Weeks went by and my situation had not changed, not one bit. Misery had become my middle name. Sadness lingered all around my life.

I missed Paul. I missed everything I had done with him. One day I went back to the place that held a lot of memories for me. I took the route that Paul and I had taken on our first date, the walk we had had.

I walked very slowly, hoping to catch a preview of the moments we had shared. Every step I took felt like I was with him, I felt like he was there with me, whispering to me sweet words that I loved to hear, the way it had been on that day.

When I reached the church, I couldn't help but drop a tear because that is where he had first held my hand. He had been so protective of me that I thought he wanted me forever.

He had held my hand so tight, I had drowned in him. I remembered how he had looked into my eyes, searching for the deepest treasures that I had kept hidden inside me. It had felt so real, and that's why I had allowed him to access my heart.

And now, it was all gone. I tried to forget him but how could I? How could I live without the air that gave me life?
He was my oxygen, but he was no longer with me. He was keeping another girl alive.

"Lucky bitch," I spat.

My life had become meaningless. At that point I knew that I had lost my angel forever. I had to accept the fact that I was heartbroken and alone. I knew that I had to let him go. Even when it was going to be the hardest thing for me. I realized that crying for him was never going to bring him back.

Only Caroline knew what I was going through and she had done a lot of baby sitting to me. "She's probably sick of all this. I can't put her through this anymore," I said to myself.

The rest of my friends didn't know that I was torn into pieces, that I was a broken little girl. They didn't know that something was consuming me. They used to see me smile, but they never knew what hid beneath the smile.

I was good at pretending, so I acted like I was happy whenever I met them. I decided to keep my misery from affecting the happiness and the lives of the other people around me. It was time to change.

I decided that killing my happiness over a boy who didn't want me was useless.
I had to learn to live without Paul. The first thing I did was to delete his number and all the texts he had sent me. I deleted every trace of him from my phone, my room, and in my head.

Well Jenny, it's time to move on.

It was going to take time but I was gonna learn, someday. I knew that I would be over him if I focused on other things. Things that I loved, things like my family, career and my friends.

Day by day I taught myself to avoid thinking about him, till it became a habit. I made myself a fixed time table that never gave me time to think about him, or about falling in love soon. I'd wake up, jog, go to school, volunteer at the public library, go back home, freshen up, eat, and sleep then redo the cycle the following day.

After all the struggle I went through to forget Paul, I concluded that, the brightest smiles, hide the toughest pain and the darkest of secrets.

I promised myself that I would never let any man play around with my feelings like that ever again. I decided to change, change for the better and make myself ten times even better.

**********

I

t had been two months since I had started volunteering at the library. One Monday afternoon when I came to do my shift, Mrs Lance told me that I was no longer going to be a volunteer.

"Mrs Lance please give me another chance, I'll do better," I begged.

"Why? What are you begging for?"
she asked.

"I don't want to leave the library."

"And who said you're leaving?"

I was confused.

"I thought you're letting me go!"

"Silly girl, no. I'm giving you a real job. From today onwards, you'll be paid for working here."

I couldn't believe what I had just heard. I covered my mouth in shock. "Oh my God! Are you serious Mrs Lance?" I asked.

"Yes, I'm sure."

I threw my arms around her, wrapping her into the biggest hug I had given someone in a long time. "Thank you so much Mrs Lance. Thank you so very much."

She looked at my face and told me the sweetest words I had ever heard. " You're beautiful hard working girl. You totally deserve this and I wish you all the best. I know you'll make me proud."

I was so happy that I called Caroline immediately and told her the good news. That night Carol and Rose took me for dinner to celebrate. After eating, Carol raised her glass of white wine and proposed a toast. "To new and happy beginnings." My sister and I raised our glasses and toasted with her. "To new and happy beginnings." We had had such a beautiful night.

During the six months I had worked at the library, I had read a lot of books and developed a desire to tell my own story. I didn't have the resources to start out strong so I started writing on Wattpad, an app that had been introduced to me by a certain friend of mine. Within two months I finished writing and published on Wattpad.
My book received massive views and attention that it got featured on many accounts and sites.

One day I was contacted by a company that wanted to publish my book in hard copies.
"Is this really happening!" I had said.
I was filled with joy after I signed the publishing contract. My book got published and copies were sold all over the world.

When I had been called to speak at the book launch, this is what I had said, "I believed in myself, and victory was my reward. Trust God, and believe that you can make it through whatever it is that you're going through. Thank you."

It was amazing how a story that I was once ashamed to tell, was now one I told with joy. I had decided to love my scars and I had been surprised about how beautiful they had become. They had given me a story, a story that inspired millions of young girls all over the world, and that, I was proud of.

The End