I wasn't in my mind when I left his room. Hindi ko rin halos malaman kung saan ako pupunta dahil hindi ako pamilyar sa lugar no'ng lumabas ako ng building. My phone was also dead pero mabuti na lang ay nasa bag ko pa rin ang wallet ko kung kaya't ipinara ko nalang ang taxi na dumaan sa tapat ko.

My eyes were still puffy and red when I returned to the hotel. I wanted to hide it but I had no means to do it. I sighed before opening the door pero bago ko pa nagawa 'yun ay may nagbukas na para sa akin.

"Where the hell have you been, babaita ka?" Maya worriedly asked and hugged me so tight. "Kagabi ka pa namin hindi macontact!"

"I told you many times already that she's in a safe place physically. But emotionally, that's what I wasn't sure of." Yuri added and smirked while looking at me, particularly my eyes.

Maya's eyes narrowed. "Totoo ba? Kasama mo si Kaleb?"

I sighed. Yuri must've told her that. Afterall, she has the means to know everything by just using her gadgets.

Tumango ako. Wala rin naman akong mapapala kung magsisinungaling ako, especially with how I look now. I totally looked like a mess.

"You cried." Maya stated after staring at my eyes.

"Maliligo lang ako," I stated and gave them a small smile bago ko sila nilampasan para pumasok sa kwarto ko.

My tears started flowing again as I sat on the tub.

Tanga nga siguro talaga ako. Because after all these years...after assuring myself that I am already over him, I realized na hindi pa pala. I realized na nasasaktan pa rin ako...na maaaring mahal ko pa rin nga talaga siya.

I hate myself so much for still loving him despite everything he did.

And to hear that he still loves me was a torture. It was tempting. Gusto kong matuwa, gusto kong patawarin nalang siya at pagbigyan ulit. But...how about those years I wasted crying and striving to get over him? Balewala nalang ba 'yun? Lahat ng paghihirap ko balewala nalang...para magpaloko akong muli?

I still love him...but I can't trust him anymore. And it's hurting me so much...to think that we can still be together but won't work anymore because of trust issues.

Another thing is...hindi ko rin sigurado kung mahal ba talaga niya ako o muli na naman siyang nalilito.

But one thing's for sure now...it would be better if I'd avoid seeing him for a while.

For the next few days, I just stayed in my hotel room. It's a good thing that the shoot and other promotional activities were already done kung kaya't binigyan ako ng pansamantalang bakasyon ng manager ko. I also made use of that vacant time to visit my family.

It was unannounced so I was finally able to see my mom. Dahil kung sasabihin ko ay alam kong hindi ko na naman siya maaabutan. She's been like that since the bullying issue about me broke out. Yes, she sends me messages pero sa tuwing magvivideocall ako sa kanila ay tila napapaso siya sa tuwing titingin sa screen.

I missed her so much.

It's been five years I think, since she resigned from her old firm and moved to the province para magtrabaho. I wasn't aware of her real reason kung bakit siya nagpalipat dahil mukhang okay naman siya sa dati niyang pinagtatrabahuan. My sisters told me na gusto lang niyang magbago ng environment dahil tumatanda na but I am not buying that.

However, if there's another thing that I need to be thankful of...'yun ay ang pag-aayos nila ni Papa. I don't know what really happened dahil malayo ako, basta isang araw naibalita nalang nila sa akin na nagsasama na muli silang dalawa.

Like how they're together in front of me now.

May problema man ako at magulo ang isip ay hindi ko na napigilang ngumiti no'ng makita sila.

"Ma, Pa...namiss ko po kayo." I whispered while hugging them. They looked stunned while looking at me, si Papa naman ang unang nakabawi.

"Na-miss ka rin namin, anak. Gusto ko nga sanang bisitahin ka sa Maynila, pero itong nanay mo, ang sabi ay huwag ka munang abalahin dahil busy ka pa sa trabaho."

Umiling ako. "Hindi naman po ako busy, at kung sakali man na may appointment ako ay pwede ko naman pong ipagpaliban para makita tayo." Because there's nothing more important than my family. I wanted to say that but I chose to keep it on myself and just smiled.

"Maghahanda lang ako ng merienda," Mom said and immediately excused herself. Nalulungkot naman ako na sinundan siya ng tingin bago ako bumaling kay Papa para makipagkwentuhan.

Okay na siguro 'to. At least I know that she's not mad at me now and that she no longer labels me as a disgrace. At hindi man niya sinasabi at pinapakita ay nararamdaman kong...mahal niya ako.

But I just wish...that I could at least act like a normal daughter to her...and her as a normal mother for me.

Pero okay na 'to...ayoko rin namang maging greedy masyado at hilingin ang lahat.

I stayed at my parent's place in the province for two days and on the last two days of my vacation, I decided to go to Maya's province dahil nagkataong may pagdiriwang doon. Naging pagkakataon din namin iyon na tatlo para mag bonding.

We had fun at the festival, went to the beach, got wasted, and did everything that we could just to feel happy. Total pare-pareho rin yata kaming hindi okay at pinipilit nalang na kumapit para magpatuloy. That's why I think we became friends...we're all hopeless in love.

"Hay, nako! Nakakainggit naman ang mga balat niyo! I want to get tanned, too!" A woman beamed as she served as glasses of water.

Sa tuwing nakikita ko siya ay hindi ko pa rin maiwasang hindi mamangha. Katulad nang dati ay gandang-ganda pa rin ako sa kanya at pagkatapos ng lahat ng nangyari ay mas lalo lang akong napahanga sa tapang at lakas ng loob niya.

"Hay nako, Gen! Ang sabi ko naman sayo kagabi, pumunta ka sa bayan o 'di kaya'y sumama ka sa kanila at magsaya dahil ako na ang bahala kay Gab at Dylan." Maya's mom beamed.

Gen just smiled. "Ay, may ginawa rin naman po ako kahapon kaya mas mabuti nang hindi ako sumama. Sayang naman po ang oras."

Gertrude Gwayne Alcantara.

I sighed as I watched her closely. It's really unusual to see her at a place like this given her real status in life. But it's her life and if it's the decision she thinks would be good for her at sa mga taong mahalaga sa kanya, then wala akong karapatan na kwestyunin iyon. I actually support her dahil kaibigan ko na rin siya.

The three of us went back to Manila the day after. Si Maya ay dahil may duty na, si Yuri ay dahil kailangan na siya sa company nila, and me...I went back dahil malapit na ang launching at kailangan ako dahil may press conference.

I sighed as another thought crossed my mind.

Makikita ko na ulit siya matapos ang halos dalawang linggo.

I'm still hurt and my mind was still in chaos, but I tried so hard to motivate myself to act professionally. Sa katunayan ay halos ilang araw din akong nag-ensayo bago ang launching.

I looked at myself in the mirror as the artist was styling my hair. I decided to opt for a no make-up look today dahil 'yun ang na-tripan ko pagkagising. I usually do this naman kahit na no'ng nasa States pa ako, kaya hindi na bago iyon sa akin.

Unlike before, I am no longer ashamed of how I look without make-up on. And today, I want to flaunt my natural beauty.

"This is why you're my favorite," my stylist smiled as I stood from my seat. "You're confident and you're not afraid to show yourself to others without having layers of cosmetics. I actually read your story from the magazine and you've become my favorite ever since that day."

"Thank you, Alyz." I smiled back at her before going out of the room.

My manager motioned me to come closer at agad namang sumunod sa akin si Jessa na dala-dala ang camera.

Napatigil naman ako no'ng may makitang pamilyar na bulto sa may waiting area.

I took a deep breath. Come on, Lia. You can do it.

When my manager signalled me to go out, I immediately nodded and stood. I confidently walked out of the backstage and the crowd started to beam. Cameras started flashing and I waved my hand and smiled at them, because that's what I should do.

It's already expected na magkakasama kami sa stage ni Kaleb dahil alam kong hindi talaga maiiwasan 'yun, but to have him sit beside me kind of stunned me a bit, because I didn't see that coming.

I sighed and tried to keep my professionalism going and I think I did well. Our gaze met a few times pero wala akong ibang sinukli kundi propesyunal na tingin, at hindi ko rin tiyak kung ano ba ang klase ng tingin na ibinibigay niya sa akin. But his eyes...I could say that they were soulful.

Pero wala rin siyang ginawa o sinabing kung ano. He also acted professional around me which stirred something inside me na hindi ko matiyak kung ano.

"Mr. Flores, everyone knows that you're an architect and an ex-basketball superstar. This field is clearly far from the things you used to do. That's why people were curious as to why you suddenly ventured into creating a skincare brand. With this, can you tell us what drove you?" Someone from the crowd asked at napatuwid ako ng upo dahil doon. I am also curious myself at gusto kong marinig nang maayos ang sagot.

He smiled before taking the microphone. "Una sa lahat, it's because of someone dear to me."

Everyone gasped upon hearing that. Samantalang ako ay nanigas sa pwesto ko dahil sa mga dumadaloy na naman na ideya sa utak ko.

"And to help ease people's insecurity with their physical appearance and imperfections," he continued. "I want to be part of people's journey to being confident without putting on masks that hide the real 'them'. By masks, you probably know what I mean by that, make-ups and other types of cosmetics. But I am not also in any way condemning people who uses them, because if it makes them feel better and happy, then who are we to judge them? It's their face and their body, afterall. But by creating skincare products, I am hoping that it could help them be confident with their bare features and flaunt them. That is also why I named the brand Derriere le Masque, which means behind the mask."

People clapped after hearing his answer while I remained looking at him. Stunned. Amazed. In awe. Hindi ko alam. It was just so amazing na pakiramdam ko ay hindi si Kaleb ang nagsabi ng mga salitang 'yun.

"I have a question po for Ms. Grazella." A woman from the crowd asked, agad namang naagaw ang pansin ko ng kulot na kulot niyang buhok at kayumangging balat. Suddenly, I saw myself in her.

"I recalled reading something from the magazine that says you used to be insecure about yourself and you even hated yourself. So what made you love yourself po?" She asked and smiled shyly at me.

Tumango ako at kinuha ang microphone. "Yes, hate is even an understatement to what I felt about myself back then. People hate me because of how I look like and every time I looked at myself in the mirror ay parang gusto ko nalang basagin 'yun dahil pangit na pangit na rin ako sa sarili ko. Because of that, I did everything to make myself fit the standards and all, and you know that I get bashed when people discover my real face." I sighed. "But that was the turning point. Because of what happened, I realized that maybe it's time to let go of the things I can't control, dahil una sa lahat, hindi ko naman pinili na ipanganak na may ganitong imperfections and flaws. It's not my fault at wala na akong magagawa doon."

I looked at the girl and smiled, bahala na kung maalala ng taong 'yun.

"Someone also told me back then that I am not ugly. Maaaring naiiba ako pero hindi ako pangit. It's called uniqueness and I am unique, and it's not my obligation to make myself fit to the standards of beauty established by the society, dahil lahat naman tayo ay ipinanganak na unique at iba sa isa't isa. Like seriously? Those standards just suck so bad." I chuckled before getting myself serious again. "Pero seryoso, simula no'ng inisip kong hindi ako pangit ay onti-onti ko na ring nakikita ang halaga at ang ganda ko. And that's how I gradually learned to accept and love myself."

People clapped but my attention wasn't on them, it was on the girl who raised her hand again.

"What should we do about the people who hate us po? 'Yung mga taong patuloy na pinaparamdam na pangit tayo at walang kwenta?"

I sighed. "Wala na tayong magagawa sa mga taong ayaw sa atin. No matter how we please them ay may masasabi't masasabi pa rin sila, because that's reality, we really can't please everyone. So the best thing that we can do is don't give a fuck to what they're saying and just walk away. If they hate us, sa kanila na 'yun. We don't need their opinion and validation anyway. Lastly, I also want to say that I won't lose my smile despite my teeth being fake. I won't lose it so I couldn't give the people who hates me the satisfaction they need."

Muli akong napahinga ng malalim pagkatapos sabihin ang mga salitang iyon, hindi ko alam kung nasabi ko nang maayos pero it really feels refreshing to say those words without a filter.

"That was an awesome mindset." He suddenly muttered while still looking at the front kung kaya't sandali akong napatingin sa kanya.

I pursed my lips a bit before smiling professionally at him. "Thank you."

When the press conference ended ay tuwang-tuwa ang lahat, lalo na ang mga staff. After all, they worked so hard in order to make the launch a success. Tuwang-tuwa rin ako at proud sa kanila because it turned out great, at kahit 'di man, ay magiging proud pa rin ako sa kanila.

Kakapasok ko palang sa van no'ng may inabot na bouquet sa akin si Jessa, ang sabi niya ay galing daw 'yun sa isang big fan ko mula sa company. Tuwang-tuwa naman akong inabot 'yun at inamoy. But when I saw the message that comes with it ay muntik ko nang mabitawan iyon.

Elliana Grazella,

I am sorry...and I apologize that it took me years to finally say it to you. I said a lot of mean and degrading words to you back then, words that a woman like me wasn't supposed to say because it's horrible. I also planned to take your man away from you and I was the one who destroyed what you had back then, that I sincerely apologize for as it was really such a bitchy thing to do.

This message is solely written for an apology and I hope you can forgive me. However, I also want you to know that Kaleb loved you sincerely and with loyalty. He never cheated on you. And the words you've heard, they've said them to save a hopeless girl like me.

I know it's hard to believe but I am hoping that you'd let him prove himself and the truth to you.

Thank you, Grazella.

-Levionne Cheryll