I never screamed so hard in my life. My lungs burned and my throat ached, and the urge to collapse where I stood overwhelmed me. "Not again," I cried. "No, not again."

As the creature continued to stalk the remaining hunters, the sweet burnt smell increased and the trees on the other side of us rattled and shook.

"Let's get the hell out of here." Hermit grabbed my elbow and urged me toward the hospital. We ran. Me, reluctantly, until we burst through the hospital doors and locked the plank in place immediately upon entering.

While Hermit went to the window to peer out, watching and waiting, I collapsed to the filthy tiles, taking comfort in the darkness of the room that obscured me. The moon did its best to light up the space enough for me to see Hermit finally back away from the window and take in a breath of relief.

Tears poured from my eyes and coated my face with its wetness. "I killed Lilac. He was my only friend."

"Sshh." Hermit was close and did his best to comfort me. "You have to get yourself under control, Kyla. Remember the power you possess."

The responsibility was crushing. I didn't want to think about it, or get up, or even attempt to get it together. "I'm so exhausted." And I was, in all forms. I was tired. Tired of running, hiding, surviving. "Maybe I'm supposed to give up. Maybe I'm all wrong about what would happen if I die."

Hermit shook his head, upset. "I knew you couldn't do it."

The disappointment in his tired eyes as the moonlight lit his face said so much, but I had more to say. "I couldn't do that, but I can tell you what I did do. I killed hundreds of people. Mostly innocent people who were in the radius when it erupted."

He huffed with no sense of sympathy in his tone. "You weren't trying hard enough. You gave up. Like you're doing now."

"Nurse Jane who was like a mother to me, Sarah, Jessica, Selina, Jojo..." People we both knew inside and out.

"Because you're weak," he added.

I ignored his complaints and only sulked in my remorse. "Look at what I've turned you into." I sat forward, shaking my head at what I saw before me. "You're wife, your daughter—"

He rushed forward and grabbed my shoulder with one strong hand. Anger in his eyes. "Don't go there. You hear me?" He tightened his grip. "You want me to hurt you, huh? Is that what you want?"

I smacked his arm away. "What's the point in trying to prevent Hell from taking over if this entire place is full of nothing but evil?" I collapsed to the floor, uncaring and done. Ready to be turned into melted gunk to become one with the creatures. Maybe that was my fate the entire time. Where I needed to end up. Maybe that's all I was destined to leave behind in this world, remnants of me in the monsters.

Hermit walked away, putting space between us. But he didn't go far, deciding to sit behind the reception desk in one of the lopsided chairs. He casually fiddled with the Winnie the Pooh backpack that remained on the desktop near the dead, dried, and unused kindling.

"You used to be a caring man." My words oozed out without force or energy behind them.

He cleared his throat and scoffed. "And you used to be special. Now you're like everyone else in the world. Ready to give up when the going gets tough. Ready to destroy what you don't understand and let everything crumble.

"You know why they haven't nuked this place a long time ago? Or why they placed a protection on it for two years?" Hermit went on. "Because they're trying to figure out how to use your abilities to their advantage. It's all selfish and greedy motives from these people. Everyone you encounter will be just as manipulative for self-interest."

"What about you?" The coolness of the tile floor on my cheek permeated throughout my body, giving me a glimpse of what death felt like. "What do you want out of me?"

"I want nothing from you. Absolutely nothing." His voice was raspy with built-up phlegm. "Besides, what I want you can't give."

I watched him and remembered the thorough, straightforward, hardworking doctor who took pride in rehabilitating and treating his patients. He never crossed a line and always used his integrity and professionalism to gain a respected reputation among his peers. I can only imagine what the rumors about human experimentation did to him. Losing everything he's worked so hard to cultivate.

"I don't even know what I want." Drained, I pushed myself up to slump against the wall.

"You want what you always have." He shrugged "Answers about who you are, where you come from, and where you're going." He relaxed back in the chair, only his silhouette was visible. "The same answers we all seek. But the difference with you is that you can find your answers if you only knew where to look."

I narrowed my eyes and sat forward at attention. "What are you talking about?"

"Remember your passions? The things that entertained you and filled your heart with purpose?"

"Singing? Writing? Creating?"

His head bobbed in the darkness. "I remember checking in on you in your room. The day after switching your medication. I wanted to see how you were feeling." He coughed, loosening the phlegm in his throat. "You didn't want to talk, but you had your notebook at the end of your bed. Do you remember what was in it?"

I searched my memory. "The notebook I used to write my stories in?"

"Exactly." He sat forward. "More precisely, that notebook contained your story that won the competition we held weeks before."

"I barely remember the story; it was so long ago and not that significant." I frowned. "I do remember I won, and I was upset that you had to take my notebook away after that."

He sighed. "It was for everyone's good."

"Yeah, I get it now." The damaged tile beneath me dug into my rear, adding to my unease.

"But the story you wrote was very important for you. I could see how important it was because you were expressing yourself. You were freeing and releasing those deep-seated emotions. It was something you needed to do but was just so dangerous for you to do it." He sat back in the chair again. "Keep your head up, Kyla. Your imagination may not be your nemesis after all."

As hours of silence, I tried everything imaginable to not think of the loss I had just encountered. Lilac wouldn't want that from me, I knew it. I sensed it, but the fact that death seemed to be a regular part of my life was beginning to take its toll on me and my mentality, especially when it took someone I cared for.

Even as I meditated and focused on the tiny, pixelated snow on the television screen, thoughts of loss and death constantly entered my mind, overpowering my attempt at peace.

I wasn't ready to sleep. I didn't want to visit the red place. I was tired, tired of running, tired of trying to understand, tired of trying to gain control, tired of trying in general.

A loud boom startled us and we both jumped to our feet to investigate. Hermit quickly rushed to the window and stood slightly to the side to peek through the cracked glass. "It came from that direction." He pointed toward the area where the previous explosions went off.

"What are they doing?" I went to the window beside him, not seeing what I expected to be fire and smoke amongst crumbing debris. "You think it's the military?"

He shrugged but I immediately thought of Valerie and Noel. "Maybe they were waiting by the school to come and see us. Maybe they had news or information that could be helpful. However, was I willing to risk my life to get it?

"Lilac and I had met some friends near the edge of the Scalded." I glanced to Hermit. "They are the ones who told us about the protections on this place and the military threatening to step in. Maybe they're out there with some more news for us."

"I think I'm gonna take a rain check on that proposal." Hermit shook his head. "My knee is throbbing. I think I twisted it jumping out of that tree."

I knew he wasn't willing to risk his life to go to the edge. I figured he was content dying in the Scalded if it came down to it. And just then the thought came to mind.

Would the radius allow him to leave its confines?

Was there some sort of urge or compulsion keeping us here and making it difficult for us to go? Have Lilac or Hermit ever tried stepping foot outside of the Scalded? Would they experience the same excruciating torture I had?

Lilac would've told me if he had. I just knew it. There was no reason for him to keep vital information like that from me.

Oh, Lilac.

Just the thought of what the creature done to him was too much to relive. But again, I had to push my emotions aside. "I'm gonna go see if Valerie and Noel are out there."

Hermit gave me a look out of the corner of his eye. "You really think a couple of city kids are going to be out there at this time of night?"

I nodded. "Yes, if there's something important I should know I think they'd want to tell me."

"Why?" Hermit finally turned to me, looking me in the eyes with his cynical stare. "Now why would a couple of city kids want to help you? What are they getting out of the deal?"

I shrugged. "Maybe they just want to help. They call themselves activist."

"Or maybe they just want content." He placed his forefinger to his head and tapped his temple, nodding as if he knew the answer. "No one stands up for anything or speaks out against something imperative unless it's going to gain them numbers. And more importantly, no one does anything for nothing."

He must've been sneaking around the forest to eavesdrop on some of our previous discussions. "Maybe you're right, but I like to think there are still good people out there."

"After they see what your imaginings are capable of, no one will want to help you." He seemed so sure. "Sometimes you can't count on anyone but yourself to get things done. So, what do you want?"

"I want to live in peace," I said with the same sureness. "I want to be left alone. I want to be free of fear, and guilt, and anger. I want to live without worries." I gulped, drowning out the pain. "I want my friend back."

"Well, you can have all that, but you have to be the one to go get it." A bit of encouragement filtered through his snark. "You're gonna learn that some things are best done yourself."

I ignored his ramblings and shook my head. "Well, this is me doing things myself." I shot him a sneer before leaving through the front doors of Knoques. 

~~~

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