"Manik! Manik! How many times do I have to tell you stop playing with fire?" Mother snatched the matchsticks out of little Manik's grip.

"But I like the fire, mum. It's so yellow. So orange. So big." Five year old Manik whined stretching his tiny hands above his head whilst his mother knelt down holding his narrow shoulders.

She smiled. "Something which is beautiful can equally be dangerous, son. If you like fire then you have to know how to deal with the huge destruction it can cause and surely, not play with it." She pressed her palm to his baby cheek.

"But I like playing with fire, mum?" He curled her long strand around his little finger trying to coax his mother in giving him back those matchsticks. She smiled because she knew her son.

"Okay, my son likes dangerous things, I get it. Let me give you an example then." She began wrapping her hand around his thin waist. "Say, I'm standing on one mountain and you are on another and in between us is a wooden bridge that will connect us. You are playing with these sticks; suddenly, the bridge catches fire and is totally gone. What will you do, my son? How are you going to reach your mum?" She asked, beaming. Little Manik got lost in his babyish thoughts until his eyes sparkled.

"I will build a new bridge and run to you, mum." Saying this, he happily wrapped his tiny hands around her neck and she started laughing at her baby boy's ideas.

"Oh son, what will you do when I'm gone?" She laughed swinging him in her arms.

"Where will go without me?" Breaking the hug, he stared at his mother, pouting.

She kissed his cheek but that barely normalised his cute pout. "Before playing with anything dangerous, you must know ways to deal with it when things go out of hand. Otherwise, my son, you'll end up hurting yourself."

"Get it?" His mother began tickling his little waist and he started squirming and giggling. "Get it? Huh? Get it, my son?" The music of his innocent laughter filled in the big room and his mother's heart.

N A N D I N I

The fading sirens of the police vans and series of fire brigades still managed to scare me as they have been since past one hour. The walls which were painted with colours of each employee's wishes and each brick of which was balanced on Manik's endless dreams crumbled before our eyes and in their places stood broken pillars where the flames have licked. The ruins were still smoking and I could see the faintest glow of embers. Black dust and smoke were all around and into our lungs as Manik and I stood afar seeing how this temple of ambitions was now charred remains.

Inhaling deeply, I glanced at Manik who drinking from his hip flask kept his unreadable eyes fixed at the ruins which still the police and firemen tried protecting but Grey Petals was gone and Manik knew it. But what troubled me more was seeing him stay so dangerously poised. Sitting on the bonnet of his car, he watched the barricades and the burning chars of ceilings and shattered skeleton of his production house.

Tossing the flask into the pile of ashes, he jumped off the bonnet. "Show's over. It's time to go home."

"Manik," I held his hand stopping him. "You don't have to act all strong with me. I know this is affec-"

"Mr.Malhotra." I left his hand seeing the cop arrive us. "We are seeing what we can preserve but from the look of it, it seems difficult to recover any."

"But what I'm more worried about right now is..the press is all around and how do I avoid them?" I pulled my eyebrows pondering how that could be his concern right now.

"We will be providing you a little number of convoys which will be ahead and behind your car for your protection." Manik nodded.

"Very well." He turned to his chauffeur, instructing. "We will be taking the backside exit." The white man in uniform readily nodded.

As Manik was about to get into his car, I followed him a bit trying to whisper a word to him when suddenly he stopped; looking at my reflection on the window of his car.

"Go home, Murthy. Like I said, the show's over." With that, he slid into the backseat and the wheels of his car were set in motion.

Quiet, I turned my head back at the burnt down Grey Petals which probably will not be mentioned in existence other than in the news channels. My dull brown eyes again started watering realising maybe, I am reading one such fan fiction on the internet which is bound to remain incomplete.

M A N I K

"Good morning, everyone. Sorry, I slept late last night." I sat on my couch seeing how the individuals of the bank, advisers, insurance company, investors, planners, policeman and my assistant stopped talking at my arrival.

Glancing over wristwatch, I clicked my tongue. "Oh sorry. It's good afternoon. Like I said, I slept late."

Gesturing Abhimanyu, I asked him to make me a drink and everyone on the other side sat with uncertainty as if hail would burst any moment. They were growing more cynic the longer they saw me act and deal with them keeping my cool.

"What's the status? I'm sorry that I'm lagging behind because I haven't been watching the news." I stopped Abhimanyu who was about to mix water with whiskey and motioned him to pass me neat. "Drinks, anyone?"

Seeing no one react to my offer with a proper word, I withdrew it. When my phone buzzed for the billionth time since last night, I had no choice other than sighing in frustration and ask Abhimanyu to pick up the call and make up some story to whoever it was from press. So my assistant did.

"Sir," The planner inhaled and my attention shifted to him. "It's impossible to save Grey Petals. We have the best of architects and they have studied the ground all night and according to them, the fire went so deep that it's impossible to build another structure as huge as Grey Petals there again."

Lowering my eyes, I circled the edge of the glass. "I may sound stupid for asking this but..can the cctv footages be anyhow restored?"

The men glanced at each other before the cop spoke. "Sadly, no. But we have found out the cause."

Stitching my eyebrows, I straightened my back looking at the speaker with undivided attention. "Name it." None of them failed to notice how my jaw clenched.

"The fire started from your cabin. By someone's mistake, the table lamp must have fallen on the floor which rolled near to the long silken curtains. It was hot and sparks of electricity caused the accident, Mr.Malhotra." I took a deep breath gulping the drink and thinking about this new piece of information.

My eyes went narrow as I tried understanding this theory when suddenly my clueless eyes widened recalling how I pushed the articles which included a lamp as well from table to the floor when Murthy and I were swimming in the heat and hunger for each other. How I pushed all those things and helped a panting Murthy lie on the table and... damn. Exhaling lightly, I nodded at them carrying on few other formalities.

A R Y A M A N

I rejoiced as the popped up champagne spilt on my carpet and my own laughter filled my ears. The sound I missed most. I am happy and there's nothing that can alter it today. This is the last time when I'll hit my bed feeling like a loser and this is the first day when Manik will feel haunted to count his eternity of misery because this is just the beginning of his endless suffering.

My dear brother, Manik, he backstabbed me every time so so bad that he took away the courage from me to remove the dagger and stab him back. Today, I'm not empty anymore. I'm full to the brim shuffling every news channel learning what a disastrous turn Manik's life has taken. Today, right now, I'm overflowing with happiness as the man who has broken me a million times is getting the taste of hitting the rock bottom.

"Cheers!" I clicked my glass against Dhruv, my assistant's. "Today, you can ask anything from me and I give it to you in writing that I'll give you that."

"Sir, I'm extremely happy seeing that smile on your face which I don't remember seeing last." He smiled and we clicked glasses again.

"Sir, what happens from here?" He asked smiling while I took my seat on he couch facing the muted television which since early morning was showing the flames that ate up Grey Petals. Well, rest in peace, Grey Petals. You will not be missed.

"That's what the question is, my boy because with Manik, we never know?" I said with a sly smile as I was busy watching the repeated sliding images of last night. I can never get tired of watching this all my life thinking what my little brother must be going through now.

"Do you have any idea who this could be? I mean, this takes balls for anyone to directly ruin the castle of a mad king." I chuckled hearing him.

"Whoever that is, may Lord bless him because he has blessed my eyes. He must be someone iconic. I mean, burning Grey Petals? Dude, that's some revenge even I couldn't think or execute." I sighed concentrating on the shattered chunks of Grey Petals where rescue mission was still on. "Manik must have done something extremely horrible to him and now karma is shouting at Manik's face." I laughed.

"You mean Manik's another enemy?" He asked sitting on a cushioned chair nearby.

"Heh." I snickered. "Dhruv, my boy, if I start writing the list of Manik's enemies in alphabetical order then trust me, I'll run out of pages. Manik has done terrible terrible things to people just for his own fun. A lot of people are pissed with him and now there is one of them who has taken his time to level up with the demon himself. It's going to be one interesting game henceforward."

"Would you be shocked if I may suggest that it could be a she instead of he?" I stitched my eyebrows closer paying attention to him.

"She?" I questioned.

"What if I say Nandini Murthy isn't as innocent as we all take her to be?" He started strolling with the drink in his hand and pressing my chin on knuckles, I kept listening. "Why don't you see it this way, Sir..whenever Nandini is around Manik then only something happens. As if-as if Nandini is a pawn in this game.."

When he paused staring at me, I blinked. "Plot is thickening, Dhruv. Continue."

"Someone is trying to get to Manik using Nandini as a medium. If somebody wanted to attack Manik directly, he or she could have done that already but no..So till the time Nandini is in Manik's life, Manik's life will always be full of.."

"Funerals." I completed his sentence with a smirk. "Disasters. Misfortunes. Tears. Accidents. Sleepless nights." My eyes got fixed at empty the wall. "Heartbreaks. End of his pride. End of him destroying others. End of him."

"Somebody is using Nandini in this dirty game." He mentioned getting me pensive. But I believed in my heart that Nandini is an innocent girl who has no idea of this cruel game whatsoever.

"Now the question is, if she is being used willingly playing a role of a ticking time bomb which will mark the end of this inhuman called Manik Malhotra or she is being used without any idea and this game will only stop with her fading away. Whatever it is, Dhruv, this isn't a game between a hero and a villain. It's a fight between two villains." I smirked.

"What if at the climax Nandini turns out that masked villain?" Dhruv tittered, asking.

I smirked, "I think the audience is gonna kill us."

"But what about Manik now?" He asked after taking a large sip.

I inhaled feeling the fresh air to be fresher. "Manik Malhotra is officially on road."

M A N I K

"Since morning, every second, bankers, investors, project artists are eating up my head, Sir. They all have the same question that how will Grey Petals now pay off its pending dues, remunerations and debts." I kept hitting the back of my head slightly against my cushioned rocking chair staring constantly at the wall. The drink in my hand hung loosely fearing to be dropped on the floor under the orangish hue of my room.

"The group of accountants have done their job and it's over a hundred crores debt hanging over Grey Petals. The insurance people are ready to do their part but that still doesn't cover quarter of the amount we need, Sir." I took a sip keeping my gaze fixed at the wall. "Should we file bankruptcy?"

I took another sip while Abhimanyu kept badgering. "You have helped a ton of people in this industry when they needed you but now..now people have just shown their true colours, Sir." He sat on the low-height stool holding his head.

"Colours.." I murmured while he gaped at me removing his face from his hand. "If you had to choose a colour to describe me, Abhimanyu.. what would that be?" My question shocked him to a great extent as his concern and mine were no way closer.

"Sir, this-"

"I asked you a question." I spoke a little louder.

"Um.. I don't know? Maybe um red?" I stood up hearing him and that forced him to look alarmed. Pouring myself another drink, I started walking across the length of my room.

"If I had to choose a colour to describe me, it wouldn't be red. Red is powerful and vivid and vast. I wouldn't be orange because that is warm, welcoming, and vibrant. I probably wouldn't also be as soft or as bright as yellow. Nor would I be as fresh and wholesome as green. It wouldn't be blue, either. I'm not deep enough or melancholic enough to call myself blue. I'm not passionate enough for me to call myself indigo and, I don't know, maybe I'm dead and dark as black which when falls on any colour turns it into whole lot of blackness." I was standing by the window looking into nowhere.

"Sir, pardon me for not being intelligent enough but what relevance does it have to our crisis in hand?" He asked timidly.

I sneered, "You know Abhimanyu, Murthy once told me that whoever is trying to bury me doesn't know I'm a seed which grows bigger and faster when buried down. Some intelligent girl, she is." I smiled.

"My enemies must be happy and celebrating thinking I'm buried alive but they don't know the intensity with which I'll come around. I'm not worried, Abhimanyu, to say the slightest because I'm intrigued. Intrigued because someone after so many years has showed me the game of my standard and now it's going to be even more fun." His jaw dropped.

Scratching his head as he saw me wrap my jacket and take my sunglasses, he couldn't keep his itching to himself. "Sir, where are you going now?"

I smirked peeking my head from the door. "To derive some motivation."

N A N D I N I

This demon doesn't walk in shadows with horns on his head. It wraps itself around me. And shoves its tongue down my throat forcing me to never forget the taste of my love. It runs its fingers through my tangled hair and pulls my head back forcing me to hear continuously the scattered pieces of our impossible future.

Hearing the bell ring, tossing the remote and the bowl of untouched popcorn from my lap, I went towards the door not caring to look in the mirror if I'm looking horrible in this oversized sage coloured baggy cardigan and denim shorts. Without asking who on the other side of the door is, I opened to receive a blow to my senses.

"Manik?" I asked in disbelief because Aaliya's house is the last place I expected him to show up when he's been avoiding the media on this entire earth. The way he left without me compelled me to think he needed to stay away but looking at those captivating eyes now, I realised how much I missed these honey dews.

"Is that skinny girl home?" When I realised I have been blocking the door, I quickly left the pathway  shaking my head.

"Come in, please." Without a word as he stepped inside, I shut the door after looking here and there making sure no paparazzi followed him.

Soon as I went to the living room, my heart raced as I started looking for the remote here and there under the cushions because the news channel had no other news to cover today. Cursing under my breath, I noticed his calm eyes to be watching the burned down Grey Petals but I managed to switch it off without a warning.

"Hey." He danced his eyebrows greeting as I made myself seated on the cushioned chair beside the couch.

"Hi." I smiled faintly and he grabbed a handful of popcorns popping them in his mouth one by one.

"Sorry about that." I gestured towards the television.

"You are not the one with a camera and microphone there. Don't be sorry." Silently, I watched him pick few more popcorns without uttering a word.

"How are you doing?" My eyes never left his face because I didn't want to miss a single expression.

"A lot of alcohol is in me right now but I'm doing just fine." I blinked poorly at him while he was staring at the switched off television.

Without saying anything, I made my seat beside him on the couch and his stretched arm relaxed around my nape loosely.

"Popcorns?" Holding the bowl, he offered me but I shook my head in a no. Placing my head on his shoulder, I calmed my saddest fears of him never returning back to me. The rhythm of his heartbeats was not only music but the fullness in between the void of my own heartbeats.

"I'm sad." I whispered on his chest. Manik couldn't say that to anybody maybe because he thought he was too manly to accept his pain or too destructive to bow down to it but I could. For the two of us.

"Why?" He asked lowly.

"I think, all of this happened due to me. Had I not met you after the shoot, any of this could be-"

"Don't be stupid, Murthy. You have to understand it's not about you. If you want to be sad, then be sad thinking that since today you are officially unemployed." He said.

I still can't believe I won't be walking into that building running late at 10am everyday or spend hours of gossips in the cafeterias with Aaliya or press the buttons on the elevator in hurry or run around in between the cubicles or ask 'Sir, may I come in?' outside the cabin on the sixth floor.

Tucking a strand behind my ear, I looked up at his face lifting my head. "I can't believe Grey Petals is really gone. What about those other people working there?"

His eyes were fixed at the black television. "I..don't know."

"Is there anything you want to ask?" Hearing me, he broke his gaze from the tv screen and looked at the table ahead, thinking things to himself. His arm was still loosely around my nape and I felt as if the sunlight of his touch was the teaser of a life full of poetry.

"You can ask me anything without having to rehearse it in your mind." I spoke softly lifting my head from his shoulder and into his ear.

Just as he turned his face, our noses almost brushed and none of us moved an inch. There's something in me, in the deepest part of me, at the center of me, something infinitely stirred for the way our eyes are staring at each other's lips. His hard-edged breath pressed against my honeysuckle lips and we became those individuals hearing the ticking of time bomb.

"I wanted to ask..." He said the words still looking at my lips without a break. My bones melted to be close to him in ways more than just physicality; in ways that can make me whole again in his rugged arms.

It's a dangerous game we are playing. Looking for something more than just physicality? It's too much too ask for. Even for me because the idea of being tangled in madness and moonlight with him is wrecking my sky castles and making them rain down from above.

"If you had to choose a colour to describe me,.. what would that be?" I allowed the question to sit in my mind. However, he anyhow anticipated me to get bemused by his question but to me that was the most beautiful thing he has ever asked.

"Black?" He tried confirming.

I smiled nodding my head in a no. "You are not as edgy and hurtful to be called black."

"Violet?" He needed to know desperately.

"Sadly, you are not loved by everyone to be tagged that colour." My words creased his eyebrows

"Indigo?" He questioned with a heavy voice.

"You aren't passionate enough for happiness, Manik Malhotra." I chuckled which in no way made his dull lips form even a curve.

"I'm surely not white." He whispered to himself lowering his eyes. "There is no colour that fits me, I guess. Not even grey." He smirked shaking his head and slowly, I held his face in between my palms like I'm holding the Sun. His eyes reluctantly met mine and I beamed.

"Now listen to me, there is no colour on this earth that describes you because you are a color of your own. There is you carrying bits of every colour in your bland, monotone heart and in every colour, there is you. You have a bit of every shade in you which makes you have a constellation of your own space. You can't be defeated and you don't know ways to give up." And just like that his face lit up like a bright summer morning.

"Thank you." He didn't want to show but he's happy. At least, a little.

"So that was it?" I asked standing up after he stood up grabbing a handful of popcorn to leave. "You came here to ask me which colour I would describe you as?"

"Don't pretend like you don't understand what you just did." He smirked fixing his coat around his shoulders. I smirked letting him win this time like all the other times.

As Manik opened the door, first his eyes fell on the silhouette of the masculine body standing before him. Tiptoeing, peeking over his shoulder, I have let the wind blow me away.

"Randhir?" I asked with a smile.

Turning his head, Manik looked at me to witness the smile Randhir brought to my lips. It's like he never wanted me to discover Randhir's presence from behind him, it felt like he never wanted me to call his name, it felt like he never wanted me to see and smile at him. But he chose to stay quiet.

When he realised he still was at the door, Manik turned to me with a faint smile and took his leave after I squeezed his arm asking him to not give up. Randhir's eyes fell on my grip around Manik and I didn't withdraw. It's now an open secret.

After Manik's gone, Randhir pushed his way inside while I still was staring at Manik's fading image. Shutting the door still not wanting to lose his sight, I prepared my mind that this is not the end. I'll be seeing him soon then what's so bad.

Coming inside, I found Randhir already relaxed with his legs stretched on the table and the bowl of popcorn sitting on my abs.

"I was about to ask you to make yourself comfortable but.. never mind." Grabbing a cushion on my lap, I sat bouncing a little.

"Why have you been watching this? Trying to be remorse or what because that's just depressing." Thankfully, he started switching channels.

"Thanks for calling at dawn to make sure I'm safe. That was sweet." I uttered dryly.

"Of course?" He turned his face from the television for a second. "You are not as unimportant to me as you think you are." My tired lips curved a faint smile at the corner.

"Ugh!" I yelped holding my head not knowing what exactly to feel after last night because Manik's empty face made things hard. He surely must not have shown but I knew he was devastated inside but somehow, breaking the barrier I couldn't get into his head so I tried helping with my words in a way that might be of some use.

"So this is how it's gonna be from now on?" He uttered bitterly shuffling channels. "You in your messy clothes, unruly hair sulking with a bowl of chips before the television?" He dashed another popcorn in his mouth. I sighed.

"This isn't helping." I taunted him looking at the television.

"Because you are not helping yourself. I mean, you have lost your job and you live in a high-end city where you still have to pay your own bills. You were about to look for a house on your own and that was all depending on your ex-job. I have offered you help a million times but you being you, refused." Tired, I looked up at the ceiling.

"I have lost just a dream job but Manik lost a lot more than that." He rolled his eyes.

"I think I should just run after him and keep pasting my little motivating speech to him because that way, I'll know my words aren't being wasted." I threw a cushion his way and he elbowed it to the floor. "Look at him? Even after losing so much, he's still running errands trying to fix things and you? You have given up."

"I have not given up." I corrected him with a finger. "And technically, I lost my job last night only so I can very much have a day to cry over it."

"Are you stupid?" He screeched jumping to switch his position from facing the television to me.

"Is there really nothing else you can talk about right now?" I sharply stared at him.

"Like what? Global warming?" He shouted making me narrow my vision.

"Why are you shouting?" I yelled back.

"Because I'm frustrated!" He yelled higher. "I'm frustrated and terrified apprehending if you don't buck up, you might not be able to survive in this fast-forward city and you'll have no choice other than leaving?" His words quietened me and straightened the crease of my eyebrows. "I don't want you to waste a single second."

Sighing, I switched my position from the chair to the couch, beside him. "You are cute when you care but..but I, emotionally need this time. Can I please have that friend of mine who will, at least for a day, not be realistic and try to cheer me up?" He kept staring at me toning down the irritation.

"Please?" I coaxed and he rolled his eyes switching the television on again.

"Come here?" He asked sharply and as I scooted closer, he wrapped his arm around my nape just like Manik did. Manik.

"I'm gonna start playing a horror movie and all you have to do is keep your pointed nails to yourself." Just as I tried grabbing a few popcorns, he rested the bowl to his side and I doubted if he was cheering me up or himself?

The movie started but time to time, my heart ached thinking I had Randhir here with me but who did Manik have?

M A N I K

"I have Cabir." I smiled saying to myself.

"No entry without invite." The guard at Cabir's gate said that to my chauffeur but as from behind, I switched the window down, the guard didn't utter a word next.

As my car wheeled, I noticed there perhaps was some party going on but I just needed two seconds to have a word with my best friend.

Guarding my eyes with fancy sunglasses, I picked up a glass from the tray the server held in this beautifully decorated retro themed party. People around gawked me learning how the man who has been avoiding any sort of communication is walking right amidst them. Grey Petals isn't off news yet. Some of them whispered about me, some just thought in mind to come and say a hello but my eyes kept scanning the crowd for that one face I came here for.

"Guys and dolls," Hearing the voice echo from the microphone, I turned to find Cabir standing on the stage. My lips automatically formed a smile because according to the theme, the actor he dressed up as was my grandfather.

"Manik-"

"Shh." I stopped someone with a hand who tried speaking to me.

I stood a lot afar from the stage amidst the crowd, so possibly Cabir couldn't see me and I didn't intend to break his speech with my sad little story.

"This party could totally not be avoided although I wanted to avoid it because of obvious reasons. There has been a great loss in this industry and we all know what I'm talking about." I narrowed my eyes kicking the carpet with my boot. Cabir still thinks of me as his great buddy.

"But people who work day and night, their asses off for my company deserved this evening. So here, tonight, it is to all of you who has helped Euphoria gain its hugest turnover in its history." The crowd applauded and Cabir's eyes fell on me. He smiled.

"What do we do? We tie up with celebrities and help shine their brands. The journey has been short but long enough to thank a list of people. A lot of friends has been a huge contribution for this success of Euphoria." His eyes stayed upon me from the stage. "Many has come and gone. A few became constant and they have helped Euphoria through its thick and thin days. Euphoria and I are eternally grateful to such people." I smiled lightly. It's great to see my oldest friend celebrate his success and it's euphoric to know he hasn't forgotten my contributions.

He inhaled turning his gaze to others, "Every year, we announce a list of celebrities who we are proud of tying up with for a contracted period. So this year also, with a huge happiness in my heart, I feel proud to announce who has Euphoria tied up with and he is none other than one of the biggest superstars of this nation. Please join your hands welcoming Aryaman Malhotra over the stage."

A lot of heads turned to me while my eyes were as interestedly staring at Cabir as Aryaman ascended because in my mind, I was processing this scene at a super slow speed. As if, a director has asked the cinematographer to play a slap scene in slow motion and repeat. Blinking my eyes, I glanced over the floor to repeat the line I heard in my head and gulping mildly, I turned around digging hands in my pockets.

"Sir, drink?" A server casually offered me from his tray.

"Sure. Why not?" Unforeseen, to everyone's gasping, I thrusted the tray upward letting the liquors cowp and glasses smash into dusts.

Turning around, I found Cabir to be simply staring at me; probably anticipating such a reaction only. Told you, he is a friend.

"Carry on, guys. The party is lit." Taking my hip flask out, I walked out of the venue.

I knew people taking their phones out already started recording the ruckus and I was proud of the entertainment I fed people.

N A N D I N I

"Thank you so much. I feel better." Quickly, Randhir and I shared a hug as he was leaving Aaliya's place.

"I'm sorry for being jerk earlier but Anya Taylor killed it." He said fixing his jacket walking towards the door.

"Listen," Rapidly, he turned around making me step a little behind. "Are you sure you are gonna be okay on your own?"

I pushed him out by forcing the door close. "You are not getting any more free movies and popcorns and pizzas and soft drinks. So yeah, I'll be doing just fine."

Rolling his eyes as he left, I ran inside hearing my phone buzz. Randhir has made the house a mess but before I could know where to start from, I have to get the call. The caller's Mamma. I know she's been worried like every mother gets knowing how her daughter is doing in a situation like this and I prepared a brave girl speech for her.

"Hello, Mamma. Look, I know you-"

But all that happened next was my throat dry up and I sat up on the couch holding the phone to my ear. My eyes went blank and blood turned into ice.

"What..." I whispered not sure if she heard.

❃

Santacruz Airport
9pm:

I was pacing to and fro checking the departure board and my wristwatch every second. Time didn't seem to pass tonight as I felt every second to be a torture. Hearing mother cry about father's heart attack has snatched my ground beneath and like a helpless daughter that I am, I kept praying.

"Please. Please. Please, God have a little mercy on me." Why me? Why's this happening at all?

I'm about to break, sometime soon. Being saturated in all the shit life is putting me through recently wishing someone to be there holding me tight when I unfold my heart. Everything's falling apart and I stood shaking hoping this doesn't end with ending me.

My trembling fingers moved into my bag and on the white screen of my phone, I opted for dialling that one contact whose speaker I knew could save me from breaking apart.

M A N I K

Dark, inside my room, I sat staring at the needle I'm about to pierce into my vein. I have always been addicted to the way my drugs ease my pains and worries. It helps me forget about my bullshits. People get into cocaine because they feel too much but I got into cocaine since early years of my life because I never felt enough.

The first time I tried cocaine, I told mum how free I felt and without saying anything, hurt, she went out of my room. When Chetna found out I was an addict, she tried helping me in every way she could. Rehabs, counselling, pep-talks, emotional blackmails but never could she succeed. How could she when I told her I don't have a drug problem, I have a happiness problem.

Just one prick and the pain throbbing in my chest will be gone soon. Just one.

N A N D I N I

Sixty three unanswered calls.

What's Manik up to?

Am I suddenly being too clingy to him and he is trying to send me a mental message that he needs space because he has his own shits to deal with? Glancing over the board, I sighed discerning there still is some time to my flight. So why not try calling him once more?

M A N I K

I tried never to be good because being bad feels better. The rush of the bad things is like my favourite high. Sweating like a slave with a head that is swimming, I allowed my reality to pass because why would I choose to suffer when I am free to choose. The grey colour of my skies was clearing up and I saw hundreds of colourful dots surrounding me in the room. There's a disturbing sound coming from my phone which I have no idea where is but I'm so much able to ignore the sound. It feels amazing getting so high after feeling so low.

Laughing hard, I stood with the support of a wall as the constant feeling of the ground dancing under my feet made me forget the world. My head felt ever so light and clothes started clamming to my body. The door opened abruptly, and I found myself gluing my body more to the wall.

"Sir, there is no other way." Ahead walked me and what followed me was Abhimanyu.

I blinked my eyes as my brain is working too slow now but with shallow breaths, I kept watching.

"I don't care, Abhimanyu. There must be a way. We can't just see everything fall apart." I hissed.

"Whenever I'm calling people for help, they're turning their back. Bhallas, Mittals, Kapoors, Chauhans. Everybody has refused to help. The only endless calls I'm getting are from the investors and media. The ship is sinking, Sir." I sat on my rocking chair while the real me kept standing with narrowed eyes and quickened heartbeats by the wall.

Betrayal. Betrayal. Betrayal. Everybody betrays eventually. Even your own head at times.

I kept looking at that Manik who still was struggling in his head to get a way out. I know what he must be feeling because I have felt it too.

"Manik, I asked you to extend your palm!"

Sharply my head turns to other side of the room and I gulped hard seeing the tiny little me standing before my young father and tiny brother.

"I promise Aryaman slapped my head first. Then only, I punched him, Dad." The little me argued.

Fearfully, taking steps nearing that child, I knelt beside him with him having no idea if his father was going to hurt him.

"Father, Manik is right. I have slapped him first. So if you want to punish, punish me first." Aryaman begged.

"This punishment goes to both of you. A precedent for behaving henceforth in future. Aryaman, you'll never hurt Manik because if you do, remember this..." With a smack, father slapped the wooden ruler on my little palm.

I kept gawking at my young father seeing the cruelty in his eyes. I also found my twin brother flinching every time the ruler was striking against my baby skin. And, I also found the tiny me to be secretly wishing to be strong enough someday so that he could never feel the pain.

"If you again misbehave with your brother, Manik.." he hit the ruler again and again and again turning my skin blood red. The little me shed tears silently seeing the love for a son in his drunk father's eyes to be dimming.

"No no no, Sir. You are wrong. That's not even a constellation." Murthy chuckled sitting on the bonnet of my car with me laying down on the windshield. The night I tricked her into stargazing with me so I could send goons to her place to sabotage Maddy's proof.

"What do you know about constellations? I doubt if you even know how to spell it. Tsk, I'm telling you this and that and there." I moved my hand in the air joining stars as dots.

"This and that and there? Seriously? You can just admit, Sir that you don't know any." She rolled her eyes.

My drug driven head is somehow fancying the hallucinations with Murthy helping me bring a smile to my face.

"You are talking as if people in your family since generations have been in NASA." I scowled.

"When did I-"

"Shut up and see this. If you join this with that....."

"You have been an utterly selfish man, Manik."

I turned around with a pounding heart seeing Cabir glare at the Manik standing before his eyes. The morning I ran to the hospital after Mukti's car fell from the bridge.

"Cabir, this was... Mukti mattered to me and you know, come what may I wouldn't have let a single scratch on her body."

"There's no point in knowing what you could have done, Manik? Mukti is gone. She's dead. She's left me behind and there's nothing you can do about it." With a shrug, he glared.

"I can still fix whatever's left, I-"

"Well, the truth is.. there's nothing left anymore, Manik. You ruined everything. You ruined my life and now you will move on with yours while I'll be doomed with a heartbreak from a dead lover all. my. life."

No no no no. This wasn't supposed to happen. I was supposed to hallucinate about happy memories. Good memories. My head's swimming with a blasting heart in my chest and I felt my body to be light as a feather. This feeling was supposed to make me feel exotic and not terrible.

"Manik, oh my God, what's wrong?"

Gasping, I turned around and my heart broke into pieces knowing what I'm about to put myself through.

Chetna.

"Manik, what's wrong?" A terrified Chetna knelt down before my flopped body on the floor by the wall.

No. I want somebody to bloody stop this right now. This isn't going to be good.

"I-I Ch-Chetna I-I. Oh my God what have I done? What have I done?" The younger me choked on his words. He's panting, terrified to the extent that his balls are in his mouth.

"Manik, you are scaring me now. What happened?" She held my defeated shoulders seeing me soaked in sweat. She was dressed in white with huge earrings dangling before my face, probably she was going somewhere out but seeing me like that was the last thing she expected that night.

The night.

The worst night of my life.

The night that changed every equation.

"Please help me Chetna? Please? How could I do it? How could I do it-how could I do it-how could I do it..." I kept repeating like a lunatic hitting my head and slapping the floor.

"Jesus Christ.." she cried trying to hold me firmer. "What have you done so wrong, Manik?"

My shivering stopped. My body iced and eyes, stared dead into hers.

"I killed my mother."

She watched me shatter on the floor without an expression on her face. Pulling my knees close to my chest, I sat by the pillar, hyperventilating.

"Ch-Chetna, trust me, I-I didn't kn-know that it was going to be mother." She appeared too shocked to react but somehow managing a little guts, she held me back.

"What did you do, Manik?" Was all that she asked.

"Ar-Aryaman and I had a fight.." my voice was shaking. My whole existence was. "I was so so so mad. Oh God, why was I so mad?" Holding my head, I hid my face but she forced me to look at her.

"What. did. you. do?"

I kept breathing struggling with my head. "Tr-trust me? I saw him getting into the ou-outhouse and I was-I was.." I gulped. "smoking weeds. I-God knows what came to me and my lighter- my...lighter in my hand- I.." I started crying hiding my face.

She inhaled a weak breath. "What did you do, Manik?" She asked petrified of the answer. Her eyes were filling up to the brims.

"Seems like... Aryaman wasn't the o-only one present in that outhouse." Chetna fell on the floor on her butt and I began pulling my hear.

"They t-took her to the hospital but under the sheet, I c-could see her bur-burnt hand. Chetna?" I jumped close to her pulling her nearer. "Nothing will happen to her, right? N-nothing?"

She lowered her eyes from mine and slowly, pulling out of my hold.. she stood up hauling her exhausted body to the table.

"I-I don't know where else to go? I can't lose my mother. Oh my God?" I kept blabbering palming my mouth. "H-he..Aryaman didn't even let me join them in the ambulance. He just asked me to wait for the consequence. What consequence? I can't kill my mother. I can't? I can't?"

I glared through my tears at her back, "I want you to tell me I can't? And, that nothing will happen to my mother." I demanded feeling my heart beat in my mouth.

"Consequences?" Chetna asked still holding her back to me. "Is he gonna send cops?" She turned to me.

"I don't care?" I shouted. "It was Aryaman who was supposed to be there in that ambulance and not my mother." I palmed my mouth sinking low against the pillar, coiling like a cotton ball.

Taking a breath, she threw her big earrings on the table looking ever so determined and knelt down before me holding my face in between her hands.

"Manik, listen to me. I will not let anything happen to you. I will keep you safe."

"No no no. You don't understand. It's my mother that needs to be saved." Crying, I held her hands in mine tightly. "You have always done magic to my life. I beg you. I'll be your slave forever but please please please please save my mother. I'll be whatever you want me to be. Stop this pain. It hurts-it hurts-it hurts. Oh my God, my chest hurts." I cried out loud clenching my chest above my soaking shirt.

She struggled fighting her tears, "Manik, listen to me.."

"Why can't you tell me, you bi..." I bit my tongue to contain the abuse. Enjoining my hands, I begged. "Help my mother survive this. I have done something which I can't undo. But please please Chetna..help me. You pray to your God always. Please tell him to help my mother. I b-beg you, C. My mother can't die-I can't kill my mother- she has to live- I can't do this-"

"Manik, stop. Manik? Manik, you are hyperventilating?"

"No no no no no. No. NO. Stop this pain-stop this pain-stop this pain. I love her-I can't live without her- how could I do it- mother will hate me- no no no- what if she dies-what if she dies-what if she-"

A sharp slap turned my face the other side.

"Have a grip on yourself, Manik." She howled nudging me by my collars. "I can't lose you? I-I will..."

"I can't live without her and she can't go knowing that her son killed her." I shed tears silently looking into her sympathetic ones.

"Manik..." Saying nothing more, she pulled my face in her chest, hugging me tight. I cried the whole night in her arms digging my nails in her back. That night was the beginning of my end.

"Please tell me..my mother will survive this. I love her." I cried in her arms. "Please tell me? I'll do anything it takes to undo what I did. Ask your God to have mercy on me."

Please tell him. Tell him once. Help him not to turn a beast. Save him from becoming the inhuman that I am.

If only she could say it that night....

I fell on the floor dragging my body back with the support of my elbows as all the characters from my hallucinations are staring right at me. The little Manik, his brother, my young father, Abhimanyu and his lost boss, Cabir- the betrayed friend, Manik- the betrayer, Murthy- the dreamer and Manik- her grumpy boss. Chetna still stared with that empathy in her eyes and that ever-so-broken Manik beside her still searched ways to save his mother.

That night I fell from grace and oh, the fall was oceans deep.

I couldn't save any. I couldn't look into the eyes of that little boy whose hand was red from the ruler. I couldn't look into any of my version's eyes because I couldn't tell them that I failed them. I don't have the balls to look the lost Manik in his eyes and tell things are gonna be all right. I have let them down. I have become something that they never wanted to become and now, they are demanding answers.

"When are you going to stop hurting others?" The six year old me asked looking dead in my eye.

I choked, "I'll stop hurting others when my heart stops hurting."

Moving back on my elbows, when my shoulder touched the edge of the bed, I realised they all are gone. The room's back to being empty. My world's back to being ghostly. All there lies before my eyes now is the red dots. Dancing dots. Perhaps my own red blood cells. They danced and flied as I gasped for some oxygen clutching the bedsheet. Red. Different shades of red. Each bouncing on the other.

Until, it all turned black. Pitch black. Dead black.

N A N D I N I

Turning around hearing my flight get announced, I forced my thumb to end the dialling tone of my phone. Seventy unanswered calls. And, a hundred of questions and each of them addressed Manik.

Making my way towards the right direction, I halted before stepping onto the stairs that led me into the aircraft. I looked up at the night sky and just closed my eyes, breathing.

"Please Lord, give courage to my father to fight this. And, I don't know where you are or what are you up to, Manik but I hope whatever that is.. it's not hurting you. I pray to you Lord, to take care of the ones I love."