Ludovic

Even before he opened his eyes, Ludovic knew that the other side of the bed was empty. He hadn't heard Roux get up, but the bed felt colder and emptier without her.

Ludovic had slept alone for so many decades that the thought of sharing his bed with anyone had become almost unthinkable. Then Roux had blazed into his life, a bright streak of colour and life and laughter, and now not sharing a bed with her seemed unthinkable.

He pushed back the covers and climbed out of bed. He already knew where Roux would be. The bathroom door swung silently open when he pushed it, revealing Roux sitting quietly on the closed toilet, hugging her knees to her chest. Her short hair stood up in messy tufts – a sure sign that she'd been raking her fingers through it.

She looked up as Ludovic came in, and gave him a watery smile.

"Having trouble sleeping again?" Ludovic said, approaching her and kissing the top of her head.

Roux shrugged. Her hands were wrapped around her bare feet, her blue-painted toes peeping out behind her fingers.

Ludovic crouched in front of her, running his hands up and down her arms.

Three months had passed since Roux had been turned into a vampire, and she was still dealing with the reality of that. It wasn't how much her life had changed that bothered her – she'd adapted remarkably well to becoming a vampire, although sometimes she still mourned the loss of cocktails. It was the circumstances that had led to her becoming a vampire that kept her up at night.

When Edmond had turned Renie into a vampire, it had been to save her. Edmond had asked Renie first, and she had agreed.

Roux hadn't been given that choice.

After Roux and Ludovic had thwarted a vampire paedophile, and stopped him from hurting any more kids, he'd targeted Roux in revenge. He'd kidnapped her and turned her into a vampire against her will, and even though Roux had eventually retaliated by killing her killer, what he'd done to her had left her with emotional wounds that hadn't yet healed.

The fact that she had come back to life as a vampire didn't change the fact that a monster had killed her. It didn't erase the terror she must have felt when he kidnapped her, or when she realised that he was killing her. She hadn't known he would bring her back.

"You should go back to bed. There's no point both of us staying up," Roux said.

"Are you going to stay in here?" Ludovic asked.

Roux shrugged again. Ludovic took that as a yes.

He shifted position, sitting on the floor at her feet. "I'm not going anywhere. If you're staying in here all night, then so am I."

She gave him another smile, slightly stronger this time.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Ludovic said.

Sometimes Roux did, but other times she couldn't find the words, and Ludovic had learned not to push her on those occasions.

Roux considered this, resting her cheek on her knees.

She was one of the strongest women Ludovic had ever known, fierce to the core, but she looked so vulnerable now, her face pale and her eyes dark with the memories of the night she'd been killed.

"Sometimes I wake up thinking that I'm still in the boot of DeSanti's car, and it's like I can't breathe. I know that makes no sense, because I don't need to breathe, but it still scares me when it feels like I can't," Roux said.

Ludovic knew from experience that even though a human body underwent some monumental changes to become a vampire, even though everything was different from that point on, it was harder for the mind to catch up. Some new vampires still went through the motions of breathing because they forgot that they didn't need to. It wasn't surprising that what Roux had suffered still affected her in this way.

"Sometimes I don't dream about being in the car; I'm just there, in that demolition site, and he . . ." Roux broke off, her eyes gleaming with reddish tears.

Ludovic hugged her and Roux rested her cheek on his shoulder. Tears dripped onto his bare skin, and he stroked the back of her neck, soothing her without words.

He knew that she didn't blame him for not being able to stop DeSanti from kidnapping and killing her, even though he'd never been able to fully forgive himself. Ludovic was glad that Roux had received some measure of closure by killing DeSanti, but sometimes Ludovic wished he'd been the one to do it. He'd have made it last longer.

Roux sniffled and raised her head. Fresh determination burned in her eyes.

"I want to go back there," she announced.

"Back where?" Ludovic didn't catch on.

"To the demolition site."

Ludovic leaned back, frowning. "Do you think that's a good idea?"

"I've been thinking about it for a while, and I really think it would help."

Ludovic was less than convinced, but he trusted Roux. She wouldn't rush into anything impulsive over this, and maybe she was wrong and it wouldn't help, but it wasn't Ludovic's place to tell her that. All she needed from him was his support, and he would never withhold that.

"When do you want to go?" he asked.

"Tomorrow. You'll come with me?"

"Did you think I wouldn't?"

Roux kissed his nose. "No, I just needed to hear you say it."

"I'd go anywhere with you," Ludovic told her.

The smile she gave him that time was warm and bright, chasing the shadows from her eyes. She looped her arms around his neck. "Will you come back to bed with me?"

Ludovic scooped her into his arms and cradled her against his chest. "That's my favourite place to go with you."

When evening fell the next day, they returned to the demolition site.

Not much had changed in the months since Ludovic had last been here. The demolition machines were gone, but the security fencing remained, and Ludovic wondered if whoever had been developing the site had given up on it, in light of what had happened there.

The two concrete-and-glass buildings still stood, their blocky shapes darker against the twilight sky, and Ludovic was hit with a sudden wave of dread. Months ago he'd desperately tracked DeSanti here, determined to stop him before he hurt Roux. He'd failed. However much Roux had made it clear that she didn't blame him, Ludovic had never imagined that he would come back to this place. He'd never wanted to. But he really would follow Roux anywhere, and if this was what she needed to do, then Ludovic would not let her do it alone.

Roux stood beside him, gripping his hand, her jaw tight.

"Is this enough?" Ludovic asked.

They stood a few feet from the security fencing, and Ludovic was happy not to take another step.

"No," Roux said. "I need to go inside."

"Are you sure?"

"I think so."

"We can turn back at any point," Ludovic reminded her.

"I know."

The last time he'd been here, Ludovic had slipped through a gap in the sections of fencing. This time, he shoved one of them out of the way. It hit another section with a clang, and the sound echoed around the desolate site. Roux winced a little.

"Sorry," Ludovic said.

His skin prickled at the horror of this place, but whatever he was feeling, it was worse for Roux. A hundred times worse.

"Which one was it?" Roux asked, looking at the buildings.

"You don't remember?" Every inch of this place was seared into Ludovic's brain – he'd assumed it was the same for Roux.

Roux shook her head. "I couldn't see much when he pulled me out of the car. I was too busy fighting to escape."

"It was this one," Ludovic said, pointing to the building directly in front of them.

Roux stared at it, her face hard. "Which floor?"

"I'll show you."

Ludovic led her into the building, and up the stairs to the second floor. Every step felt heavier and heavier, memories of that first time crashing around in his brain until he half-expected to see Roger DeSanti standing at the top of the stairs, his mouth still stained with Roux's blood. Ludovic really didn't want to go into the room where he'd found Roux. But if there was even a chance that doing so would help her deal with what had happened, then Ludovic had to do it. He had to put aside everything that he was feeling, because this wasn't about him.

"This is it?" Roux said as they stopped outside a door at the top of the flight of stairs.

Ludovic nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

Roux stared at the door for the longest moment, and Ludovic wasn't sure if she'd open it or if she'd decide that this was far enough and it was time to leave.

Roux opened the door.

Behind it was the long room that Ludovic had hoped he'd never see again, supported at regular intervals by large pillars. The floor was a mess of rubble and metal, and cables dangled uselessly from the ceiling.

Roux paused in the doorway, absorbing the room, and then she carefully advanced, her feet crunching over bits of glass and debris.

"Where did you find me?" she asked.

"Over here." Ludovic led the way through the room, sidestepping the worst of the rubble, until he reached the dingy corner where DeSanti had dumped Roux like she was nothing. Dust had covered the place where she'd lain, but splashes of blood still splotched the floor, and Ludovic's heart stuttered at the sight of it.

When he'd found Roux here, he hadn't immediately realised that DeSanti had turned her into a vampire. As far as he'd known, she was simply dead, and the grief of it had just about ripped him apart.

Roux walked over to the spot where Ludovic had found her, and stood there for a while, staring down at the floor. Ludovic ached to hold her, to reassure her that he'd never let anything like that happen again, but something told him that Roux didn't need that yet.

"I knew that he was killing me. I fought him with everything I had, but it made no difference. That was the first time that a vampire had bitten me without my permission, the first time that a bite had hurt, and there was nothing I could do to stop it."

"I do know how that feels," Ludovic said.

He hadn't chosen to become a vampire either – a rabid had ripped into his throat when he'd been human, and her vampire husband had taken pity on Ludovic and turned him.

Roux turned to him, and her eyes gleamed with pain and anger, but her chin was lifted, her jaw was set. "I love you," she said.

"I love you too."

Roux glanced once more at the floor where she'd died, then she wiped her eyes. "I think I'm ready to go now."

"Do you feel any better?" Ludovic asked.

"Yeah, I think I do."

Ludovic held out his hand and Roux took it.

"Then let's never come back here," he said.

Roux smiled at him, and the beauty of it warmed Ludovic's whole world. "I can agree to that."

Ludovic put his arm around Roux's shoulders as they walked out of the room and left the past behind. Neither of them looked back. 

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