My friend group had always been an enigma to the rest of the student body. Since the very first day of preschool, we'd been inseparable, a foursome of tightly knit kids who refused to expand their circle. I always assumed it was an inherited trait, seeing as that our parents were the same way. They'd been friends forever, they'd told us.

They'd been friends forever, but still I could tell some bonds were stronger than others. My mom and Jason's dad, Uncle Justin, seemed to have a weird connection they didn't have with any of the other parents. They'd been childhood friends, my mom once told me on the rare occasions she talked about her life before she met my dad. Her, Uncle Justin, and his mysterious dead brother Jason, who my Jason had been named after. I'd asked my mom about him once and never again.

I'd always considered my mom to be an open book, so free with her feelings it was almost childlike. The first time I'd ever considered that there was something deeper to her than joking around all the time was the one time I'd asked her about dead Jason.

It was only then that I realized how she was anything but an open book. She was more like a pretty diary, closed and locked away, filled with secrets but seemingly happy on the outside. I wondered if anyone had ever gotten past the falsely smiley cover. I assumed my dad had, at some point, but I couldn't imagine my mom having any sort of serious talk about emotions. A conversation that wasn't filled with sarcasm and jokes came few and far between with my mom.

I'd always wondered if her childhood bond with Uncle Justin was the reason I had always felt most comfortable with Jason. I loved all my friends to death, but none of them understood me like Jason did. Addy had always been too harsh, real to the point where it was sometimes hurtful. Sure, it was stuff I needed to hear, but the delivery was often rougher than needed.

Lucas was the complete opposite. Lucas put me on the highest pedestal known to man, showering me with so much reaffirmation and validation that I felt I could do no wrong. His attention was constant and sometimes overwhelming, and I often struggled to live up to what he saw me as.

But with Jason, it was the perfect inbetween. He knew me and my flaws and my emotions, knew what I needed to hear and how to say it, knew when I needed to be left alone and when I needed comfort.

It was for this reason that I missed him so much when he didn't show up to homeroom or first period or second period. I'd taken his schedule for him during homeroom, delighted when the four of us got all the same classes as requested. I'd texted him the good news, but had gotten no response until lunch:

Jason: Yay!

Leila: Are you not coming at all today?? I'll kill you!

Jason: No I'm sorry! Wanna hang out after school though?

Leila: Sure, what do you want to do?

Jason: I don't care, let Addy decide.

Leila: Ok, I'll update you!

After informing Addy and Lucas of the potential plans, we discussed what we could do.

"Does it even matter what we choose?" Addy asked. "A hundred bucks says he's going to flake."

"It was his idea to hang out," I responded. "Why would he flake?"

"He's been doing it all summer," Addy shrugged. "He just stays home all day and booty calls girls at night. A man after my own heart."

"You think he's choosing random girls over us?"

"It's not about us, Leila. You don't always have to make things about you."

"I wasn't!"

"Yeah, you were. What Jason does in his own time is none of your business and you really can't be getting mad at him for it."

"She didn't get mad, Addy," Lucas interjected.

"Doesn't matter," Addy said. "Can we just go to his place? He can't flake that way! And Aunt Julia said I can take whatever I wanted from her closet and I need an outfit for the party on Friday."

I wrinkled my nose. Every year, Brad Gowoski, now a senior and captain of the soccer team, had a party to celebrate the new school year. It was full of drunk underage teenagers trashing the house, mild drug use, and a whole lot of hooking up. It was uncivilized and uninhibited, two things that terrified me. "Do we have to go?"

"I have to go with the soccer team," Lucas said. "There's some weird freshman initiation thing for the newcomers."

"That means Jason's going. And I'm definitely going," Addy said. "So unless you want to sit at home with your parents while we have the time of our lives..."

"Fine," I sighed. "I'll go."

"Wow, thanks for doing us this huge favor, Leila!" Addy exclaimed sarcastically. "Lucas, can you believe Leila is going to bless us with her presence?"

Lucas and I laughed and I gave her the finger. "Yeah, you're welcome, bitch!"

Addy leaned in and Lucas and I leaned in in response. "I'm going to hook up with Brad Gowoski," she whispered.

Immediately, Lucas leaned back, covering his ears with his hands. "I did not want to know that."

"Then don't listen," Addy told him, then turned back to me. "He's been messaging me all summer, being super flirty. He messaged me personally yesterday to invite me on Friday. I have to look hot."

Brad Gowoski was a big deal at Greenwich High. His dad was a retired pro soccer player, a household name all over the world. Brad had inherited his skill, and he managed to lead the school team to victory ever since he came to high school. He was a legend to not only the athletes, but his good looks made him legendary also to the female population. He wasn't the man whore everyone expected, he was very selective with who he hooked up with. The list of girls from our school was small, only five that I knew of, and being an addition to that was a prestigious honor recognized by everyone.

"Oh my God, Addy! You are going to look jaw droppingly gorgeous. Brad is going to fall in love with you."

Addy giggled. "He better."

"Are you two done now?" Lucas asked.

"Yes," Addy said. "Now on to you, my dear brother. You got your eye on anyone?"

The table went silent at Addy's question, and all three of us knew why. He had his eyes on me, we all knew that. For some reason, Addy had always tried to make Lucas admit it out loud and every time, it was very uncomfortable.

Lucas gave a nomcommital shrug, the most pacific response of all time. The awkward silence ensued, and both Lucas and I looked anywhere but at each other.

"I'll text Jason to see if we can come over," I said finally after the silence was too long to bear. Pulling out my phone, I fired off a quick text to which I got a confirmation immediately. "Okay, Jason's cool with it."

"Perfect," Addy said, glancing at her watch. She picked up her tray and got up. "Should we go to class now? The bell's about to ring."

We all got up to deposit our trays and head to class. On our way out of the cafeteria, two girls from the cheer team, Melissa and Tammy, giggled as we passed by.

"Hi, Lucas," the said in unison, the flirtation clear in their voice.

Lucas smiled at them. "Hey, girls."

"What class do you have right now?" Melissa asked. "Maybe we're headed the same way!"

"We have physics," Lucas said.

"Yay!" Melissa squealed. "Tammy and I have that too!" They both got up and started walking with us to class, Melissa linking her arm through Lucas's.

I didn't realize that I was glaring at them until I made eye contact with Lucas. He looked at me curiously, questioningly, and even a little hopefully.

Quickly, I looked away.