05

P H I L I P H O B I A » the fear of emotional attachment; the fear of being in or falling in love with someone; the fear of getting your heart broken.

VIRAT

The only thing life had taught me so far was that nothing in your life was certain ever. Bad things happened to those who deserved them but so did good things, that the good often died young but they also lived to old age. Stars would fade and shine, and seasons would pass through circle, but other things weren't as cut and dry.

But some people made a difference to it, to life itself, and Anushka was definitely one of them. Somehow, yesterday her antiques of placing my things haphazardly anywhere and everywhere had pissed me off a lot. But now, when I was shaving my beard while simultaneously trying to take a glimpse of my face on the mirror, I somehow enjoyed it.

How my toes were fighting against nature to stand on their own.

"Hey Virat," Anushka said with a warm smile that I could see on her face through the reflection on the mirror as she stood beside me. "Um, I'm going to put some food on. Anything you want in your breakfast specifically?"

"Black coffee maybe? No cream." I replied against the backdrop of the buzz of the electric razor. Anushka let out an amused chuckle before turning around. I knew what she was thinking, that maybe, just maybe the black coffee was the reason behind my bitter personality. "It's not black coffee - I just don't like opening up to people, just that you know."

Anushka froze for a second before turning around, and shrugged on her jacket dramatically. "Come on, you are not the lone behavioral reader as you stated." I quipped immediately in defense, a small grin on my face.

"Guess we both are on the same page on this. Even I never liked people who make me feel vulnerable," she replied giving me a small smile. Before I could reply to that, she continued, "That doesn't mean you get a reason to be a dick to them."

Her statement completely caught me off-guard, and before I could explain or apologize, Anushka turned away, leaving the room in a rush. Of course, I wasn't being a dick to her-

Oh Virat, you've no fucking idea.

Guilt washed over me as I wondered what I could to make the amends.I slunk meekly in the wheelchair letting my brain into an exhaustive overdrive to think of the ways by which I could make Anushka smile or laugh for real but her voice cuts in shortly, meaning she had made the breakfast already. The woman literally had super-powers it seemed. I wheeled myself to the dining hall anyway, and saw her standing near the dining table with a huge grin masked on her face.

I stare at the table, it's alu parathas - the smell of it told me it's somewhat the kind my mom used to make for me in Delhi and suddenly, I felt too overwhelmed by her kind gesture.

You were being a dick to her, that's unacceptable.

How bad did I really mess up?

I took the first bite of the paratha, and it was fucking delicious - exactly how the aroma boasted earlier. I didn't know what my face emoted to her, but Anushka couldn't stifle her chuckle when she saw me eating. "What?" I asked her, a thin veil of annoyance in my voice as I still hogged on the food.

"You're eating like you've never seen food before. It's kinda amusing." Seeing the look on my face, Anushka began to laugh relentlessly. I just stared at her for a second, there was something so special and magical about her. She was insightful, attractive, interesting, starry-eyed, with long eyelashes with their silhouettes on her cheeks. The way her nose sloped down was beautiful, and most importantly, there was something different about her sunlight-drunk face.

Her upper frame slowly descended with the laughs dimming, and the surroundings getting more silent than a moment before. "Your eyes are captivating." I told her, finally cathartic that she actually laughed because of me - how much ever stupid the reason was.

I was sure that I spoke that aloud because the look on her face suddenly changed into a frown - the light furrow of her eyebrows, and the sudden solemn look on her face with sullen eyes. It was like all the sunlight was sucked inside suddenly. "You're not allowed to flirt, Sir."

I brought all my defenses almost immediately, "I wasn't flirting! I just - there's just something about your eyes, Dr. Anushka . I'm sorry."

"For flirting?" She narrowed her eyes at me.

I swallowed."For being rude to you in the first two days."

"That's not how you apologize, Virat! That's so... blunt." Anushka began laughing all of a sudden, the solemn look immediately slipping off her face as if it was never there which left me confused. This girl was so layered with simplicity and complexity at the same time which would often left me wondering - who the real Anushka was? The one who would pull of a smile on the darkest of nights, act so optimistic and vivacious, or the one I had seen today and several times, who would streak once in a while like a meteor. The one who seemed to have a stoic face to hide her brokenness.

"Virat..." Anushka snapped me back into the reality.

I gave her a smile. I had time to figure it out because it seemed we were in for this for quite a long time positively. "Um, okay," I cleared my throat, before letting out a romantic sigh. "I swear on every drop in the ocean and every dandelion seed that I would never hurt you ever again. And I'm so sorry, Anushka. I didn't mean any of those words I told you before."

Anushka stared at me for a moment too long, her eyes widened and mouth slightly agape. "Virat, I - uh, well that sounded kinda romantic."

I arched my eyebrows at her, "Well, you said not so blunt."

"I did," She agreed, slowly nodding.

"What do you think of love then?"

"Replace sun-kissed by sunburns and flowers by weeds and that's love for you." Anushka shrugged. I squinted my eyes thoughtfully, sort of agreeing to what she said. Love was selfish, stupid, unwanted.

"Glad to find someone who thinks the same."

"Cool, I guess?" She shook her head, realizing how absurd it sounded. "Okay, we can do the exercise outside today if you want?"

"Sure!" I agreed, finally wrapping my arms around the cup of black coffee to take a sip of it.

The reason why I liked black coffee was because it made me feel nostalgic to my veins, the bitter aftertaste of it.

And maybe because life had always been bitter to me just like that.

°°°

After a lot of struggle, Anushka managed to get me outside the house. She had to place a plank between the floor of the house, and the ground near the windows to get me down. I was sure I had left her exhausted already but somehow she still wanted to get done with the exercise.

Then I thought maybe after the stretching exercises, she might show her tiredness but I realized one thing in that moment - Anushka Sharma never gets exhausted.

"What are you doing?" I asked her when I saw her trying to scale the tree in the backyard. "You aren't trying to climb over, are you?"

"Well, sort of." Anushka grinned. "It has been so long since I tried climbing trees. I guess I was sixteen when I last tried."

"Seriously?" I rolled my eyes.

"Okay, yeah. Well, I'm trying to show off what you're actually missing so that you try harder next time out of jealousy. Also, this is kinda fun." She quirked, passing me a lazy grin. She was already at the third rung, and the way the winds were blowing so strong; I was just worried about her safety.

"Come down, Anushka!" In return, she just poked out her tongue at me in pure fun. In the beginning I always felt like she was beautiful because of her admirable features but now I realized, she was so much more than pretty face, great body and long legs. She was beautiful for everything she was, inside out. The kind of person you just look at, and you find yourself smiling for no reason.

It was a strong gale that blew in which snapped me from my trail of thoughts, when I saw it sent Anushka sailing to the ground instantly due to the violent shake that the branch suffered from. She landed on the dirt - on the ground, and I immediately wheeled myself towards her.

I was really worried, not worried like she was going to die but still worried enough about her. I stretched forward my hand to touch her, and she plucked herself from the ground with face full of smile and dirt.

Rolling my eyes, I didn't realize I was almost snapping at her when I said, "I was so worried, Anushka. Imagine a physiotherapist in need of another physiotherapist for doing something so stupid. No wonder you've two complaints against you. You're catastrophic, literally."

Her eyes moistened at my outburst. I felt kinda guilty about it. "I'm so sorry, I guess I should stop doing such stupid things now. They don't work and -"

"- they work, Anushka. They really do," I told her, taking her hands in mine. "Don't stop doing stupid things. Just stop doing stupid and dangerous things. I want you in one piece when I get alright."

A smile on her face threatened to break at that. "You're not as bad as I thought."

"You too. You're not as over-bearing as I thought earlier," I felt a small, fluttery feeling in my stomach as I said that.

Anushka finally smiled, and I swear that smile never looked so good on her before.