"Refrain from anger, and turn from wrath; do not fret - it leads only to evil. For those who are evil will be destroyed, but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land."             Psalm 37:8-9

It's quite thought-provoking when one really thinks about how people have different methods when it comes to coping with grief. 

The most common first method of coping is by crying. Screaming, sobbing, bleeding out a scorching pain through tears and wails- pouring out the feelings trapped inside of how that person who was always so consistent in one's life is suddenly gone. 

Just like that... Gone. 

There's just something about sudden news of a death that feels like a lucid nightmare. If it's someone already dying in the hospital, the pain is there but perhaps tamed because it was already expected that the person was bound to die - so one is mentally preparing themselves for that day, even if the day comes still feels like a brutal stab on the heart.

A sudden death is not a slow knife to the heart, or a torturing time loop of an anticipated death - it's more numbing than that. It's someone grabbing your heart and slamming the crystal glass across your face to pieces. You don't feel the impact until you sense the burns of the cuts against your skin. It's the disbelief of how you just spoke to that person, perhaps two hours ago and they were perfectly fine. 

They were okay.

They were healthy.

They were fine.

And now, they're not here.

It's numbing because it doesn't process like the anticipated deaths. You live in this haze illusion that leaves you paranoid. You continue doing your everyday activities, the shock paralyzing you from feeling the true depth of grief, until one day....

It snaps. 

And that's where Jungkook is now. 

His life has become a numbing haze. The night of the incident was the last time Jungkook demonstrated any type of emotions about his parents' death, and the main reason being because it just didn't wrap around in his head for it to be true.

Even if he was aware of it.

That night though, he snorted two straight lines of cocaine, and fell asleep for two entire days without waking up once - not even for food or to use the bathroom. The only way they knew he wasn't dead was because Minsu has taken the responsibility in looking out for him in his apartment once they returned to Seoul - and he was keeping Namjoon updated on how he's been doing.

When he woke up again, without a single dream to have been lingering in his mind, he didn't waste time in bouncing back into the normality of his life - and that was anything that would avoid having available time.

The CEO didn't want him to go back to work, instead he wanted to give him at least a month off, but Jungkook completely rejected the idea and was quite aggressive about fitting him into every possible opening they have. He didn't want to stop, he refused to. So thankfully, Namjoon was on the other hand of the side in wanting him to continue working - to feed off that feeling to complete his tasks.

Since that day, Jungkook has been consistently working on his new album being made, concerts, participating in events abroad, attending interviews and photoshoots in such a cramped time. He didn't care, he did it all at a rapid speed and with the pressure breathing down his neck - from the second he woke up till the late hours of when he'd pass out at night from exhaustion. Minsu a couple of times had to help him to bed because of how weak Jungkook felt from his day to even get out of the car on his own.

Jungkook didn't stop even if his body was begging him to rest, or even to feel his emotions, he refused to stop.

He kept it moving, even if it tired him out.

He rarely turned out for practices for their Christmas charity even, and if he did, it was for quick feedback before he had other compromises for his schedule.

Refusing any deep conversations, saddening talks, or even the pitiful stares.

No, he prefers living as though everything is okay, everything is normal.

Even if it's just his delusion.

However, this sudden attitude has caused more of an isolation around him. He has not seen or spoke to Karma, Taemin, or Jimin - even Namjoon, despite him being his manager. Even for when he's turn out for rehearsals, he made sure to go at a time where he wouldn't see anyone. 

He has received messages from them, but not like he bothered to answer them. After a while, it just stopped.

They just slowly disappeared in the background.

And it doesn't get better from there.

Karma's B-Track song has obliterated Jungkook's entire album and singles by a milestone, especially because of the recent release of his performance video for it - which was exactly what the people strived for. The sudden success pissed of Jungkook so intensively and so profusely, but that only purged him to continue to work harder. 

He began to take more dancing classes for his album, had more daring and bold ideas for the concept of his album based on the songs they'd want him to sing. Jungkook was so fired up by the competition, along with the nagging of his promotion team as they fuel his rage even more, that he'd stay for long hours just practicing and perfecting himself. Sometimes he wouldn't even go home, he'd practice all night and keep it moving once the day hit. 

Until one day, it just snapped. 

"Raven, maybe you need to rest."

Jungkook just finished practicing his dance number for his song 'Perfect Illusion' since that's the title track for his album. He's been practicing all day, followed by no sleep, no food, and he still can't get the chorus of the song down perfectly but it's not impossible - he'll get it down eventually.

With more practice.

"I'm fine," Jungkook breaths, easing himself up and wiping the sweat away from his forehead, concealing the shakiness of his hands, "I just need water and I'll be set to practice more."

His dance choreographer - Ten - only looks at him with a heavy stare but didn't argue anymore with him, he gave up a long time ago trying to convince him to take care of himself. Ten is an amazing dancer and he definitely has a flow on how to perfect subtle moves, the only problem is that Jungkook tries to mimic him too much and he doesn't have the same body proportion as him.

So, it comes out awkward instead of fluid.

Little by little he's finding his own style, that's what's important - at least what Ten advised.

After chugging on his water and taking a few deep breaths, trying to focus himself because he quickly felt the lightheadedness storming his senses, Jungkook only nods to himself and returns back to position beside Ten. But before they could even begin, the doors to the studio barges open.

Namjoon emerges inside, "Raven, we have a problem for you."

Quickly Jungkook's attention was snapped just as Namjoon rushes beside him with a tablet. 

Jungkook quickly saw red in his vision.

'South Korean Artists 'Karma' has just announced his world tour - selling out stadium tickets and has been rumored to be performing at the Grammy's this incoming year!'

The Grammys.... 

Performing at the Grammys.

And Stadium tour -

Jungkook's grip slipped from the tablet, having it crash on the ground before he moves with this dark cloud out of the studio. His body is vibrating, feeling his chest even aching to the pounding rage he's boiling from the inside. He can't even see coherently, it's all coated by a dark fog, not even hearing as Namjoon calls out after him - even Ten - as Jungkook rounds the corner to approach the glass door and storms inside without wasting a breath.

Inside the office is the CEO of Oasis - Lee Soohyuk. 

He's not far too old to be a CEO, if anything he's quite young with a lot of experience and energy on his shoulders. And unfortunately, far too many ideas.

When he sees Jungkook, he raises a slow eyebrow, "Rave-"

"What the fuck is this that now Karma has a Stadium tour? And the Grammys?!" Jungkook exclaims, not wasting a second, "He's a new artist! You never gave me the opportunity of a stadium tour, and now you're going to give it to someone who got an easy access to this industry while using my song as clout?"

Soohyuk slowly blinks at Jungkook, seeing the heavily malnourished man - who lost an incredibly amount of weight and is quite pale from his complexion, sighing heavily, "Raven, if you look at the statistics, Karma has been growing a very large and broad fanbase. It'll be better money and -"

"For his fucking slut shows?" Jungkook shouts, his neck veins pulsing with rage, "I know I'm not saint with my lyrics, but he feeds off his religious trauma to make money, and the only reason he's getting that fame is thanks to me for coming to my shows and even making him atheist! And now you want to profit off my fucking hard work. He's the way he is because of me!"

This left the CEO with a troubling stare, putting the pen he was holding down, fingers crossed, "What do you want Raven?"

What does Jungkook want?

He does even know what he fucking wants, and that alone is pushing against his own fury to just be damn mad.

"I want you to stop giving Karma so much shit unless he earns it," Jungkook snaps back, "I've been a trainee for two fucking years, and you're going to give all this shit that I've worked hard to achieve - stadium tours and even a grammy performance - to someone who leeched off me to get there? Like come fucking on! Has my hard work ever meant anything to you! I went farther abroad than J-Hope and that was never enough for you!"

"Mhm."

"I've stayed, put up with all your shit and even with the damn fucking concept that I didn't even want to do for the sake of making me be the artist I want to be, and yet you're giving all this attention and benefits to someone who didn't try and put up with half the shit I did!" Jungkook is ranting, and he simply couldn't stop, "I've had to deal with your scandals, sing an entire album in a language that wasn't in my native language, and with people hating my ass and put my soul on the line to fight against everyone and everything for the sake of them to love me!"

Jungkook's fingers are threading through his hair, feeling a pounding headache storming in, grunting in frustration with the added fuel in his anger, "And now, ha, that's okay, that never fucking mattered because you were just waiting to give all of that to someone else! I've even been working on my new album and working my ass off, only to be given less opportunities and - Are you just not going to say anything!?"

Soohyuk is staring him with a stormy gaze - stern and lost in a deep daze. It probably pissed Jungkook off even more thinking that he that he wasn't paying attention to him to what he was saying, and right when he was about to go on another whole rant - he raised his hand to silence him before he even began again, keeping his lips sealed.

There's a long second where he didn't say anything, and Jungkook began to grow nervous whether he possibly pushed his luck just a little too much with the daring accusations. Now the CEO is looking at him intensively, his eyes scanning Jungkook's entire composure and how much he has changed from the start of his debut till now. 

And not in a good way.

"You're going on a hiatus."

Jungkook's entire mind suddenly went blank.

What....

He's..... Going on a what?

"Huh-"

"You're not okay kid," He starts off, his eyes suddenly growing more gentle, "I shouldn't have listened to you about being able to work after the incident. You're clearly not taking care of yourself and now you want to sabotage Karma's career because you're unhappy -"

"What I said about Karma was true -"

"I'm not finished," Jungkook's lips sealed to the stern tone, "You haven't had a moment to truly process what happened, and I don't want you to break apart. You need your time, and if you don't want to take the initiative than I will do it for you. No work for you until you get better, I will even schedule you to see a therapist -"

Jungkook takes a step closer, "I will not go see a therapist," He growled through his teeth, "I don't fucking need the help! I need to work! I need to work hard to stay relevant! Those people I've been fighting against will eventually pass me and then I won't have anyone to support me -"

"You will always have your fanbase Raven," Soohyuk assures him calmly, seeing the deep hesitation behind Jungkook's eyes, "But you need a break. So, no work until you feel better, no matter how long that takes. The only thing I will allow is for you to perform at the Christmas Charity Event. I do believe that will be of some help. Now go, listen to me please."

Jungkook didn't want to listen.

He didn't want to just sit there and do nothing.

He refused to not do work.

"But Director -"

"If you do not take a break, I will fire you," Now that felt like a brutal blow to Jungkook's chest, one that left him breathless, "I mean it. I'll even make sure no company hires you. I don't want to have to do that, so please don't make me get to that point. Now don't make me repeat myself."

Jungkook can't believe this is happening right now.

His career is now on the line just because he refuses to take time off. Just because he prefers working his ass off, that'd even benefit this company a lot more - just for the sole purpose of him being minorly malnourished.

For fucks sakes.

Biting back a deep scowl on his lips, Jungkook holds his tongue and just bows to him, "Fine sir, sorry for the disturbance."

And with that Jungkook goes to the door, holding back this intense anger as he did so before opening the door.

What he did not expect was to see Karma standing right there, looking right back to him with a dead stare in those eyes. The two stare at one another silently, and it doesn't take a genius to put two and two together that Karma must've heard all the shit Jungkook said in there about him. 

The longer Karma stares at him, the more tears began to burn his eyes back to him, and Jungkook didn't have it in him to apologize for what he said. Instead he shoulder bumps past him, walking away.

Yet he didn't make it so far.

"So this is what all this was about, hm?" Jungkook stops in his steps, hearing Karma's broken tone behind him, "Just to stab me in the back like that? Reaching my prime and for you to sabotage it?"

Jungkook's didn't feel a single strip of pity or remorse, not even when he turned around to meet Karma - seeing the man standing there still by the door with a feverish rage of tears pooling his eyes.

"Yeah, I didn't want you to pass me," Jungkook says coldly, "All this was because of me -"

"No, it's not," Karma laughs drily, a tear gliding down his cheek to the broken smile on his lips, "You have no fucking idea what I had to go through to get here -"

"I opened that door for you," Jungkook snaps back, gritting his teeth, "Do I have to remind you who's song you sang to get signed? Or who broke you out of your moral shell in order for you to be performing about worshipping sex?"

Karma closes his eyes, more tears streaming silently down his cheeks. He tried to speak once but it got choked up in his throat, the noise coming out like a pained whistle before he opened his burning red eyes with his wobbling lips.

"Out of all the people who I would've expected to turn their back on me, I never once expect it to be from you," Karma hiccups, shaking his eyes, "I gave you everything you asked, but clearly, that wasn't enough, right? You lied to me, painting this perfect picture of our fame, and I was your faithful believer. You were everything to me."

A deep frown formed Jungkook's lips, "Right, for the fame -"

"You wanted attention, and I put you at the center of mines."

"Karma -"

"You asked for fifty and I gave you one hundred."

"Can you -"

"You even asked me for a watch once, and for what? To check how else I can waste my time with you?"

Now Jungkook falls silent, having Karma also slowly process his own words and even shakes his head to how stupid it sounds but this point, "Yeah, because of you I did get signed, and because of you, I am performing. But because of you, I also allowed my mind to get fucked. I was so happy here, especially being beside you. I praised you so much, and you and this agency are the same ones who fucked me up."

Jungkook rolls his eyes, "Fucked you up? You're big now, what are you even complaining about -"

"I have never felt so unlike myself since I've been here," Karma sneers as he steps closer to him, his lips twitching to a snarl, "Everyone painted this illusion and I loved it so much. But, ha, funny thing is I started doing cocaine while being here. I started dancing the way I have and performing the way I do because of this place. And now - God, I was so good and now, this placed destroyed everything about me. I was so strong and so good, and now..... I've never been so broken. Ha, how come I've never realized this?"

Jungkook eyed the way Karma went into this hysterical breakthrough, and Jungkook couldn't find it in himself to feel anything for it. If anything, it iced his heart, feeling so disconnected to.... Everything. 

Even if he was losing his closest friend right now.

Karma meets Jungkook's gaze, his sorrow returning his eyes, looking between Jungkook's orbs to find something, anything, "You were the slow poison in my life, I congratulate you for how well you fooled me, and now.... Fuck you."

Ok.

Jungkook nods and turns around, "Have fun with your life."

"Are you fucking serious - You're just going to walk away?!"

"Yes," And Jungkook gives him a final look back, "As if I give a fuck about anything at this point," And Jungkook kept walking, now feeling completely empty.

With no friends.

No job.

And no parents.

Not like that matters anymore, right?

_________________________________

A/N:

Man, that was brutal.....

Well...... This is going to be a real tough couple of chapters that are coming through. 

Let's see how they move through!

Thank you so much for reading!

I PURPLE YOU!! <3