*Ivy*
It is like someone has taken a big hammer, smashing the mirror that covered the real world, and shattered my heart into pieces. Deep down, I think I had a feeling, that I might have known, but I have ignored it, I had hoped it was just my fear speaking.

I am incapable of saying anything, wondering if I am going to fall to the ground dead, because I am sure my heart is in pieces and no longer beating. I just look at him, he looks scared, he looks in pain and for a second I feel so sorry for him, before I realise, he is the one who did wrong, he is the one who broke me.

"Say something. Ivy please say something". He looks at me pleadingly, like he too is afraid that I will shatter into a thousand pieces.

I shake my head, my voice not much more than a whisper. "Yesterday.. that is why you stayed out yesterday, you were... you were sleeping with someone else. Is it.. is it Gabi ?"

"I did, I slept with someone else yesterday, and no it wasn't Gabi, it was some.. it was some woman I picked up at the bar, she meant nothing". The tears are tumbling down his cheeks and he desperately try to dry them of.

My mind is trying to piece it together. I can't decide if I would have prefered it had been Gabi or some other women he knew or if it is better it was someone who meant nothing. "I was waiting for you right here, but you choose to pick up some whore at the bar and sleep with her". The old feeling washing over me, maybe I am boring, not good enough.

"I am so sorry Ivy, I .. I wish I could undo it, that I could somehow take it back. Please know it has nothing to do with you, it is in no way a reflection of anything you have done. It is me, only me, I am the broken one, the fucked up one". He says softly.

I feel my head slowly shaking. "But you can't Zac, you can't undo that you choose to go and fuck someone else, someone who didn't even matter". Something suddenly hits me. "It wasn't the first time, was it. This is why you pulled away after LA, you did sleep with someone in LA".

He is biting his finger, nodding slowly. "Yeah it happened once before, in LA. I fought the demons so badly, but.. but they won".

"After the fight, after my outburst of jealousy, when I couldn't reach you. You didn't forget you turned of your phone, you were to busy sticking your dick into someone else". I feel sick. "Oh God, she was still with you the next morning, that is why you had to hang up and call me back".

"She was there and I needed her to disappear. I couldn't face what I had done". He can't look me in the eye. His head hanging and tear slowly dripping from his face. "I am so sorry not only for what I did, but for not owning up to it. I was so scared to loose you".

I am at a loss, it is like the fabric of reality has been ripped to pieces and I have no idea what to do, how to go on. I am afraid that everything might crumble to dust at any moment and I am trying to keep the feelings at bay. What can I do, what he has done, it's unacceptable, everyone will tell me, unforgivable. Do I even have a choice ?

"Ivy please say something". He begs me again after 5 minutes of complete silence. But I am unable to speak, scared to speak, afraid what will spill out of my mouth if I try.

"What do you want me to say Zac ? Honestly I don't know what to say or do right now. I knew it would end badly, but I couldn't resist you. I gave you my heart, knowing you would crush it". I try to keep in the sobs.

He looks at me. "I never meant to hurt you. I love you so much, but I am broken. I should have told you. I should have been honest. Instead I thought I could do it on my own and I broke us both".

"You should have trusted me Zac, you should have told me about your problems. Maybe together we would have had a chance". I get up from the bed. I need air, I need to be alone. I need to get away from him.

"I'm sorry". He whispers softly. Looking like he wants to reach for me, but don't really dare.

"I know you are. I know that. I've always known that you're sorry," I replied, as something undefinable tragic built up in my heart.

He looks up, his voice pleading. "Give me a second chance. I'll prove to you how much I need you. I'll prove that we can last forever".

"I can't. I'm sorry. You are the reason for my devastation. And I can't let it happen to me again". I turn away, and I hear him start to sob. I lean my head back to stop the tears from coming, but it doesn't work. "Zac I need to be alone, to not see you for a while. Please respect that".

There only comes a strangled sound from him, but I take it as a yes. And I walk out, needing to keep myself together till I can reach my home and my bed, crying out my broken heart.

*Zac*
I crumble, falling to the floor in a heap, feeling the sobs rake through my body carrying the pain like poison in my veins. It is burning away my soul. I thought I had known pain in my life, I thought I had lived through it, felt it as bad as it gets. But I have never known pain like this, never literally felt my heart crumble to dust, knowing that I most possible have lost all.

What am I to do without her ? I mean I am fully aware, more than aware that I don't deserve her, but that doesn't change that fact that I am going to wither away to nothing without her.

I broke her, I took the most beautiful thing on this earth and I crushed her to dust with my selfishness, just because I wanted her, because I allowed myself to love her.
And then I feel it in my head, he's back. The monster. I feel him. Under my skin, in my head. He's everywhere. The urge. I can't stop it.