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The Day of the Wedding

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    Tears are something I'm used to these days. Well, since last week. For the longest time, they were my best friends after everything with Elliott, and I left Bournemouth, they were frequent. Finally, they dried up after so long, but it felt like the forty days and forty nights must have for Jesus when he was fasting through the desert. Alone, desperate, determined.

After that, I didn't know them for years until last week. I trained myself not to cry last night as Cameron and I schemed and got everything ready. My phone buzzes in my hand.

'Everything is ready. I'll meet you there.'  Cameron.

It's time. Everything is ready. Lily didn't get back until six last night and just laughed it off as if she hadn't spent the entire week fucking my so-called fiancé.

I stare in the mirror and sigh with pride. I look fucking fantastic. It's not usual I pride myself on looking good. With my ginger hair, it makes it hard to get the right colours into my style, but I've pulled it off today. The wedding dress is amazing; a lace bodice with off-the-shoulder long sleeves. It's see-through, apart from my breasts, which are also pushed up to give an amazing cleavage. The skirt is plain but has a slit on the right, and it floats out in a puddle train. It looks amazing, especially for a beach wedding. My hair is down, flowing just over my shoulders, and curled, with two strands twirled back and clipped back with diamante clips. My makeup is subtle yet makes my usually pale skin stand out a bit more. We decided not to have flower bouquets because we didn't see the point.

The shaking of my hands as they move makes everything obvious, though. Despite the amazing look, there's something off. I look the picture of confidence until you look closer.

I have a little clutch bag for my phone and purse, plus a house key for this place, which I plan on giving to Cameron when I get there. We've planned everything perfectly. He'll run after me when I run away at the altar, bring me back here where I grab my stuff and we'll go. I'll have to stay in my wedding dress, but that's fine because it's so damn comfortable, too, and I want to get my money's worth out of it.

He says he's already packed his stuff and has it in his car. Knowing Cameron, he probably won't have much stuff anyway.

Once I'm in front of my dad, Luke, Mum and Lily in the lounge, they all start fussing, smiling, and in both Mum and Dad's case, crying.

"I never thought I'd see the day you start crying, Dad," I say.

"You look gorgeous." He pulls me into a tight hug. "My baby girl."

It's at this moment where I question my actions and how much I don't want to disappoint my parents more than anyone. Equally, I think they'll be more disappointed in Lily than anyone.

The thought of them seeing the photos makes me pause for a slight moment, but the need for this overwhelms everything else inside me. I've been humiliated worse, so it's all about balancing out the scales like the justice symbol.

"I love you, Dad." I hug him tight.

"Love you too, sweetheart."

Lily stands by the window, on her phone. She's been on it all morning so far, not even taking an interest in the wedding. She keeps claiming work is on her case, but I know that's a lie. The fact is, even if she wasn't screwing my fiancée, she's still being incredibly fucking rude. She's meant to be my maid of honour, but I guess who she's seeing is making her react this way.

It just fuels the fire in me where I know now that I need to just get out of here.

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    The moment the car rocks up, Cameron's already waiting for us. He's Luke's plus one, so it doesn't look weird that he's waiting. The car parks at the edge of the beach, and the marquee is there, with its back to us because it looks out to sea. Courtney's coming after me, with us having decided she'll come in after and walk up the aisle, so to speak, but she'll walk in herself with her maid of honour, who is her best friend. It's given me the perfect opportunity to enact my plan.

Everyone gets out of the car, leaving me for a second. Cameron's in a black suit, white shirt and his dark hair is gelled back, making him look a little different from usual. If I have to admit it, he looks pretty fucking hot in a suit.

Luke opens the car door for me, and I slowly get out, trying not to trap my shoes or dress. As I get out, Cameron meets my gaze before I stand properly and he looks my dress up and down.

"You look amazing, Kenna," he says. There's a sort of quiet shock to his tone, and I'm not sure what it means.

"Thanks, Cam," I say. To be honest, I know I look amazing. That's the whole point of me doing this.

"Can I speak to you before you go in there?" Cameron asks.

Luke laughs. "Gonna tell my sister you're in love with her or something?"

I laugh that off, hoping my cheeks don't flush like beetroots. No one knows me and Cameron slept together those years ago. Luke would beat the shit out of him if he knew, I've no doubt. Both Luke and Cameron are five years older than me on top of the whole big-brother-protective thing. He'd hate it; that's despite me being a fully consenting adult when it happened.

Will they think we're running off to be together later? Do I even care? Let them think what they want, I suppose.

"You wish, mate," Cameron jokes.

Luke laughs as my family walks off.

"You okay?" I ask. "Are you still up for this? You can back out if you want, I don't mind—"

"No, I'm okay with this." His eyes go over my dress again. "Kenna, you look..." He smiles. "...amazing."

"Thanks. Shame it's being wasted on a cheater, but there we go."

"Anyone cheating on you isn't worth it. She's worthless and wasting the best thing she's ever had. No offence to your sister."

Now I'm blushing. For fuck's sake.

"Cameron..." My voice trails off as I look away from him.

His whispered confessions in the dark of night come creeping back into my mind after six years of forgetting them. It's been six years, and there's no way they've come back. They're part of the reason I fled; it's too messy.

He coughs and composes himself. "No one's opened the envelopes so far. So whatever your plan is for them should work fine."

I nod. "Perfect. Thank you for everything."

Cameron shifts a little and almost blushes. It looks adorable, despite him being thirty years old and, well, Cameron. "You don't have to thank me."

I heave a breath. "Is it weird that I'm getting nervous?"

"No, I'd say in your circumstance, totally normal. Have you heard from her?"

I nod. "Very briefly last night to say she's excited about today. No phone call, no video call, nothing. Lily turned up at god knows what hour last night and she's been miserable as fuck. I assume because she thinks I'm about to marry her lover."

"It'll be fine, all right? Any problems, I'll be there. Second row. Just give me a nod and we'll run, okay? Otherwise, I'll stick to the plan."

"Amazing." I give my bag to him. "This has my house keys, my purse and phone. The car is all ready, right?"

"Yeah, my stuff is all packed. Just yours when we... you know."

"Perfect. We better get moving or people might think the worst."

"Kenna?"

I stop and meet his gaze. "Yeah?"

"You got this. The good people have to stick up for themselves, right?"

I smile and look down. Elliott.

Cameron puts a hand on my arm. "And you look amazing."

A smile finds its way onto my face. "Thank you. You look good in a suit, by the way."

We both grin before I turn and make my way to Lily.

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    The marquee is plain white, but it's massive and takes up a large part of the beach. It's kept open and as we're about to exchange vows, I spot the waves as they come in and out on the beach. People are walking past, peeking in and being nosey. They've put fairy lights around the place, put up little fake palm trees and made it look gorgeous inside. The white arch they put where I'm standing has pink flowers and fairy lights entwined around. It's everything I would've ever wanted to get married in, and I hate that I like it. It'll be ruined any moment now.

Courtney, as usual, looks fucking gorgeous. She's wearing a simple, smooth white dress that shows off her cleavage, but the back of her dress is down low and has a pearl thread across it. Her black hair is pulled into a low bun and she's wearing minimal makeup. She looks show-stopping, beautiful, and she knows it. There's a bashful expression on her face, white teeth showing. Bashful yet happy. This should be a happy wedding, right? But it's not. Lily's been staring daggers since she arrived.

Part of me doesn't want to do this: if I stay quiet and exchange my vows, I'll be married and I can go on pretending it's not real, right? I could continue living the lie, living my happy little life in London and pretend it's all fine.

Except it's not fine, it's not happy and it is a lie. If I did that, I'd just be miserable and legally tied to the pretty liar standing in front of me. I don't want that for myself, and I wouldn't want it for anyone I love either. This has to happen, even if it hurts my parents and brother sitting to my right.

There's a saying Mum used to repeat from Māori origin: a person who mistreats his guest has a dusty Marae. A marae is a meeting house in Māori cultures, but the phrase means that someone who mistreats his visitors will soon find he has none at all. It's meant to show the importance of hospitality in society, but I kind of see it the same if you mistreat people, people will stop liking you.

If I get married and continue living this lie, I enable her behaviour. I've stopped loving Courtney in a matter of days, and she's mistreating me. So is Lily. Soon enough, I'll just end up being a miserable, lonely woman no one wants to see. I'll become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Courtney will take me down with her, and I'll just be her doormat.

I have to do this to stick up for myself.

The celebrant continues her introduction, which I zoned out of, and I continue holding Courtney's hands like there's nothing wrong.

"This place in which we are all now met has been duly sanctioned, according to the law, for the celebration of marriages," the celebrant continues. She takes a breath.

I catch Cameron's eyes. He's sitting on the edge of the second row, and he gives me the tiniest nod to say it's all okay. My hands are like leaves, and my teeth are slowly chattering despite it not being cold.

"We are here today to witness the joining in matrimony of this couple: Courtney and Kenna, and to share in their happiness," she continues. Here it comes. "If there is any person here present who knows of any lawful impediment to this marriage, then they should declare it now."

There's a split second of silence. I let go of Courtney's hands. Bile swishes in my stomach. This is it.

"I do." My voice is so quiet, I'm not sure I actually said it at first, but everyone turns to me.

"What?" Courtney asks. Her voice is a squeak, unsure.

Usually in the movies, this is where someone usually declares they're still in love with the bride and they run away together. Why do I suddenly wish that was the case? Maybe Elliott would suddenly be alive and whisk me off my feet.

Cameron catches my eye and nods.

Why do I feel like in a random scenario, he would stand up and declare that he's in love with me, and we'd run away together? Maybe he could do that, and we'd be in a fake relationship so people wouldn't have to look at these horrendous photos.

Would it be fake after everything?

"Kenna, what're you doing?" Courtney asks.

"What's going on?"

"I don't understand."

"Kenna, what's going on?"

The celebrant stands forward a little. "Is everything okay?"

My heart pounds in my chest, warning me away from saying anything more. This is the last moment I get to change my mind before everything changes.

My eyes go out to the beach where the waves lap in and out, happy screaming and laughing erupt from the beach outside. Happy families, couples, people enjoying the sunny day out there, and despite us being on the same beach, we're in a little bubble of our own here. A secret away from the world.

Right now, I can carve out my own destiny.

Patty and Leo released Elliott's ashes out here. We spread him out in the sea so he could be free where he wanted to be every day. What would he do right now?

Well, if he was here, I'd be marrying him in a heartbeat. But if he was on the sideline, he would tell me to do the very thing that would cause more pain if it meant the greater good was me not being trapped.

That means carrying on with the plan because, as Elliott would say: 'the best people always go through the shit. For once, the good people should rise and tell the world to go fuck itself.' That's what he would have said before he went through the shit. I told him that before we went to the police.

I wish I had never told him to do that. Sometimes the right thing can fuck us over like it did to Elliott. But he never blamed me. I know he didn't. He told me in the letter. Regardless, he would always tell the good people to stand up for themselves. That's why I have to do it now.

I clear my throat and face the guests. "Now is the time to open the envelopes in your seats."

"What the hell is going on?"

"Kenna, what's going on?" Courtney repeats. There's a small laugh on her face, tears in her eyes.

"Oh my god."

Lily stands up, rage contorting her usually placid expression. "What the fuck have you done?"

"Oh my god. Robert, don't—"

"Jesus Christ. Get these away from me."

My dad looked. Of course he did. That's the only thing I'll feel bad about.

Gasps ring out.

Courtney looks around, unsure, until Lily throws her copy at me.

"How could you? You're my sister!" Lily screams.

I laugh. "You're meant to be my sister." There should be pain in my chest from the hurt I'm causing, right? I should be feeling bad right now, but there's nothing but pure satisfaction in seeing the two of them hurting right now. It overpowers anything I might be questioning in my soul right now.

Courtney bends down and looks at one photo before falling back on the sand, tears streaking her perfect makeup down her face. "What the fuck? How did— Kenna?"

She looks up at me from the floor. Mascara is running down her cheeks like black blood—the colour of her soul. Usually, the sight of her crying would have me in a panic, and force me to do anything to make her happier. Right now, I'm relishing it. Power is coursing through my veins like I'm a video game boss, and I'm untouchable.

"My fiancée has been having an affair with my little sister. So, yeah, I know of one lawful reason not to get married. Enjoy your wedding day, Courtney. I hope it was all worth it. I'm out. You two are welcome to each other."

"Kenna!"

I don't even bother waiting for an explanation, reaction or someone to say something, I just walk back down the aisle, shoes in hand.

Lily is standing on the sand. "How the fuck could you? Those photos... our parents saw those, you bitch!"

She comes for me, hand in the air, lunging for me.

"Don't touch her." Cameron's in front of me, pushing Lily away from me as her arms come down.

"You saw those photos! Those are me! People just saw—"

"Saw you fucking my girlfriend—ex-girlfriend. Yeah. You're the bitch here, Lily. I don't feel bad. You're welcome to each other."

I continue away from her as she screams, running after me, but I'm quicker without my shoes as I make a break away from the chaos and carnage they created and get to clean up for themselves. The clear hurt they're both going through and the embarrassment is only what they've done to me, and now Courtney gets to lie in the bed she made. 

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