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TWO DAYS LATER

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    I stare out of the window of the Indian restaurant to see the sunset across the forest. It's absolutely gorgeous tonight with deep reds and bright pinks, vibrant yellows and a cluster of clouds. It almost looks like we're not in England, but it proves even the usual bleakness of this country can have absolutely gorgeous beauty. I suppose that's the point of where you live, though, you always think it's boring until you see something like this.

"I kinda don't wanna leave here, you know?" I admit. "It's like the perfect bubble where nothing dramatic is happening, work is continuing and I don't have to worry about it. You're here, I'm here, everything is fine."

Cameron looks away from the sunset and catches my gaze. "That's the point of a holiday, though. That's why people get holiday blues when they're home. You wouldn't appreciate it if you stayed forever."

"True."

I glance around the vibrant restaurant with the deep purples and reds of the walls, and the couples on other tables all talking. It's past eight in the evening, so most families with kids are back in their lodges, but there are one or two around the place. For a place that's usually geared for families with tons of outdoor activities, this place is so peaceful and silent even when there are young families around. It's like a magic portal almost.

The food has been and gone; we both had a curry with naan bread and now I'm full to the brim.

"While you were out earlier, I spent an hour on my laptop and did some research," I admit. Earlier in the day, Cameron went for a long walk for some peace while I stayed in the lodge, intending to go for a nap. The nap never materialised. "For the new shop."

He laughs. "You couldn't help yourself."

I grin "Nope."

The waiter arrives with our extra drinks and the bill, to which Cameron instantly gives me a look and puts his card down. I say nothing and let him do his thing; I got the pancakes yesterday and breakfast this morning. He told me this was our first date, so he wanted to pay.

"What did you find?" he asks.

The waiter comes back with the card machine. Cameron pays and we give off niceties before he goes away, leaving us with the drinks and the sunset in the background.

"There are some good places in Southampton city. It's not quite on the beach, but there's a beach on the other side of the bridge. There's also Bournemouth not far away, so our families are close by. Cruise ships come and go all the time, there's nothing quite like what I'd be offering around those available units."

He quirks an eyebrow. "It's a bit like London, though, right? Built up area, city. Did you not wanna, for example, go somewhere like home?"

I shrug. "It was an option, but I also think bringing homemade products and the kinda thing we have to somewhere that's built up with tons of Starbucks and whatever is a good thing for trade. Or it could crash and burn and I've learnt my lesson. It works in London. There's also the holiday trade with tourists from cruises, so it could work. The beaches aren't too far away, either."

He nods, thinking it through while sipping his drink. "If you think it's a good business decision, I'm behind you."

"I'm asking your opinion, genuinely. Full disclosure, the past few days have been... amazing. From my end, I see us as a long-term thing. You'd be on the team as well. If you want to run this business like we discussed the other day and yesterday, I'd be all for it. You're a chef, I'm a baker, it works. In a sense, you're also my partner—" I stop and consider my next words. "We might not have a full label, but I feel like this is a long-term thing when we're both ready for it to be."

"I'm in this long term, both business and romantically, you know I am."

"Then I want your opinion. I guess it sounds stupid now; I don't want a label but we're in this long term."

Cameron shakes his head. "No, it doesn't. We've been apart for six years and you've had trauma of varying degrees and situations. This isn't a conventional we met and went on a date type of romance. We don't have to stick to a rule book or guide. It is what it is. We both know what we're in for, but like you said, putting a label on it pressures you, so we won't. Knowing the reality between us will help make this easier for you, so whatever. If you want to put a sort of label on it, as you said the other day, dating exclusively but not official."

I cock my head. "That works. Official is the thing that puts pressure; boyfriend-girlfriend or girlfriend-girlfriend is the sort of trigger for me. Dating works."

"There you go. As for my opinion on the business, I know nothing about it. If you're telling me it'd be a good venture, and you want that, go for it. As a chef, if you need me to go out and work elsewhere, I can go anywhere. As long as it's not Bournemouth and we can find somewhere to live, and you're there, I'm fine."

"I think it would work. It sounds like a good business decision, and I've been looking at finances. I have enough to put an offer on, fit it out and start without going in the red. If I put an offer in on Monday, it would give me time to sort out the London shop, train a store manager, and get everything done and dusted while I hire a fitter."

"You want to start immediately?"

"I don't see why not. We could start looking for somewhere to live. The only thing I'm concerned about is you and your depression. Are you well enough for all of this? How involved do you wanna be?"

He laughs. "Kenna, you're panicking. Slow down."

I sip my wine. "My mind is getting excited for this, but then I realise you're off work and I don't want to push you, you know?"

"I'll be fine. Moving and starting something new I think will help. I would need to do my own organising, but I can do it. As for being involved, I don't know the first thing about running a business, so it's up to you. I can just be your chef or baker or whatever you call it, or I can help run the business. You'd have to train me, though. So it's whatever you want."

"Do you want to be both business partners and dating?"

He considers the thought. "Can't say I've ever thought about it, but you don't know until you try. Maybe we need to make sure we put boundaries in place and keep work and life separate as much as possible." He gives me a sly smile as he says it. "But I also don't want you to tarnish your brand. You started this, don't put me on the deeds and whatever unless you're sure, Kenna. You – and Elliott – were doing this. I don't want his memory erased."

"It won't be. I'll keep the special red velvet the same and the donation to charity. There are some other things I can do, like try and get in with some charities around the area. I was thinking of making some other new recipes or cake styles for sexual assault charities. I just don't know if it seems crass. The one for Elliott was personal, and I put his story to it, but not the full thing, so I don't know if doing it without mentioning why I'm doing it is too much."

He shakes his head and finishes his beer. "No. It gives to charity. Hell, you could do stuff with charities about it without saying his story. It gives you a personal touch. Not crass at all."

"I was thinking something like making it a safe haven for survivors or something, I don't know if it would be worth it. Don't know how to go about that thing, that's why I was thinking of going to charities. Maybe doing something for depression and stuff. If you want to."

"You're really dedicated to this, aren't you?"

"Yeah. I kinda think if there was more out there, maybe things for Elliott could've been better. Even if he had someone else to confide in, things could've been different. Maybe he still would've killed himself, but it could've been easier for him if there was something out there. If I can at least try to put it out there in any way I can, maybe one life could be saved, one more criminal could be charged, or one victim could find life a little more bearable. It'll be worth what we've all gone through."

"It's honestly amazing, and I'm fully behind it."

Cameron might be biased for many reasons: his feelings for me, what he's gone through, Elliott's story, all of it, but hearing him express his awe for my idea makes me smile. It'll be worth all this shit if I can just put something out there to make it easier for just one person.

I remember in the early days after Elliott's death reading that the Ancient Egyptians believed the dead were never really gone if you kept talking about them and remembering them. While they may have been in the afterlife, the living were still without them, but not if you kept them alive in your thoughts and speech. It's why they kept the hieroglyphics in temples and everywhere they went. It's why pharaohs built statues of themselves.

I don't think I believe in any form of afterlife, but I believe if I keep Elliott's memory alive by doing these little things: a cake for charity, talking about him, telling people (most of) his story, keeping this business going, it'll keep his soul alive for as long as possible. He should never have died or gone through what he went through; he should be alive now. So if I keep his legacy going, it'll all be worth something. There's nothing good to come out of his tragedy, but if it keeps one person in the future from feeling as hopeless and desperate as he did, then a silver lining will be there. 

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