The light is blinding when I open my eyes.

Confusion takes over when I notice that I'm not in my room at home, but someone else's. The bed underneath me shifts as I sit up, immediately regretting the action after my head starts pounding. I groan and bring my fingers to my temples.

I run my hand through my hair before falling back against the soft pillows. The blanket doesn't come up as far on my torso this time and my eyes widen when my attention is drawn to the exposed area.

Memories from last night attack my mind and claw at my brain. The claws travel all the way through my body, tearing me up from the inside. My whole body tightens up and it feels like my heart stopped beating.

I remember everything.

Quickly, I get up and grab my boxers from the ground. I pull them on and run my hand through my hair. "No!" My hand curls into a fist and bang it against the wall. "Fuck," I grunt, both from the pain of the impact and the pain of what I'd done.

Everything will be okay, Austin, I say to myself, but I know it won't be. Nothing could fix this.

I look to the bed that Casey and I had shared last night. At the time I was convinced that it was Sabrina, but now I could see things clearly. She tricked me into sleeping with her by getting me to think she was my girlfriend. But why?

There was no time to think about it. I had to get out of here.

Looking at the clock, it was four in the morning. I threw on the rest of my clothes and checked my pockets, making sure nothing was stolen. Besides thirty dollars in my wallet, everything else was accounted for.

I ran down the flight of stairs leading towards the living room. Mostly everyone had gone home by now, but there were still a few people left over who were kind enough to help with the clean-up. Rodney's mother would be home today, so he probably gathered as many volunteers as he could, or he'd no doubt be grounded.

That meant Andrew would be home today as well.

Sandra had been able to actually sleep in her own bed since he was gone, but now she probably would come crawling back to mine. They have to resolve their issues before she starts to drive me insane.

There's only so much of my mother I can take before her rude and accusatory remarks bring out a side of me that I don't like. We'd been getting along a little better than we used to, but that didn't change her bitchy attitude towards me even after all I've done for her.

Gratitude wasn't something my mother knew how to express, not anymore.

Amber is the first person to notice I've come downstairs. "What were you doing up there?" A suspicious tone laces her voice as she squints at me.

"Wh-what do you mean?" I automatically cringe, knowing I already blew it.

She drops the bag she was throwing red cups in and crosses her arms over her chest. "You were in one of the bedrooms." That wasn't a question. "You're guilty about something." That wasn't a question either.

"I don't know what you're talking about." I start for the door.

"Now you're avoiding me." She follows.

I continue to ignore her, but before I can reach the front door, she's in front of me. "And I'm going to continue to avoid you, so I think it's in your best interest if you get out of my damn way before I move you myself. Trust me, you don't want that."

A nasty glare appears on her face before she lets me past her.

Once I open the door she sighs and follows me out. "What are you doing?"

"I already know, Austin." Her confession makes me stop in my tracks.

My breath is caught in my throat as I turn towards her. "What do you mean?"

Her usual knowing smirk wasn't there. Instead, her expression was one of sadness. "You aren't the only one who was slipped a little something extra in your drink last night." Tears start to pool in her eyes. "Ryan Berkley had a whole supply that he spread around. You, Rodney, a couple others from our school. . . me."

Anger flowed through my body like a sort of adrenaline. "Did Berkley touch you?" She was completely still and I became impatient. "Did he?!"

The intensity in my voice startles her. "No! No, Rodney got there just in time. That perv was thrown out before midnight, but Austin...?"

"What?!" The adrenaline was still there. Amber wasn't my friend, or anything close to that, but like hell if anyone was going to lay a hand on her like that. I saw firsthand what that can do to a person. I sigh when I see how tense she gets, "What is it?"

"I know," she says. When I urge her to continue she lets out a shaky breath. "About you and Casey. I'm not going to tell Sabrina." When she sees my confusion, she adds, "You are."

For the first time in years, this is where I hid for my own protection: my own home.

The basement was my own little safe haven, protecting me from the outside world. Right now all I was focusing on was the constant pounding of my fists on the punching bag in front of me, leaving all my other thoughts behind.

Soon the innocent exercise took a turn as my aggression got the best of me. The constant thought that the inanimate object in front of me was actually Ryan Berkley didn't satisfy my rage, but enhanced it. Every blow was another step in the elevation of my anger that nothing could possibly satisfy.

I knew that it was mostly my fault. This realization made me hit harder against the object I was punching the guilt out of, but no matter how hard or how often I brought my fist down over and over again, nothing helped.

The perpetual state of rage that ignited within me was insatiable.

Soon my form didn't even matter anymore, the side of my fist just hitting whatever it could for the sake of releasing my body of the current screaming from the inside out. All the muscles in my body tightened and nothing I could do gave me release.

"Whoa there, Tiger." The voice behind me made me stop immediately. My eyes closed and I rested my head against my forearm that was propped up.

Sabrina.

"What did that piece of workout equipment ever do to you?" Her voice was full of amusement even though the site before her was probably more horrific than she let on.

I turn to face her, almost grudgingly. "Sabrina," my words are almost caught in the back of my throat. "Wh-what are you doing here?"

"What do you mean what am I doing here? Can I not come over and check up on my guy?" She smiles lovingly and I get a nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. Guilt consumes me as she wraps her arms around my neck and pecks me lightly on the lips.

When her lips leave mine, I let out a whimper, but it's obvious she didn't hear it.

A jingling sound penetrated my ears as she waved a set of keys in the air. She smiles energetically, "Guess who got her very first car?!" There's no time to answer her before she attacks me again.

Obviously the fact that my body was covered in sweat didn't bother her much, but I was not deserving of the beautiful girl in my arms, so I was the first to pull away. "Rina, there's something I need to-"

"You have to see it!" She ignored my attempt to tell her the truth. Grabbing my hand, she tries to pull me to the door, but I don't budge. A heart melting laugh bubbled from her throat. "Stop being so difficult, come on!"

"Sabrina, stop." I calmly pull my hand away, a look of confusion crosses her face as I do so. "I don't want to see it."

"Why not?"

I stay silent.

She sighs. "Look, I just came over to show you my new car before heading off to Grace's."

"You're leaving? You just got here."

"Well you seem really busy with your work out, so I guess I am." She turns to leave and I immediately spring into action.

"No!" I grab her by the arm and spin her around. "Stay."

"Austin, I can't. Grace is already waiting for me and-"

"Please." I pull her close when she gives in. I want to hug her one more time, because there was no reassurance I'd be able to anymore after today. Then again, no one had any proof, right? It would be the word of Casey and a drugged Amber against mine.

There was no way to keep this from her forever, though. The truth would eventually find a way of clawing its way to the surface.

Could Sabrina really blame me for what I did? If I wasn't drugged this never would have happened.

"I have to go," she finally says, pushing me away.

"Not yet," I plead. "I have to tell you something."

"Not now, Austin. I really have to go." She points at the door as she backs away from me.

Before she could make it completely out the door, I took a few strides forward and crashed my lips to hers. This was more than just the average kiss we shared in the halls. This connection was the judge between our departing souls that determined if I'd be able to move on in life without her. If I was going to be okay with her leaving, or if I would fall apart in a shattered mess of my own omissions.

In that moment I knew one thing: losing her meant losing everything.

I was cut off from my momentary bliss when the girl who held the key to my happiness pulled away from me. Possibly for the last time.

My forehead rests against hers, my eyes closed. "Promise me you'll come back tomorrow so we can talk." My voice was shaking with uncertainty.

"Of course." Sabrina grabs my hand firmly, possibly to reassure me. "I love you."

Her words were meant to comfort me, but they only made me feel more like dirt. For more reasons than one, I don't say it back.

Next thing I know, Sabrina's gone, and there's a bottle in my hand. I'm now in the kitchen, downing shot after shot. My balance faltering with every new ounce of alcohol that made its way into my system, rendering my body helpless.

Drinking Sabrina away was the only solution, but the empty bottle in my hand told me I needed more. I needed more help to kill the feelings of self loathing and heartache that continued to flow through my mind.

There was no more burning liquid in the bottle my handheld, causing a new fit of rage within me. I had no more use for it, so I threw it against the wall. Glass scattered on the kitchen floor. Each individual piece was daring me to use just one to end it all.

I couldn't do it; I could never end my own life, even though it would more than likely make so many people's lives so much easier. Maybe I was selfish for thinking about my life above everyone else's, but I would never stoop to that level. Escaping life in such a way is a sign of weakness. And I am not weak.

I will not be weak.

"Oh, Christ." There was only one person that voice could have belonged to. He grabbed my face in his hands and examined me from head to toe. "Austin, how much have you had to drink?"

No answer escapes my lips. I lift my hand and a bottle meets my mouth. Suddenly, I'm confused. Grabbing another drink was not something I remember doing. Before I could bring the bottle back up for another swig, he took the bottle away from me. Now I had nothing to take my mind away from Sabrina and my betrayal.

"Hit me."

"What?" Andrew looks perplexed in front of me.

"I want you to hit me."

"Austin, what are you-"

I interrupt him. "I want you to fucking hit me!"

Andrew shoves me away from him before granting me my wish. The impact, like an explosion to the side of my face, made me stumble back a couple steps, but my balance didn't falter like I thought it would. Hot tears escape when I realize it's not working. All the pain from what I had done, was still in my head and I needed it gone.

"Hit me harder."

He didn't hesitate this time. This time it was a lot harder, too, making me lose my footing and fall to the floor. My jaw aches, so I grab it, making sure it's still in place. Slowly, I picked myself up, using the counter as a sort of crutch.

"Again." My voice was weak now. It came out as a slur with the amount of alcohol that traveled through my body like a swarm, attacking my bloodstream.

"Austin," Andrew sighs, his voice full of pity. "What are you doing?"

"I said, hit me again!"

Frustration radiates from my father in waves as he grabs my arms and my back suddenly collides with the kitchen floor. This time, an unsettling ache takes over and a his escapes me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Andrew growls.

"Hit me again!"

Those are the last words that leave me before I am out cold.

***

Kinda short chapter, so I apologize for that, but I hope you liked it!

Please leave a comment or a vote if you think the chapter is deserving of it!