*Zac*
I walk slowly towards Ivy's home, having gone there as soon as I sat foot in Toronto. The toes of my shoes are dirty I notice walking up the pathway to the door. I should never have convinced her to start dating me, when I know I am this fucked up. But I honestly thought I had control of it, that actually being in love would stop me from repeating my past mistakes.

Since yesterday morning I have kept telling myself that it was a single slip up, it won't happen again and ruining what we have would be stupid as it was just a single mistake. Actually it would be cruel to hurt her to clear my conscience.

Before I reach the door it opens and Ivy comes running down the steps, launching herself into my arms. I catch her, burrowing my face in her hair, inhaling the well known scent of strawberries. And I almost start crying. How could I do it ? "Oh God Freckles I have missed you so much".

"I missed you too. And I am so sorry about my freak out. I just couldn't bear the idea of someone else taking you from me". She mumbles against my neck, making me feel even worse.

I put her gently down on her feet. "I love you so much darling, no matter what, remember that I love you okay ?"

"Is something wrong Zac ?" She is looking at me nervously and I almost blurt it out, tell her everything. But I stop myself, I couldn't bear to see the pain in her eyes.

I shake my head, putting on a smile to reassure her. "No Freckles, not at all. I just.. well I love you and I want to be sure you know I really mean it".

"I love you too Zac". She says looking at me like I am kind of crazy. "Come on in, mom has made dinner".

I take her hand, lacing our fingers together as we walk inside. It is going to be torture, sitting there with her family, knowing they would hate me if they knew what I have done. But I deserve it, I deserve to suffer.

Inside Sadie comes skipping, hugging me tightly. "Good to have you back Zac, someone has been moping awfully while you were gone".

"Hi Sadie, was that someone you perhaps ?" I tease her and she punches my shoulder. And I say grinning. "Don't say you haven't missed me".

She rolls her eyes. "Might have.. I saw the pictures of you and Yvonne. Don't worry I told Ivy not to worry, that you are just friends".

"Well thank you, and you are right, we are just friends". I say smiling, snaking my arm around Ivy. Feeling like the devil himself, standing here pretending nothing is wrong.

*Ivy*
"Finally alone". Zac says, his arms snaking around me, pulling me closer to him, as soon as I have closed the door to my room behind us.

He had seemed a bit weird during dinner, somewhat stiff. But no one else seemed to notice. "I thought you liked my family".

"I do like your family, I like them a lot. I just missed you". He says softly, his hands slowly trailing up and down my back.

Pushing him back, till he falls down on my bed. I smile at him. "I missed you to, so much. Much more that I expected. I am sure you have put me under some spell".

"That's me, the grand wizard". He says chuckling, his eyes running over me as I pull of my dress, crawling up on the bed, a leg on each side of him.

He is chewing on his lip, his hands grabbing my hips. "If you could just once see yourself like I see you, then you would go find someone much better than me".

"Don't say things like that Zac. You want me to see myself clearly, but you seem to see yourself through a haze". I tell him softly, running my hands into his hair. "You should give yourself some credit".

"No I see myself quite clearly.. I .. I am sorry Ivy". He suddenly looks so lost, like he is about to cry, and I feel a knot expand in my stomach.

I am almost scared to ask. What is wrong ? What has he done ? My voice is slightly shaking as I ask. "For what Zac ? What are you sorry about ?"

"Being so stubborn and pressuring you into dating me, when I know you are to good for me". He says sitting up, pulling me into him and borrowing his face in my neck.

I run my hands into his hair, forcing him to look up at me. "You might have been a bit stubborn on the matter, but believe me, I am only dating you because I want to".

"I really do love you Freckles, please believe me". He is leaving small kisses on my face and shoulder. There is something almost desperate in the way he holds me.

"I know Zac, I know and I love you too". I wonder if something is wrong, beside him missing me. But I have to get that jealousy under control, so I push the feeling away.

*Zac*
I just lay there, watching her sleep. Tears slowly running down my cheeks. I had been so nervous, what if she could see what I had done, feel it, taste it. But she just seem happy to have me back. Happy to be in my arm.

She is so beautiful, so fragile as she lays there, naked, only covered by a thin blanket. Who am I to crush her ? I am the worst scum of this earth and I should leave her for her sake, but I am also a selfish man. I need her like I never needed anyone and I can't give her up.

I kiss her shoulder gently, pulling the duvet over us both, snuggling into her side. "I am so sorry baby, I am going to step up, I really am. I love you".