One year later.

"Thanks to all Armys around the world, and our pro staff. Without everyone's help, BTS won't be here today." I smile at Namjoon as he gives his toast at the small party in our house's backyard. Everyone is here today, my KinTas (Kinda and Tasnim), along with their boyfriends, Woohyun and Sungjong.

Kyungjoo is here too, clapping for Namjoon, looking too mesmerized by him even after over a year of being together. Hyunjoo is by my side, giving me happy vibes like she always did. Finally my eyes spot the other four members of infinite, it's nice of them to come to BTS's Home Party. But they're only six.

I'm not sure if I'm disappointed he didn't come, I'm afraid if I see him, everything I spent so much time struggling to hide explodes again. I'm afraid the fake emendations I've been working on for the past year would just crash down and show my deadly self to the world again. I'm afraid.

Feeling the tightness in my chest, I walk around the house and settle alone on the stairs leading to the front door. All noises of voices and music are faded as I feel the cold breeze surround me, I sigh, "get out of it So-eun ah!" I cup my face, trying to get my senses back.

You know you miss him so much, don't deny it.

I roll my eyes at the realization and decide to go back with the rest to distract myself; however, I hear a sound of someone behind the corner of the house. I furrow my eyebrows and turn to the noise, curiously. Stupid, I know, but I can't care less.

It's not like someone will kill me or something. When my eyes meet the figure behind the corner, I realize this is even worse. Regret immediately fills me up and I bow in distraction, turning on my heels and preparing to walk away and forget who I just saw.

"Kim So-eun!" I freeze as he calls my name, my intention to walk away disappearing into the back of my head. I try moving again but I can't. My breath is becoming heavy as all memories belonging to his voice flood to the front of my mind, awakening the pains I've been trying to keep hidden.

A warm hand against my elbow turns me around and finally, my breath hitches before coming out in urgency, showing how my lungs didn't like being on pause. "So-eun..." It's Dongwoo's turn to receive nothing but the dead look in my eyes.

It's his turn to suffer now.

A contradicting voice butts in, letting me know that this is not what I want. This is not what will make me feel better. Giving myself back to him will, wrapping my arms around him will make me as good as new.

But there is pride, he threw me away one whole year back. I asked to go back to him but his pride was too big, blinding him. Now it's my turn to act blind too. So I softly yank his grip away and take a step back, keeping myself calm with no emotions showing on my face, my skin covering the storm inside me very well.

The disappointment in his eyes made me feel angrier to the point I almost lost my cover, what did he expect? Throwing me away only for me to go back when he gathers enough pride to take me back? No, this is not fair.

I feel the deserted, dead half of me flout to the surface, reminding me that I can't live like this. I can't live happily, but I'll bear. I can do it.

"I'm sorry." Dongwoo takes a step closer to me, but I'm too busy taming my storm to step away.

"One year, Dongwoo. You're one year late." I smile bitterly.

"Then give me one year to show you that I'm really regretting everything I did that hurt you. I'll prove it to you." He holds my hand and I immediately attempt to pull it out of  his, but his grip tightens.

"It's not that easy, I can't. Let me go."

"I can't, I can't let you go again." He pleads but memories from the day of the hospital and the ones that followed revive themselves inside my head.

"You pushes me away like trash, Dongwoo. You didn't let me go, you threw me away without even talking to me. So let go, don't worry it'll be your first time doing that." I've never in my life showed infinite this side of me, but he created it. He planted the deadness inside me, it's his work so he should bear it.

And with that logic growing stronger inside my head, I pull my hands to myself. But it doesn't work how I want it to, Dongwoo uses the pull to his benefit and steps towards me, wrapping his arms around me and engulfing me against his chest.

All emotions I've been keeping in explode when he pulls me flush against him, everything I've been holding back for a year is unleashed. A pained shout comes out of my mouth and I push him off me, he never backs off.

My fists hit his front for him to just let me go, but he never budges. My attempt and denying shouts come to a stop when he whispers something in my eyes, "just give me a chance."

I lose the control over my muscles, I lose the control on anything in my body along. The tears on the brim of my eyes finally fall off, dragging along many, many more. My sobs surprise me with their stubbornness, refusing to be kept in any longer.

My senses drown in him and I cry, smelling him and feeling him, seeing him and making sure he's true. My hands hold his back, as my arms go around his torso and I hug him back.

"Just this once, give me this one chance and I won't wrong you ever again." His hands press my head into his chest tightly and his other arm pulls my back into him more.

I nod, I agree because I'm sick of living a half-life. I'm done with putting up a mask that's suffocating me. "I love you, I swear. I love you so much."

I hiccup at Dongwoo's gruff voice in my ears, letting me know that his words held so much delay and feelings for me. This makes my last denies come undone, this feeling I'm experiencing right now is the opposite of the one I drowned in a year ago.

This is certainity, there is nothing in me telling me that I'd regret giving in to him. The assurance of his swear, and the sincerity in his voice guarantee it. I sob again, shoving my face into his shoulder and nodding to him.

"I waited and waited, Dongwoo. You never came for me. But I never had the wits to move on. I was stuck between living and giving up because of you, but I couldn't get myself to hate you." I say between my cries, and he pulls me out of his chest to hold my face and look at me.

His hands cup and rub my face softly, looking at me with guilt and regret screaming through his eyes, his lips quiver before he speaks, "I'm so sorry." He presses his forehead against mine and whispers in the agony I've been drowning in, "I'm so, so sorry." His eyes fall shut, and tears slip down.

Before I can touch him, his head moves forward and his lips catch mine. Kissing me with the longing of his and mine combined. My lips stay unmoving as he caresses them, his fingers pressing against my cheeks and rubbing my hair away.

My eyes close and I kiss him back, hold him closer. And give in with all of me, not holding anything back anymore. Forgive and forget. I can't do that, maybe I'll forgive him, but I'll keep all of it inside of me. As a part of my book, my life.

My arms move against his torso, missing every inch of him, touching him constantly so he won't slip out of my fingers ever again. He breaks the kiss with something between a cry and a chuckle escaping his lips. His wet eyelids part and he eyes me closely, "hèck I miss you so muck, SoEun."

I giggle and nod back, not affording the power to say the same words, but I feel them all the same. His face breaks, unsure but I push my lips against his again and plant a soft kiss on them. Missing the feel of his thick ones against mine.

His eyes lighten in acknowledgement and he hugs me tight, breathing as heavy as mine. My sight is blocked as I focus on Dongwoo's smell, just how I remember it.

A loud cheery shout pulls me out of it, completely ruining my make up moment. "Wohoo!" I recognize the shout from both bands' maknae lines, Jhope, and the Joo's (Hyunjoo and Kyungjoo).

I pull back and see that we have an audience, the question 'since when?' pops in my head but I refuse to dwell on it, even that doesn't stop the hear from creeping up to my face.

"Dongwoo and SoEun sitting under a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G..." Kyungjoo's voice trails off when she realizes she's the only one shouting and she looks around awkwardly, "oops?"

Namjoon is the first to laugh it off and come beside her, snaking his arm over her shoulders and muttering something to her through gritted teeth. It must be 'you'll be punished later for this'.

Her face unfolds in excitement and I blush away from her, what just happpened? Taehyung come to me and pulls me away from Dongwoo. Everyone shuts up and the mood swings sharply, Hoya tries hiding the sentiment in his eyes and Dongwoo almost turns into a scared puppy at Taehyung's scowl.

"You throw my favorite sister-" before Taehyung could continue, Jungkook cuts him off.

"Only sister!" Jungkook laugh an ends up in a situation like Kyungjoo's moments ago. Taehyung annoyingly ignores him and turn back to Dongwoo.

"You do whatever you did and you expect to just waltz in here and make up with her?" Taehyung snaps.

"Just did?" Dongwoo tries to hide his relief and shrugs.

Taehyung is shortly struck but he is out of it in an impressive speed, compared to him being Taehyung that is. "Well do you expect me to let her go to you just like that!" Taehyung's grip tightens on my wrist and I almost giggle at his protective brother mode.

He is pissed, but as of now he's just coming off funny. I know it's not only me as his mates and my girlfriends stifle laughs while infinite are stuck between feeling uneasy and confused.

"Yes, please?" Dongwoo eyes Taehyung pleadingly and I feel myself shouting a 'you got three Yes's' but I hold it back courtesy Taehyung's judging phase.

"Say yes!" I hear Jimin whispering but when all heads snap to him, I'm sure this wasn't the whisper he thought it is. Kyungjoo supports him like a loyal Army though, and makes the rest of her idols shout the same phrase along, over and over till everyone is shouting except us three; Taehyung, Dongwoo and me.

"Okay okay! Whatever! If anything like this happens again, count yourself a dead man, hyung!" Taehyung points at Dongwoo with a threatening finger, hinting that this finger can do stuff and stuff, before smiling widely at the way he addressed Dongwoo.

Dongwoo immediately spreads his arms apart in relief, making me witness my boy frowns and brother hug for a first. I clap in awe while everyone else cheers.

"Oh freeze freeze!" Taehyung makes everyone quiet down, I see his hands inside Dongwoo's pocket, shuffling something. "What's that!" A dark blue velvet small box is held up by my tall brother for everyone to see.

I frown while Dongwoo clears his throat and shuffles on his spot, giving away his nervous and edgy demeanor. The Joo's shout something I don't listen to as Dongwoo snatches the box from a dazed Taehyung, turning to me and taking a deep breath.

His face hardens in commitment and he exhales, my eyebrows shoot up and my hands find my mouth when I see him kneeling down on one knee. My girlfriends shout me out of my shock and I catch Taehyung with a sided smile.

"Kim SoEun." Dongwoo begin as he looks up at me, doing what seems like proposing to me in front of all the people I love. "I've been feeling so dry and lonely without you, and I had enough time to realize that my life won't be right without you. So, I figured that--"

"Hyung! You suck, come one just pop the question." Myungsoo boos and I giggle through my wetting eyes.

Dongwoo shoots him a sharp glare and turns back to me with softened festures, "will you marry me?"

I replay the moment inside my head, feeling the adrenaline explode inside my veins. My friends are shouting for me to say yes, but there is some funny pal joking and telling me to say no. I can swear it's Jin, my eyes move to him just as everyone glares at him.

I turn back to Dongwoo and uncover my mouth, watching him stand up in expectation. What would my answer be?

Will I listen to a certain Kim Seokjin, or the other handful of people shouting for me?

_