Gideon

He stumbled out of the pub.

Overhead the sky was dark; was it the same day that he'd walked here, soaked through but elated?

Noise crashed into him, and he let out a choked gasp. London was always noisy – the clatter of hooves and carriage wheels, vendors hawking their wares, people shouting, talking – but it felt so much worse suddenly. He could hear everything – footsteps, clothes rustling, the drumming of so many hearts beating, and it made his head feel like it would split apart.

He staggered, clapping his hands to his ears, but it made no difference. London roared around him like a storm. The smell of soot and mud and sewage was overwhelming, thick, rancid stenches that slid down his throat and made him gag.

Was this normal?

Surely not – Nicholas lived in this city and he'd never reacted like this.

Gideon stumbled away from the pub, hands still clutched to his ears, and almost fell into a dark alley. The stink of sewage was even stronger in here. Gideon sagged against the wall, bent double, and tried to breathe, but it didn't feel right anymore. Like his body already recognised it no longer needed to do that.

Skirts rustled as someone approached him and he was dimly aware of a voice asking if he was hurt. Blindly, he thrust out a hand.

"Don't come any closer," he gasped.

Those rustling skirts moved closer, ignoring him.

Gideon looked up.

A woman stood in front of him, her face wrinkled up in concern. Powder thickly gathered in the lines in her skin, rouge formed bright splotches on her cheeks, and the smell of her unwashed body clashed with the strong reek of gin, but her expression was kindly enough.

"You hurt?" she said again.

Gideon's eyes drifted to her neck. For the first time in his life he felt drawn to a woman – not in the sexual sense, but an instinctive urge to sink his teeth into her neck. He took a shaky step forward.

She backed off, suspicion mingling with concern in her tired eyes.

Nicholas appeared at the alley entrance, his face impassive. "Forgive my friend, he's had too much to drink," he said, flashing the woman a charming smile.

"I know you, don't I?" she said, squinting.

Nicholas flipped her a silver coin and her eyes lit up. "Consider me forgotten," he said. "Now go."

She went.

Whatever concern she'd had for Gideon's health was surpassed by her need for money – not that Gideon could blame her. Life was hard for London's prostitutes, and the money that Nicholas had given her would put a roof over her head and a hot meal in her belly, which was probably more than she'd had in a while.

Nicholas put a hand on Gideon's shoulder.

"It's so loud," Gideon whispered, sagging against the wall again.

"I promise you, that will get better in time."

"I wanted to bite her."

"That's what vampires do."

"What happens if I can't control it?" Gideon cried.

"I'll make sure that you can."

Gideon ran his tongue over his teeth, still flat and human. His fangs hadn't come out yet.

"Could you change me back?" he asked.

Nicholas stiffened. "No. Would you want to, even if I could?"

Gideon turned the question over in his head. "I don't know," he admitted.

He was scared and angry and confused, and he had no idea how to feel about Nicholas right now, but . . . he'd spent so much of his life in fear of his father's fists, or in quiet despair at the future he was so sure would be forced upon him. Everything else aside, Nicholas had made sure that Gideon never had to fear those things again.

"This isn't how I wanted to say it, but I turned you because I love you," Nicholas said.

Gideon leaned over, burying his face in his hands. Nicholas rested a hand on his back, and there was something comforting about the weight of it.

"Come back to the pub," he said. "We can talk properly there."

Gideon wasn't sure he wanted to go. But the alternative was staying out here, in the stink and crush of London, without a penny to his name, and no real understanding of the creature he now was.

So he let Nicholas lead him back to the pub.

"I'm still angry with you," he said, as Nicholas closed the bedroom door behind them.

"I know," said Nicholas quietly.

"But," Gideon said, sitting on the bed, "I'm ready to listen."

Nicholas sat beside him, leaving a small distance between them, and explained to him what being a vampire meant.

Some of the things he said intrigued Gideon – there was definitely appeal in knowing that sickness could not touch him now – and some of them made him sad.

"How did that woman know you?" he asked, thinking back to the prostitute in the alley. "Have you . . . used her services before?"

"You know I have no interest in women, not in that way."

"Actually, I'm starting to realise I don't know you at all," Gideon muttered.

Nicholas winced. "When you were going through the turn, you needed fresh blood. There are plenty of women walking the streets of London who'll do anything for a coin."

"You've been feeding me the blood of prostitutes," Gideon said.

"Theirs isn't the healthiest blood, I'll admit, but they're a safe option. They might be disturbed about what I asked them do, but I paid them well enough to keep their mouths shut."

"Is that how it will always be? Paying desperate women for their blood?" Gideon asked.

"No. I'll teach you how to hunt for your food, and how to live as a vampire," Nicholas assured him.

"All those months with me, you pretended to be human."

"I had no choice. Would you have believed me if I'd told you that I always have to be careful how long I spent in the sun? Or that you might see my eyes turn red and my fangs emerge?"

"Perhaps not," Gideon admitted.

"I took risks to be with you. Every time we met, I had to take a coach with curtained windows out to your house, and pay them to pick me up again, but there was always the risk they'd be delayed and I'd have to find another way back to London."

"That's why you stole my father's horse," Gideon said, and couldn't help a small smile as he recalled the look of disbelief on Godric's face as Nicholas had galloped out of the stable.

"Borrowed," Nicholas corrected. "But yes, that is why. I thought we had an hour alone together, and my coach would have returned for me at the allocated time, had your brother not interrupted us. When I realised it was better for me to leave, I couldn't wait for the coach and I didn't want to risk walking back during the day. The older a vampire gets, the more they can withstand the sun, but you and I never quite managed to avoid it when we were in the stable. Trying to walk back to London after our time together might have been more than I could handle. But when we leave here, I'll make sure that your father knows where he can find his horse."

"You want to leave?"

Nicholas placed a hand on Gideon's knee, and Gideon let him. "I only stayed because of you. I don't like what London is becoming, and if I'd never met you, I'd have left long ago."

"But where will we go?" Gideon asked.

Nicholas spread his arms. "Anywhere. The world is ours."

"I imagine you've seen much of it already," Gideon muttered, remembering how old Nicholas was.

"Yes, but not with you. I want to see it all with you," Nicholas said.

His eyes were bright, and his voice was rich with hope, and Gideon just didn't know how to feel. Anger still burned in his chest, along with the sharp sting of betrayal, but now he'd had time to process everything, he couldn't deny his feelings for Nicholas were as strong as ever.

Even if they weren't, Gideon would stay with him, because what choice did he have? Nicholas had explained to him what being a vampire entailed, but that wasn't the same as living it. Gideon was facing a brand new life as something that he'd only just found out even existed, and he was afraid to face it alone. Nicholas was the only other vampire he'd ever met, and how matter how conflicted Gideon was, he needed Nicholas.

Tentatively, he put his hand over Nicholas's, where it still rested on Gideon's knee. Hope flared in Nicholas's eyes, and Gideon felt an answering tug in his chest.

"I'm still angry with you," he said again. "But that doesn't mean I don't still . . . love you."

It wouldn't be easy. In many ways Nicholas was now a stranger to him, and Gideon would have to get to know him all over again. But he wanted to get to know him, because, in spite of everything, he was still drawn to Nicholas in a way that he never had been to any other man. He still wanted to be with him, in every physical way.

Silently, he moved further back on the bed, pulling Nicholas with him. A phantom heartbeat drummed in his chest, and Nicholas's borrowed clothes felt tighter than ever.

"We don't have to do this," Nicholas said, but his eyes shone with desire.

"I want to," Gideon said.

They helped each other out of their clothes, and when Nicholas touched him properly for the first time, it was like nothing Gideon had ever felt before. In the darkened space of that little room, with the firelight painting shadows on the walls and on their bare skin, they quietly learned each other. Nicholas insisted they could stop at any time, but Gideon didn't want to. A whole new world of sensation had opened up for him, and he wanted to explore it. Nicholas had told him of the things they could do together, but words weren't enough. It was time to experience these things for himself.

Sometimes he wasn't sure exactly what it was he was supposed to be doing, but Nicholas patiently guided him, until finally he was rolling Gideon onto his front and whispering in his ear, telling him to relax. He was careful, gentle with Gideon, talking him through that first part where it hurt so much that Gideon couldn't understand why anyone wanted to do this, and then taking him beyond the pain to a place where there was only pleasure, great waves of it rolling through him and making him cry out because the feeling was too big to keep inside.

Afterwards, they lay tangled in bed, Nicholas's head resting on Gideon's chest, and the only sound in the room was the crackling of the fire.

"Do you still want to leave tonight?" Gideon asked at length.

"That depends on you. Your father hasn't come looking for you, so I assume Godric hasn't yet told him what happened."

Gideon absorbed that. He wished he could believe that meant Godric regretted his cruel words, but Godric was probably just protecting the family name. If he didn't tell their father that Gideon had run away to be with Nicholas, their father wouldn't know that Nicholas had taken his horse.

"How long has it been since I came here?" Gideon asked.

"Three days," Nicholas replied.

Gideon wondered what Godric had told their father about the missing horse, then realised he didn't care. It wasn't his problem anymore.

"But just because Godric hasn't said anything yet doesn't mean he'll hold his tongue forever. He might be waiting for you to come home," Nicholas cautioned.

"He'll be waiting a long time," Gideon darkly muttered.

"If he does decide to tell your father, I imagine he'll come looking for you, to punish you if nothing else."

"He can't hurt me anymore," Gideon said. He had vampire strength now.

"Not physically, but I don't like the thought of you having to see him again," Nicholas said, his expression worried.

His concern eased the sharp sting of Godric's betrayal.

"Then we can leave tonight," Gideon decided.

"Where would you like to go?"

"I'll let you decide."

They were quiet for a little longer, Nicholas's hand tracing shapes on Gideon's chest.

"The horse is coming with us. We're not sending him back," Gideon announced.

Nicholas looked up, grinning. "Gideon Hartwright, that really would be stealing."

"I know."

"I like this side of you." Nicholas kissed Gideon's chest.

"Do you have much to pack?" Gideon asked, looking around the room.

"I can do it quickly. Do you want to go now?"

Gideon nodded.

Talking about his father had reminded him how close they still were to the house that Gideon had grown up in. Two miles was no distance at all.

Gideon wanted to be gone. He wanted to disappear into the night with Nicholas, and go where no one knew them and no one could find them if they didn't want to be found.

Nicholas climbed out of bed and immediately got to work. Gideon watched him. He didn't regret a single thing they'd just done, and he looked forward to doing it all again . . . but that didn't mean he'd forgiven Nicholas. A lie by omission was still a lie, and Nicholas hadn't been honest with him. The huge decision he'd made for Gideon had not been his to make.

Was it something Gideon could move past?

He studied Nicholas as he moved around the room. He was still naked, and the firelight turned his body into an artwork of ivory skin and shifting shadows – an artwork that Gideon couldn't wait to explore all over again.

There was so much about Nicholas he had yet to learn.

He wanted to know how Nicholas had become a vampire.

He wanted to know what he'd been doing all these years.

He wanted to know about Nicholas's childhood, his family – things that Nicholas had always avoided talking about.

He had to learn to move past the hurt and anger he was feeling so he could have a future with Nicholas, because he still wanted that.

Maybe Nicholas had lied, but he'd done it because he thought he was helping. He'd done it so they could both be free, and so they could have the kind of future that they couldn't have had when he was still human.

Gideon told himself this, again and again, until he was able to take the pain and the anger and push it deep down inside, where he didn't have to think about it anymore.

Nicholas tossed some clothes at him. "Hurry up and get dressed," he said.

His energy was eager, almost boyish; it was strange to think how old he really was.

Climbing out of bed, Gideon pulled on Nicholas's clothes.

"Are you ready to go?" Nicholas asked.

Gideon kissed him once, a soft press of his lips. "I'm ready," he said.

Before they left, he paused and looked back at the room. This was where his old life had ended and his new one had begun, where he'd learned the world was so much bigger than he'd imagined, and where he'd finally done all the things that he'd thought he'd never be able to.

"Gideon?" Nicholas said, standing in the doorway.

"I'm coming," Gideon said.

He followed Nicholas out of the room and into a new life.

Part 4/5