Even after she's gone, I lie down on my bed. The ghost of her touch remains behind, cooing me into a slumber.

"Don't lose your head, Rachel," Sarah snaps at me. "It's just the comfortable point of the cycle. You'll be back to miserable before you know it."

I roll unto my back. The memory of Jenny's motherly warmth tugs at my heart. I was wrong about her.

"Rachel, get a grip," Kenny shouts at me. My thoughts scramble back to the present. I take in the white room that has been keeping prisoner for the last few weeks.

"Nothing is going to change," Sarah reminds me. "Big whoop she was thinking of you. She's still not your mother. She never will be so stop trying to make her be your mother."

"But I want her to be my mother," I choke out.

"I wonder what Henriette would say about that."

"She doesn't care. She never did." I throw my pillow on the floor. I hit the mattress but its softness does nothing to relieve my frustration.

"She's still your mother so deal with it."

"Why do I have to keep being her daughter when she clearly doesn't want me?" I whisper through my palms. "Why can't the people willing to stand by my side are ever be the ones I want?"

Someone clears their throat behind me.

I turn around and find Suzanna standing in the doorway. I quickly wipe my eyes on the sleeves of my shirt. I retrieve the duffel bag. Suzanna moves to her bed as I dig through it. Eventually, I come back up with a small bottle of Sun Kissed body lotion and a pair of light gray socks.

See, she does care, I think as I smooth the lotion on my arms and feet before putting on the socks.

"Nice," Suzanna says. "Is that Pink?"

"Yes, my, uh, stepmother brought it for me." I physically struggle to get the world out. I've never called her anything other than Jenny before. Saying stepmother has made her an official member of my family. Somehow it's a bit less alarming than it used to be.

"I love all of their products," Suzanna says enthusiastically. "I used to go there all the times with my friend before I developed anorexia. After that, my parents practically banished me from every Victoria's Secret's stores or any other good clothing stores for that matter."

"They stopped being appealing to me," I shrug. "I used to like them too before everything became more of a chore rather than fun to me."

"You want to know something?"

"What?" I drop the lotion back in the bag then push it under my bed.

"I wish I knew you before you came in here," she answers. "I think we could have been friend."

I sigh. "I highly doubt it. I wasn't too keen into making friends. I'm still not."

She chuckles, "I can tell." She lifts herself up and crosses her legs under her. "I can be pretty convincing."

I raise an eyebrow at her. With her little frail body, the only thing she seems capable of convincing anyone is of her death approaching at lightning speed.

"I'm way tougher than I look," she clarifies. "What I can't do by force, I do it by sheer will power of my mind."

"Then why can't you make yourself better with that strong mind power of yours?"

Nothing struck me as odd in that sentence until the awkwardness of her silence settled in.

She holds her head high when I turn to look at her. "I could ask you the same question, Rachel."

"I don't have mind power," I say. "I don't think I even have power over my mind. It's a whole other person on its own." I sigh, "Or two people who can never agree with me."

"We're not actually going through all that sharing thing, are we?"

Her question startles me. I have not been aware of my sharing anything. Most people think I don't share enough and here I am, telling a stranger an unsolicited narration of my torments.

"I already have enough of it in therapy and frankly, I don't see the use."

"Me neither," I agree with her.

I hear a bell ringing in the hallway.

"I think that's the signal for dinner."

She groans and tosses around the bed but she follows me out.

I think Jenny's visit has done more for me than a thousand therapy sessions with Dr. Harris or any other doctors for that matter. She fills a hole that's been left open inside of me for far too long. I thought it was too rotten to be heal but I think I was only missing the right medicine the entire time. I don't know if Jenny slipping her way through my life and my soul is the medicine that's going to cure me but for now, she's a well-needed ointment to sooth it.

Over the next few weeks, I keep replaying that one moment with her every time I feel lonely. I imagine her arms wrapped around me at night, putting me to sleep like a real mom. I hear her snapping remarks every time a smartass answer is out of my lips.

She's nothing like my mother. I think that's what I used to hate about her. There's none of that sweetness I remember from my mother nor any of the sophisticated elegance she always commends everywhere she goes. Nonetheless, Jenny is sweet and elegant in her own way. She's not angelically good nor does she pretends that she is for anybody's benefits.

I like her for her honesty. I think that's what I needed – a straightforward honesty accompanied by unbreakable love. Besides, none of my mother's 'impeccable qualities' were ever real. They were always a front to hide her true self – the despicable woman who only cares about money and power.

I wake every morning now with her face on my mind. I'm reminded of her thoughtfulness every time I glance at the duffel bag.

Somebody is thinking of me.

Jenny makes everything better. Even Sarah and Kenny have gone unusually quiet but they remain there. They pop out at the most unexpected moments. They almost seem like a part of me that will never vanish despite sadness or happiness.

The tension between Suzanna and has gone down. We're not the best friends in the world but we're roommates. We've grown accustomed to each other and acknowledge each other's presence in the room.

We talk but never about anything related to our disorders. We talk like we're roommates in an actual hotel or a college dorm.

Talking to her makes me miss Cassie, though. It makes me miss the friendship we used to have. I yearn to hear her blabber on and on about how her she can't find a good enough pair of orange shoes to go along with her new bag.

Brandon has never left my mind but I pretend he has. I don't talk about him with anyone. I don't even answer when Sarah and Kenny are trying their best to bring him up.

Cassie and him are the two people I probably will never be close to, again. I've hurt them too much.

I'll have to settle for Suzanna's companionship. That's what it is. It's not a friendship or anything else. We don't have much in common besides sharing a room in the same mental clinic. We talk because we have nothing better to do and there's no one else to listen to us.

It's been approximatively one week since Jenny's visit and I'm anxious for another one. I want to be held and have someone brush my hair as she makes me laugh.

It's not her who appears, however, when Nurse Hugo comes in and announces that I have a visitor right before my private session with Dr. Harris.

I freeze upon seeing her. Cassie's bright green eyes stare at me. In a light blue miniskirt and matching blouse under her white blazer, she looks just as angelically naïve since I've last seen her.

"Good morning," Suzanna greets her. "I'm Suzanna."

"Cassie," Cassie extends her hand to her.

Suzanna throws a quick glance at me. I remain baffled.

"It's almost time for therapy," she declares to no one. "I better go warm up...or something."

She slides pass Cassie, leaving us alone.

"Aren't you going to say something?" She eyes me curiously. "You've never been one of the quiet ones."

I open my mouth to speak but something's stuck in my throat. I lick my lips and try again but still nothing. Out of everyone I've picture standing in front of this door, Cassie has only been in my wildest dreams. Not once have I imagined she would ever set foot in this place, let alone stand a few inches from me.

"Sooo," she drawls, "I'm wearing heels..."

My senses catch up to me. "Sorry," I say as I fuss over my bed, trying to make it presentable.

"You can, umm, you can sit here, if you want."

She struts over and takes a seat at the edge of the bed. She lays her hands in her lap, fidgeting even worse than I am. I sit on the other edge. The heaviness of the distance between us hangs in the air.

I keep stealing furtive glances at her. I cannot believe she's actually here, the one person who has the most rights to hate me and cast me out of her life forever.

"Maybe she's lost her marbles, too," Sarah interjects in her snobbish tone. "The girl never seemed to have it all together in that small head of hers."

"Who wouldn't when they had to deal with our precious Rachel for so long?" Kenny's smug laughter remains trapped in my head as Cassie begins to talk. I see her lips moving but words are lost midst the wicked laughter and cruel teasing.

"You're not even listening to me, are you?" I finally pick out Cassie's voice apart from the others. Just in time to recognize the hurt in her voice and see her face fall.

"I don't know why I bothered." She gets up to leave.

I lunge after her, closing the door before she could step out.

"Don't go, please," I plead. "I'm sorry."

"No, you're not, Rachel." She walks back toward the bed. She turns around with her hand on her hip.

"I'm glad you're here." I try to smile but I know she can tell I'm faking.

"My dad told me not to come," she paces from my bed to Suzanna's. "He warned me but I didn't want to listen. He told me I was being a doormat. I was...I don't know." She drops on my bed. "I want to believe so much that you didn't do it on purpose. Did you?"

I join her. "I wish I could say no."

She inhales a sharp breath before turning away from me.

"I'm sorry, Cassie. I was in a bad place."

"You're always in a bad place," she cries over her shoulders.

"I'm sorry."

"Quit apologizing," She snaps. "You've gone from never apologizing to saying sorry every two seconds and it's goddamn irritating. You're just repeating the words, Rachel. They still don't mean anything."

"I'm..." I blush. "I don't really know what to say. I didn't expect to ever see you, again. Not after what I've done."

She snorts. "Trust me, I didn't think I'd be here either. It just feels so...so...so dreadful without you. Nina and her clique walk around like they own the place. Every time I see them, I can't help but missing you." She runs her hand through her locks, looking ashamed of the very thought of the emotion.

I smile. "I miss you, too."

She eyes me. "I'm not forgiving you."

My smile drops.

"Oh, don't be such a crybaby," Sarah mutters. "What were you expecting? If the girl had any sense, she would kill you, now, for everything you've put her through."

"I understand," I tell Cassie. "I'm glad you came, though."

"I wasn't finished," she says. "you're always in a hurry to get rid of me. I don't know why I bother."

I shake my head fervently. "I wasn't. I'm not. I swear."

"Well, that's good because you're not going to get rid of me so easily. I won't forgive you," she holds my gaze, "for now. If I do, you'll only get comfortable again and do it all over. So, I'm going to wait until I know you're better and I can count on you not to suffer another demonic trance that will hurt our friendship."

"I think I'm offended," I say truthfully.

"I don't care," she snaps. "You know how many times you've offended me and I let it slide?"

"Okay then," I answer simply.

We both stare at the door. I don't think either of us was expecting the conversation to go this far.

"What do you do in here, anyway?" She finally asks.

"Nothing really?" I reply. "It's just like a giant cheap hotel only with the pills and the mandatory therapy sessions added."

"Uh," she nods her head in understanding. "Do the pills work?"

"It's supposed to but I haven't felt anything change. The voices are still there."

"I bet it's one of those treatments where you have to want it to work for it to actually work. You have to fight for it."

"I think it is."

"Uh," she nods again. "It's never going to work on you."

"I think so, too," I admit.

My heart sinks at her words. It's one thing for me to say I'll never get better. It's another to hear my best friend agreeing with me. My world darkens as if the candles illumination my way to freedom have suddenly been blown out.

"I'm still keeping the lights on for you, though."

My head snaps up in her direction.

"I know, crazy talk."

"I was bound to rub off on you," I laugh.

Her face remains serious but I catch the hint of a smile on her lips.

"Oh, the disappointment is going to be detrimental this time around." I hear the clicking sound of Sarah's disapproval.