Chapter 1

After a few days, mula no'ng honeymoon namin ni Leandro, I went back to work.

Sinalubong naman ako ng ka-work ko na si Nikolai pagkapasok na pagkapasok ko. Halos manabik siya nang makita ako. Isang linggo ba naman akong nag-leave at mabuti na lang ay pinayagan ako ng manager ko dahil ang una pa niyang suggestion sa akin no'n, three days leave would be advisable, but in the end ay na-approve naman ng HR ang leave ko.

"I miss you, girl!" Yakap pa nito sa akin. Beki si Nikolai at siya ang isa sa pinaka-close ko rito sa work. Not sure why, but we just happened to click and vibe with each other.

"Same! Naisip ko na ngang mag-resign, e." Hagikgik ko pa.

Hinampas naman niya ako nang mahina sa balikat. "Grabe ka! 'Wag mo naman akong iwan dito. Iyong dati nating friends, umalis ka na. Susundan mo pa sila. No way. Dito ka lang sa tabi ko."

I chuckled. "Oo na, sige na."

"Kaya love na love kita, girl!" He was so cheerful. I really like his personality. Nakaka-uplift ng mood. "So, ano'ng feeling na mapalitan ang civil status from tuyot na single to very nadiligan na married?!"

Siya naman ang hinampas ko sa balikat dahil napalakas ang boses niya. Baka marinig pa siya ng iba naming ka-work at ang laswa ng lumalabas sa bibig niya.

"Hoy, grabe ka rin. Normal naman siguro 'yon."

Napahagikgik si Nikolai. "Alam mo, napakaswerte mo riyan sa asawa mo. Kung nakapunta lang din talaga ako no'ng wedding mo, e 'di nasaksihan ko sana layong dalawa. Kaso nagka-emergency ako. Basta, nakakainggit ka. Someone like your husband is something na pagkakainggitan talaga ng karamihan."

"Ay, jusko. Mainggit na sila sa lahat. 'Wag lang sa asawa ko."

"Korek!" pagsang-ayon pa nito. Kinuha naman niya iyong kamay ko at sinuri ang suot kong singsing. Parang nagniningning din ang mata niya. "Totoo. Hindi ka nga nagkamali na pakasalan 'yang si Leandro."

"I know I made the right decision," I giggled.

"So, how was it?"

Napakunot ang noo ko sa tanong niya. "Ano... ano'ng ibig mong sabihin?"

"Alam mo na?" He grinned and then he demonstrated with his fingers. Iyong hintuturo niya ay pinasok-pasok niya sa naka-bend na letter-o niyang daliri. "Oh, gets mo na?"

"Gaga ka! Ikaw talaga, Nikolai. Ang harot mo, ha!"

Natawa na lang din naman siya. "Alam ko naman kung ano'ng feeling niya. Waging-wagi ka, girl. Sa'yo na ang korona."

Kunyaring may pinatong siyang korona sa ulo ako at ako naman itong patolera na kumaway-kaway sa paligid. Nahuli pa kami ng isa naming lalaking ka-work at nagtataka sa nakita niya. Natawa na lang kaming dalawa ni Nikolai sa kabalbalan na ginagawa namin.

"Pero to tell you honestly, mahirap nang makahanap ng katulad ni Leandro. You mentioned before na no-sex-before-marriage, tanda ko talaga 'yan kapag tungkol sa sex. Anyway, ano ba'ng sikreto ng isang Shanine Evangelista?"

"Correction!" sabat ko. "Shanine Montives na po ngayon."

"Ay, oo nga pala, 'no! Landi!" Panunundot pa niya sa tagiliran ko at pinipigilan ko lang din namang matawa nang bongga. "Anyway, going back to your question, wala naman akong sikreto. Have a loyal and understanding relationship lang ang key for a brighter future. No need na maging stressed, basta alam mong mahal ka... mahalaga ka."

"Aww... sasabunutan na talaga kita. Kanina ka pa nang-inggit, ha!"

"E, nagtanong ka kasi! Bwisit 'to!"

Bigla rin kaming natigil ni Nikolai nang biglang dumating ang Sr. Manager namin kaya mabilis kaming napabalik at naupo sa mga desk namin. Binati pa kami ng Sr. Manager namin at kung naabutan niya kaming naghaharutan ni Nikolai, naku, lagot-lagot na memo ang aabutin namin.

But the good thing was she didn't!

Nikolai and I were Senior Associates at a marketing firm. Halos magkasabay lang kami no'ng nagsimula kami ni Nikolai, but a few weeks ago, my manager informed me that I'll be getting a promotion soon enough for a managerial position. Sabik na sabik naman ako dahil three years na rin ako sa company na 'to and I've done great accomplishments for them.

Inakala ko nga pagbalik ko sa work, I would be getting my new role pero mukhang magkakaroon pa yata ng delay. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. Never naman 'yon nangyari sa iba. I haven't signed a contract yet. Isa pa 'yon sa inaasahan ko pero hanggang ngayon, kahit iyong manager ko ay walang masagot pa sa akin. He said he'll get back to me once he has a response from HR.

Kinuhaan ko naman ng picture iyong gift na binigay ni Nikolai sa akin at sinend ko ang picture sa asawa ko. Hindi niya pa na-seen ang message ko and he's probably busy kaya hindi ko na aabalahin pa 'yon.

After a few hours of dealing with a lot of marketing stuff sa harap ng computer, I took a quick break. Niyaya ko pa si Nikolai na pumunta kami sa restroom pero mukhang abala pa siya. Habang patungo ako sa restroom ay napadaan ako sa isang conference room. Saktong may lumabas at nasilip ko kung sino ang nasa loob.

I saw my manager and our senior manager. May kasama pa sila sa loob pero hindi ko na nakita pa. I headed straight to restroom and after that, pabalik na sana ako nang pwesto ko nang maabutan kong may lumabas mula sa elevator at iyon ang anak ng may-ari ng company na 'to. Si Castiel Mondragon.

It's evident to find him inside the office—anak siya ng CEO, and he runs the operations management team. Kinagigiliwan din siya ng maraming empleyado rito, but I think he's arrogant, full of himself, and very intimidating. Minsan lang din kasing makipag-interact 'yan sa mga associate. Well, understandable, but... whatever.

I watched and followed where he went. Tumuloy siya sa conference room kung saan ko nakita iyong manager ko. Before he even entered the room, napalingon pa siya sa akin. Nagulat pa ako sa pagtingin niya sa akin kaya napayuko agad ako at mabilis na nag-excuse.

Napuno ng kaba ang dibdib ko. Mabilis din akong bumalik sa desk ko pero hindi naman ako makapag-focus sa ginagawa ko. Maya-maya lang din ay nagulat ako sa biglang pagdating ng manager ko at pinapasunod niya ako sa kanya.

Sumama ako kung saan siya pupunta pero nang patungo kami sa conference room ay halos mag-back out na ako.

"Sir, ano'ng gagawin ko sa loob?" kinakabahan kong tanong.

"Basta," sagot nito na mas lalong nagpadagundong sa dibdib ko. "Halika na sa loob. Hanap ka na ni Sir."

"Po?"

He didn't even answer my query but grabbed my hand as we entered the conference room. Tumapon sa amin ang atensyon ng mga tao sa loob at karamihan sa kanila ay manager ang mga posiyo. Mga head at director naman ang ilan. Nanigas ako sa kinatatayuan ko hanggang sa pinakilala ako ng manager ko sa kanila.

"This is Shanine Evangelista," pagpapakilala niya sa akin. "Ay, hindi mali! Shanine Montives na, right? She just got married."

"Cool," komento ni Sir Castiel.

He's sitting in the center at the end of the long table.

"Nice to meet you, Miss Montives," Castiel said. "I've heard from Luke that you're being promoted to a managerial role, am I right?"

Tumango naman ako sa tanong niya. "Yes, Sir."

"Okay... as we were discussing the future of our employees here, unfortunately, we've come to a better solution for the company. How long have you been waiting for the promotion?"

"Ahm... about three weeks na po? I'm not sure po, but this month lang din po na-relay sa akin ni Sir Luke ang tungkol do'n."

"I see." Tumayo ito sa kanyang kinauupuan. I happened to notice his zipper wasn't fully zipped up. Agad ko namang itinaas ang tingin ko sa kanya dahil nakakahiya kung nahuli niya pang doon ako nakatingin. "I'm afraid your promotion won't be continued. Any promotion submitted to the HR this month won't be processed as we are about to lay-off our employees. Who are they and who will be affected are still in consideration."

Natulala na lamang ako sa sinabi niya dahil sa gulat. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng ire-react. Lahat ng mga tingin nila ay nasa akin. Some of them were disappointed pero hindi ko maipaliwanag iyong nararamdaman ko ngayon.

"Do you have anything to say, Miss Montives?" he questioned.

I swallowed, blinked my eyes a few times, and shook my head.

"You may leave the conference room. Luke will talk to you more about this," he said as he went back to his chair. "Thank you."

Binulungan din naman ako ng manager ko na mag-uusap kaming dalawa mamaya pagkatapos ng meeting nila. Umalis ako ng conference room nang dismayado at brokenhearted. I was really expecting that promotion. Para bang pinaasa lang ako matapos sabihin sa akin na mapo-promote ako pero ang ending, hindi pala matutuloy.

Nang makabalik ako sa desk ko ay halos wala akong gana na gawin lahat ng task ko. Nakatingin lang ako sa screen ng computer ko. I was about to reply sa mga email din pero hindi ko magawa dahil lumilipad din ang isipan ko sa sinabi ni Sir Castiel sa akin.

That was so unprecedented. Hindi ko naman inaasahan na ako pa talaga ang matatapatan ng announcement niya na 'yon.

Napansin ni Nikolai ang pagbaba ng energy ko. Tinanong niya kung anong meron pero hindi ko sinabi sa kanya 'yong nalaman ko. That information was still confidential. Sinabi ko lang sa kanya na nag-back out iyong isa naming client. He bought that reason kaya hindi na naman siya nagtanong pa.

Maya-maya lang ay bumalik na ang manager ko at tinawag niya ako. Basically, he started talking to me about the promotion. He was sad about it pero if ever magawan pa rin niya ng paraan, he will do something about it. Pero galing na kay Sir Castiel ang balitang 'yon, hindi na matutuloy ang promotion, or worst ay isa pa ako sa matatanggal.

Hindi pa rin ako kumbinsido sa pag-uusap namin ni Sir Luke kaya nang bumalik ako sa desk ko, nag-type ako sa email para kay Sir Castiel about sa consideration ng promotion ko. It was just my frustration, wala akong balak i-send. He said what he said kanina sa meeting nila at kailangan ko lang sumunod. I was about to delete the draft email I made when I mistakenly clicked the send button rather than the close button.

I panicked. Napatayo ako sa kinauupuan ko. Napatingin si Nikolai sa akin dahil nagulat sa biglang pagtayo ko. Sabi ko ay nagulat lang ako sa nabasa ko. Puro na lang ako dahilan.

Hindi ko rin naman alam kung ano'ng gagawin ko. Magse-send ba ulit ako ng email na hindi intended for him ang email na 'yon? Pero paano kung nabasa na niya? Ang laman pa naman ng email na 'yon ay almost like begging na for the promotion and I was hating myself for being so tanga.

I tried to release my frustration in any way pero hindi ako makampante hanggang sa maka-receive ako ng email from him. Doon tumigil ang mundo ko. Si Castiel Mondragon ay sumagot sa email ko sa kanya.

From: Castiel Mondragon <[email protected]>

To: Shanine Evangelista <[email protected]>

Subject: Promotion ko???

Shanine,

Please come to my office. Asap.

Castiel.

At that moment, I knew I made the biggest mistake of my life.

Pasimple akong umalis ng desk ko. Punong-puno ng kaba ang dibdib ko. I was sure he would say something to what I did. Baka pinadala na niya sa HR iyong email ko at nag-request na agad siya ng immediate termination ko. Nahihiya ako. Kinakabahan ako. Natatae ako sa takot. Naghalo-halo ang pakiramdam ko.

Tumungo ako sa elevator at tumungo sa executive floor kung saan siya naka-office. May front desk na bubungad pagkalabas ng elevator kung saan tatanungin kaagad nila kung ano'ng kailangan ko. Sinabi ko lang na pinapatawag ako ni Sir Castiel sa office niya pero wala naman daw directives from them so they had to give him a call thru the intercom.

And after his confirmation, they assisted me to Castiel's office.

She announced my arrival first before I got in. Nang makapasok ako sa loob at kaming dalawa lamang ay nanginig sa kaba ang legs ko. Sobrang lamig pa ng office niya at ako itong naka-skirt na halos dapuan na ng sobrang panginginig sa katawan.

Castiel's sitting behind his desk, obviously waiting for me. Umayos din naman ito ng pagkakaupo and told me to come closer to his desk.

"Sir," pagbati ko.

"I saw your email, Miss Montives," sagot niya sa pagbati ko. "What do you want me to do about your promotion? Didn't your manager talk to you?"

Tumango ako. "Yes, Sir. Sir Luke and I talked na naman po."

"So, what's with the email?"

"I apologize, Sir. That was a mistake. I didn't mean to send that email to you."

Napangisi naman ito. "But you still intend to send that email to me, don't you?"

Napabitiw ako ng malalim na buntonghininga. "Sir, I just don't want to lose that opportunity. Malaking bagay na rin po sa akin 'yon. And I know you made your decision na po and I respect that one. So, I'm sorry for my email, Sir. That won't happen again."

"Tell me about your marriage," he asked.

Napakunot naman ang noo ko sa tanong niya. Medyo malayo iyon sa topic na pinag-uusapan namin ngayon pero napunta ro'n?

"Sir?"

"Yes. You just got married, right? That's what Luke said to the meeting earlier." Tumango ako sa sinabi niya. "So, tell me something about it."

"Ah..." Hindi ko alam kung paano ko sisimulan. "It happened a week ago po. I married my longtime boyfriend."

"How long was that?"

"Seven years po," sagot ko. "I'm not even sure na tatagal kami nang ganito katagal, but I guess our love will last. Hindi ko na po alam kung ano'ng sasabihin ko... para saan po ba 'yon?"

"Nothing," he said. Tumayo ito at umikot papunta sa harap ng desk niya. He closed the button of his coat. "I was just interested in your marriage. Good for you and your husband. That's a long wait. Congratulations."

"Thank you, Sir..."

"Let's get back to your promotion." He clicked his tongue. "I'll check your profile with HR and see how we can proceed from there."

"Thank you, Sir... if ever po, hindi rin naman po ako matatanggal, 'di ba?"

"We're still in that process," he said. "I can't say anything about it, but we're going to push through laying off some of our employees. I can't promise if you're one of them or not. It's up to the HR."

"I will do everything, Sir..."

His forehead creased. "Why?"

"I just need this job, Sir..."

"I understand that. But it's out of my hands now."

"But I know you can still do something about it, Sir," sabi ko pa. Hindi ko na alam kung saan ko kinukuha itong kapal ng mukha ko. Para na akong nagmamakaawa. Alam kong maraming trabaho outside of this company, but everything's overwhelming for me. Ayaw kong mawala ang pinaghirapan ko. "You're the boss... you have the power to do anything."

"In return for what, Miss Montives?"

Hindi ako nakasagot sa tanong niya pero lumapit siya sa akin.

"I do have the power, Miss Montives," he said. "Come a little closer to me."

Lumapit ako sa kanya. Wala akong ideya kung ano'ng gagawin niya, but then he reached for me and slide the back of his hand on my face. Nang alisin niya iyon, napangisi naman ito. That was some kind of reaction from him that I didn't expect.

He then leaned closer to me and sniffed and breathed out as soon as he moved away.

"You smell good," he commented. "What shampoo do you use? Smells like sweet candy."

"It was a strawberry-scented shampoo, Sir," sagot ko naman.

"Nice," he uttered. "I like it."

He chuckled and then walked towards the table where there were bottles of wine there. He poured alcohol into two glasses and went back to me handing over the other glass.

"Do you drink?" he asked.

I nodded. "A bit, Sir."

"Taste that whiskey," he demanded. "You'll like it."

Tiningnan niya ako at mukhang inaabangan niyang inumin ko iyon. Mukhang hindi rin naman niya aalisin ang tingin sa akin kaya nilagok ko nang mabilisan ang laman ng baso ko. Gumuhit sa lalamunan ko iyong ininom ko at naubo pa ako dahil sa pait.

"Do you like it?" he asked. Umiling ako saka siya natawa. "You'll like it, eventually."

"Is there anything I should do, Sir?" I asked.

He smirked. He put his glass down on his table and walked closer to me—an inch away from me.

"You said you'd do anything for your promotion, right?"

"Huh? Ah... yes, Sir..." Tumingala pa ako para tingnan siya pero inilayo ko rin agad dahil sobrang lapit niya sa akin. Ang weird and I was not liking it. Then I could feel his breath on my neck. Naamoy ko rin ang amoy alak niyang hininga.

He then grabbed my hand. "So soft..."

"Ah... Sir?"

I slowly pulled my hand away from him. "Babalik na po ako sa table ko."

"I didn't say you should leave," aniya.

"Hindi ko na po kasi alam kung ano'ng gagawin natin... medyo ano..."

"What, Miss Montives?"

"I'm not into this po. I'm married na po and I'm not seeking anything else."

He smirked. "Are you sure about that? Do you think I'm doing such a thing to you?"

Mabilis akong umiling. "Ay, hindi naman po. Wala naman po akong sinabing gano'n."

"You could lose your job right now, Miss Montives," he warned. "You could be terminated as soon as possible."

This was very unfair pero ayokong sigawin 'tong boss ko at baka kung mapaano pa ako sa huli.

"I'm just here because you asked me to, Sir... and I'm very sorry for the mistake I made. Hindi na po talaga mauulit."

He smirked, and I glanced to see his face and he was shaking his head.

"You're a little bit boring, Miss Montives."

"Sir?"

"You'll get your response to your email," he said. "You may leave my office now."

When he ordered that, mabilis akong lumabas ng office niya. Nagmdali na akong tumungo sa elevator kahit hinahabol pa ako ng tanong ng floor receptionist do'n. Nang sumarado ang elevator papunta sa floor kung nasaan ang office ko ay nakahinga na ako nang maluwag. Pero tulala pa rin naman akong bumalik sa desk ko.

I was still shocked and confused kung ano iyong nangyari sa office ni Sir Castiel. Did he just violate something against corporate ethics or his company? I was wondering why he would do that... though he didn't do anything that made me feel terrible. I just found it so weird.

But I've heard Castiel paid women to pleasure himself—only a few knew, and I was one of those marites na nakakaalam. Hindi iyon kalat sa buong company. I just heard it from Nikolai who happened to be in love with him. Kasi it seemed like Castiel didn't bother if there were any issues with him. He didn't give any comments about his personal life. No one talked about him in the office—except ang mga marites.

As I couldn't start any of my tasks again, naisipan kong tawagan ang asawa ko. Humugot pa ako ng malalim na hininga bago masagot ng asawa ko ang tawag.

"Hey, baby!" malambing nitong pagbati sa akin. "How are you?"

"I'm good! A little tired, gusto ko na agad magpahinga... How about you?"

"Same, tired, but I've still got a lot of work to do. I'm afraid I cannot pick you up diyan sa office mo mamaya. Good thing you called, and I might forget to tell you about that."

"No worries. Ayos lang naman. I can book a ride back home," sagot ko. "'Wag ka masyadong magpapagabi, ha?"

"Of course—wait. My boss called me," aniya. "Will call you later, alright?"

"Sure thing! Love you, babe..."

"Love you, baby. Mwah." I chuckled when he made those squeaky kissing sounds.

When he hung up the call, pinilit ko na ang sarili kong bumalik sa trabaho kahit na hindi ko pa rin makalimutan kung ano iyong nangyari kanina sa office niya. Did it often happen to some of my female colleagues o ako lang? This was the first time I talked to him personally and it was very unusual from the person I normally see everyday.

Weird.

I guess I just have to think about how I and Leandro spent our days in Palawan. A lot of things happened on our honeymoon there at iyon ang dapat kong alalahanin at hindi ang ibang bagay.

Going back to work today drained me. I felt like I needed another whole week to rest. I just didn't want to lose my promotion, or hell would lose itself.

***

"Were have you been kanina, girl? No'ng hinanap kita sa desk mo, wala ka. Ang tagal mo pa," aniya. "Saan ka ba nanggaling?"

"Sumakit lang tiyan ko," pagdadahilan ko. "Not sure if magkakaroon ba ako o sumasakit lang talaga tiyan ko."

"Oh, no! Sana 'wag kang reglahin! Magkakaanak pa kayo ng hubby mo."

Natawa naman ako sa sinabi niya. "Agad-agad, ha?"

"Talaga! Kapag tusok nang tusok, wala nang palag-palag!"

Napahalakhak ako sa sinabi niya. Nag-aayos na kaming dalawa dahil malapit nang mag-uwian. Iyong tinutukoy ni Sir Castiel kanina na makaka-receive ako ng response from him sa email ay wala naman. Fake news siya masyado. Paasa.

"Chika ko rin! Nakita ko kanina ang love of my life ko," bungisngis pa nitong pagkwento sa akin. Halatang kilig na kilig dahil namumulo ang pisngi. "Good thing! Pagpunta ko kanina sa restroom, siya naman 'tong palabas. Hindi ko alam kung ano'ng ginagawa niya sa floor natin kanina, but fucking hell, girl. Napaka-hot niya. Sayang kung naabutan ko siya sa loob ng restroom, nakita ko na sana kung juts o daks."

"Adik ka talaga, Nikolai. Daks 'yon. May lahi, e."

"Ay, nakita mo na ba!"

"Oo, nakita ko!"

Nanlaki ang mata niya sa sinabi ko at saka ko lang na-realize rin. "Hindi, gaga! Ang sabi ko, nakita ko rin siya kanina. Kakadating niya lang yata no'n tapos kakagaling ko lang din sa restroom... tapos tinawag ako ni Sir Luke kanina tapos nasa iisang meeting lang sila kanina, so ayon... Nasingit pa ro'n kaya hiyang-hiya ako, e."

"Ang swerte mo, bakla! Ano'ng pinag-usapan kanina sa meeting?"

Napakibit balikat ako. "Hindi ko rin sure? Pinalabas din naman kaagad ako ro'n so hindi ko alam kung anon'g pinagmi-meeting-an nila ro'n."

"Kung ano man 'yon, sana big good news!" he exclaimed.

Napangiwi ako. Alam ko naman, e. Confidential lang kaya hindi ko masabi sa kanya.

Nakatanggap din naman ako ng message from Leandro informing me na hindi nga ulit niya ako masusunod sa pag-uwi ko.

Hubby:

Hey, baby! Couldn't pick you up tonight there at your office. Be home safe, alright? Love you.

Leandro was someone I can always fall in love with again every single day at hinding-hindi ako magsasawa ro'n.

When I was about to shut my computer down, saglit akong natigilan nang may mabasa akong new email from Castiel. It's from his email—outside work and on my email.

From: Castiel Mondragon <[email protected]>

To: Shanine Evangelista <[email protected]>

Subject: Meet Me

Shanine,

Penthouse. Take the VIP elevator.

Castiel.

I quickly shut the computer down without responding to his email. Napaigtad pa ako nang biglang sumulpot si Nikolai sa likod ko. Hindi ko sure kung nabasa niya 'yong email ni Castiel, but I was hoping not. Whatever he intended for me to do, curiosity surely hit me right there.

"Niks, mauna ka na siguro. I'll be waiting pa for Leandro."

"Ay, okay lang, go. No worries," aniya. "Mauna na ako sa 'yo. Kita-kits bukas."

I made sure Nikolai left before I stood up. Iyong iba ko namang katrabaho ay nauna na ring umalis kaya walang makakakita sa akin. There's only one elevator that goes straight to the penthouse and that's the VIP elevator. Pasimple kong pinindot ang button para bumukas ang elevator at hindi rin nagtagal ay pumasok ako sa loob at pinindot ang top floor kung saan dadalhin ako sa penthouse.

When I reached the top floor, it opened directly to an open room and there I saw Castiel waiting for me.

I took a deep breath when our eyes met. His head tilted as if he was inviting me to come to step out of the elevator and join him there. When I did, I couldn't help but scan the place. It's almost like home already. There's the living room and bedroom, and from where I stood, I could find the way to the kitchen and dining.

"Glad you came," he said.

"Yes po," sagot ko. "Ano po bang meron at pinapunta niyo po ako rito?"

Pumunta siya sa bar counter niya at muli siyang nagsalin ng alak sa clear glass niya. Nagulantang pa ang pagkatao ko nang sumara na ang elevator sa likuran ko. Pinanood ko siyang lagukin ang alak na ininom niya hanggang sa lumapit muli siya sa akin.

The next thing he did was he grabbed my head and whispered something to my ear.

"You want something from me, Miss Montives, right?" hequestioned. "Pleasure me..."