Finally! A one, full chapter on Xavier's perspective! :)

Hope you guys liked it!

By the way, Jaigara is a made-up name I created for the place where the village is =)

Without further ado . . .

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Chapter 20 - Confused || Xavier's P.O.V.

After the long trip, all of us fell asleep at the truck. It was obvious that all of us were tired.

I woke up when I realized that we were now at school and the rocky road reminded me of the front gate of the school.

Soon, the others are awake and when the truck stopped, all of us jumped out slowly, feeling tired.

"Thanks," we mumbled to the driver. I went straight to my car and unlocked it.

I saw the guys and waved at them. "Dude, want to go to the bar?" Nick asked me.

"Tired. Sorry." I smiled weakly at him.

"No problem." Nick smiled back and he followed the other guys. I guess they're really not that tired since they're going to the bar that we often go that even people less than eighteen can go. Except there are no alcohol. But there will be what the guys look forward to; the girls.

I heard the engine roared and quickly drive my car.

I didn't notice how Cassidy went home since I was very tired.

I looked back at the school and saw Connor's car is behind me. I also saw Cassidy walking on the pavement but stopped when Connor was calling her. Cassidy looked kind of pissed when she opened Connor's door and sat beside him.

I can feel my fist turning white as I realized that Connor was giving Cassidy a ride home.

Aren't they getting a little close?

I thought Connor and I had a deal. We told each other to lay our hands off Cassidy. Even though it was really stupid, Connor and I would tell each other if something is wrong.

But I guessed it's not the same anymore.

I looked back at the road and started driving towards home.

"I'm home," I shouted then quickly went to my bedroom.

I closed the door behind me and quickly grabbed my homework before I forget it. Suddenly, someone knocked on my door.

"Come in," I said without looking at who it is. I opened my book and quickly opened to the page of our book report.

"Honey, where were you all night?" My mom came in and sat on my bed.

"Oh, I thought you received my text when I told you I was with my friends," I said nonchalantly. I opened my table light and started highlighting.

"I didn't," my mom said silently. I turned to look at her and noticed her sad voice. I felt my stomach twist and flashbacks returning.

"I'm sorry I didn't call you instead. We went to eat dinner together with my friends and I'm home safely. Don't worry about me, Mom." I smiled at her.

She smiled back and hugged me. I closed my eyes as I remembered the accident five years ago.

"Okay. Next time tell me, okay?" My mom told me before she left my bedroom.

I sighed as I hate myself for not making sure Mom received my text.

It was the same reason why the accident happened. No one told us about it. Not even my father told us.

We waited for him at dinner for an hour and my mom told us that he's just late and I should start eating.

Being a little innocent and hungry kid, I followed my mom.

I started eating and after I ate, Dad hasn't come home yet.

My mom told me to go upstairs and get dressed in pajamas and I should sleep early so I could see father tomorrow early.

I nod and quickly pecked my mom on the cheeks then went to my bedroom.

Before I slept, I wondered where my dad is. It was very quiet downstairs and I looked at the moon. My dad told me that a full moon means that today or tomorrow will be a good day, since he's an astrologist.

It wasn't full moon that day so I went to bed early and closed my eyes. When I woke up, things were different. History is made. And everything changed.

It all happened too quickly. My mother cried a lot, but stayed strong beside me. We went to the hospital together and I can feel my mother shaking her hands as she drive the car. I wanted to open the radio to ease Mom but I just stayed out of radar and kept quiet.

My father died on a car accident. He was coming home from work and was bringing a big book to me about astrology. When we were at the hospital, the nurse handed me a wrapped rectangle-shaped gift. That's when I realized what happened.

Maybe I was too little at that time to not be inquisitive and ask about my Dad that night, but I already know what happens after a deadly accident.

My mom wouldn't stop crying that day. The next day, I was worried for her, being the only guy in the family, I took care of her. But she looked like nothing happened.

She was being normal again. We moved on with our lives accepting that my Dad was gone and he was the best gift that we received from Heaven. Sometimes my Mom would get overprotective and worry too much. But I understand why.

I looked at my English homework and finished answering it. I closed my book and massaged my temples. I looked at my shelf; sitting on the edge was my father's gift.

The thought of my father and mother enjoying each other's presence made my head ache. I tried to not blame myself for my father's death because it would do me no good.

My mom and I made a pact; my mom would accept and had to move on so she can be happy again while I have to stop blaming myself and concentrate on looking after the woman my father loves.

I asked them one time how much they loved each other and they have a silly smile and said, "Till death do us apart," quoting their vow from their wedding day which they made me watch their wedding video before. When I asked them to express it in their own words, Father said, "I love everything about her, including her flaws and her mistakes."

Suddenly, a thought came to my mind. I quickly grabbed my diary from the drawer and opened on the empty page.

Trouble, troublemaker

Yeah we're both just the same.

Can't get you off my head,

Why does it echo your name?

I wonder if this is how Connor feels.

Tried to ignore your face

Whenever we're at school.

We seem to bump often,

Well my plan will not do.

Those times when Mr. Ricarpo would call us on his office, I knew that moment that I was going to meet you, again. I would try hard not to stare at your hair, which you effortlessly fix it every day. Your make-up free face, which makes you different from others.

Tried to hate you instead

To make my feelings change.

Is it working, my brain,

Or my heart has the say?

I looked at my writing again. It wasn't as good as I wrote before, but it was more personal than the others.

Do I hate you again? I don't know the answer, really.

I hate it when you argue with me. I hate it when you talk to Connor. I hate how you dress differently than the other girls. I hate how you had the guts to fight back to me. I hate the fact that I have to spend my time with you whenever the Principal say so. I hate it that you made me so hard to hate you.

But every part of that, it makes me want more of you. But you have to get a grip, Xavier. This is not what you want.

Today is our last day of school for this year then our school would resume after three weeks.

"Dude, party tonight, don't be late," Nick said to me when I entered the school.

"Wouldn't miss it," Stella chimed in.

"Is the theme still the same?" Sheena asked. I can hear laughter around the school hallways, feeling the Christmas break. 

"As always," Josh answered.

"Why can't you make it different this year, you know, since we're juniors already?" Sheena asked again.

"Well, feel free to wear anything you like tonight." Nick winked at her.

"You wouldn't be disappointed." Sheena winked back and we all laughed.

"Seriously, aren't you guys tired of dressing up as Zombies again?" Stella asked this time.

"Nope. We're going for neon green this year," Jack said nonchalantly. Then the bell rang, making me safe not to comment about Nick's party tonight.

Nick's Christmas party is the worst of all the parties. There will be alcohol and his parents are always traveling before December and will be back on February, as always.

I tried to tell Nick about the alcohol problem but he said it would make us loosen up and enjoy more at the party.

I tried to tell him. But he didn't want to listen. It's always the same, but I always end up the most sober one and just take care of my friends.

I entered the class and saw that Cassidy was seating between her friends as always on the corner, I quickly looked at Connor and sat beside him.

"Hey." I smiled at him and he smiled back.

"We didn't catch you up a while ago," I told him, putting my bag on the floor.

"Well, I was doing something important a while ago," Connor said.

I was about to ask what it is but Mrs. Ross entered the class.

"Good morning, lovely people," she greeted us.

"Now, I want to finish our introduction today since I can count the number of people who haven't yet with only one hand. Now, who wants to go first?" Mrs. Ross smiled at all of us. She was wearing red today. Maybe she was feeling the Christmas spirit?

The silence was disrupted when we heard Mr. Ricarpo's voice on the speakers.

"Excuse me. Good morning, Desdenians. This is Principal Ricarpo. I would like to make an announcement. Everyone sit properly because I can see all of you in the CCTV. No one should be slouching. Anyway, base on the money earned this year for the Christmas Spirit Foundation, I am proud to say that we earned $45,000! We received more donations this year and we delivered all of your donations to a small village at Jaigara yesterday. Photos will be posted on the board outside and I hope all of you would have a lovely day! Thank you."

All of us clapped for ourselves like we usually do after Mr. Ricarpo made a speech about the donation.

My clap was slow as I realized that there will be photos. I didn't realize that there were people taking photos yesterday. Are there?

"Now, who would love to start first?" Mrs. Ross asked again.

"I'm very please to read about your essays yesterday and I shall be giving it back to you today." Mrs. Ross walked slowly, giving out our papers one by one.

When I reached mine, I saw a red ink below.

Lovely work, Xavier! Merry Christmas!

I smiled at my work and looked at the other's reactions. There were a lot smiling faces, which I guess because of Mrs. Ross comments.

I felt proud at my work and I turned to look at the other people at the class to see their expressions. The last person I looked at was Cassidy and I saw her face not changing. It looks like her face has been stoned. She didn't move from her seat. I wonder what was written on hers.

"Dude, I want to see yours," Connor said, ruining my thoughts.

"Sure." I gave him mine and I took his. It was short. But it was full of mystery.

"I for Italy"

For the weekend, I will be going to Italy. I have a company with me during those two days for a trip that I surely won't forget. They say that Milan is the fashion capital of the world. Surely, it will be a once in a lifetime to travel there independently without my parents.

I don't really know what to expect on my trip since it will only be two days. Maybe I'll finally say "l'acqua" in there and take an advantage of what I learned in Italian class last year. Or maybe I won't panic anymore when I talk to Italian people who don't understand English because I already know what to say when I need to go to the bathroom, "Dov'è il bagno?"

Maybe the best pizza in the world is found in Italy. Who knows what I might discover there? One thing I know for sure about this trip; it will be a one stand-out trip.

Sometimes I hate it when Connor and I get to be misunderstood. I was more confused than ever. But then having a trip with Cassidy won't meaen anything since we both know that it's a dangerous zone.

"Thanks!" Connor gave me back my letter after I read his. I smiled back and gave him his.

Maybe my winter break trip won't be as boring as he is. My mom and I will be going around Europe for the whole three weeks and I can't wait for it. Finally, Mom has something to be happy about.

But Connor's trip with Cassidy makes me ... I don't know.

I can feel knots on my stomach. I'm nervous.

And whenever I see Connor talking to her, it makes me feel angry. Betrayed?

I don't think girls will understand it. Maybe I should ask the guys, but then they would look at me like I'm crazy.

Maybe I should ask Mom, but then she would ask if I like Cassidy which I don't want our topic to even go further there.

Maybe I should ... just keep it to myself for a while.

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a u t h o r ' s   r a n t i n g   p l a c e :

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Meanwhile, the picture is about his father's passion.

P.S. SMILE! :D 

"Smile is a good reply to the dark world." ― Mehmet Murat ildan