*

The heater's not working in his room and Baekhyun thinks it might be broken. He told Chanyeol about it to call a repairman immediately, but said person who's supposed to come on Friday didn't make it. Chanyeol said he should sleep on his room for the meantime.

It's the same bed but it feels just a little bit bigger now. The relaxing sound of the water running down the shower doesn't even help make his chest at ease. He looks at the translucent door. He can make out Chanyeol's naked figure, and he sighs.

He strangely feels uncomfortable.

Startled, he almost jumps out of bed when he hears the soft vibrating sound of the phone lying on the nightstand. It's not his phone. It's Chanyeol's.

And there's an unregistered number blinking on the screen. Again.

Even so, he takes it. No one's looking. Chanyeol won't know. With trembling fingers, Baekhyun slides answer and presses the device against his ear. He's glaring at the door of the bathroom with his heart pounding wild and nervous. He gulps the lump in his throat and waits.

[Hello?]

It's a woman.

Baekhyun hangs up.

He promptly deletes the call history and hastily returns the phone by the nightstand as though it wasn't touched.

Who the hell was that? Is she the same girl from that night?

It's all coming back to Baekhyun, it's haunting him everytime he closes his eyes. He's getting paranoid for an irrational reason. It's all in the past, he knows, she said it so. But why the hell is he even bothering to care?

He hates himself. He hates how he is acting right now.

He lies on a fetal position, curling himself into a ball as he lets the thick blanket slip down his exposed back. He knows Chanyeol has stepped out of the shower, the citrus smell proves it. He has to face the wall for the sake of not seeing Chanyeol getting dressed, or just for the sake of not getting caught as he swallows back a sob.

"You can look, you know." Baekhyun can hear the faint smirk on Chanyeol's lips, he's probably stepping on his underwear now and tossing away the towel wrapped around his waist. Baekhyun knows all too well. Almost.

"Are you sleeping already?"

He is the most terrible actor to fake a sleep, because his eyelids are obviously shuddering. He senses the bed dip due to Chanyeol's weight behind him. If only he could run away, he would've done it already. If only he could disappear, if only he could...

"Baekhyun?"

Balling his hands into a fist, he squeezes his eyes shut. He is too weak for this.

Chanyeol gently kisses his shoulder, slowly going down his arm, and back up again to kiss his sensitive nape. Baekhyun restrains himself from reacting to it but he's doing a worst job. A sweet tingling sensation tickles his nerves, making him put his guards down. He flinches and faces the taller male.

Chanyeol knows he has won. For now.

"Chanyeol sunbae."

Chanyeol stares at him, as always. Looking at Baekhyun isn't enough. He has to appreciate art, and that is what Baekhyun is. He notes how the smaller male falters under his gaze, like a blossoming flower in spring that withers because of something he can't put a finger on.

He can read Baekhyun. But he can't always read Baekhyun.

He lies on the bed beside him, not too close nor too far, a space in the middle. A space where Baekhyun can still breathe, a space where he can still feel him breathe.

Baekhyun's been acting strange. He feels--- distant.

"Can I ask you one question?"

"Go ahead."

Baekhyun turns to Chanyeol, and the words that are dying to escape slip out of his mouth without him realizing it. Chanyeol is still staring and it's not helping.

"Have you been with a girl before you met me?"

Baekhyun thinks it sounds ridiculous. The moment he said it, he regrets it too soon.

"I don't see the point why I should answer that." Chanyeol is confused, but mostly surprised. He inches closer to Baekhyun and blatantly kisses him on the neck. He loves kissing him, he feels soft under his lips.

"It's just a yes or a no," Baekhyun mumbles, unmoving on his spot. He can feel mouth on his collarbones, sucking on it lightly but it stops. "Please answer me."

Chanyeol gives him his attention. "Does that still matter?"

"No. But I---" Baekhyun averts his eyes. "I just want to know."

Furrowing his eyebrows, Chanyeol asks, "Why? Why all of a sudden?"

He can't tell him the reason. Not now. Not ever. "No reason... Let's just. Not talk about it." He pulls up the blanket to cover his neck. "I'm gonna end up hurting anyway."

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing.... You won't understand."

"I won't understand because you're not telling me."

Baekhyun glares. "No. You're the one who's not telling me."

"Not telling you what?"

Chanyeol is clearly getting annoyed all over, but he's just keeping his cool, Baekhyun can tell. He decides to let it go. He doesn't want them to have a cold war again. It's always been like this. He'd drop the case and Chanyeol wouldn't budge anymore.

"Nothing. It's none of your business."

"What is wrong with you?"

Baekhyun is being rude, and if he was the Chanyeol before, he might have pinned him on the bed and punished him until he's in pain. Rationally thinking, he knows Baekhyun does not usually act like this. There's something he's not telling him.

"There's something you're not telling me," Chanyeol says, repeating his thoughts.

"I told you it's nothing. I'll just forget that I asked," Baekhyun mumbles. "I'm sorry."

"Fine, suit yourself."

Back facing each other as they turn away, no one dares to look back. Sleep is just around the corner and Chanyeol grabs it for himself and dozes off.

The heater is running but Baekhyun has never felt this cold ever since he went to Chanyeol's room. He turns around and scoots closer, under the blanket his small hands find Chanyeol. A muscle memory, he places his arms where they belong until he feels warmth radiating from Chanyeol's body.

It's not enough, but bearable.

"G'night," Baekhyun mumbles. Chanyeol hears him but pretends not to.

*

"Why the long face?"

"I just don't feel good."

"You sick or something?"

"No... I'm fine."

Baekhyun has his right cheek pressed at page 17 of his History book. He's not reading it for the past hour, the book is just open for the purpose of having something to lean on as he sulks. Sehun sips on his orange juice and his face scrunches in distaste. Baekhyun knows he's not a fan of oranges.

"So yeah, I got paired up with this girl for a project," Kyungsoo's been glaring at him but Jongin seems not to care, "And she was clearly hitting on me. She was trying to smother her tits on my face as we worked on some papers."

"Yeah. I pity you," Sehun says.

"I pity her," Jongin shrugs, "I like dicks."

"You're gay but seems like you fucking liked it," Kyungsoo snaps. "You didn't even shove her away, did you?"

"I was trying to be a gentleman so I didn't do that," Jongin animatedly flails his hands in the air. "And I didn't like it, for fuck's sake. That was a nightmare."

"Oh really?"

Baekhyun's just half-listening but he can still hear their childish banters. One of the good things about college is that he can hang out with his friends again every breaktime since they're all going in one university. They'd eat lunch in the cafeteria, hit the books at the library, and go to places together like the good old times.

"Kyungsoo. We've known each other for like an eternity now. You know I'd rather suck Sehun's dick off than touch a girl's tits."

Kyungsoo is not a bit baffled. He's staring at his boyfriend, jealousy written all over his face.

"I've known you for two years and I didn't know you wanted to do gay things with me," Sehun says, "That's gross."

"That was just a metaphorical example, Sehun. But if you insist..."

"NO."

"A big word for a guy who has a small brain," Kyungsoo retorts, rolling his eyes. "And I'm still mad at you because you are a jerk."

"You're hot when you're jealous by the way."

Kyungsoo isn't supposed to blush at that but Jongin is giving him an I-want-to-fuck-you-right-now look. He mentally notes himself to tell Luhan to top Jongin tonight so he'd be a moaning mess like a bitch.

"Jongin's really popular with the girls, Kyungsoo." Sehun is not really helping. "They're even using me, an innocent person, to ask for his contact information. They wanted to fuck him."

"You didn't sell his number, did you?" Kyungsoo raises an eyebrow.

"I needed money."

"Oh my fucking god," Jongin groans, but Kyungsoo groans even louder. Baekhyun lets out a soft giggle.

"You had one job to be my friend and you fucking screwed it up," Jongin says, "I hate you, really."

"I'm being a friend," Sehun says, "At least I didn't tell Kyungsoo."

"You've been with a lot of girls before you dated me, that was what I'm saying." Baekhyun rests his chin on top of the back of his hand as he diverts his attention to a cross-armed Kyungsoo. "Maybe you actually wanted to switch lanes."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"You were not gay before I met you."

Jongin laughs, a dry humorless one. Baekhyun looks more interested of his response. He knows Jongin, he is his friend, but Kyungsoo knows him better. Yet Kyungsoo, based on what he said, still doesn't know if Jongin has that part of him.

Just like how he doesn't know if Chanyeol had that part of him before either.

"If you were not looking, I'd do that," Jongin jokes, and it triggers something inside Baekhyun. He thinks that was not even funny.

A complete silence.

"You know I love you and I won't fuck a girl. I was just kidding."

"Well, that wasn't funny!" Kyungsoo hits him with a ruler he found in his bag. "You better stay gay forever!"

"I will, oh my god," Jongin says, laughing, "No matter how many girls chase after me, this cock will still chase for your nice ass."

"There's no cock I'd want to suck other than you," Kyungsoo says, "And Luhan's too."

"Yes, of course. I feel horny all of a sudden!"

"Let's keep this conversation family friendly," Sehun butts in. "For the sake of me and Baekhyun here."

"He's totally fine with it, he has had enough in high school. He's seen things you could never imagine."

Jongin is smirking and Baekhyun blushes. Sehun has no idea what the hell is happening.

"Baekhyun's not even," Baekhyun offers Sehun an angelic smile, "Okay, fine. Whatever. I don't wanna hear it."

"So what happened that night by the way? How did you two get home?" Jongin has to ask, why does he need to fucking ask, "He was drunk as fuck."

"Wait, you went on a club!?" Sehun asks.

"Yeah... I uh, hailed a cab for us to go home.... I called for a towing service to get his car in the morning."

Baekhyun fiddles with his hands, worrying his bottom lip. He's glad that they don't ask for more. It's because of someone who just arrived, sitting with them on the table. He chooses to remain looking down at his boring book rather than look up at Chanyeol on the face.

"Hey, are your classes over?" Kyungsoo asks.

"Yeah."

Chanyeol drops his bag and scans Baekhyun. They haven't talked since last last last night and it's kind of driving him insane. He just can't believe they're at this feat again. Ignoring each other in the morning like exes, and fucking on the bed at night like strangers. He should not be the one to make a move first because in the first place, it's Baekhyun who started it. He can't deal with his shit, especially if he can't understand why he's acting this way.

He didn't try to ask. He'd be answered back with questions.

"The asshole is here, I have to go," Sehun announces. Baekhyun pulls the hem of his coat to stop him. Chanyeol and everybody looks at Baekhyun.

"Wait, I'll come with you."

He collects his things and stands up. Chanyeol never stops him as they head out.

Jongin and Kyungsoo exchange looks.

"What was that?" Baekhyun is clinging to him like a koala. Sehun knows he is clingy but he is not this clingy ever since they've had their separate ways. "What just happened back there?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You know what I'm talking about."

Sehun swings his locker door open. He basically just shoves his stuff in there. Mostly books and some notebooks he's not gonna need. Baekhyun lets out a heavy sigh.

"You two got into a fight," Sehun states, he doesn't have to ask. "A lovers quarrel."

"I don't think it's like that."

"I expected more shouting and cursing, though. And throwing things."

"Chanyeol sunbae and I don't fight like that," Baekhyun says. "And we're not even in the middle of an argument. We just had sex last night."

"Too much information."

Both males head to their classroom, it's fifteen minutes before Philosophy class and they still have time to talk. Sehun lets him sit by the window while he takes the seat in front of him.

"Sehun."

"What?"

Sehun is a good listener. Baekhyun basically tells him everything. Like how hungry he is, how he hates presenting in front of the class, how he thinks he looks cute in oversized clothes, what he and Chanyeol had for dinner, what his dream was about the other week. He's not his best friend for nothing. The only thing he doesn't tell him is his sex life. That is off-limits, and Sehun doesn't want to hear any of it.

"I think I ran into one of his exes."

"Wasn't it Luhan? I think I told you before that they went out."

"No, I mean---" Baekhyun sighs. "It was a girl."

Sehun doesn't react.

"She drove us home when Chanyeol sunbae was drunk one night. I think... she wanted to get back together with him."

"What makes you say that?"

"She was calling him, she was reaching out to him like she wanted to come back. I don't know... if he knows she's there and he's just been ignoring her calls."

"So that's what's been bothering you lately." Baekhyun is staring blankly at a distance as he silently nods. "Have you tried asking him yet?"

"He didn't answer me."

"Did you try again?"

Baekhyun shakes his head. "I never talked to him since then. He didn't even bother talking to me either."

"I didn't know you can endure that."

"I actually cannot endure it any longer, I---" Baekhyun forces back the sob down his chest. "I miss Chanyeol sunbae so much..."

"You know. Good communication is the key to a healthy relationship." Sehun shrugs. "You two are not talking and that's the problem. Why don't just stop fucking around and actually sit down for a while and talk."

Sometimes, Baekhyun thinks why Sehun has to be always right.

"I know this sounds very not like me, but look. I'm not good with words either, but I say what I want to say and I say what I need to say." Sehun gives him a meaningful look and Baekhyun gets the hint of it. "So you'd understand how I feel."

Baekhyun purses his lips into a thin line. His heart feels lighter for some reason and it's actually helpful having Sehun around. Sehun holds his hand and he lets him play with it.

"I'm afraid of his answer... Maybe that is why I didn't try again."

"I know nothing about relationshits and all that stuff so I can't relate that much," Sehun says. "But I hope you cheer up soon. I miss you. I miss this."

Baekhyun smiles at him, his crescent  eyes crinkle adorably and Sehun thinks Chanyeol is indeed an asshole.

"Yeah. Me too, Sehun."

*

Baekhyun knows this wouldn't happen if he had just sticked to his old ways. Between them he's the humble one, while Chanyeol has this high-rise ego that Baekhyun is very much aware of. He should know better. Maybe he had only hoped for Chanyeol to bother for once, for him to try working it out for the both of them, for him to actually ask what's wrong and prod him some more. Baekhyun would have told him what he felt, he would tell him everything.

He's not disappointed. Hurt must be the exact term.

"Do you wanna go to some place and eat?"

Baekhyun shakes his head.

It's their routine. Chanyeol drives and they go home together. That's the point why they're living together in the first place. But he learns that loving someone isn't just about making love and living together. There are still a lot of things he needs to understand and accept, and pain is always a part of that.

It always happens in the car where they can actually have the time to talk. School is just too crowded while the house is just too spacious. Baekhyun breaks the silence.

"Chanyeol sunbae," he says but he doesn't look at him. He's looking at his hands on his lap, "Can I ask you a question?"

"You're already asking a question," Chanyeol states the obvious and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I swear to god, Baekhyun, if this is about a girl again---"

"Why won't you answer it, though?" Baekhyun looks at him, his eyes watery, "Is it because it's true? Are you gonna get back together with your ex-girlfriend?"

"No, what the--- This is ridiculous." Chanyeol holds the stirring wheel with both hands as though he's going to slam his face against it. "Can you hear yourself right now?"

"I can hear myself quite fine."

"Stop fucking around with me."

Baekhyun grips his fists and turns to Chanyeol. He's not entirely sure if the pent-up anger he has in himself had caused it. His hand finds Chanyeol's collar and grabs it hard, pulling him close to his face.

And he kisses him.

Chanyeol's eyes flicker when their mouths meet, lips pressed tightly close. Few seconds feel like years. Baekhyun pushes him away and goes back to looking down on his lap.

Chanyeol is staring, melting him with his gaze, studying him under his deep eyes. Baekhyun knows he has to say something but his mouth stops functioning. His face is beet red and his lips are burning. He lost again, he's used to it.

"I'm sorry." Chanyeol is the first to say. His voice is firm and has always been sincere at times like this. It sinks into Baekhyun's soul, into his heart, into his core. Without even much words to decorate, Baekhyun is alright. He understands. He forgives right away. Chanyeol knows what he just needed to hear.

"I don't want to deal with her anymore. With them."

Baekhyun is still at loss. He doesn't want to ask either. He wants Chanyeol to tell him whenever he wants to.

"You are my life now." Chanyeol looks at him, lifting his chin up so he can see his life flash right before his eyes. "And I won't trade you for anything in this world."

A smile, a gentle genuine smile just has to restore Baekhyun's wavering heart. Chanyeol touches his cheek with his thumb and so Baekhyun closes his eyes. He feels warm.

"Baekhyun."

"Yes..."

"Forget whatever's bothering you right now. What's important is I'm with you. You are my present. And my future. Trust my words that I'm not gonna leave you."

"Why do you have to," Baekhyun breathes as he keeps his tears at bay , "always say what I wanted to hear? It's not fair, Chanyeol sunbae. You always make my heart flutter."

Chanyeol shakes his head.

"You always make my heart flutter," he says as Baekhyun's cheeks flush. "And I'm not gonna repeat that again."

*

To be continued.