07

D A U W T R A P P E N » walking through nature, barefoot on the grass and gathering the spring flowers, feeling the dew on the grass against your skin.

ANUSHKA

I wouldn't wish to be anywhere else in the world whenever I came here.

Especially when it comes to this place – in the rear end of cave with karsts and mesas on the other side. Nothing romantic of any sort – but this was a place where new beginnings always happened.

When we had shifted to Mumbai after the completion of my high school in Delhi, I always used to come to this place. It was my safe haven, when I would want to escape everything happening. But it was also my fearful symmetry.

"This place is broken into shacks and hummocks. Of course I've never been here before." Virat rolled his eyes, a chuckle with a thin veil of amusement and exasperation escaping his lips. I pushed his wheelchair forward to the carvings and stopped it there.

Water trickled down from the roof of the cave upon us, softly embracing our skin. It also flowed down the surface upon which the carvings was done. Virat graced his hand against them softly, trying to feel it. "What does this mean?" he asked, looking at the carving.

"I call it the fearful symmetry; it's a story of a woman who loved a man a lot," I traced the outline of the girl. "She was pregnant with his child, and she did many wrong things to get the man. Like hurting the people around him and creating misunderstandings between him and his family so that she could have him all for herself."

"Oh." Virat's face illuminated with realization.

"She had a curse upon herself that for every wrong deed, she would grow one year younger. She couldn't stop herself – love over conscience is the worst thing one can chose. And as she grew younger and younger, her womb was rendered immature and too small to hold the baby. In the end, she died with the baby, of course. So love was her fearful symmetry. It is everyone's to be honest. The locals say the man painted this in the grief of their child and his wife."

"Wow. That's tragic even though it's fictious," Virat's eyes widened as his eyes now riveted towards the carving once again. Then they moved slowly from one image to another. "What's written here?"

"It's written in the local language of southern part of the state," I replied, before a small smile lit my face. "His veins are the burning highways and bridges, and the lines on his palms are the roads of skeleton sunken city. But when you look into his eyes, I swear you can see the whole world."

"The man was her nemesis, of course." He replied, shaking his head in order to clear it. A small smile laced on his lips. "So that's it?"

"You haven't reached the actual place yet." I smirked, rotating his wheelchair towards the opening of the cave. I took him outside the cave, we were in the middle of the viridescent grass lightened by bulbs of fireflies. The cool breeze coaxed the surrounding trees into a soft waltz, and our eyes were finally content with the vast, obsidian star-drunk night skies.

"Wow. This is – I'm speechless, Anushka." I took his hand, and tried my level best to make him stand by anchoring him. "What are you–"

"– shh." I hissed, helping him to sprawl in the overgrown grass. Once he was seated, I leaned my back against his so that he doesn't fall on his back, but there was still a chance that he could actually fall on his face. "Make sure you don't fall on your face. I won't let a mud-faced twat enter my car." I warned with a chuckle.

My feet tickled as I felt the sprigs swaying in frenzies against them. I jolted aside in a fear that it was a mighty grasshopper resulting in Virat falling backwards. My hand immediately dropped on the grass to act as a soft cushion for his head. "I'm so sorry, Virat."

Virat smiled, looking captivated by the skies. "This is better," he said, spreading his arms across the sky as if trying to pour paint into the sky, letting the hues run across the universe. "See, I'm doing the exercise I was supposed to do today." He said, tilting his face towards me as he stuck his tongue out. I laid myself on the grass too, although creeped out because I knew there were insects around.

Huge, huge, huge roaches and hoppers.

"Very funny," I rolled my eyes once again, tucking the free locks of my hair behind my ear. "By the way, the grass feels creepy as fuck, but it's kind of soothing as well this way. Never tried before."

Virat's lips curved upwards at the edges. "Same. Haven't spent a night so beautiful before, you know? My ex-girlfriend didn't like such kind of places at all."

"Oh yeah, your infamous ex. Did she break up with you because of your paralysis?"

"Don't know, honestly. She stuck around for six months but there's only so much you can do. I felt like a complete liability on her so it was for our good, I guess when she decided to take a break."

"I won't judge her." I buckled my knees as I felt the breeze slithering through my ripped jeans. It felt good even though I shuddered. I wasn't sure if it was the breeze or the fear of what Virat's question was going to be.

"So you've had any relationships before?"

"Just one," don't cry, breathe.  don't cry, breathe. don't cry, breathe. I repeated those words in the back of my mind which felt like broken rhapsodies coming out from a broken record. 

Dragging in a sharp breath, I collected and put myself together once again. "I'm more into blind dates and hook-ups but things really changed after getting into Life Beat. I could barely see my family then, until I joined the personal physiotherapy department. I can take out time to study as well this way." I replied with a stoic face, as my eyes meandered at my surroundings.

Virat's face came closer to mine this time, till they were inches apart. Whatever I felt for him in that moment was a lot like love. But it was different at the same time. The last time I felt in love, it was like I was at the top of the hill of wild sunflowers. With Virat, it felt like a quiet, still field of lilacs. If the hill had a perennial winter which lodged a glacier inside my chest, Virat was catalysing it's transition to water.

Slowly melting the feelings which laid frigid in some chamber my heart.

I stared at Virat's eyes. What are you doing, Virat? And why?

I snapped back to reality, immediately looking away. "It's getting late. We should leave now."

"So soon?" I could imagine his pout.

I knew he wanted to spend more time between the epochs of dawn and dusk, in this place. But I had to clear my head. So I turned my head to face him once again, "Please, Virat. I'm really tired today."

I got up only to see Virat outstretching his hand for support. With a small smile at the reversal of roles, I pulled him up.

Virat laughed.

And in that moment, I was sure this place had always witnessed new beginnings in my life.

°°°

I was at the brink of exhaustion to death when I reached home. It was only after I drove back Virat to his home, that I could leave for mine. The smile on my mom's face morphed into a frown as she saw my condition.

"Where's my daughter and what have you done to her?" She asked dramatically, pulling me inside. I folded my arms in exasperation as I walked inside. It was a moment of familiar embarrassment when everyone saw my mud-laced face.

"Stop giving me that look," I hissed at my brother who mocked a face looking completely flabbergasted. "Asshole."

"No swearing in the house, Anushka." Dad spoke out aloud, and I blinked in indifference. No one said a thing to Sahil. Ever.

"Sometimes, I feel like I'm adopted." I wailed, eyes locking onto dad's into a steely question. I was sure, I would have if I hadn't gotten mom's lean and pointed nose and dad's eyes.

"Aww. Anu," Sahil brought his hands to wrap them around me, but retreated immediately. I knew he did it on purpose. "First get cleaned up."

I nodded in agreement, launching myself through the stairway to get into my room. I freshened up, wearing my sweatshirt and tracks. I looked myself in the mirror, I looked relatively cleaner and happier. Spending some time with Virat had surely rejuvenated me, and I was sure mom and dad also felt it because was all smiles when I came down for dinner. Except for some of the notorious comments passed by my brother.

It was almost 11 PM when I was walking myself to my bedroom to sleep. I could see dad staring at the night sky through the balcony between our rooms. The serenity that reflected on his face showed he was drifting in a wave of nostalgia. I had never seen him like this before.

"Dad?" I questioned, slowly walking towards him across the corridor. Dad bobbed his head, giving me a smile. "You okay?"

"Are you okay? I know you were upset because of whatever that happened between Virat and you."

"It was all a tiny misunderstanding," I answered, shaking my head. "He is really a nice guy, dad. I kinda like him."

"Just like?"

"I don't want to complicate things by naming it anything else. Things would never work out between us anyway. He's the Virat Kohli." I replied, carefully treading as it was a sensitive topic for me and I didn't want dad to find out.

"You know, there are two kinds of love. One, which makes you feel so happy that you want to let go off everything else. The happily ever after kind of love," he said, cupping my cheeks. "And the other is which you hold onto forever, and never let go. Even if it fails, it still lingers in your heart."

"I was in love with a girl, so much in love. Things didn't work out between us, so we had to let go off each other. But then your mom came into my life, and she made me feel again. But there's no way I can unlove my first love. She still resides in my heart even though it still loves your mom."

"Papa..." I was left speechless; dad had never been so honest with me before. A part of me felt guilty for hiding the most significant happenings of my life from him even though it was for his own good.

His arms wrapped around my shoulders into a warm hug as he said, "The bottom line is it's you who decide – whether to let go off everything else, or not let go at all."