She keeps staring at me. The other girls have their back to me on the other side of the room but Hailey keeps staring at me. She hates me, now. I've broken her perfect circle of friends. The hospital has decided that our friendship was a toxic one so they broke us up. None of us is allowed to be close to each other for extended periods of time.

I share a table with Suzanna since she's the only other person I know in here. She's not too thrilled about it but she keeps her mouth shut. She pretends to eat, exaggeratingly chewing on one tiny piece of meat for the past ten minutes.

"For how long are you going to keep that thing in your mouth?"

She stops chewing. She makes a point to stare me down as she swallows it then cut up another piece to eat. I return to my plate while keeping her in my peripheral view. Her face contorts in one of pure horror as she watches her own hand near her mouth with the food.

"You know not eating the food is more likely to kill you than eating it, right?" I mock.

"Leave me alone, Rachel," she advises. "You have your demons. I have mine."

Yes, we do. Everyone in here are packing demons that are too heavy for any of them to deal with on their own. I'm no different. Most of them know who or what is their enemy. Me, I think my dilemma is filtering out who my friends are.

Being the queen could have given me at least the illusion of a strong friendship, the sense of companionship that is vital to our human existence. They took that away from me. Now, who am I supposed to be if not a queen nor the loyal peasant? I'm nothing more than another patient at Bertram Mental Hospital.

They've all forsaken me. Even my bright future, my beauty, and my sanity. They've all abandoned me. I guess this is the end of the circle. That's it. No more turn in the merry go round of life. I'm left here, sitting on a pile of my own craziness and selfishness, waiting to be picked up by the grim reaper.

I've fallen into the routine – breakfast, exercises, group sessions with Dr. Harris, private sessions with Dr. Harris, dinner, and bedtime. It's all meaningless but it's all I have. I don't even notice the breach in the schedule as Nurse Hugo directs me back to my room right after group sessions.

It never occurs to me that there's one person out there who's as stubborn as I am and will never stop until she gets her way, too. It's the reason for both the hatred and admiration I bear for her.

Nothing seems unusual until I find myself in the room alone with Jenny.

She smiles sweetly at me, her pixie cut tight against her face is the same dark color as her lipstick. "Hi, Rachel."

I lean on the door as I watch her open her arms for a hug. Her swollen stomach sticks out under her peach dress. It's barely noticeable but it's the first thing my eyes set on.

"It's been a really long time," she drops her arms but not the smile. She moves in closer with a bit of caution in her steps. "I've missed your smartass comebacks in the house."

I pick on an imaginary thread on my pants to avoid looking at her. Pregnancy glow is radiating from her, sending happy vibes in my direction. There's an odd feeling threatening to burst inside of me every time my eyes catch her stomach.

"Did dad send you?" I clear my throat to remove the hope from my voice.

Even from here, I can sense the difference between my mom's pregnancy and Jenny's. I despised that thing my mother was carrying but Jenny's baby...I don't know...she's so wrapped up in love that anyone near her is affected.

"Your father doesn't know I'm here," she says. "Today's my day off so I decided to come see you."

"I don't want you here."

"That's too danm bad. I've already wasted my gas so you're stuck with me."

I bite the inside of my mouth to stop the smile in its track.

"Is that what they make you wear in here?" She scrunches up her nose at my outfit. "White is such a depressing color. You'd think people would have more common sense than to let somebody in your condition wear something like that."

She sifts through a teal Pink duffle bag on my bed.

"They told me you were allowed to have some littles things from home so I brought you these." She pulls out a pink hoodie and matching comforter, and hands them to me. "They're too bright for my taste but it's your style, isn't it?"

I stare at the clothes without making a movement. I want to appear careless but my heart is racing at the thought that I have someone like her thinking of me. This is the side of her which makes her impossible to hate regardless of how much willpower I have to back up my bitter feelings.

"Don't tell your dad," she whispers secretively. "He thinks buying anything with a famous name is a waste of money."

"I know," I look at the window then at the end of my white plain shoes.

The bright colors continue to dangle in front of me. They seem so out of place in this room.

"There are more in the bag, if you want to take a peek at them."

"I'll be fine," I cross my arms over my chest. "Why are you here?"

She puts the clothes back inside the bag and sit on my bed. "Do you make your own bed?" She laughs when I nod. "I should get them to tell me their secrets. You never did that at home."

Home. The word hangs in the air between us.

She stares at me for a while before continuing. "I came because I wanted to see how you were doing, Rachel."

"As you can see, I'm doing just fine." I move away from the door and settle by the window. "You can leave now."

"I'm guessing teaching manners is not in the curriculum of this place." She rubs her belly softly as her eyes peruse around the room. "I agree with your father," she admits.

"About what?"

"I don't think this place is capable of making you better. It looks more like a hospital where people come to die."

"A hospice?" I suggest.

"You choose when you're finally out of school to start remembering the words they taught you. Girl, you're enigma."

She rubs her belly again with a smile on her face. Her eyes soften as she watches her hands circle the little swell in her stomach. I've never seen someone look so beautifully happy as she is right now.

It repulses me. I turn my head only to be faced with the bars on the window. I shift my body around but now I'm faced with Suzanna's bed. Everything to remind me that I'm neither as free nor as happy as she is.

My gaze falls on her stomach once again. My replacement. That's all I can think about. That little block of cells inside her stomach is going to come out and take my place. She's going to be the one playing with dad's badge, the one to inherit my room, and the one who's going to have the life I've always wanted.

She's also the one who's going to put a smile back on my dad's face, the one who's going to make him feel proud to be a father, and the one who will love and cherish him like he should be loved and cherished.

"You want to touch it?" Jenny asks me out of the blue. She has caught me staring at her pregnant belly.

I regain my composure. "No."

"Happiness is not going to kill you, Rachel," she explains. "You can love other people."

"What good has that ever given me?"

"Most people would say a lot since you've had a pretty good life at least in the beginning."

"I don't care about what other people would say," I rebuke. "I can think very well on my own."

"Most people might disagree and I'm part of those people," she lies down on the bed with her head prop up on her elbow.

"Is that supposed to make me care?"

"You already care, Rachel," she grins up at me. "I think you care about what many people have to say about you. You care about it so much that you always be careful to put an extra good show for everyone."

"So you think I'm acting up?"

"That's not what I said."

"But it's what you were implying," I shout.

"You need to bring that tone down before someone comes in here. According to Dr. Harris, you're walking on thin ice. They might need to send you somewhere with a larger security force."

"You've talked to Dr. Harris?"

She smiles. "We get weekly updates on how you're doing. You were doing fine then all of a sudden, you diverged from all of your progresses."

"I was never progressing."

"You could have fooled us."

"Like you said, I put on a very good show."

She lifts herself to a sitting position. "It's the trial, isn't it?" She carefully searches my face. "None of us are happy about the outcomes, Rachel. Your dad took the news really hard, too. That's why he couldn't come tell you himself."

"Is that so?"

"Yes," she walks up to me. She leans on the window, facing me. "He hasn't given up on you. He never will. Neither will I. I need you to understand that. We'll be waiting for you once you're better."

"Who said I will get better? As far as I know, this is as good as it gets."

"No, it's not. I believe in you, Rachel. So do your dad, Brandon, Cassie, and everyone else who loves you. We're not the enemy. The monsters inside your head are."

She steps closer to me and claps my hands between hers. Her skin is a couple of shades darker than mine. Her hands are almost the same size as mine, they feel so fragile but yet so powerful. They're small, delicate, and yet strength and courage is pulsing through them. I can feel them enveloping me.

"You don't have to be scared of them. You're not alone," she whispers as she wipes away the tears I haven't noticed I was shedding. "Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

I burst out in tears. She lets me rest my head on her shoulders. "I don't know how to get better. I can't do it."

"Yes, you can," she comforts.

"No, I can't," I cry. "I've tried so many times but I'm always back in the same place. I keep hating everyone and everything. I don't mean to do it, though. Every time I say I want to get better, something happens and I end up the same old bitch."

She pats my back gently. "You're not a bitch...Well, maybe sometimes."

I laugh albeit my sobbing.

"That's not the point," she hugs me closer. "The point is we're all waiting for you to get better. We all want our beautiful and loving Rachel back."

"I don't know how to bring her back," I sniff. "I don't even know if she's still here."

"Yes, she is. She has to be. And this place...these people...they're going to help bring her back. Do you hear me? She's going to come back to us."

She leans away to look me. Her red eyes beam at me as she wipes away my tears...like my mother used to do.

"You want to know how I know that?"

I nod at her, my eyes unable to move away from her.

"Because there's a beautiful, innocent little girl who's going to be out there, waiting for her big sister to teach her which shoes to pair up with her Gucci bag. Promise me you won't make her wait long."

"Yes, ma'am."

My head rests on her shoulders. My nose is running; my eyes have turned into a waterfall but she's not letting go. She never let go.