Let the

ends begin.

love fall.

life start.

01

M E T A N O I A » the journey of changing one's way of life, self, mind or heart

Morning shifts at Life Beat were almost the same – filled with the hustle and bustle of activity, new patients, and tears who had lost someone or were on the verge of losing. Losing was inevitable, Dr. Anushka had already learned this with her years of experience and hence, she was practicing what needed to be done to heal the pain during the loss.

Smiling through it.

It was only when she started observing the world around her that she realized she didn't have the worst life, there were millions who were on the same axis as hers, maybe more tilted. And every time, she had a chance of bringing them back to their original position, she would do it with honesty and determination.

When she entered the room of Mr. Briganza, she was greeted with a soft smile. "I'm glad you're here. Was it too bad?" The smile was too deceptive as he was the one with tubes and bandages attached interconnecting the various parts of the body.

"If it was, then I wouldn't have been standing here." Anushka smiled awkwardly. "I honestly don't know. Dr. Shekhar helped me out in front of the board members but I'm not sure about the future."

"I can always save you," Mr. Briganza chortled, throwing her an innocuous wink. "I'll throw tantrums that I only want to get treated by you."

"And why is that so, Mr. Briganza?" Anushka arched her eyebrows her at him, asking him sweetly.

"Because I love you." The humor behind the line is evident in his undertone yet it upsets Dr. Anushka as the smile dissipated away as soon as it came. She had always been the one who pestered herself by thinking she was someone who wasn't worthy of being loved and cared for.

The reason behind it was a story for another day.

"I'm going to be out of here soon, Anushka," Mr. Bringanza told her. "But before that I want to tell you that – you've a lovely heart and I really hope that one day life starts for you, love falls and ends begin because you deserve that, my child."

Anushka simply smiled at him, her tongue tied at his words. Even though his words reminded her of the incident which drained the last semblance of peace she had, the blessing still felt like a trail of warmth during a winter's night. "I hope that too. Mrs. Briganza would be coming soon so is there anything you want me to smuggle in before that?" She asked, pursing her lips sardonically which excellently hid the face she was always wearing – the one which often slipped occasionally when she felt too much.

"Why can't my wife be like you?" The old man grumbled, folding his arms across his chest.

"Because she's amazing and limited edition and deserves better than an annoyingly grumpy, old man who keeps on rambling about his army stories. She deserves the best." A shrill voice erupted. Dr. Anushka turned around with an amused face, her lips contorted into a smile.

"That's not true but thanks, Mrs. Briganza," Anushka blushed while she saw her striding towards the seat next to her husband. She could hear him snort when she took out his lunch box, it was going to be another distasteful bowl of broccoli soup and steam rice for him.

Anushka gave him one last miserable smile, "Have a good day you two. I'll see you guys after the lunch."

The smile whisked away as soon as she went out of the room. For a moment, she felt too claustrophobic because of nothing but herself. The last one week had been nothing but exhausting for her when one of her patients complained about her – it was just her job which was keeping her sane. But now just like everything else, this was going to slip away too. Life was a painful pattern for her now – a familiarly awful echoing of hollowness that resonated through her always.

It was a hand on her shoulder which made her stop dead in her tracks. Of course, someone had to interrupt the small moment she had where she was cursing her life for being so damn awful after the repeating lessons which radiated optimism inside of her. But when she turned around, the unsteady and sporadic breaths fizzling into regular ones. If it wasn't her job, Anushka was sure it was Dr. Shekhar keeping her sane in such darkening state of mind.

His hands moved down to her hands now, the cold of his fingers seeping in through her skin. "Are you okay?"

She gave him a meek nod, but Dr. Shekhar had known her for too long to know that she was lying. Nevertheless, he gave her a tight-lipped smile, his hands retreating back to his white coat now as he adjusted it. "Join me in the cabin? I've something important to discuss."

Dragging in a deep breath, Anushka numbly followed him inside. She smiled faintly when her eyes met Dr. Pratik's, who has always been a fierce competitor alongside her, a physiotherapist by profession. He returned the smile with a cold look before darting his gaze back to Dr. Shekhar's. "Are you serious? I'm going to handle that cricketer's case anyhow –"

"Virat Kohli - that's his name." Dr. Anushka closed her eyes painfully. She had heard about the case, a very bad concussion followed by acute palaplegia for six months. It had been over eight months now, and he had changed his physiotherapists five times in that duration.

Dr. Shekhar grinned at Dr. Pratik. "And that's the reason why I need her to treat him, and not you. Because she is more human, she feels more. With Virat, the problem is he isn't ready to understand. He is annoying and grumpy –"

"– and I've a thing for such people." Anushka chuckled, feeling exhilarated. This was her last chance to prove herself in her workplace, last chance to keep herself sane.

And she was going to give it her all. No matter what it took.

"You do realize that she was summoned by the board members today for her obnoxiously strange techniques shortly after the complaint by her recent patient, don't you? And Virat Kohli is a high-profile case, Dr. Shekhar. I deserve it for my hundred percent clean record!" Dr. Pratik complained.

Anushka felt her chest constrict, because he reminded of her too much – how life unexpectedly threw in a curve ball and you must come back to your axis yourself. "This isn't about keeping your records clean, Dr. Pratik. For Virat, cricket was his life and we all know how much broken he must be after that accident. Just imagine a top cricketer's spiraling downwards after being at pinnacle for so long. He has been left so helpless after this accident."

"Well, he won't be after I treat him," Dr. Pratik replied, letting out a heavy sigh.

"That's the entire point. He doesn't need treatment. He needs healing."

Dr. Pratik's eyes flicked over hers for a minute, carefully letting the determination in her eyes sinking inside of him. "Okay..." Dr. Pratik finally gave in.

Anushka sighed. She could almost feel her knees buckle in sheer relief, a smile lighting up her face instantaneously. On the other hand, Dr. Prateek grumbled under his breath, leaving them alone in the cabin.

When Dr. Anushka's gaze followed Shekhar's, she could see happiness and pride in his light hazel irises. "That was great. I knew you could do it, the way you said you're not going to treat him, but heal him - I am assured that you are the best bet, Dr. Sharma."

"I've always been your best bet anyways." Anushka laughed nervously, as she settled on her seat when Dr. Shekhar motioned her to do so. "Can I ask you one question?"

"Yeah?"

"Why is Virat the way he is? Why is he so grumpy and doesn't co-operate with the previous physiotherapists. I mean, he is the best so he must have got the best people to treat him, so what went wrong with those? –"

"– it's his second accident, Dr. Anushka. I don't know much about it, but he has had an accident before this which was as severe as this one. Guess some people are magnetic towards car crashes."

Anushka sighed, "I guess so too."

°°°

Whenever it rained outside, it poured in her thoughts too.

Anushka has always been a thinker, so much that sometimes she felt she could die because of over-thinking. These were the early demons she faced before every person entered her life.

The rain always came crashing right over her life, never failing to bring with it an outpouring of unwanted memories that always turned her days sour. When her hand was about to slip down because of the trails of water on the window, it actually didn't because he was there to anchor it.

His brother, Sahil. He has always been there.

It was amazing how a hand in your own can make you feel like you were goddamn invincible. It was as if all the strength and courage you've lacked from long ago is right there, anchoring you, pushing you forward. It was as if it gave your heart another second to beat, and then another until it comes back to normal.

She wished to have that hand. Some one, some day.

"What are you smiling for?" He asked her, nudging her to sit on the bed.

Anushka plopped down, next to him. "I'm not smiling. I'm practicing," she corrected him, her eyes trailing outside the window once again. She loved how the rain painted the world back into its distorted image of reality, the things which one should learn the soonest to evade disappointment, hurt and grief.

"New case?" He inquired, rubbing the back of his head anxiously.

"Of course. There's no beginnings to them, and no ends as well. I've to leave in - like an hour." Anushka mumbled, her eyebrows furrowed in discontent.

"So you're going to go there in this storm of a weather?" Sahil mumbled, making Anushka's eyes rivet to the huge scar on his face.

Storm. Scar. Sahil. Suddenly she was feeling too much.

She pushed the thoughts away, and turned to look at him with no hint of anxiety and fear. "I'm going to be okay, and anyways, I've you, mom and dad; there's absolutely nothing to be worried about." She stated blandly, hands sifting through her hair out of nervousness.

"Alright, I know you've grown up and all. But you're still my baby sister and a part of me will always be worried about." Sahil told him, a faint smile on his lips.

Anushka couldn't escape the tears that followed, as she wrapped her arms around him. If smiles were a measure of happiness and love, tears were too. For the rest of the world, Dr. Anushka wore a facade of her fake smiles but this was her home where she could finally be herself.

No wonder, why her heart always went out to those who continued living in this painful world without their facades.

Pulling away, Anushka threw Sahil a kiss before heading outside her room. Walking downstairs, she got herself buttoned up in a bulky rain coat. She trudged by the porch, feeling the rain drenching her, the same way her heart was drenching her with the thoughts that constantly poured in her mind.

Getting inside her car, she wondered and listened to 5 SOS' Permanent Vacation. When her eyes followed outside the window, she saw how she was drowning under the rain, just like everyone else.

The drive to Virat's place, his recent buy – a luxurious and expensive beach house – took her thirty minutes. She wore the smile, she always wore when she pressed the door bell, doubting if he could hear it against the backdrop of the noisy pitter-patter of the raindrops that slid through the rooftop and windows.

Her doubts were cleared when she heard the door click open.

Sweat gathered in her forehead as she gave him a smile which was ready to welcome anyone home.

"I'm Dr. Anushka, and I'm here to heal you, Virat."