Chapter Two - I Hate Me
Lucy was slowly walking towards her house. She was stepping on the edge, next to the calming flowing river. Her gaze was kept on the floor with dull eyes.
"You're going to fall in one of these days, Lucy!" Yelled a man on a boat like every other day.
Lucy was so lost it thought that she didn't even hear him. She continued walking but her legs took her in different direction from her house. She was walking towards a terrace from where all residents could admire how beautiful Magnolia was. You could see the whole city from it.
The stars looked beautiful tonight, it reminded Lucy of the times she would watch them with her mother before she died, those were such different and better times..
The view never failed to amaze her. She steeped to the edge and grabbed a handrail. She looked down at the view, she wanted to admire it.. but all she could think about was how nice it would be to jump off and end it all. It was so stupid to think about killing yourself everyday, but to some people.. that became normal.
She felt an ache in her chest, like heaviness she couldn't get rid off. Her eyes filled with tears as she bit her lower lip to stop herself from crying. She always felt weak and vulnerable when she cried. The grip on the handrail tightened as she lowered her head, her eyes shut tightly. The tears began falling on the ground as she cursed at herself.
"Damn it! Why do you let everything get to you! Why are you so weak..?" She whisper-yelled at herself. She crumbled on her knees and cried. She cried for an hour or so, after that all that was heard were soft sniffles.
~
Lucy forcefully closed the door behind her. She angrily walked around the apartment, desperately trying to calm down her anger. It was always like this, whenever the sadness was over, anger replaced it. She wanted to punch something, she was mad at herself.
Even though she tried calming down every time, it never happened. And she knew this was no different. She cursed at herself one more time and punched the door of her bedroom with all her strength. It made a small crack on the door, but she didn't stop.
If that door was a person, it would be beaten into a pulp. Her hands were red all over and bluish or purplish were on some spots, mostly her fingers. She examined her apartment and noticed that it was a mess, it seemed like she didn't take it out only on the door. The chairs were all over the place, her table was upside down, the books that were on the shelf were on the ground and her curtains weren't attached to the ceiling anymore... her eyes widened as guilt washed over her. She lost control, again..
She sighed and began putting everything back in place.
~
"Why..? Why do I exist? What's the point for me to be alive when all I want is to die.." she closed her eyes and turned on the other side.
Suddenly, a boy popped up in her mind. He wore sleeveless, gold trimmed, black waistcoat left open and untucked, exposing his bare chest, a gold trimmed, black cloth around his waist that reaches his knees, held by a leather brown belt with an oval-shaped silver buckle, white knee-length trousers with black ribbon ties. He had salmon hair that was thick and fluffy.
"Damn it, why him of all people..?" Lucy questioned her mind as her cheeks warmed up from just thinking about him. That's right, Lucy was in love with no other than Natsu Dragneel. She hated herself so much because of it, how could she let herself fall in love with her ex best friend, what kind of a person was she? Surely a bad one..
She remembered every time he made her fall for him. Like the time he comforted her, the time he protected her, and the all times he understood her when no one did. He was absolutely perfect.
But...
They lost that something, something that connected them. He got a girlfriend and basically left Lucy on her own. The best part was that he knew, he knew about her depression and he understood, because he was a lot like her, even if he came off as goofy and happy. He definitely knew how it felt to be alone, but now he's happy... and Lucy didn't want to interrupt his happiness.
She always helped him, whenever he had a problem. She was always there for him, and he was there for her. But Lucy didn't tell him quite everything, mostly because she didn't wanna worry him or make him feel even worse. She would rather suffer alone than pull someone into her darkness.
She needed him now more then ever, but he didn't need her anymore. She always asked herself why they drifted away from each other. She wondered what she did wrong for so many months, no, she still wonders. But she couldn't figure it out, she just had to accept that it was her fault.
But how can you act like strangers with someone who knows everything about you and you know everything about them. It hurt her so much to cross ways with him and not even say hey. It hurt her so much to see him with her. With each day, her mental health was becoming worse and worse. But she couldn't do anything about it.
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I told you the story contains heavy stuff.. but this is only second chapter, don't worry it gets darker 😉
Have a nice day, bye bye ❤️
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