I stared at myself in the mirror. I just finished crying and retouching my make-up but my eyes still looked puffy. Halatang-halata pa rin na umiyak ako so I've decided not to go home immediately after that. Gusto ko munang magliwaliw para makalimutan ang katatapos lang mangyari.

Naaalala ko pa kung paano niya hinawakan ang kamay ko at sinabing huwag ko siyang iwan...muntik na akong matinag...pero mabuti nalang ay hindi ko na hinayaan ang sarili kong muling maloko niya.

He's a jerk! How could he do that to us? Hindi lang sa akin kundi pati kay Levi. Why can't he just let me go like I was just nothing? Total gano'n na din naman niya ako tratuhin nitong mga nakaraang araw.

I almost jumped when someone stood beside me.

It's Yurianne.

I watched her as she looked at herself in the mirror, wiping something on her chinky eyes. Sa katunayan, parang may lahi siyang Japanese o 'di kaya ay Korean.

Nahiya naman ako no'ng mukhang nakita niyang tinitingnan ko siya.

"Sorry," I apologetically said, ngunit parang wala naman siyang narinig.

Okay lang daw kapag gano'n na hindi ka niya pansinin. Matakot ka lang kapag may ginawa kang masama, dahil tiyak na lalabas ang mga maduduming sikretong tinatago mo. That's the rumor I heard of, but I really thought that it was ridiculous. So I chose not to believe them.

Bahagya naman akong napaatras no'ng bigla siyang tumingin sa akin. "I'm just kind of curious, do you know how to differentiate friends from foes?"

I furrowed my brows. "H-Huh? Ano po?"

Tumango siya kahit na wala naman akong matinong isinagot. "Nevermind. Take care."

'Yun ang sinabi niya bago umalis which kind of weirded me out, pero ipinagkibit-balikat ko nalang dahil masyado nang puno ang isip ko.

I was kind of feeling sick the next day but I still tried to go to school dahil may recitation kami sa isang subject and I also have an org meeting.

I was walking in the hallway when I saw Maya running, it's like she's panicking pero nang makita ako ay napansin ko ang paghinga niya nang maluwag.

"Buti nalang nakita kita," she said painting, napakunot naman ako ng noo.

"Bakit?" I curiously asked her.

"Pinapahanap ka ni President sa akin, pinapatanong niya kung pwedeng ikaw nalang daw ang mag-model ng shirt ng org natin? Hindi kasi makakarating 'yong model na kinuha."

"Huh? Okay lang po ba na ako?"

Agad naman siyang tumango at hinawakan na ang braso ko. "Oo naman! Ikaw naman talaga dapat kaso mukha kang distracted no'ng mga nakaraang araw kaya hindi ka namin na-approach."

Dahil may isang oras pa naman bago ang klase ko ay pumayag na ako at sumama kay Maya. Wala naman kasi akong gagawin at para rin naman sa org 'yun.

We immediately started the shoot when we arrived, mabilis lang naman iyong natapos kung kaya't may naging oras pa akong makipag-usap sa mga members na naroon.

"Idol po kita, pwede po bang papicture?"

I smiled and nodded to the freshman girl who asked me.

"Salamat po, ang bait niyo talaga in person! Ang ganda pa!"

Nahiya naman ako sa sinabi niya pero nagpasalamat nalang din ako.

I was packing my things up when I noticed that the room suddenly became silent. I looked at them and saw that they're looking at their phones. Napakunot ang noo ko pero pinagpatuloy ko nalang din ang pag-aayos.

It was odd at mas lalo lang akong nagtaka no'ng maramdaman ang tingin nila sa akin, but still, they're not saying anything.

No'ng dumako ang tingin ni Maya sa akin ay mukha siyang gulat pero agad din niya iyong pinalitan ng ibang ekspresyon at lumapit sa akin.

"Sama ka sa amin kumain? Lalabas kami." She smiled but I could sense something else behind that smile, 'di ko nga lang matukoy kung ano.

"Uh, may klase pa kasi ako."

Tumango-tango siya but I could feel her uneasiness, pero sinubukan kong hayaan nalang muna 'yun.

Dinampot ko na ang bag ko at nagpasyang magpaalam na, and it's really weird because they're giving me confusing looks.

"Hatid na kita," Maya offered. Pumayag naman ako kahit na nakakapagtaka pa rin ang mga kinikilos nila.

We were walking in the hallway when I noticed that people were giving me the same look. Hindi naman bago sa akin na may nakatingin, but this time, I could tell that it's really weird. In fact, it reminds me of the looks I received in the past.

"Okay ka lang ba?" Maya asked and I just gave her a nod.

"Siya 'yun diba? Grabe, make-up lang pala talaga ang nagdala!"

"Kawawa naman, tingnan mo 'yung comments!"

"Alam kaya ni Kal?"

"May nagcomment pa dito na malabo na raw sila."

"Kawawa naman."

Bahagya akong napatigil sa paglakad dahil sa narinig. Maya looked at me with concern in her eyes. I suddenly had the urge to ask her what's happening but there's a part of me hesitating. I'm scared.

Ang magkakasunod na tunog ng phone ko ang nagpabalik sa akin sa reyalidad. I immediately took it out of my bag and answered the call when I saw that it's from the manager of one of the brands I'm collaborating with.

"Hello."

"Did you see the video? Is that really you?"

My forehead creased. "Video? Anong pong video?"

"Check your social media accounts. I'm hoping it's not you though dahil malaki ang magiging problema natin kung ikaw nga iyon."

The call ended after that, nanginginig naman akong binuksan ang social media accounts ko.

Many people were tagging me and pakiramdam ko ay biglang gumuho ang mundo ko no'ng makita kung tungkol saan ang video na 'yun. I felt my hands trembling and sweating, and I started to feel suffocated.

It's the video of me way back in senior high school at may mga pictures din na nagpapatunay na ako nga 'yun.

Hindi ko alam kung paano nila nakuha ang mga picture at video na 'yun. But one thing's for sure...someone who hates me did this.

"Lia, okay ka lang? Let's go back to the office." Maya's eyes widened when she saw what I'm looking at. However, she didn't looked surprised about it at all, at doon ko lang napagtanto na baka dahil sa video kung kaya't kanina pa sila nakatingin sa akin sa office.

"Okay, Lia. Breath in, breath out." She held my shoulders. "Don't worry about it, okay? We got you!"

She kept on whispering those words, pero habang tumatagal ay mas lalo akong nawawala sa sarili ko, until I found myself running away from her.

I could feel it again. People's judgmental stares, their laughs, their hurtful and insulting words...and the crumbling of the little world I made just to escape reality.

Bumabalik na sa dati ang lahat. Ang bilis namang bawiin sa akin ng kasiyahan.

I ended up at the 9th floor of the engineering building, the same spot where I ended everything with him. Ayokong pumunta sa lugar na 'to because it reminds me of the pain but I had no choice. Ito lang ang lugar na walang masyadong tao na alam ko.

My tears fell as I read the comments people left on the post.

Yuck, ang pangit naman.

Diba jowa 'yan nung UAAP basketball player? Magaling siguro kaya nagustuhan amp

Catfish pa, mas maganda pa yata pussy namin, este pusa

Parang aswang haha galing siguro sa pamilyang aswang

Biruin mo ganyan kapanget pero may jowang mala-artista #gayumaisrealsiz

Saan kaya nakakabili ng black magic? Mukhang effective nga

Pakpak nalang kulang ah

Kaklase ko yan nong highschool, di lang yan panget, bungi pa, hindi nga nasalita masyado kasi baka mahulog eww

Iilan lang 'yan sa mga comments na nabasa ko because I couldn't take it anymore. I was already hated before pero hindi ganito ka-lala.

Degrading is an understatement to describe them, I saw some felt sorry but they doesn't seem sincere at all, some felt angry because I catfished them, at karamihan sa kanila ay pinagtatawanan ako...na maganda lang naman kasi nakamake-up.

Alam ko naman 'yun eh at siguro nga ay mali na inakala kong matatakasan ko 'yun sa pamamagitan ng pagtago sa isang maskara. But who are they to judge me when they're not the one who suffered?!

A lot of the brands I'm collaborating with were contacting me, halos sumabog na rin ang inboxes ko dahil sa dami ng messages, a lot of them wanted me to confirm the video, while most of them were 'hate' messages.

This is just so terrible.

I already lost the man I loved, and now... I'm about to lose my image...and probably everything.

My phone fell from my grip and my vision span. I tried breathing in and out to calm myself but my trembling and shortness of breath were just terrible, bumabaliktad din ang sikmura ko. I tried to throw up but nothing comes out, at pakiramdam ko ay mas lumalala lang ang pakiramdam ko.

"Lia! Fuck! Sabi ko na nga ba nandito ka!" I heard a familiar voice and seconds later I felt him hold my hand.

It's Kal...and I hate that he found me.

"It's okay, it's okay, I'm here." He repeatedly whispered to me and squeezed my hand. "Kalma, breathe in and out. It's not your fault. Those comments were not true, they don't know you kaya huwag kang maniniwala sa kanila." He kept on whispering comforting words until I felt a little better.

When my vision steadied a bit, I immediately stood and threw him a glare. "Bakit ka nandito? You shouldn't be here, Kal."

"Lia, I'm worried about you."

I let out a sarcastic laugh. "Ah oo, nakita mo na 'yung video 'no? Okay lang naman 'yon, Kal. Huwag ka nang mag-alala doon, ako rin naman ang may kagagawan nun sa sarili ko. Tsaka diba tapos na rin tayo?"

He sighed and leaned closer to hold my arm. "You don't deserve that, you don't deserve their judgment, because they don't know what you've been through. And I will stay with you, Lia. Mananatili ako...talikuran ka man ng mundo. Hindi ako aalis, kahit ipagtulakan mo pa ako."

What? Wow! After all he did to me...akala ba niya maniniwala pa ako sa kanya.

"You don't have to, Kal. Tapos na rin naman na tayo. I'm not your responsibility anymore. Hindi mo na ako girlfriend."

Pain flashed through his eyes but I don't know if it's real, he's used to faking his emotions after all. Kaya ayaw ko nang magtiwala sa mga nakikita ko sa kanya.

"Lia, please...alam kong napakagago ko at nasaktan kita...but please hear me out." Yumuko siya at bahagya namang namilog ang mata ko no'ng marinig ang mumunti niyang mga hikbi.

Is he crying?

"S-Sorry, Lia. Ang gago gago ko, ang hina hina ko. Dahil sa pagiging mahina at gago ko... nasaktan ko ang dalawang babaeng mahalaga sa akin. Mahal kita at alam kong hindi mo pa ako mapapatawad dahil sa ginawa ko, pero sana hayaan mo akong manatili sa tabi mo ngayon. Kahit 'yun lang..."

Ayokong umiyak...especially not in front of him. But the moment I heard him cry, hindi ko na napigilan ang sarili ko.

It's just so sad that we ended up this way. I wanted to forgive him, pero alam kong pareho lang kaming masasaktan sa huli.

I know that he's still confused and kung mananatili siya sa tabi ko ay mas lalo lang siya mahihirapan. I hated him or maybe I loathe him...but still, I want him to be happy. Dahil kahit papaano ay marami rin siyang nagawang mabuti sa akin.

"Tama na, Kal. Ayaw ko na. Kaya ko naman 'to...kakayanin ko." I cried and held his shoulders. "Just please...live your life with the person you love and be happy. Huwag mo na akong guguluhin because I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore."

"Lia...please..." he pleaded and I got so shocked when he kneeled in front of me. "Please don't do this to me...I'll do everything you want...huwag mo lang akong iwan...please..."

For a while, I didn't know what to say. There's a part of me na gustong-gusto na siyang patawarin, but when I remembered what I'm facing ay doon ko lang nabuo ang isip ko.

This man. He's not for me...and he will never be.

I held his hand and tried to lift him up and when he stood... I saw hope glistened in his eyes. Mas lalo akong naiyak dahil doon.

"Hindi ako ang para sayo Kal. So please... stop it. Please stop hurting both of us." I gave him a small smile. "Pagod na ako eh...pagod na ako sa lahat nang 'to."

I held his hand and squeezed it lightly. When I looked at him, I saw how his tears ran down his beautiful face.

I let go of his hand when I remembered something. I removed the necklace he gave me and placed it on his palm.

"This is not for me. Please give it to the girl you sincerely love."

I saw how he stared at me with hurt in his eyes. I don't want to do this to him...I don't want to hurt him. Kasi sa kabila ng lahat...mahal na mahal ko pa rin siya.

But maybe this one's for good.