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D O R » a deep nostalgic feeling of sadness, agony and emptiness experienced upon intensely longing, missing and yearning for something or someone.

VIRAT

I never expected to spend my afternoon on a wheelchair, staring at the door in the wait for someone. As corny as it sounded, the idea of meeting Anushka again and again, which seemed dreadful before now seemed like a breath I wanted to inhale in more than ever. Her presence in my life was like a breeze of fresh air which I could always cherish when it caressed my skin.

It had been two days since she last came. The first day in her absence was spent in concern because right before that, she had a terrible fall from the tree. But now, I didn't feel concerned. I felt exasperated in fact, because she had not been answering my calls at all.

It felt like a change of weather without her.

I always thought of myself as being that person who didn't really care about things that mattered to most people - like someone's absence. But today, I finally felt like sharing my thoughts with someone whose key fits my lock - sharing those anecdotes and thoughts and words with someone who's as fragmentary as me, and she wasn't here. I was startled when I realized I was beginning to miss the stains of coffee which she used to leave around on the mahogany table instead of using the coaster.

I stared at the moist cup of coffee now feeling how everything has intensely magnified in the darkness with the curtains closed - the ticking of clock, the collective breathing of the entire world, the soft sounds of material clinking against each other. This was what loneliness meant; I had chosen it when my mom was asking me to continue staying in Delhi. Because I couldn't let her suffer along with me, didn't want her to see me just as a breathing, overly-dependent object.

Before I could let myself suck in more into the vortex of darkness, I heard the door slightly creaking open. I suddenly couldn't breathe, wondering if it was Anushka. What was she doing here? Did she come here out of symp -

"- Virat bhai?"

It was Vinay. Mom used to tell me that whenever your head rings, it's because someone is missing you.

I guess, my head rings only because it's broken.

"Yeah?" I asked, feeling unsettled. I had to meet Anushka once, just once. "Whatever you want to say can wait, Vinu. I really want to meet Anushka. Please can we go to Life Beat today?"

A visibly small smile lingered on his face for a fleeting moment. "Of course." He grabs the car keys kept on the desk, while I wheeled myself towards the door. Vinay then carefully pushes the wheelchair at the porch, and after a lot of effort I headed outside.

I could feel my skin bask with warmth feeling under the sun. From inside the home, the sun always felt so static - just like a tangible photograph. When we're at the edge of the car, Vinay just looked at me wordlessly. I gave him a silent nod, and he helped me get into the front seat effortlessly, the six feet, few inches guy was all muscles after all. He took a round to the other side of the car, and got in immediately.

When we drive past the buildings and the busy streets, a small smile played onto my lips knowing that Anushka's ears must ring a lot too, not because she was broken like me.

It was only because I thought about her more than I actually breathed.

°°°

Vinay took me past corridors to Dr. Shekhar's cabin where Anushka usually resided being a junior resident doctor. When we are at the edge of the door, I gave Vinay a silent nod. From here, I was going to go alone.

If my feet could do any movement at all, I was sure they would probably be shaking violently now out of nervousness. Anushka had seeped in too deep before I could know, and now I just couldn't let her go out of my system so easily.

I pushed the face of the door gently, and it slowly creaked open. Slowly, I wheeled myself inside and I could see Dr. Shekhar's eyes snapping at me. "Virat? What are you doing here?"

"Yeah, well - I - Dr. Anushka hasn't been coming for the routine stuff. So -"

"You didn't check your mail?" Dr. Shekhar asked me in return.

"What? No." I mumbled, followed by a shit, shit, shit - because everything made sense now. "Is it because of the mail I gave you all two days back? The complaint one again Dr. Anushka?"

"Yeah, we replied you back affirmatively. We're in talks with Dr. Mittal and he's just amazing for you. Very sharp and experienced -"

"- I guess, there's a slight confusion here. I had sent the mail four days back when it was Anushka's first day. Her new ways were exasperating me, and we almost had a fight," I sighed, drawing in a sharp breath, a small smile making its way on my lips as I remembered the next day, and then the next one. "After our fight, I was so angry, I wrote you guys a letter - over-exaggerating some stuff because you know how I am, right? But Dr. Anushka was doing amazing, I believe I can heal faster if she continues treating me."

"I don't want to treat you!" I could hear her exclaiming from back. I rotated my wheelchair to face her. Her eyes were strongly fierce, like she could split tides with them. There was smoke under her eyes; she must have kept her sleep-deprived for a long time.

"Whatever happened to you," I bit my lip, now turning to Dr. Shekhar for an answer. He smiled cheekily.

"Dr. Anushka has been on a fleek. Twenty six hours on a stretch, and she still doesn't want to rest." He replied, shaking his head. I turned to her in blatant shock; every part of her body seemed to be fragmented, breathing only in exhaustion through the spaces.

"Anushka, I'm so sorry." I wheeled myself towards her. "I really didn't mean to hurt you at all. That email - ugh, it was so stupid of me to write it down without any proper judgement. I'm really sorry."

"I'll leave now; I've to check on Mrs. Uppal and that kid too." Dr. Shekhar smiled, getting up from his chair. As he walked across the room, her eyes were fixed on him with what I could sense was a slight tinge of adoration. Dr. Shekhar gave her one last glance and murmured softly, "Don't forget about Mrs. Florence."

Anushka turned paler, immediately looking at me in septic shock and slight trepidation. I couldn't understand the inside joke but I knew it was something serious. After Dr. Shekhar left his cabin, she shook her head in dismissal and gave me a small smile. "How have you been? Forty eight hours without me."

"Well, the sun faded, the skies turned gray, the stocks dropped, the plants died, and well, I've actually woken from this deep, inexplicable coma." I sighed dramatically, rolling my eyes at her.

Her eyes widened in shock, as she smacked my arm. "You were just apologizing to me a minute ago!" Anushka huffed, complaining. I stifled a laugh, rubbing the spot where she had hit.

"Yeah, I'm sorry but you look like shit." I told her, giving her a pointed look.

"You owe me a lot, for making me feel like shit and pulling off a stunt like this, Kohli." She pointed her finger at me.

"We're getting at Kohli now?" I raised my eyebrows.

"Not my fault," she stuck her tongue out at me. "I'm not your physiotherapist anymore, so I can call you anything - scumbag, douche, wanker, idiot, anything." She gave me a smug smile.

"What do I do to make you call me Sir and my physiotherapist once again?"

Anushka gave me small smile, shaking her head. "You don't do anything," she answered, wrapping her one arm around my shoulder from behind, while the other pushed the wheelchair ahead. She took me outside the cabin, and she gave Vinay a smile. "Vinay, you go back home. I'll deal with Mr. Kohli on my own," a slight smirk lurked on her lips, and I stared at Vinay in confusion.

"How will I go home?" I asked, out-stretching my hand to grasp Vinay who was my only ride way back home.

"Bye guys! Enjoy bhai." Vinay gave me a wink, and I huffed exasperatedly. Why was everyone acting so secretive?

"You're not going home, Kohli. You're coming with me now." Anushka quipped, pushing my wheelchair ahead.

I coiled my head backwards just to face her. "Where to?" I asked, furrowing my eyebrows in confusion.

"Some place you've never been before." I just gave her a nod because I never want to let her go.