"It's funny to you, isn't it?" I snap at my dad with tears scrolling down my cheeks. I can't believe he let me humiliate myself so much in front of that despicable woman.

"What's funny?" He asks, bewildered. "What did I do?"

"You forced me out of the house like this?" My voice is stern, ready to smack him if he wasn't my father. "You wanted me to look stupid in front of her, didn't you?"

"Rachel, calm down." He pulls me in for a hug which I avoid. "I get this is a really emotional moment for you."

"Stop telling me how I feel," I cry. "I know how I feel. I feel betrayed. You let me go in there looking like a dirty hobo for your own interest. You thought she would feel pity for us and come back but I got some news for you. She's never coming back."

I leave him standing there, looking as foolish as ever. I run outside, ignoring his calls. The humid air hits my face as I rush in the middle of traffic. It's not like they're moving much. I hug myself to bring warmth to my cold skin.

Despite the heat coming from the hot California sun, the winter air is determine to make itself known. The fog intertwines its arms around the city, forcing the icy-hot wind to weave up and down the hills aimlessly.

With my heard wrapped up with every craziness going around my bloodline, I completely forgot about Christmas. December has crept up on me without a sign. This seems unlikely since December is one of the loudest months in the year. It's also one of the most annoying ones with its tendency to draw temporary joyful smiles on people who have no business being happy.

Thanksgiving should have given it away but I spent Thanksgiving in my room, hiding from the bitter after taste of hurting my best friend. I hate how the guilty feeling never settles in until after I've done the deeds. I hate how even the happiest of holidays cannot do anything to lift off my pain and self-hatred.

Most people have already put up their Christmas decorations – generic snowman, fluorescent lights, wreaths, and globes. The all shebang glows in the streets, tricking fragile minds into thinking there's something different about this month that makes every suffering cease. None of them of them realize that the world is as messed up as it was last week. Pain, suffering, hate, they're all seducing our souls on a daily basis.

Lucky there're few of us still in possession of a sharp mind. I happen to be one of them. I can see through the charade and detect the bad cloud looming over this city. The bad cloud unfortunately happens to be me.

I walk inside a store filled with frustrated customers desperately trying to buy their Christmas miracle. I grab the most expensive bottle of wine I could find and slide in the middle of the commotion by the checkout counter.

"Hey, wait!" the boy behind the counter calls as I head for the door. He opens his mouth to say something else when an angry woman starts to shout at the top of her lungs about the incompetency of everyone working in the store.

I wink at him and slip out as he stands helpless and wide-eyed before the growing crowd. I take the curb to a dark corner and drop on the floor before turning the bottle cap. This place stink but at least it's empty.

"Finally got where you belong," Sarah's voice echoes in my head.

I gulp down a generous shot of the bitter beverage before closing my eyes and letting the tears fall free. I've been waiting for Sarah and Kenny to join me. I know they never miss a chance to kick me harder when I'm down and right now, that's what I want.

I want to feel my heart break, my soul rip apart, and my brain screech in pain. I want to drown in my own pitiful tears as the world around me burn. I want it all because I know I deserve it all.

"Can you get alcohol poisoning from wine?" Kenny inquires.

"Why don't we find out?" Sarah answers. "It'll take more than one bottle though."

"Just shut up already," I slur before taking another big swallow.

The bottle is already halfway done but my brain is nowhere near empty. If I pay enough attention, I can feel the neurons firing at full speed. The alcohol scotches my throat with each sip and drag me down one step closer to fatal despair.

I bring my feet together, hide my face in between them, and scream my heart out. The cars honking blur me out. The pedestrians walk faster away from me.

Great, my mother was right. I do look like a dirty homeless person sitting in a dark alley.

A strand of giggles grab my attention away from my desperation for one quick second.

A young couple pulls up at the other end of the alley. Their hands were all over each other. The girl's annoying giggling rises when her lover boy nuzzles in the crook of her neck.

I stay unmoving with my bottle of wine near my lips. I eye the bottle then the unaware couple so close to fervently swallow each other.

In a dreamy moment, their faces disfigure so that Brandon and I stand in their spot. His strong hands hold my waist as he pulls me in to deepen the kiss. My fingers sprawl on his chest slowly sliding upward.

The hallucination seems so real that I feel light scratches from his stubbles on my knuckles and the ghost of his lips on mine.

"So touching!" Sarah's sarcastic comments shake me out of my daze.

Bile builds at the base of my throat as their faces come back. Without thinking I flinch my bottle towards them. It hits the girl's back before falling on the cement. The pieces sit on the red river as my shoulders slum down.

There go my only source of amnesia.

"What the hell?" The girl turns around and immediately clutches her companion when she sees me.

"What happened?" The boy asks her before facing me. "What's wrong with you, freak?"

I grunt in response. A truck honk in the streets causing me to hold my head with both hands. My head feels like someone suddenly drop a bag of rocks inside while another light a blazing fire.

"Make it stop," I cry. "Make it stop."

"Make what stop?" The boy asks. "Are you crazy or something?"

"Of course she is," I hear the girl mutter. "Look at her."

"Please make it stop," I shout as the voices in my head get louder and louder.

"Drop dead already!"

"Such a pity!"

"Such a waste of time!"

"Kill yourself!"

"No one wants you. They all can't wait for you to die."

I taste the saltiness of my own tears. My hands hold my hair at the roots, nearly ripping them out. A piece of glass slices my skin.

I should have finished that bottle. I wouldn't be hearing a thing right now. I wouldn't be feeling anything right now.

"Let's get out of here," the girl says before they hurry away.

"Help me," I cry to no one with my head between my legs.

They're all gone. They don't want me. I'm all alone.

"About time you figured that out," Sarah says. "I knew you'd come around."

"Ma'am," I hear someone call out to me. "Ma'am, do you need any help?"

"Joe," another one joins in. "That's her. That's Jackson's crazy kid."

Well, craziness is back. What do you think is going to happen to Rachel now?