"He was depressed?!" He yelled toward the manager in confusion and fury. All the members eyes wider in disbelief looking at the manager for answers.

~

3rd POV
The manager was quiet at first debating on wether he should say anything, "From what I know he had been for a while now even before he came, he had gotten help and was getting better.Though FOR SOME REASON recently his doctor was reporting that he was falling back into old patterns asking for the pills again."

"I don't understand why didn't he just say that instead of always showing that irritating smile like he was ok?" Hobi said extremely frustrated

Jimin was about to once again jump on the boy when he watched Jin slap his cheek almost as hard as jimin did to him. Startling all the boys, Jin was never one for violence in the first place.

"Shut up just shut your damn mouth" he spat turning back to manager-nim. "Why was he depressed?" he asked as calmly as he could. "Honestly I don't know the whole situation, his family is really....... All I know is there was an incident and he and his brother had to be put into a psychiatric hospital for a while. Taehyung got out earlier than expected when they tried out a new program with him-."

"Love Yourself" yoongi said interrupting him. He was one of the ones who helped put it together, picking different songs and finding ways for them to connect to the patient. Thinking about it he started to feel a stabbing pain in his chest and eyes stinging for tears.

"Hyungs" kook said limping up to four the note in his hand. "I think you should read it" he said pushing it in Jin's chest and walking off.

"I'm saying this now and have the approval of PD-nim, you are all suspended for a month. No pay, no outings, all concerts and fan meets have been cancelled, you may not leave this dorm out of practice, food and any other items you NEED will be provided for you." manager-nim said walking out and slamming the door behind him.

Jimin and jungkook went back upstairs, slipping into Tae's room lying on his bed trying to calm themselves. The others left in the same spot, staring at the eldest waiting for a reaction.

Jin POV

Honestly I'm scared, I'm scared once I know what I purposely blinded myself to I'll have to face it. Face the fact that I was weak, I'm the eldest and I let this happen. All I ever do is sit and watch, everyone was slowly falling and I just watched. I deserve this, I'll take responsibility now I'll listen to you.

Tae's Letter

If your reading this- Who am I kidding of coarse you wouldn't read it. Ah wait why am I writing everything, nevermind. Jin smiled a bit at this

I guess I should start off by saying 'Sorry' before you get bored with this. I honestly don't know what I did to make you all hate me so much but I really am sorry. Coming in it was never my intention to mess things up for you all, I wanted so much to be a part of the group.

To be honest I had a lot of trouble before I came, something happened to me and I got really depressed around the time I was in high school. I always felt alone, tortured by my memories, I let myself fall into the darkness. It was painful and scary, I started having suicidal thoughts I wanted to die and just get it over with.

Unfortunately I was never very successful when it came to trying. I was hospitalized four times for suicide attempts, the last time I was sent to a psychiatric hospital. I was separated from someone who used to be very close me and that just made things worse. I was begging my parents to just give up on me, my theory was that I would find peace after I died.

Whether its true or not I know I was just running away from the issue, whenever I had to talk to the Dr. I just sat staring at him occasionally answering a question. After six months of me slowly fading away leaving an empty shell behind, the hospital started offering a new program.

It was called 'Love Yourself' I'm sure it'll sound familiar to some of you. That program was my parents last hope for me, I came off more sane than my brother but that's because I'd do more harm to myself than to others.

When I started the program It was just a way to listen to some good music oppose to sitting in my room all day.I remember listening to one song in particular, I'd listen to it everyday. Sometimes all through the day nonstop, I started doing that again recently too. Sea

Gonna put some of the English lyrics here

I know I know
That I will
I know I know
Overcome my trials
I know I know
It exposes me
What I rely on
Think positively, swallow
Even if I'm anxious, even if a desert
It's the beautiful Namib Desert

Where there is hope, there are trials
Where there is hope, there are trials
Where there is hope, there are trials
Where there is hope, there are trials

Not sure when it happened but I came back, though I was never really gone just beneath the surface of myself hiding out.

When the second part of the program started they were teaching us basic music skills, piano, song writing etc. I got really involved in it after a month I had completely learned the piano, was writing songs and even tried singing some of them.

The staff told BangPD-nim about me and he came to pay me a visit, that went on for two months. He came in every so often to see my progress. When we started talking more about the program and making it better he mentioned some of you helping.

When you guys first debuted I was not really in the state to enjoy music I guess, so I had never heard of you. When I told him my favorite song he was really delighted to hear, even told me it was yours.

Everything was changing for me an you guys were the cause, your music helped me. I told him I wanted to thank you all, he said he'd make a deal with me. It seemed he was already in contact with my parents, asking if it would be ok for me to debut as a singer as crazy as that sounds.

If I could pass all my psych tests and get granted leave, he would let me join the group. I really didn't understand all that came with it at the time, I just really wanted to meet you. It took me four months but I finally did it, during that time I took dancing, acting, and singing lessons to try and help.

Everything felt like it was perfect, for once in a long time I felt genuinely happy. Despite everything that has happened I still want to thank you. I never got a chance to before but I really wanted you to know what you did for me.

Meeting you wasn't what I expected, it occurred to me that even though I was obsessing over you, you had no idea who I was. It hurt a bit but the excitement of being able to be with you guys all the time far out weighed my disappointment.

I could tell you all weren't thrilled to have a new member but i figured that things would get better after a while and they did. I started to feel closer to you but by then my insecurities came up, I worried that if I told you about my past you wouldn't continue to like me.

I started to close myself off little by little faking emotions to please you, i wonder if that had something to do with you guy's attitude towards me. Slowly but surely name calling and exclusion turned into cruel jokes and beatings.

It hurt you know I do feel pain, it was hardest on me emotionally though. You guys were everything, I loved you more than you'd know. Part of me felt like I owed it to you to let you do what you wanted, the other part was selfish and wanted to recieve your love in return.

Regretfully it seems even in the end I still wasn't able to. That day in the practice room, it wasn't on purpose. I slipped on sweat and fell on Jungkook, I'd never do that on purpose.

That honestly hurt more than the beating I got afterward, the fact that you thought I would hurt any of you.

I had enough enduring and enduring thing after thing, but I don't want to go back to my old self. My broken self. So the best thing to do was leave, though I doubt you would protest. Sorry if I made your lives difficult I only had good intentions, not sure where i went wrong.

You can call me stupid but, even through everything I still think of you guys as my saviors. I hope this helps you understand and just maybe you won't hate me anymore.

Gomabseubnida, Saranghae

Happy New Year 🎊 I hope you guys enjoy this chapter. The note felt kind of forced to me but i tried really hard to get it all out there. 😖Hope it wasnt any confusion or seemed like too much for a note. 2018 BABY BTS LETS GO😁😁