Ethan's a good guy, and if my feelings were to ruin the friendship we have because I selfishly wanted him just for myself, I'd rather murder my feelings to save what we share.

Iyan ang paulit-ulit kong tinu-toktok sa isipan habang nagmumukmuk dito sa clinic ng Junior High School.

Ang layo ng pinadpad ko ano? Syempre talagang gusto kong mapag-isa at kampante akong hindi na ako mahahanap ni Ethan dito. At syempre hindi ko na naman sinipot sina Yna at Ivy. Tadtad nanga akong sms at phone calls galing sa kanila eh.

Kaya para matigil sila, nag text nalang akong umuwi na dahil sa tawag ng kalikasan. Review lang ulit ngayong hapon kaya hindi ko na inisip pang pumasok sa homeroom class.

At nakuha ko pang i-excuse ang sarili ko kay ma'am, sinabi ko lang namang masama ang pakiramdam ko kaya malinis padin ang record ko. Syempre kung mag s-skip ako ng class aba'y gamitan ko narin ng utak.

At para hindi talaga ako mahuli sa pinag gagawa kong kaartehan sa buhay, dito ako jhs clinic tumambay kasi kaibigan ko ang nurse in-charge. She sometimes visit at dad's clinic, she's friends with nurse Pia.

"Oh, Louise may sinat ka ata?"

"Po?" agad akong napahawak sa noo ko't leeg. Madalas lang akong napapagod lately pero hindi ko naman feel na sinisinat na pala ako ngayon.

"Check natin tonsils mo," aniya at pina open ang bibig ko ng todo para matignan ng maayos. "Masakit ba kapag lumulunok ka?"

Wala naman akong maalalang masakit ang lalamunan ko kaya sinubukan ko ulit na lumunok para sigurado. "Hindi naman po, nurse Jecky."

"Medjo namamaga ang tonsils mo, baka ngayon lang 'to kaya hindi mo pa nararamdaman." I nodded at her feeling a bit worried. "Madalas kabang mapagod?"

"Opo,"

"Halata naman, you look pale." wika nito sabay nguso sa mga labi ko. She also checked my under eye and pinched my fingers. "Do you find yourself breathing slow or fast?"

Napaisip naman ako. Kapag kinakabahan? Kapag kaharap, nakakausap at natitigan si Ethan? Should I say that? "No," I snapped,
refusing my mind.

I am not expecting this, sinadya kong pumarito para mag skip ng klase pero heto ako't tinatakot ni nurse Jecky.

"Ok, I suggest you need to get rid of stressors that's causing you too much distress. Kilala kita, grabe ka kung magbabad sa pag-aaral mo, Louise."

"Opo," napangiwi ako. Lagot ako kina mom at dad nito. "Nurse Jecky," tawag ko nang umalis na ito sa harapan ko.

"I'll zip my mouth if you'll tell me what are you doing here in my clinic, Louise."

I gasped. How did she even know my schemes! "Because I'm sick?"

"Yeah, says who wasn't aware of her sickness before checking up on you." she said, narrowing her eyes on me while crossing her arms on her chest. "You're a terrible, liar, Louise."

"I'm skipping, classes!" agap ko saka mariing napa pikit.

Agh! Maling desisyon na naman ang ginawa ko sa buhay. Why it didn't crossed my mind that she's not only nurse Pia's friend? Since I was a kid, mom and dad always took me in every medical missions they do and I made friends with everyone I met.

At hindi lang si nurse Jecky at nurse Pia ang nakakalaro ko dati, siguro lahat ng mga taong katrabaho nina Dad and Mom.

"That's interesting to hear, for someone who's dedicated in her studies."

"Nurse, Jecky..." I pleaded.

"Oh siya, hindi na kita kukulitin. Pahinga kana riyan, don't forget to drink this." wika nito at may inabot na gamot.

"Thank you po!" masaya kong sabi sabay ngisi ng malaki.

Nasermonan panga ako bago umalis si nurse Jecky. Sabi niya pasalamat daw ako kasi marami siyang ginagawa at wala siyang oras para sabayan ako sa trip ko o magsumbong kina mama.

I took a deep breath while I roamed my eyes around the clinic. Na-miss ko bigla ang kwarto, talagang sakitin ako simula pagkabata dahil mahina raw ang resistensya ko. Kaya naging suki ako ng clinic kasi ayaw ko namang um-absent noon, pero ngayon ang lakas ng loob kong lumiban ng klase.

Sa tanang buhay ko naman, ngayon ko lang din 'to ginawa. Gusto ko lang din kasing makapag-isip patungkol sa pagbabanta ni Farita sa akin.

She really likes to threat people for her convenience, kahit noong mga bata kami ganoon na ang ugali niya. At sabi ko nga, ako madalas ang pinagti-tripan niya.

Siguro ang pinaka huli niyang ginawa ay noong second year high school kami at iyon ata ang pinakalala sa lahat ng mga pranks na ginagawa niya. Nalintikan siguro siya ng saltik noon na humantong pa sa pagdurugo ng ilong ko.

P.E. class noon at mahilig nga ang instructor namin na paglaruin lang kami sa gym ng kahit ano at kinahiligan naman nang lahat ang paglalaro ng volleyball. Kaya lagi naming kalaro ang kabilang section na hawak din ni sir at nagiimport pa kami ng players para dagdag sa thrill.

Farita always play in our class however that day, tinamaan nga siya ng saltik at nakipag palit sa kabilang section. Nagulat nga kami roon dahil lagi niyang bukambibig na ipapanalo niya ang section namin sa bawat laro pero bigla siyang naglaro para sa kabila.

Yun pala may masamang binabalak ang kampon ng kasamaan ni Ursula.
Varsity player si Farita kaya magaling talaga siya at walang kahit nakakasalo ng mga bola niyang palung-palo naman talaga sa mga palad niya.

Buti nalang magaling din sina Yna at Ivy kaso kahit sila pang dalawa ang mag tulungan eh naghuhuramentado lang ang magaling na si Farita kasama ang mga kasabwat niya sa kabilang section.

Maayos naman yung laro, nakaka score parin kami kahit papaano. Sobrang nagkakasiyahan nanga kami kasi nagtatagal yung rally sa bola at nung pinahinto muna kami for break time, doon siya naglangitngit ng lagim.

Pumasok kasi ang mga lalaking kaklase namin kasama na ang mga lalaki sa kabila dahil tapos na sila sa larong soccer at nanalo raw ang section namin noon. Panonoorin daw nila ang girls na maglaro at napagtripan nang kabilang section na mag pustahan nang malaman nilang naglalaro si Farita sa team nila.

Alam naming disadvantage 'yon para sa'min pero natuloy padin kasi katuwaan lang naman. Syempre kasama si Ethan doon dahil napilit lang din. Also that time, Ethan happened to bring us drinks kasi nagpabili si Ivy sa kanya.

Feeling ko doon nagsimulang ma trigger si Farita kasi nakita niya kaming dalawa ni Ethan na nag share ng iisang inumin. Pero hindi ko naman kasalanan dahil si Ethan ang biglang nang agaw sa mogu jelly ko at naki-inom nga.

We got back to the game and everyone went back to game mode. At mukang sineryoso nanga ng lahat ang paglalaro lalong-lalo na si Farita. Her excuse was that she got carried away, which is why her heavy spikes kept coming at me from time to time.

Setter ako kaya malabong hindi niya sinasadya na sa akin lagi ang direksyon ng bola niya. I did manage to receive her balls but I have my limit. Hindi naman kasi ako magaling tulad nila Ivy at Yna, marunong lang ako at napapagod din.

Yna was supposed to be the first touch of the ball at sa akin ang pangalawa para ma set ko para kay Ivy. Pero dahil sa kalokohan ni Farita, ako ang nauuwing reciever at sa bawat malakas niyang palo ay pinapahirapan akong gumalaw.

Nagkataon pang umalis si sir noon at wala na ngang nagbabantay. Napansin naman ng team ang ginagawa ng kabila kaya galit na nagpatigil muna ng laro si Ivy.

"Sira ulo ka ba ha, Farita?" sugod nito
sa tapat ng net kung saan nakangisi lang si Farita. "Kanina ka pa ah, alam mo namang setter si Kristin!" talagang nagagalit na ungot ni Ivy.

"Problem mo, Nevada? Edi sisirin niyo yung bola... Agawin niyo kay, Austria. Magaling kayo 'diba?" iyan ang sagot ni Farita that made Ivy almost punch her in the face, but we managed to hold her back just in time.

Of course that cause a commotion on Farita's side at dagdag sulsol pa ang mga boys sa kanila. Talagang nag-init ang ulo ng mga kasamahan namin.

"Boo! Walang sportsmanship ang kabilang section!"

"Mga weak! Mga pikon, laro lang naman 'yan girls!"

"Ang OA niyo, girls! Hoy, Nevada ang OA mo!"

Iyan lang naman ang mga sigawan nila na talagang nakakagalit din pakinggan. Inawat na namin si Ivy at pinakalma, kinausap pa nila ako para mag palit ng role at pumayag naman ako. Ginawa nila akong libero para lagi lang akong nasa likod.

But that doesn't stop Farita, whenever she spikes hard again, the ball always finds its way to me. And for fvck's sake sobrang sakit niyon.

"Tin, ayos kalang?!" puno ng pag aalalang wika nila ng tumama sa dibdib ko ang bola dahil hindi ko iyon nakuha.

Tang-ina, napamura nga ako no'n eh kaya gulat na gulat ang lahat. I nodded to them, and they helped me stand up straight. Nakita ko pa ang malaking bungisngis ni Farita na talagang umakyat sa ulo ko't, nakakaramdam nadin ako ng inis.

Nakikita naman siguro nang lahat na talagang nananadya si Farita pero lintik lang at nagpatuloy padin sa paghiyawan ang mga lalaki. Para sa kanila nakakatuwa ang ginawa niya. Patalo pa nga kami tapos nagsasaya rin ang mga boys sa section namin. Mga walang modo.

I scanned through the bleachers as the game started again and caught Ethan's eyes staring heavily at me. His worried gaze made my heart skip a beat.

I could feel the intensity of his concern, and it held me captive. I couldn't look away. The world around me faded, and it was just the two of us, locked in that moment.

My teammates' shouts of fiery war na para bang nasa gitna talaga kami ng totoong laro were drowned out by the pounding of my heart.

I knew I should be paying attention to the game, but I couldn't break free from Ethan's gaze. His eyes were filled with so much emotion, and I found myself drawn to them, unable to look away.

Suddenly, I heard my name being called, but it was too late. When I finally tore my eyes away from Ethan and turned back to the net, I saw the volleyball hurtling toward me.

I barely had time to react before it slammed into my face with brutal force. Pain exploded in my nose, and I fell to the floor, disoriented.

The world spun around me as I lay there, clutching my face. I could feel the warm, sticky blood trickling from my nose. My teammates rushed over, their voices a chaotic mix of concern and panic. But all I could think about was Ethan, and how his worried eyes had distracted me.

"Tin ayos kalang?"

"Shit, dumudugo ilong niya! Tawagin niyo si sir Migs!" rinig kog sigaw ni Ivy.

Dumating nga si Sir Migs habang dumudoble na ang mga pagmumukha ng mga kaklase ko sa aking paningin. My head was pounding and I could only felt my heart that day, exploding.

"Anong nangyari girls?! Boys kumuha kayo ng stretcher dali!" I could sense the fury in Sir Migs voice na mas lalong dumagdag sa ingay na naririnig ko.

Naghahalo sa aking pandinig ang bulyawan, sisihan at isang yabag ng mga paang nagmamadali. Agad kong hinanap kung kanino iyon galing nang sumalubong sa aking paningin ang pagmumukha ni Ethan.

I saw him stand looking down at me before kneeling and reached for my head.

"Look at me, Tin. Look into my eyes, you'll gonna be safe." iyon ang narinig ko galing sa kanya bago niya ako binuhat papaalis sa sahig.

Hindi na nakapaghintay si Ethan sa stretcher no'n at agad akong sinugod sa clinic. I found myself smiling recalling that incident where I unconsciously followed what he said and that really kept me awake.

Feeling ko no'n ligtas na ligtas ako sa mga mata niyang parang yumayakap sa lalim at init ng pagtitig. I just felt so safe and sound in his arms, eyes, presence and everything about him.

Pagkatapos nang insidenteng iyon ay pinatawag kami sa guidance dahil nagsumbong si Ivy kay Sir Migs, tapos hayon parang loka-loka lang si Farita na inamin din naman ang ginawa niya na para sa kanya ay "prank" lang at hindi niya sinasadya.

Nakakagago hindi ba?

And weeks after, Farita started again picking on me just like in pre-school and grade school... None-stop.

Tapos ngayong senior na kami, pilit ko nang iniiwasang mangyari iyon kaya hindi niyo ako masisisi kung bakit ko inaayawan si Ethan.

Nung pang-invite panga lang sa akin ni Anne eh, I felt so much threat na, ngayon pa kaya na nanggaling na mismo sa bibig ni Farita?

Eh kung kayo nasa sitwasyon ko, anong gagawin niyo? At kung malaman nina Ivy ang banta sa akin ni Farita, paniguradong susugod 'yon para sa akin. Tapos kung sasabihin ko naman kay Ethan, feeling ko I am just inviting more trouble to myself.

I really wracked my brain for a better decision, and the only thing that seemed safe and sound was to fake a fever!

That would be a splendid excuse if Mom found out I went to Nurse Jecky's clinic at dahil bukas na ang party, edi magkukunwari nalang akong meron pa akong lagnat if ever na tatalab agad yung gamot na binigay sa akin.

Gosh, I really have a gorj mind.

Krinoss-out ko na sa utak ko ang dati kong plano na sisipot sa party pero mag stay invisible. At dahil tapos na ako sa pag-iisip naisipan ko naring lumabas sa clinic. I leave a note for nurse Jecky and head my way back to the campus and I'm going to wait for dismissal in the garden, again.

Walking briskly through the pathway, my phone buzzed in my pocket. I pulled it out and saw Ivy's name flashing on the screen.

"Hey, Ivy," I answered, a bit out of breath. "What's up?"

"Kristin, you need to hurry up and get to the quadrangle," Ivy's voice sounded urgent but excited.

"Why? I thought you and Yna were busy with choir practice?" I asked, confusion creeping into my voice.

"Oo, we also thought na naka uwi kana. Gaga ka!" sigaw niya kaya agad kong nilaya ang cellphone sa tenga ko. Hindi naman agad ako nakasagot.

Shit, how did they find out? Nurse, Jecky told them?

"Anyway... we're not really busy with choir," Ivy also admitted, her tone a mix of guilt and amusement. "We're actually busy preparing something."

"Preparing something?" I echoed, my curiosity piqued. "What are you talking about?"

"I can't tell you right now," Ivy said, her voice lowering to a whisper as if she were sharing a secret. "But trust me, you'll love it. Just hurry up and get here, okay?"

I sighed, kahit na hindi ako sure kung kikitain ba sila. "Alright, alright. I'm on my way."

"Good. See you soon, Kristin Louise!" Ivy hung up, leaving me even more intrigued. My brows furrowed, she never called me by my full name.

Buking din naman ako at meron din pala silang nililihim. Hindi naman ako aware na lihiman na pala kami ngayon kaya nagpatuloy ako sa paglalakad papuntang quadrangle.

As I approached the quadrangle, I noticed something unusual-a pathway of petals leading from the entrance to the center. My heart started to race, mingling with curiosity.

I followed the trail, my steps slow and measured. The rose petals were a mix of vibrant reds, pinks, and whites, creating a beautiful, almost surreal scene.

As I neared the center, I saw a group of students from the senior high school campus forming a circle. They were standing close together, as if they were hiding something-or someone-in the middle.

My mind raced with possibilities, and my breath quickened as I tried to figure out what was happening. I took a deep breath to steady myself and approached the circle.

"What's going on?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.

The students glanced at each other, then slowly parted to reveal the center of the circle. My eyes widened, and my heart felt like it skipped a beat.

In the middle, surrounded by a cascade of petals, stood Ethan. He was holding a bouquet of flowers, his usual confident smile replaced with a more vulnerable, hopeful expression.

I felt my cheeks flush as a mixture of emotions washed over me-surprise, confusion, excitement.

"Ethan, ano 'to?" I managed to ask, my voice shaky.

He stepped forward, closing the distance between us. "Kristin, I wanted to do something special for you," he said, his voice sincere. "This is my last resort to make you say, yes."

Everyone around us began to cheer softly, and Ivy and Yna stepped forward, their faces beaming with excitement.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I looked at Ethan, then at my friends. Shutek, ang OA naman nang reaksyon ko, bakit ako naiiyak? "I... I don't know what to say," I whispered as I try to search for words.

But my eyes roamed around, and I felt a wave of embarrassment wash over me as I realized how many people were staring at us... at me. Worry gnawed at my insides, and a chill ran down my spine.

Just as I was about to look back at Ethan, my gaze landed on Farita, partially hidden within the crowd. Her eyes burned with an unmistakable jealousy, na may halong galit na naglangitngit sa bawat sulok ng kanyang mukha.

Her stare was so intense, it felt like she could throw daggers with it. I felt a pang of guilt and the fear I always tried to avoid.

Her feelings for Ethan were written all over her face, and I couldn't ignore the emotional storm brewing within her.

As I turned back to Ethan, his expression softened, unaware of the silent exchange that had just taken place.

He took a deep breath, his eyes filled with sincerity and hope. "Kristin, will you give me a chance to be my date to the birthday party?" he asked, his voice gentle yet earnest.

For a moment, the world seemed to blur around me. Farita's jealous gaze lingered in my mind, and the weight of the moment pressed heavily on my chest.

I glanced back at her, seeing the mixture of emotions in her eyes-hurt, betrayal, anger. The tension was overwhelming, almost suffocating.

I took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Ethan's hopeful expression made it even harder to process everything. He stood there, waiting for my response, his vulnerability laid bare.

"Ethan, I..." I began, my voice trembling slightly. "This is all so sudden."

He stepped closer, his eyes never leaving mine. "Kristin, I know it's unexpected, but like I said before, I want you to come with me. It might seem like I'm being pushy, but I've gone so far as to meet with your parents to ask their permission—"

"What?!" I exclaimed.

Inalala ko kaagad ang mga kakaibang kilos nilang tatlo kanina. So, that explains why he seemed so serious while studying and why he rushed off after receiving that phone call in the library.

All this time, he was planning this moment, going to such lengths to make sure everything was perfect. The realization left me stunned, overwhelmed by the depth of his feelings and the effort he had put into this.

But confusion and skepticism quickly followed. Why would he do all this just to have me as his date? I couldn't understand his actions at all.

My head felt like it was going to explode, caught between the intensity of Ethan's earnestness, Farita's jealousy, and my own conflicting emotions swirled around in my head, making it nearly impossible to think clearly.

I needed a moment to breathe, to sort out my feelings, but everything was happening so fast.

At talagang kinunsyaba niya si mama? Knowing my mom, she wouldn't hesitate to say yes to Ethan. My only hope was my father's response, praying he'd disagree! Damn, how could I decide?

The pressure was overwhelming, and I felt like I was being pulled in every direction at once.

If only I could murder my feelings for the nth time, I could easily say NO to him without any emotional attachment and avoid the trouble brewing around me.

But for Pete's sake, I couldn't! My heart betrayed me, making everything more complicated.

The conflict within me raged on, a storm of emotions I couldn't simply shut off. My own tangled feelings left me paralyzed, unable to find an easy way out of this mess. At wala na ata akong matinong desisyon na gagawin sa buhay!

Umuurong nadin sa isipan ko ang planong nabuo bago lang! Ughh, bakit ba'to nangyayari sa akin?

Ethan handed me the bouquet and took my hand. "You don't have to answer me now if you're that worried," he said softly, his eyes searching mine with a tenderness that made my heart ache.

His deep consideration for my feelings made me want to surrender my troubled self and say yes to him and to his request.

"I'll wait until midnight," he said. I guess giving up isn't in his vocabulary...

I took a deep breath, feeling the weight of my decision settle over me.

"Ethan, let's talk... alone." His eyes softened with understanding, and he nodded, giving me a reassuring smile.

          
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(⁠ノ⁠ಥ⁠,⁠_⁠｣⁠ಥ⁠)⁠ノ⁠彡 - si Tin