Shades of happiness
Emma kept her promise. She began visiting me every day when the first shadows of the night were falling. I wished I could see her pretty face in the daylight, too. But I thought that maybe she was afraid of spying eyes and venomous gossip which might have reached her husband's ears. We never talked about him anyway. When we were together it was only I and she.
We used to walk the shores, with the sharp wind caressing our faces. I was telling her about the local people, as little as I knew about them, and about my daily life. During our first walks, she looked hesitant and retained, barely looking at me. Later, she began to feel more comfortable. Sometimes, our hands were looking for each other and our fingers touched. She sometimes raised her eyes to me, watching me with an eerie glare.
Night after night, she looked more at peace with her and ourselves, and she soon turned into the old Emma. The one that I knew and loved. And I... I felt in Heaven each time she smiled. Each time I could hear her laughter. Or simply watch her. Sometimes, we didn't have to say anything. Knowing her next to me was enough. I couldn't have asked for more.
But when the night was over and the first sparks of the day were lightening the horizon, she was leaving, asking me not to follow her. And I always obeyed, in fear a reckless gesture of mine might chase her away and never return.
For a while, the presence that tormented me stopped visiting. Until one night. Emma had left, leaving me with a worried heart just as each time she was going, praying to see her again the next night.
I laid down on my bed in the attic, watching the shadows that were dancing with the wind on the walls. The branches of the tree in front of the window brought to life old fears that I used to have buried deep in my mind. And then, something moved near the old wardrobe in the corner of the room. I was sure it wasn't the shadow of the wardrobe. Someone was watching me from the shadows. I jumped to my feet and saw it. The shadow took shape. It was the creature. So close. So dangerous.
That moment, I was more frightened than ever. But I had to face it. I needed to. I stepped closer, hesitating. Oddly, it felt as if I couldn't get to the corner. It kept moving further and further as if a long tunnel was keeping me from knowing what the shadows were hiding. But even so, I could feel that that unearthly being was there. I could hear its heavy, dark clothes rustling. I could see its eyes glistening, two small lights piercing the darkness.
With trembling hands, I lightened up a candle. I wanted to see whatever that was, to convince myself I wasn't going mad. But what I was about to see was beyond my comprehension. The being didn't have the head covered anymore. Yet, its face was changing, turning, one after another, into the face of a woman, and then, into that of a man. I was terrified. And the fear grew as I saw the face of my mother as I remembered it from my childhood changing into the face of the old butler that was my mentor. And even if I missed their faces, the way they were shown to me was giving me the creeps. Then, the tunnel began to get shorter, and now the creature was heading towards me, its arm reaching out for me. The candle went off, leaving me a pray to the darkness.
"No! Don't touch me! Get away from me!" I yelled, waving my hands to chase it away. And then... Then I found myself curled up on the floor. The being was gone. Outside, the wind was howling, making the branches stretching their shadow on the room's wall, taking shape of the apparition that just left.
When I met Emma the next day, the memory of the last night was still present. She noticed my worry. And, like never before, she sat beside me on the bench in my back garden. I felt her soft, small hand, touching mine.
"Why didn't you gave up thinking about me?" she asked without looking at me.
Her question took me by surprise. It was the first time when she was talking about our feelings. About us.
"I tried. I really tried. I just couldn't. Not even the distance, my new home, or my new preoccupations couldn't take my mind away from you. And my biggest regret was that I couldn't tell you what I felt... Before you─"
"─ before I married a man I didn't love."
I slowly nodded. I had finally revealed my feelings to her. I've waited for it for so long. It always seemed so hard. Yet, it was so easy.
"Do you realize how strange it is to meet again this way?" she said, still avoiding to look at me.
Yes, I could tell it was not right. She, a married woman, disillusioned in her marriage to a rich, powerful man, was visiting a recluse young man. I could understand her remorse.
"Maybe I shouldn't come anymore... You shouldn't look for me either..."
Her words felt like a dagger in my heart. I couldn't bear to fall away from her again. Not now. Not just yet. And I had to tell her. I couldn't any longer hide what I felt.
"Emma, we could meet again. You can leave your husband if he can't make you happy. You can live here, with me. I won't hurry you. I can wait for you forever..."
But she shook her head no, "But it's wrong! It's not normal for this to happen!" And tears were falling from her pretty eyes.
I didn't intend to make her sad. So I took her by the hand and led her to the middle of the garden. And then, I asked for a dance. It was not in my nature to be spontaneous, but that night was different. Surreal. Magical.
As clumsy as I was, I slowly put my hand on her waist. She shivered at the touch of my hand. I've never been invited to any of the balls in my master's house. But I've often watched from behind the pylons of the balcony the guests dancing under the glittering chandeliers on the melodic rhythms of the orchestra.
"What are you doing?" she asked in amazement, yet she let herself led by me.
"Can't you see? We're dancing..."
She finally smiled, her eyes still sad though.
"But we don't have the music..."
"Of course we have. Just listen."
And as we stopped talking, the night began to sing. The wind among the trees, the tall, dry grass and the waves of the sea in the distance were the best orchestras we could have ever asked for. And the moon above chased away the gray clouds, shining brighter than before, the brightest chandelier I've ever seen.
We were gently floating on chords that took us to other worlds, making us forget about all. She cuddled to my chest. I could feel her heart beating like coming out of her chest and jumping into mine. A few locks detached from her bun, caressing my cheek. Emma was smiling, her eyes closed. I could now watch her at will. I could see her eyelashes trembling, frail wings of a butterfly. I could breathe her sweet breath. And her lips, ripe strawberries kissed by the sun. I wished that moment could last forever. I wished the time would freeze and capture us inside its still arms. To live that instant over and over again.
And, without knowing when or how, our mouth came closer and closer, until melting and blending into a breathless kiss. I hungered for her soft, trembling mouth. I could never have enough of her wet, warm lips. I don't remember how long our kiss lasted. It could have been an eternity or a split second just as well.
It was the rain with heavy, cold drops which came out of nowhere that made our lips break apart. Emma smiled at me, shrugging like a little girl being caught doing a prank. We've stayed there, in the rain for a little longer, unable to move, in fear we might break off the charm that brought us so close. Then, our mouths met again, more ardent, more hungered than before. I could feel her warm body trembling beneath that thin dress she was wearing, now all wet. Nothing else mattered. It was only us and the rain. Raindrops and kisses.
When the rain shower increased, we ran to the house, laughing and giggling like two children. Emma wrapped herself in a blanket she found on the sofa while I made the fire and lightened some candles to light up our happiness. She cuddled on the sofa and fell asleep in a blink of an eye. I sat on the floor, next to the sofa, intending to write. But I couldn't. I was overwhelmed with a feeling I have never felt before. That's how happiness must have felt. And as the whole world was sleeping, I was whispering to her words I never dared to whisper before. Words that only my heart knew. I promised I would protect her for the rest of my days. And beyond...
She was sleeping, a slight smile still on her lips. I rested my head on the edge of the sofa, the jasmine scent of her dress conquering all my senses. I tried to fall asleep, drunk by her presence so close to me. When I was about to step into the land of dreams, a cold drift woke me up. All the candles went off, although I was sure I had closed all the windows and the door. Outside, the raindrops were scarce now. Only a few isolated light-bolts could still be seen on the horizon. I got up to find the open window and close it. The clock showed a few hours after midnight. Emma has never stayed that long and I was happy to know I would find her here in the morning. I discovered the door on the porch was open. And then, I felt that presence again. It was right there, in the middle of the porch, watching me without blinking. Seeing it again made my whole body shiver. With trembling hands, I closed the door and pulled the heavy curtains, although I knew that creature could get inside at will, as it did before. I could hear the stray dog I adopted howling at the sight of it. I couldn't see it, but I knew that presence troubled the poor dog just as much as it troubled me.
I rushed to light a candle, hoping the light would chase the creature away. I headed towards the sofa, thinking about defending Emma from the dark menace outside. But she was gone, leaving me again troubled and alone. Thinking that it might have been the last time I've seen her...
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