I had always imagined my first time with Ben in a huge bed on our wedding night, a fancy bungalow. But here I am with that same person but with a different picture from what I had imagined.

Ben uses one hand to part my legs, spreading them wide and feeling his fingers rub against me.

"you're soaking wet baby" He adjusts himself "that will make it easier" He whales. I don't know if that will make a girl who is about to lose her virginity feel better. His lips meet mine again and he kisses me slowly. his tongue seems to be molded against mine like he was made just for me. my hand goes to his back in desperate to pull him close to me

"Eager?" He whispers in a teasing way and I nod.

"We need to go slow, baby." He whispers. " it's going to hurt, just know you can tell me to stop anytime, okay." He says in a gentle voice, his lips touching my earlobe.

"Hmm" I hmm, I have read in a book and listened to my best friend Jane tell me how losing your virginity hurt like hell. I have searched on a website for a video to get myself prepared in advance but I never succeeded in seeing any. the last option now is to find out by myself.

He kisses me deeper and I feel him make his way into me causing me to shudder. seconds later he presses into me, it's such a foreign feeling. my eyes roll to the back and I hear myself gasp.

"You feeling okay?" He whispers into the kiss, I nod, and his body shifts over me and he moves further into me and my legs shudder at the pinching feeling deep inside me. it's just as everyone says it is.

"Can I move now?" He groans. His body is still, moving and the feeling is incredible but still uncomfortable.

"Yes... please" I manage to say. I want to focus on the pain but immediately Ben brought his lips to mine and kiss me, he kisses them all away. He kisses my lips, my neck, my forehead, and my eyes I pitched close. I put my focus on the way Ben's bear chest rise and fall against my chest and his warm tongue all over my body.

"Jesus...Ben," I cry out. I want to tell him how he makes me feel, painful but in a magnificent way.

"is it too much," He asks and I shake my head no for him.

"I love you so damn much baby," He said against my cheek. The sound of his voice is so comforting that it took away my pain slightly it holds me from screaming out when his hips slowly roll against mine.

I want to tell him I love him too, I want to tell him the day I started to love him. I want to tell him it was the day he laughed in such a breathtaking way that it still rings in my ears now. but I'm afraid if I tell him all that I will start to cry.

"Fuck you're doing well baby. do you want me to stop" He barely gets the word out. I can hear the pleasure and worry battling in his voice.

"Don't stop... please" I told him, shaking my head. His eyes are closed slightly, his jaw is clenched in concentration and his muscles pull together against his skin. The pain has completely disappeared as I watch him go hard but not harshly, close his eyes, and come undone. his breath is staggering hot and wild against my skin. He brings his lips to mine and kisses me for a while and opens his eyes.

I wouldn't mind taking the pain over and over to feel this way, This deep seeded connection to him takes me to an atmosphere I never knew existed. The emotions in his eyes brought tears to my eyes against my damn well. I know without a doubt that I love this boy so much and cherish this moment even if it didn't last forever. Even if he ends up not speaking to me again, I will always treasure this moment and always remember that in this same moment, he was everything to me.

"You're doing well baby and I love you so much," He tells me for the millionth time. It doesn't hurt anymore, just the uncomfortable feelings anytime he trusts in and out.

"I lo..." I am about to say he kisses it away and told me sssh.

"Don't say it back... not yet" he spread his move, trusting harder. "I am about to come okay" He barely whispers.

I nod and kiss his neck, sucking his skin. Ben's eyes never leave mine as he comes inside me. Promises were made, and unconditional love was promised as he looked straight into my eyes and gently falls onto me. I can feel the heavy thrumming of his heart against my chest.

I hug him tightly against me, we stayed like that for some seconds before he lifts himself and pulls out of me slowly. I wince at the sudden emptiness.

"How was it?" Ben asks laying beside me. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, I am okay," I told him pressing my thighs together to numb the ache. I left my head to see in between my legs and I see the blood dripping but it didn't terrify me, I just lay back and say "it was incredible" And he's kissing me again.