My best friend cut me off. I wasn't reaching out to him nearly as much as he did to me. I should've been there for him but I was selfish. I wallowed in my depression when I knew I should've just helped my friends instead. I hate this.

I understand it. I'll let him go even though I fucking love him. He was one of the only people who stuck with me this long, and I'll never stop missing him. I know he'll never see this but I'd like to thank him.

Thank you for being the reason I wanted to live. Thank you for taking care of me and dealing with me for so long. I hope I gave you even a portion of comfort and happiness as you gave me. I'll never be able to stop loving you.

It hasn't completely hit yet. I want to talk to my therapist. I want to cry. I wish my tears would just come in big sobs already. It'd be easier for me if I could have my breakdown alone right now.

I finally started caring for myself, but I did it at the worst time. I wish I could live without this toxic mindset.

Maybe my friends would stay longer if I did.