes.

"Who else is going?"

"What do you mean?"

I roll my eyes at her and then she gets my question.

"Ahhhhh to the festival, you mean? Well, it's you, me, Tommy and.... Jamie"

"Then I'm not going"

I cross my arms and turn around so she can't look at me, lately, every time I hear Jamie's name, my blood boils.

"Hey... Millie.... What's going on?"

Her voice changed, it's not whiny anymore, now it's sweet and full of concern. I meet her gaze and shake my head no as in saying "nothing". But she looks like she's not taking that answer.

"I don't think it's 'nothing' you haven't spoken to him for two weeks now"

That's very true. He's hurt me. After kissing me he acted so weird, he practically dropped me home and ran for the hills. So I refuse to speak to him, the first week he would come home to talk to me but Tommy cover for me, I haven't told Tommy what happened but he knows me and he senses something is wrong. At school I have avoided him, in Literature class I swapped seats with a girl who sits in front but looks like she's in love with Jamie so when I asked her to change seats she gave me a hug. We also have French together and for that one I couldn't swap my seat because Mademoiselle Portier thought it would be rude so I refused to look at him, he tried for the first half of the class to get my attention but he stopped after Mademoiselle Portier threatened to send him to detention. At lunch time I sat with Simona and Kelly and although we were all on the same table I wouldn't speak to him. Nobody has tried to pry and see why we are not talking but by the looks Jamie throws my way, they know Jamie is not on my right side. Coming to think about it, I'm not really mad, I am embarrassed, I misread all the signs he threw my way. One moment he holds my hand, removes a hair string from my face, walks me to my classes, kisses me in his basement, the next he acts as if I had lice or something like that.

I look at Simona and she looks concerned so as I'm about to speak my door bursts open. We yelp in surprise as Tommy walks into my room followed by the one and only Runaway Dornan. Simona looks at me and comes to sit by my side while scolding at Jamie. I haven't told her what happened and apparently I don't need to, she just saw my face at Jamie's unannounced visit.

"Hey girls!"

"Tommy! How many times have I asked you to knock before entering my room????"

My brother flashes me his pretty boy grin and shrugs me off.

"Come on Millie! Stop being so fussy"

I roll my eyes and my gaze meets Jamie's.

"Hi Millie"

I just nod his way and excuse myself to hide in the bathroom down the hall of my bedroom instead of going to my in suite which made the three of them whisper behind me. I know Tommy and Simona are tired of seeing me avoiding Jamie or seeing him going after me with an apologetic look on his face.

Once I'm at the bathroom I check myself in the mirror, what had happened to me?? I don't do this, I don't chicken out because of a boy! I throw some water on my face and put my hair up in a messy bun and walk towards my bedroom. As I approach the room I can't help myself from eavesdropping. I can hear Tommy's voice.

"That's bullshit man! This can't be nothing! She hates your guts!"

"She does not! She's just a bit upset"

Jamie defends himself but Simona doesn't seem to believe him.

"Just a bit? She wouldn't act this way for just a bit! I think you did something really bad Dornan! Spill it out!"

Oh poor Jamie! I can't see his reaction but I would be really intimidated by outraged Simona, specially when she's in her special week. It's so great to have a friend like her! Maybe I should go with her to that bloody festival and make her happy. I open the door and walk into the room with a different look in my face. They all follow me with their eyes as I sit next to Simona.

"Shall we go?"

She looks at me confused.

"Go where?"

I stand up and reach for my jacket. I can feel Jamie's stare.

"Don't you want me to talk to your parents?"

Simona squeals.

"Are you coming to the festival???? Oh my Gosh!!!! That's fantastic! That's awesome!!!! That's better that seeing Leonardo Di Caprio naked!!!"

"WHAT???"

She rolls her ayes at outraged Tommy and hugs me.

"Oh well! Maybe not as good! But still, thank you!!!! You're my best friend"

And since that moment Simona and I started a friendship that will last until we are both wrinkled and feeding our cats.

Simona's parents gave us permission to go to the Festival, it wasn't easy, but they did. After leaving my room with Simona, we left an upset Jamie with Tommy, he wants me to talk to him but he won't explain himself neither apologize for running away from me. I miss being his friend but I guess I need to stand my ground and let him know that he can't do that anymore, he can't act as if he liked me and then act as if I had some contagious disease.

Today we are going to the infamous festival, I'm not too thrilled, I don't like being in places with big crowds and this festival is one of the best in Belfast so it will be crowded. I look myself in the mirror and I am content with my looks although I would rather have Kelly with me telling me what to wear or what accessories to use, she is in England visiting her family so it's just Tommy, Simona, Jamie and I. Jack can't come either because he has an important rugby game to prepare to and the coach won't let him come.

As I'm applying some mascara there's a soft knock on my door. Finally Tommy has learnt how to knock before entering my room!!!

"Come in!"

The door opens and from the mirror I can see that Tommy would never knock, but Jamie would. I should have known it was him. He stood there with his tall frame leaning against my door after closing it gently and I froze with the wand of the mascara dangerously close to my eye. We look into each other's eyes for what it felt hours. I was taking in his appearance, he is wearing black jeans, a grey Stones T-shirt and black All Stars. He seems to be looking at my outfit too, which is kind of matching his. I'm wearing blue jeans, a black Ramones T-shirt and the same sneakers as his. Wonderful! Not!
He clears his throat and steps towards me stopping just behind me. His eyes never leaving mine.

"Hi"

I avoid his gaze and continue working on my makeup.

"Hum, Tommy sent me to see if you're ready"

His hands are in his front pockets and he is acting his shy self.

"Almost"

And now I apply lipstick as if my life depended on it.

"You look pretty"

Oh no! He won't play this game anymore!

"Stop right there Dornan! I'm not going to let you start this game anymore!"

He steps backwards as I turn around to face him.

"What game?"

"This!"

I move my hand back and forth in the space between us as in explaining that I'm meaning the both of us.

"What about this?"

"You can't do this anymore! You are so confusing!!! One minute you're holding my hand, the next you're running away from me"

Yeah I won't mention the kiss, it would be too embarrassing.

"Mills, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to run away from you"

I snort, I can't help my ironic self, I won't buy his bullshit.

"I mean it, I like you, a lot, but I like you more as a friend and what I need right now is a friend, I can't endanger our friendship by being a couple, I might do something stupid in the future and you would hate me and never be my friend again. I can't loose you. You are very important to me"

So this is it. He wants to be only friends, I can't deny the disappointment I feel. I like him more than just as friends.

"Believe me Mills! I like you a lot, but I can't loose your friendship, I just can't loose another friend"

His blue eyes got watery and I just can't stand the idea of seeing him this broken so I step forwards and involve him in a hug wrapping my arms around his broad frame as he reach for my waist and rests his head on the crook of my neck inhaling my scent. I understand now, he doesn't need a girlfriend, he needs a friend right now, who knows, maybe in the future we can be more than friends but for now I am content in his embrace and I promise myself that I will always be there for him, no matter what, if I need to bury my feelings for him so be it.

*** Let me start by saying how sorry I am for this late update!!! Work is going to be hectic this semester but I promise to update whenever I can!!! Don't forget to vote and comment!!! Xoxo-Z***