I'm so fucking tired. I feel like the world is against me and wants to make me suffer. The last two days have felt like hell. My brother being the cause of this. He's been fucking with me mentally and thenis physically hurting me, no I'm not abused. Please don't call child services.

    My brother's autistic and he's using that to his advantage. He knows that when he misbehaves or does something that children his age wouldn't normally do, it will be blamed on his autism. And he has ben tormenting me 24/7 yesterday he physically fought with me and threw glass GLASS into my food, but did he get any consequences? No. And then on top of that my mom leaves with the youngest out us for 5-6 fucking HOURS and tells me to sit in her room and not leave until she comes back. So my brother doesn't bother me. But as soon as she left I left the room, locked the door ('cause she gave me the keys to her room) and went to MY room and sat down, but my brother took it upon himself to annoy me in any way possible.

    And then I had enough, I opened the door and screamed at him to shut up and leave me alone, this went on for about four and a half hours, and he was also asking to call my mom every 15- 20 minutes, about 30 minutes before my brother came in we started fighting.

    He kept wanting to call my mom, and I kept telling him no, it escalated and I had it, I was on the verge of crying, so I gathered all my stuff  and went to go to my moms  room. He wouldn't even let me go there. He kept trying to get into the room, and  eventually succeeded. He got in took the phone and left. I balled my eyes out for 30+ mins, and then I just felt physically, emotionally, and mentally tired. But I kept going and I smiled even though it was fake I smiled. I told my mom what happened and she said it was my fault because I didn't stay in her room. I wanted to yell at her and tell her it was not my fault, but I was so drained and exhausted. I gave up.

Today it was a bit better but it was still bad. He went onto my bed, scattered everything and then threw something at my head. It was hard and hurt like a bitch, it still hurts. I have a bump on my head and my head hurts a lot and I feel a bit dizzy sometimes. I can't stop crying. Sometimes I feel like maybe if I were dead everyone would be happy or at least a bit happier. I'm failing school and I'm too tired to care. I feel as if nobody cares about me. I try to help people when they are not ok. But I feel like when I scream people ignore me, when I tell everyone I'm alright, I feel like I'm letting everyone who has tried to help me, has loved, and has let me into their lives in some way down.

    I try to smile and let everyone know their worth it. And that if no one I will because everyone deserves love, but do I deserve love?
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To whoever is reading this.

Thank you, you're loved by me if not by anyone, because I know for a fact your worth it!

Love, Mama cakes❤